Rules about dating (14 years old)

[Anonymous]

Dating at 14 is normal if it is group dates

[Anonymous]

hahsh

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teacher here. Most middle schoolers who are not allowed to date, join after school clubs and make-out in school - I do hear them making friend plans like mall, pool, outdoor shopping area, etc… and the boys meet them there.

You can try but kids will always try harder and be sneakier.

Just because kids try to break the rules or get around rules doesn't mean they shouldn't exist in the first place.

No parent is 100% successful in preventing their kids from doing things, but it's our job to put up barriers and get in their way. You don't abdicate setting expectations because it's not guaranteed to have a 100% success rate.

[Anonymous]

My 14 yr old rising 9th grade DD just starting dating a same aged boy. It took me by surprise. For the summer, I’ve been lax about how frequently they see each other. She has sports practices, volunteer hours, and chores, otherwise, if she wants to hang out with him in free time, I’m ok with it. If 1:1 at home, a parent is present and they stay in a common area. Otherwise, they do things in public together like watch each other’s sports games, go on family outings with the other, hang out at the bookstore/ coffee shop or pool. Once the school hr starts, there will be some limits. Probably weekends only.

[Anonymous]

No way. That is way too young. I’d closely supervise any interaction with person in question, too.

[Anonymous]

Dating at that age is ridiculous! We would discourage it because it won't lead to anything positive. Someone will get hurt (at best) or at worse, they'll want to engage in activities they're too young for.

[Anonymous]

Parents who are ok with their kids dating at that age are missing something.

[Anonymous]

No dating at 14! That is crazy. I had a "boyfriend" at school but we never hung out outside of school lunch or after school waiting for the bus..

16, ok. In group settings. In bedrooms alone...absolutely not. In a car alone? No way.

I was a virgin until 19 and I anticipate it will be then or later for my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
What are your family's rules about dating for this age group?
Our family rule was NO DATING until they were in 2nd year of college and at least 19 years old. They were encouraged to paint us as super strict parents to get out of all kinds of peer pressure and uncomfortable situations. A boy who was interested in my DD in school, asked her friend to be his girlfriend in less than 15 minutes once my DD told him that we were very strict. My DD was amused how quickly he found a substitute. Good lesson for her.

Do you allow your child to be at home alone or at their boyfriend/girlfriend's home when no adults are at home?
Nope. My kids were not allowed to be alone at anyone's (opposite sex) home when no adults were home and I had to know the parents well. I was the parent who was giving rides to kids, I was the mom who chaperoned, travelled with the team and we were hosting all the time be it group projects, school pickups, celebrations, hosting parents, food, snacks and sleepovers. My kids were taught to not even go to a teacher or coach alone. They had to have a second person with them. They were also taught to look out for their friends and move in a pack.

Place any limits on the amount of time they can spend with the person (to encourage other activities/friends. )?
Nope. My kids were in a number of activities and they usually had several groups. They were very busy with EC and achieving at a high level. They learned to have fun with these friends and be inclusive. which meant that all the usual high school events like home coming, prom etc, my kids organized and went as a group, No need to have a prom date. No one was left behind and no one was pressured for dating or hookups. My kids had an amazing K-12 experience. Also, no social media. That saved their sanity.

Did our conservative guidance from K-12 depress or anger our kids? Did they become social outcasts? Did they rebel in college? Are they nerds?
Nope. Mainly because we were wish fulfilling in other ways - loving family, frank communication, creating a vibrant social network of family and friends for them, giving them a sense of purpose, having a close knit and functional family, the privilege of a UMC-adjacent lifestyle etc.

My kids loved being high achievers and loved the accolades, praise and approval of others for their achievements. It drove them to do better and yet, they were not lonely in terms of family or friends. They found our teachings and rules served them well and weeded out the toxic or high drama people. This meant that they continued to feel pride in their own achievements, continued to have high standards for the people they wanted to be with, were friendly with many people and grew their friends circle.

