Why don’t more parents understand that adult kids have leverage nowadays to cut off contact, and

[Anonymous]

The thing is, me dears, that most of us parents now of young adults are Gen X. We are not Boomers who are needy and narcs.
Nor are my Gen Z young adult kids easy to cut DH and I for no reason. In fact, they are very open to advice and ask for it. However, DH and I do not nag. DS is 24 and wants to buy his own place, DD was offered a job with AP News, but had to turn it down as she has not graduated college yet.
Gen Z are not Millennials, they were raised by Gen X and hence raised with a tougher mind set.
Adn if they decided to cut us off for some innocuous comment, such as you should not leave gross dirty things unwashed for ages, so you don't' get rats well, they will come asking how to get rid of rats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I was only allowed to have a car my senior year of HS so they could control my whereabouts. My mom referred to cars as “killing machines”. I finally took my car to college my sophomore year so I could drive to work. It took a lot to get my parents to allow this. My parents then introduced “checks” on the car. I wasn’t allowed to drive the car at night so they would take trips to my college town to make sure the car was indeed in the parking lot of my dorm at night.

I wasn’t allowed to go to college out of state despite my parents having plenty of money. I wanted to apply anyway and get loans but didn’t have access to a checking account to pay for applications. The college advisor at my school told my parents and I was then punished for pursuing anything out of state.

During college I wasn’t allowed to study abroad. Parents refused to pay for it and because of their controlling ways, I didn’t have the ability to take out loans. Instead I was told I’d spend summer abroad with my parents. As a 20 year old I spent the summer touring Europe with my parents.

After college my parents used their financial means to try to control me. They paid for a condo in Manhattan. I eventually figured them out, moved out and went on my way.

The bolded comments are a great examples of entitlement. You want to complain about not getting your own car until senior year of HS, them not paying out of state tuition even though you determined THEY had the money AND they paid for a condo in NYC. Unbelievable. You could have bought your own car, found your own job, paid for your own college and adult apartment. You didnt so don't complain now it was controlling while you sat on your rump reaping the benefits of them "controlling you".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I was only allowed to have a car my senior year of HS so they could control my whereabouts. My mom referred to cars as “killing machines”. I finally took my car to college my sophomore year so I could drive to work. It took a lot to get my parents to allow this. My parents then introduced “checks” on the car. I wasn’t allowed to drive the car at night so they would take trips to my college town to make sure the car was indeed in the parking lot of my dorm at night.

I wasn’t allowed to go to college out of state despite my parents having plenty of money. I wanted to apply anyway and get loans but didn’t have access to a checking account to pay for applications. The college advisor at my school told my parents and I was then punished for pursuing anything out of state.

During college I wasn’t allowed to study abroad. Parents refused to pay for it and because of their controlling ways, I didn’t have the ability to take out loans. Instead I was told I’d spend summer abroad with my parents. As a 20 year old I spent the summer touring Europe with my parents.

After college my parents used their financial means to try to control me. They paid for a condo in Manhattan. I eventually figured them out, moved out and went on my way.

The bolded comments are a great examples of entitlement. You want to complain about not getting your own car until senior year of HS, them not paying out of state tuition even though you determined THEY had the money AND they paid for a condo in NYC. Unbelievable. You could have bought your own car, found your own job, paid for your own college and adult apartment. You didnt so don't complain now it was controlling while you sat on your rump reaping the benefits of them "controlling you".

I wasn’t allowed to buy my own car. My money was controlled by my parents. I did not have transportation to even get to a bank to open my own bank account in secret. Any paychecks I received from work were deposited into an account that my parents closely monitored. If you’ve never had very controlling parents you likely don’t understand any of this. As a minor child, I’m not sure you have too many rights to do things like take out a car loan without a down payment.

I couldn’t find my own job in HS because my mom dragged me around to businesses to interview. She found me a job one day when I was attending school and drove me to the business after school. She told me on the way to the business that I would be working there. I pushed back and was told I would be punished severely if I didn’t go work there. I don’t think you understand how controlling parents respond and what extreme measures they will take to control their children.

I wanted to apply out of state and take out loans since my parents would not pay for the tuition despite it being set aside for college. The backlash and punishment I received for even reaching out to my HS college advisor was unreal. I lost all sorts of privileges for even trying to get the $50 to write a check to apply to a specific school.

I do admit I let them control me too long during my adult life. But as a HS kid I truly couldn’t help what happened.

[Anonymous]

^^ adding that as a female, one of the main ways my parents controlled me was through transportation. There was no public transportation and I never saw a taxi in my suburb. The closest bank was probably 3-4 miles away on foot. I was dependent on my parents to get around. I was not allowed to even ride in a car of a friend unless my parents approved and allowed it. My father would have physically forced me back into the house if I had just left and insisted on doing something they wanted me to do.

Other ways my parents controlled me was by listening into phone conversations (no cell phones back then) and monitoring my bank account. If I had stated using the money to do things they didn’t like, they would have done something severe like closing the account.

It’s hard to accomplish much without any transportation and without any money!

[Anonymous]

We are gen-x parents. First of all, my own parents and grandparents were super supportive and enlightened for their generation. We had a lot of freedom except we were not allowed to do immoral, illegal, unsafe and stupid things. We were expected to be good, considerate, law-abiding and responsible.

My kids are millinials and gen Z. They are raised the same way. They have all the freedom but they are expected to make good choices, be organized, compassionate, law-abiding, civic minded, goal oriented, collaborative and not be self-centered. I expect them to manage their education, jobs, finances, life, relationships, health, social life - after modeling the same to them all their life. They are very grateful for their family life becaue once they went to college and talked to their dormmates, the true extend and scope of family dysfunction of the type OP has written about that existed for others became clear to them and it was eye-opening

We have paid or will pay fully for - their full college and beyond education, their first new car, their wedding, help with buying first condo. My kids are allowed to stay at our house for as long as they want without paying for rent, meals or utilities. Of course, in return, we expect them to not be wasteful and irresponsible. We expect them to save their money and grow their assets. We expect them to make good choices.

Parents and ACs - both need to be respectful and sincere towards each other. But, if one is an alchoholic, abusive, selfish, entitled ahole or a waste of space lazy bum - then the other party will treat them with disrespect. That is to be expected.

It is better for parents to not have children than to have a POS kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I was only allowed to have a car my senior year of HS so they could control my whereabouts. My mom referred to cars as “killing machines”. I finally took my car to college my sophomore year so I could drive to work. It took a lot to get my parents to allow this. My parents then introduced “checks” on the car. I wasn’t allowed to drive the car at night so they would take trips to my college town to make sure the car was indeed in the parking lot of my dorm at night.

I wasn’t allowed to go to college out of state despite my parents having plenty of money. I wanted to apply anyway and get loans but didn’t have access to a checking account to pay for applications. The college advisor at my school told my parents and I was then punished for pursuing anything out of state.

During college I wasn’t allowed to study abroad. Parents refused to pay for it and because of their controlling ways, I didn’t have the ability to take out loans. Instead I was told I’d spend summer abroad with my parents. As a 20 year old I spent the summer touring Europe with my parents.

After college my parents used their financial means to try to control me. They paid for a condo in Manhattan. I eventually figured them out, moved out and went on my way.

The bolded comments are a great examples of entitlement. You want to complain about not getting your own car until senior year of HS, them not paying out of state tuition even though you determined THEY had the money AND they paid for a condo in NYC. Unbelievable. You could have bought your own car, found your own job, paid for your own college and adult apartment. You didnt so don't complain now it was controlling while you sat on your rump reaping the benefits of them "controlling you".

I wasn’t allowed to buy my own car. My money was controlled by my parents. I did not have transportation to even get to a bank to open my own bank account in secret. Any paychecks I received from work were deposited into an account that my parents closely monitored. If you’ve never had very controlling parents you likely don’t understand any of this. As a minor child, I’m not sure you have too many rights to do things like take out a car loan without a down payment.

I couldn’t find my own job in HS because my mom dragged me around to businesses to interview. She found me a job one day when I was attending school and drove me to the business after school. She told me on the way to the business that I would be working there. I pushed back and was told I would be punished severely if I didn’t go work there. I don’t think you understand how controlling parents respond and what extreme measures they will take to control their children.