They met and dated many people in college but they dated respectfully. They learned to protect themselves, their reputation and learned to be tactful. Did it prevent heartaches? Of course not. Big and small relationship heartaches also happened. But, in the end they found their significant others in grad school. They are nerdish but personable and social people. All of this happened without they disappointing us and vice versa.

Omg wtf with these post. Okay grandma - not sure why you are the teen pages if your kids are all adults themselves. I am sure they were perfect and never lied. I bet they were only smart because they couldn't date until 2nd year of COLLEGE - 2 years into adulthood. Kudos perfect grandma. I bow before you.

I am not that PP, but this advice is excellent. I think second year of college is actually ideal. I am 46, btw, and entirely agree with this poster. No alone dates until my kids are out of the house (mine are 9 and 12). They know this. My kids actually told ME it is pointiness to date in high school because there will be a break up in college. I am glad we are on the same page already!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
What are your family's rules about dating for this age group?
Our family rule was NO DATING until they were in 2nd year of college and at least 19 years old. They were encouraged to paint us as super strict parents to get out of all kinds of peer pressure and uncomfortable situations. A boy who was interested in my DD in school, asked her friend to be his girlfriend in less than 15 minutes once my DD told him that we were very strict. My DD was amused how quickly he found a substitute. Good lesson for her.

Do you allow your child to be at home alone or at their boyfriend/girlfriend's home when no adults are at home?
Nope. My kids were not allowed to be alone at anyone's (opposite sex) home when no adults were home and I had to know the parents well. I was the parent who was giving rides to kids, I was the mom who chaperoned, travelled with the team and we were hosting all the time be it group projects, school pickups, celebrations, hosting parents, food, snacks and sleepovers. My kids were taught to not even go to a teacher or coach alone. They had to have a second person with them. They were also taught to look out for their friends and move in a pack.

Place any limits on the amount of time they can spend with the person (to encourage other activities/friends. )?
Nope. My kids were in a number of activities and they usually had several groups. They were very busy with EC and achieving at a high level. They learned to have fun with these friends and be inclusive. which meant that all the usual high school events like home coming, prom etc, my kids organized and went as a group, No need to have a prom date. No one was left behind and no one was pressured for dating or hookups. My kids had an amazing K-12 experience. Also, no social media. That saved their sanity.

Did our conservative guidance from K-12 depress or anger our kids? Did they become social outcasts? Did they rebel in college? Are they nerds?
Nope. Mainly because we were wish fulfilling in other ways - loving family, frank communication, creating a vibrant social network of family and friends for them, giving them a sense of purpose, having a close knit and functional family, the privilege of a UMC-adjacent lifestyle etc.

My kids loved being high achievers and loved the accolades, praise and approval of others for their achievements. It drove them to do better and yet, they were not lonely in terms of family or friends. They found our teachings and rules served them well and weeded out the toxic or high drama people. This meant that they continued to feel pride in their own achievements, continued to have high standards for the people they wanted to be with, were friendly with many people and grew their friends circle.

They met and dated many people in college but they dated respectfully. They learned to protect themselves, their reputation and learned to be tactful. Did it prevent heartaches? Of course not. Big and small relationship heartaches also happened. But, in the end they found their significant others in grad school. They are nerdish but personable and social people. All of this happened without they disappointing us and vice versa.

Omg wtf with these post. Okay grandma - not sure why you are the teen pages if your kids are all adults themselves. I am sure they were perfect and never lied. I bet they were only smart because they couldn't date until 2nd year of COLLEGE - 2 years into adulthood. Kudos perfect grandma. I bow before you.

I am not that PP, but this advice is excellent. I think second year of college is actually ideal. I am 46, btw, and entirely agree with this poster. No alone dates until my kids are out of the house (mine are 9 and 12). They know this. My kids actually told ME it is pointiness to date in high school because there will be a break up in college. I am glad we are on the same page already!

You mean your 9 year told you this.
Even if it's your 12 year old, I'm not sure I applaud your parenting. My child is a late bloomer even at 14. At 12, she wasn't wasting time contemplating the break up rate of college kids.