I wanted to apply out of state and take out loans since my parents would not pay for the tuition despite it being set aside for college. The backlash and punishment I received for even reaching out to my HS college advisor was unreal. I lost all sorts of privileges for even trying to get the $50 to write a check to apply to a specific school.

I do admit I let them control me too long during my adult life. But as a HS kid I truly couldn’t help what happened.

Honey, I didn't get a car until I was a junior in College. You aren't owed a car. If you had your own car then you could have figured out a way to cash your own check without mommy. If you wanted to go to college out of state you could have figured out a way to get the $50 app fee without your parents. At 18 you are an adult and could have taken the steps to be fully independent. I am by no means saying your parents are peaches because they sound awful but people are going to use your severe case as a reason for all kids to cut off their parents for much less.

[Anonymous]

OP: I have only read a few posts in this thread.

Addressing the thread title: Kids' "leverage" to cut-off contact is understand, but that ability is far less than it was prior to widespread use of social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like thinking about it this transactionally, but it is weird how many parents do not seem to understand the consequences of abusive, controlling, disrespectful treatment of their kids, especially teens and college students who are close to being financially independent.

A lot of parents really fight the idea that their kids are their equals as people -- they are attached to being in control and and the top of a hierarchy and believe this dynamic will last forever. But unless you can successfully keep your children dependent on you into adulthood (which these same people will complain bitterly about, as well), your adult child can just stop visiting and returning your calls if they decide they don't like that dynamic.

So, yeah, why not just develop a mutually respectful relationship that affords both parties independence and autonomy? Seems like a no-brainer if you'd like to keep your kids in your life, have access to your grandkids, and maybe get some love and care at the end of your life.

Larla is not getting along with her mom or MIL. She wants respect, money, childcare from the oldies. LOL.

She is not willing to provide love and care to the ILs. She does not know her DH will dump her.

TRUTH.

For every person I’ve met who has cut off contact with legitimately abusive family, I’ve met five narcissists who approach all relationships with machete in hand. The minute someone doesn’t do their bidding, the narcissists cut them off.

NP. This. Larla may or may not have abusive parents. But the fact she came to DCUM to rant anonymously about the obvious (truly abusive parents deserve to be cut off) suggest immaturity and a love of drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I was only allowed to have a car my senior year of HS so they could control my whereabouts. My mom referred to cars as “killing machines”. I finally took my car to college my sophomore year so I could drive to work. It took a lot to get my parents to allow this. My parents then introduced “checks” on the car. I wasn’t allowed to drive the car at night so they would take trips to my college town to make sure the car was indeed in the parking lot of my dorm at night.

I wasn’t allowed to go to college out of state despite my parents having plenty of money. I wanted to apply anyway and get loans but didn’t have access to a checking account to pay for applications. The college advisor at my school told my parents and I was then punished for pursuing anything out of state.

During college I wasn’t allowed to study abroad. Parents refused to pay for it and because of their controlling ways, I didn’t have the ability to take out loans. Instead I was told I’d spend summer abroad with my parents. As a 20 year old I spent the summer touring Europe with my parents.

After college my parents used their financial means to try to control me. They paid for a condo in Manhattan. I eventually figured them out, moved out and went on my way.

The bolded comments are a great examples of entitlement. You want to complain about not getting your own car until senior year of HS, them not paying out of state tuition even though you determined THEY had the money AND they paid for a condo in NYC. Unbelievable. You could have bought your own car, found your own job, paid for your own college and adult apartment. You didnt so don't complain now it was controlling while you sat on your rump reaping the benefits of them "controlling you".

I wasn’t allowed to buy my own car. My money was controlled by my parents. I did not have transportation to even get to a bank to open my own bank account in secret. Any paychecks I received from work were deposited into an account that my parents closely monitored. If you’ve never had very controlling parents you likely don’t understand any of this. As a minor child, I’m not sure you have too many rights to do things like take out a car loan without a down payment.

I couldn’t find my own job in HS because my mom dragged me around to businesses to interview. She found me a job one day when I was attending school and drove me to the business after school. She told me on the way to the business that I would be working there. I pushed back and was told I would be punished severely if I didn’t go work there. I don’t think you understand how controlling parents respond and what extreme measures they will take to control their children.

I wanted to apply out of state and take out loans since my parents would not pay for the tuition despite it being set aside for college. The backlash and punishment I received for even reaching out to my HS college advisor was unreal. I lost all sorts of privileges for even trying to get the $50 to write a check to apply to a specific school.

I do admit I let them control me too long during my adult life. But as a HS kid I truly couldn’t help what happened.

DP again. This is unreal. You aren't entitled to a car, out-of-state tuition, or a condo.

Did you even look for a job of your own? We get it, you don't like the job Mom found. But maybe she was frustrated by your inaction.

Re the out-of-state school, you could have applied for merit aid and loans on your own, as an emancipated child. You didn't do that.

Your story about trying to "get" $50 to write a check doesn't make a lot of sense. In fact it sounds like you were trying to withdraw $50 for whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I was only allowed to have a car my senior year of HS so they could control my whereabouts. My mom referred to cars as “killing machines”. I finally took my car to college my sophomore year so I could drive to work. It took a lot to get my parents to allow this. My parents then introduced “checks” on the car. I wasn’t allowed to drive the car at night so they would take trips to my college town to make sure the car was indeed in the parking lot of my dorm at night.

I wasn’t allowed to go to college out of state despite my parents having plenty of money. I wanted to apply anyway and get loans but didn’t have access to a checking account to pay for applications. The college advisor at my school told my parents and I was then punished for pursuing anything out of state.

During college I wasn’t allowed to study abroad. Parents refused to pay for it and because of their controlling ways, I didn’t have the ability to take out loans. Instead I was told I’d spend summer abroad with my parents. As a 20 year old I spent the summer touring Europe with my parents.

After college my parents used their financial means to try to control me. They paid for a condo in Manhattan. I eventually figured them out, moved out and went on my way.

The bolded comments are a great examples of entitlement. You want to complain about not getting your own car until senior year of HS, them not paying out of state tuition even though you determined THEY had the money AND they paid for a condo in NYC. Unbelievable. You could have bought your own car, found your own job, paid for your own college and adult apartment. You didnt so don't complain now it was controlling while you sat on your rump reaping the benefits of them "controlling you".

I wasn’t allowed to buy my own car. My money was controlled by my parents. I did not have transportation to even get to a bank to open my own bank account in secret. Any paychecks I received from work were deposited into an account that my parents closely monitored. If you’ve never had very controlling parents you likely don’t understand any of this. As a minor child, I’m not sure you have too many rights to do things like take out a car loan without a down payment.

I couldn’t find my own job in HS because my mom dragged me around to businesses to interview. She found me a job one day when I was attending school and drove me to the business after school. She told me on the way to the business that I would be working there. I pushed back and was told I would be punished severely if I didn’t go work there. I don’t think you understand how controlling parents respond and what extreme measures they will take to control their children.

I wanted to apply out of state and take out loans since my parents would not pay for the tuition despite it being set aside for college. The backlash and punishment I received for even reaching out to my HS college advisor was unreal. I lost all sorts of privileges for even trying to get the $50 to write a check to apply to a specific school.

I do admit I let them control me too long during my adult life. But as a HS kid I truly couldn’t help what happened.

Honey, I didn't get a car until I was a junior in College. You aren't owed a car. If you had your own car then you could have figured out a way to cash your own check without mommy. If you wanted to go to college out of state you could have figured out a way to get the $50 app fee without your parents. At 18 you are an adult and could have taken the steps to be fully independent. I am by no means saying your parents are peaches because they sound awful but people are going to use your severe case as a reason for all kids to cut off their parents for much less.

I was 17 when applying for college. I didn’t turn 18 until my freshman year of college. A minor can’t open a bank account in their own. So no, I couldn’t find a way to get a $50 check unless I stole one. Like I mentioned, I tried to get assistance from my college advisor in somehow paying the application fee. He then notified my parents and I was punished.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I was only allowed to have a car my senior year of HS so they could control my whereabouts. My mom referred to cars as “killing machines”. I finally took my car to college my sophomore year so I could drive to work. It took a lot to get my parents to allow this. My parents then introduced “checks” on the car. I wasn’t allowed to drive the car at night so they would take trips to my college town to make sure the car was indeed in the parking lot of my dorm at night.

I wasn’t allowed to go to college out of state despite my parents having plenty of money. I wanted to apply anyway and get loans but didn’t have access to a checking account to pay for applications. The college advisor at my school told my parents and I was then punished for pursuing anything out of state.

During college I wasn’t allowed to study abroad. Parents refused to pay for it and because of their controlling ways, I didn’t have the ability to take out loans. Instead I was told I’d spend summer abroad with my parents. As a 20 year old I spent the summer touring Europe with my parents.

After college my parents used their financial means to try to control me. They paid for a condo in Manhattan. I eventually figured them out, moved out and went on my way.

The bolded comments are a great examples of entitlement. You want to complain about not getting your own car until senior year of HS, them not paying out of state tuition even though you determined THEY had the money AND they paid for a condo in NYC. Unbelievable. You could have bought your own car, found your own job, paid for your own college and adult apartment. You didnt so don't complain now it was controlling while you sat on your rump reaping the benefits of them "controlling you".

I wasn’t allowed to buy my own car. My money was controlled by my parents. I did not have transportation to even get to a bank to open my own bank account in secret. Any paychecks I received from work were deposited into an account that my parents closely monitored. If you’ve never had very controlling parents you likely don’t understand any of this. As a minor child, I’m not sure you have too many rights to do things like take out a car loan without a down payment.

I couldn’t find my own job in HS because my mom dragged me around to businesses to interview. She found me a job one day when I was attending school and drove me to the business after school. She told me on the way to the business that I would be working there. I pushed back and was told I would be punished severely if I didn’t go work there. I don’t think you understand how controlling parents respond and what extreme measures they will take to control their children.

I wanted to apply out of state and take out loans since my parents would not pay for the tuition despite it being set aside for college. The backlash and punishment I received for even reaching out to my HS college advisor was unreal. I lost all sorts of privileges for even trying to get the $50 to write a check to apply to a specific school.

I do admit I let them control me too long during my adult life. But as a HS kid I truly couldn’t help what happened.

DP again. This is unreal. You aren't entitled to a car, out-of-state tuition, or a condo.

Did you even look for a job of your own? We get it, you don't like the job Mom found. But maybe she was frustrated by your inaction.

Re the out-of-state school, you could have applied for merit aid and loans on your own, as an emancipated child. You didn't do that.

Your story about trying to "get" $50 to write a check doesn't make a lot of sense. In fact it sounds like you were trying to withdraw $50 for whatever.

Here’s what I wanted as a kid:

1. To find my own job
2. Buy my own car (I think you have to have a parent co-sign it under 18?)
3. Either use my college fund or borrow money to attend money out of state which at the time required
4. A check for $50 to apply to the out of state school, which I didn’t have

I didn’t want anyone to buy me a car or find me a job. Or buy me a condo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I was only allowed to have a car my senior year of HS so they could control my whereabouts. My mom referred to cars as “killing machines”. I finally took my car to college my sophomore year so I could drive to work. It took a lot to get my parents to allow this. My parents then introduced “checks” on the car. I wasn’t allowed to drive the car at night so they would take trips to my college town to make sure the car was indeed in the parking lot of my dorm at night.

I wasn’t allowed to go to college out of state despite my parents having plenty of money. I wanted to apply anyway and get loans but didn’t have access to a checking account to pay for applications. The college advisor at my school told my parents and I was then punished for pursuing anything out of state.

During college I wasn’t allowed to study abroad. Parents refused to pay for it and because of their controlling ways, I didn’t have the ability to take out loans. Instead I was told I’d spend summer abroad with my parents. As a 20 year old I spent the summer touring Europe with my parents.

After college my parents used their financial means to try to control me. They paid for a condo in Manhattan. I eventually figured them out, moved out and went on my way.

The bolded comments are a great examples of entitlement. You want to complain about not getting your own car until senior year of HS, them not paying out of state tuition even though you determined THEY had the money AND they paid for a condo in NYC. Unbelievable. You could have bought your own car, found your own job, paid for your own college and adult apartment. You didnt so don't complain now it was controlling while you sat on your rump reaping the benefits of them "controlling you".

I wasn’t allowed to buy my own car. My money was controlled by my parents. I did not have transportation to even get to a bank to open my own bank account in secret. Any paychecks I received from work were deposited into an account that my parents closely monitored. If you’ve never had very controlling parents you likely don’t understand any of this. As a minor child, I’m not sure you have too many rights to do things like take out a car loan without a down payment.

I couldn’t find my own job in HS because my mom dragged me around to businesses to interview. She found me a job one day when I was attending school and drove me to the business after school. She told me on the way to the business that I would be working there. I pushed back and was told I would be punished severely if I didn’t go work there. I don’t think you understand how controlling parents respond and what extreme measures they will take to control their children.

I wanted to apply out of state and take out loans since my parents would not pay for the tuition despite it being set aside for college. The backlash and punishment I received for even reaching out to my HS college advisor was unreal. I lost all sorts of privileges for even trying to get the $50 to write a check to apply to a specific school.

I do admit I let them control me too long during my adult life. But as a HS kid I truly couldn’t help what happened.

DP again. This is unreal. You aren't entitled to a car, out-of-state tuition, or a condo.

Did you even look for a job of your own? We get it, you don't like the job Mom found. But maybe she was frustrated by your inaction.

Re the out-of-state school, you could have applied for merit aid and loans on your own, as an emancipated child. You didn't do that.

Your story about trying to "get" $50 to write a check doesn't make a lot of sense. In fact it sounds like you were trying to withdraw $50 for whatever.

Here’s what I wanted as a kid:

1. To find my own job
2. Buy my own car (I think you have to have a parent co-sign it under 18?)
3. Either use my college fund or borrow money to attend money out of state which at the time required
4. A check for $50 to apply to the out of state school, which I didn’t have

I didn’t want anyone to buy me a car or find me a job. Or buy me a condo.

1. So did you actually find a job you wanted--but Mom said no, you must work at this other job? Or was your job choice theoretical?
2. You're not entitled to have your parents co-sign a car loan for you. You sound a little naive about buying a car. An after school job isn't going to raise the several thousands you need to make regular car payments on a vehicle that's not going to break down every few months. So yes, your parents would have needed to take a credit score hit (on their new car loan) and contribute $ to your car.
3. Your parents would have had to borrow to cover the out-of-state college, and you're not entitled to ask them for that. You sound a little naive about college finances. Sounds like your parent-funded college fund was enough to pay in-state tuition (say, at $30k/year), but it wasn't enough for out-of-state tuition (say $50k-$60k/year). (Note they funded your college fund, not you.) So you were looking at a gap of $20k-$30k per year to go out of state. Federal loans wouldn't come close to covering that, maybe $8k a year. So your parents would have had to take out exhorbitant PLUS loans right as they were approaching retirement.
5. Still not clear on how you were going to write a check from a cash withdrawal.

You need to work with a therapist to sort through all of your grievances. Your parents may have been verbally abusive or controlling

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I was only allowed to have a car my senior year of HS so they could control my whereabouts. My mom referred to cars as “killing machines”. I finally took my car to college my sophomore year so I could drive to work. It took a lot to get my parents to allow this. My parents then introduced “checks” on the car. I wasn’t allowed to drive the car at night so they would take trips to my college town to make sure the car was indeed in the parking lot of my dorm at night.

I wasn’t allowed to go to college out of state despite my parents having plenty of money. I wanted to apply anyway and get loans but didn’t have access to a checking account to pay for applications. The college advisor at my school told my parents and I was then punished for pursuing anything out of state.

During college I wasn’t allowed to study abroad. Parents refused to pay for it and because of their controlling ways, I didn’t have the ability to take out loans. Instead I was told I’d spend summer abroad with my parents. As a 20 year old I spent the summer touring Europe with my parents.

After college my parents used their financial means to try to control me. They paid for a condo in Manhattan. I eventually figured them out, moved out and went on my way.

The bolded comments are a great examples of entitlement. You want to complain about not getting your own car until senior year of HS, them not paying out of state tuition even though you determined THEY had the money AND they paid for a condo in NYC. Unbelievable. You could have bought your own car, found your own job, paid for your own college and adult apartment. You didnt so don't complain now it was controlling while you sat on your rump reaping the benefits of them "controlling you".

I wasn’t allowed to buy my own car. My money was controlled by my parents. I did not have transportation to even get to a bank to open my own bank account in secret. Any paychecks I received from work were deposited into an account that my parents closely monitored. If you’ve never had very controlling parents you likely don’t understand any of this. As a minor child, I’m not sure you have too many rights to do things like take out a car loan without a down payment.

I couldn’t find my own job in HS because my mom dragged me around to businesses to interview. She found me a job one day when I was attending school and drove me to the business after school. She told me on the way to the business that I would be working there. I pushed back and was told I would be punished severely if I didn’t go work there. I don’t think you understand how controlling parents respond and what extreme measures they will take to control their children.

I wanted to apply out of state and take out loans since my parents would not pay for the tuition despite it being set aside for college. The backlash and punishment I received for even reaching out to my HS college advisor was unreal. I lost all sorts of privileges for even trying to get the $50 to write a check to apply to a specific school.

I do admit I let them control me too long during my adult life. But as a HS kid I truly couldn’t help what happened.

Honey, I didn't get a car until I was a junior in College. You aren't owed a car. If you had your own car then you could have figured out a way to cash your own check without mommy. If you wanted to go to college out of state you could have figured out a way to get the $50 app fee without your parents. At 18 you are an adult and could have taken the steps to be fully independent. I am by no means saying your parents are peaches because they sound awful but people are going to use your severe case as a reason for all kids to cut off their parents for much less.

I was 17 when applying for college. I didn’t turn 18 until my freshman year of college. A minor can’t open a bank account in their own. So no, I couldn’t find a way to get a $50 check unless I stole one. Like I mentioned, I tried to get assistance from my college advisor in somehow paying the application fee. He then notified my parents and I was punished.

How were you punished?

Anyway, your parents didn't want to help you pay for out-of-state school. And you couldn't do it yourself with loans unless you took time off to establish residency out of state, etc. So your parents were probably mad that you wanted to waste $50 on something they couldn't pay for.

Is it correct to guess you withdrew $50 cash and tried to give it to your college advisor? Who apparently also thought this was a bad idea?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I was only allowed to have a car my senior year of HS so they could control my whereabouts. My mom referred to cars as “killing machines”. I finally took my car to college my sophomore year so I could drive to work. It took a lot to get my parents to allow this. My parents then introduced “checks” on the car. I wasn’t allowed to drive the car at night so they would take trips to my college town to make sure the car was indeed in the parking lot of my dorm at night.

I wasn’t allowed to go to college out of state despite my parents having plenty of money. I wanted to apply anyway and get loans but didn’t have access to a checking account to pay for applications. The college advisor at my school told my parents and I was then punished for pursuing anything out of state.

During college I wasn’t allowed to study abroad. Parents refused to pay for it and because of their controlling ways, I didn’t have the ability to take out loans. Instead I was told I’d spend summer abroad with my parents. As a 20 year old I spent the summer touring Europe with my parents.

After college my parents used their financial means to try to control me. They paid for a condo in Manhattan. I eventually figured them out, moved out and went on my way.

The bolded comments are a great examples of entitlement. You want to complain about not getting your own car until senior year of HS, them not paying out of state tuition even though you determined THEY had the money AND they paid for a condo in NYC. Unbelievable. You could have bought your own car, found your own job, paid for your own college and adult apartment. You didnt so don't complain now it was controlling while you sat on your rump reaping the benefits of them "controlling you".

I wasn’t allowed to buy my own car. My money was controlled by my parents. I did not have transportation to even get to a bank to open my own bank account in secret. Any paychecks I received from work were deposited into an account that my parents closely monitored. If you’ve never had very controlling parents you likely don’t understand any of this. As a minor child, I’m not sure you have too many rights to do things like take out a car loan without a down payment.

I couldn’t find my own job in HS because my mom dragged me around to businesses to interview. She found me a job one day when I was attending school and drove me to the business after school. She told me on the way to the business that I would be working there. I pushed back and was told I would be punished severely if I didn’t go work there. I don’t think you understand how controlling parents respond and what extreme measures they will take to control their children.

I wanted to apply out of state and take out loans since my parents would not pay for the tuition despite it being set aside for college. The backlash and punishment I received for even reaching out to my HS college advisor was unreal. I lost all sorts of privileges for even trying to get the $50 to write a check to apply to a specific school.

I do admit I let them control me too long during my adult life. But as a HS kid I truly couldn’t help what happened.

what was the punishment you received for reaching out to your HS advisor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I was only allowed to have a car my senior year of HS so they could control my whereabouts. My mom referred to cars as “killing machines”. I finally took my car to college my sophomore year so I could drive to work. It took a lot to get my parents to allow this. My parents then introduced “checks” on the car. I wasn’t allowed to drive the car at night so they would take trips to my college town to make sure the car was indeed in the parking lot of my dorm at night.

I wasn’t allowed to go to college out of state despite my parents having plenty of money. I wanted to apply anyway and get loans but didn’t have access to a checking account to pay for applications. The college advisor at my school told my parents and I was then punished for pursuing anything out of state.

During college I wasn’t allowed to study abroad. Parents refused to pay for it and because of their controlling ways, I didn’t have the ability to take out loans. Instead I was told I’d spend summer abroad with my parents. As a 20 year old I spent the summer touring Europe with my parents.

After college my parents used their financial means to try to control me. They paid for a condo in Manhattan. I eventually figured them out, moved out and went on my way.

The bolded comments are a great examples of entitlement. You want to complain about not getting your own car until senior year of HS, them not paying out of state tuition even though you determined THEY had the money AND they paid for a condo in NYC. Unbelievable. You could have bought your own car, found your own job, paid for your own college and adult apartment. You didnt so don't complain now it was controlling while you sat on your rump reaping the benefits of them "controlling you".

I wasn’t allowed to buy my own car. My money was controlled by my parents. I did not have transportation to even get to a bank to open my own bank account in secret. Any paychecks I received from work were deposited into an account that my parents closely monitored. If you’ve never had very controlling parents you likely don’t understand any of this. As a minor child, I’m not sure you have too many rights to do things like take out a car loan without a down payment.

I couldn’t find my own job in HS because my mom dragged me around to businesses to interview. She found me a job one day when I was attending school and drove me to the business after school. She told me on the way to the business that I would be working there. I pushed back and was told I would be punished severely if I didn’t go work there. I don’t think you understand how controlling parents respond and what extreme measures they will take to control their children.

I wanted to apply out of state and take out loans since my parents would not pay for the tuition despite it being set aside for college. The backlash and punishment I received for even reaching out to my HS college advisor was unreal. I lost all sorts of privileges for even trying to get the $50 to write a check to apply to a specific school.

I do admit I let them control me too long during my adult life. But as a HS kid I truly couldn’t help what happened.

DP again. This is unreal. You aren't entitled to a car, out-of-state tuition, or a condo.

Did you even look for a job of your own? We get it, you don't like the job Mom found. But maybe she was frustrated by your inaction.

Re the out-of-state school, you could have applied for merit aid and loans on your own, as an emancipated child. You didn't do that.

Your story about trying to "get" $50 to write a check doesn't make a lot of sense. In fact it sounds like you were trying to withdraw $50 for whatever.

Here’s what I wanted as a kid:

1. To find my own job
2. Buy my own car (I think you have to have a parent co-sign it under 18?)
3. Either use my college fund or borrow money to attend money out of state which at the time required
4. A check for $50 to apply to the out of state school, which I didn’t have

I didn’t want anyone to buy me a car or find me a job. Or buy me a condo.

At this point, you lost all credibility. You got a car but you are put off since YOU wanted to buy a car but did not even have 50 dollars to apply for out of state school. You are a total entitled jerk. Your mom knew this and did not want you putting them out of the house so you can live some fantasy of your own. Whiney brat. Your mom will be beter off if you cut her out of your narcissistic life. Every narc is a huge victim in their own eyes and you fit the mold with every additional rant.