Why don’t more parents understand that adult kids have leverage nowadays to cut off contact, and

[Anonymous]

that they need to be REALLY careful in their interactions with their late teens & early 20s kids? Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Really? You realize those "kids" are often being supported by their parents. I'd be fine if mine cut me off, but they will need to 100% support themselves - move out, pay for own college, health insurance, food, etc.

[Anonymous]

I don't like thinking about it this transactionally, but it is weird how many parents do not seem to understand the consequences of abusive, controlling, disrespectful treatment of their kids, especially teens and college students who are close to being financially independent.

A lot of parents really fight the idea that their kids are their equals as people -- they are attached to being in control and and the top of a hierarchy and believe this dynamic will last forever. But unless you can successfully keep your children dependent on you into adulthood (which these same people will complain bitterly about, as well), your adult child can just stop visiting and returning your calls if they decide they don't like that dynamic.

So, yeah, why not just develop a mutually respectful relationship that affords both parties independence and autonomy? Seems like a no-brainer if you'd like to keep your kids in your life, have access to your grandkids, and maybe get some love and care at the end of your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really? You realize those "kids" are often being supported by their parents. I'd be fine if mine cut me off, but they will need to 100% support themselves - move out, pay for own college, health insurance, food, etc.

Since college is designed in such a way to force kids to remain financially dependent on parents after the age of 18, they'll just humor you until they get their degree and then use it to get a job and never speak to you again. And then you'll complain how they tricked you into paying for their college and they "owe" you time and affection, and they won't care because you've destroyed any chance at a functional relationship.

Good work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't like thinking about it this transactionally, but it is weird how many parents do not seem to understand the consequences of abusive, controlling, disrespectful treatment of their kids, especially teens and college students who are close to being financially independent.

A lot of parents really fight the idea that their kids are their equals as people -- they are attached to being in control and and the top of a hierarchy and believe this dynamic will last forever. But unless you can successfully keep your children dependent on you into adulthood (which these same people will complain bitterly about, as well), your adult child can just stop visiting and returning your calls if they decide they don't like that dynamic.

So, yeah, why not just develop a mutually respectful relationship that affords both parties independence and autonomy? Seems like a no-brainer if you'd like to keep your kids in your life, have access to your grandkids, and maybe get some love and care at the end of your life.

Wtf bee got up YOUR bonnet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:that they need to be REALLY careful in their interactions with their late teens & early 20s kids? Seriously.

What are you talking about? Young people today are rightfully worried about the economy and MANY do not want to be cut off.

[Anonymous]

Huh? Who are we talking about? Can we not generalize for the rest of the population when we are talking about the angry White people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't like thinking about it this transactionally, but it is weird how many parents do not seem to understand the consequences of abusive, controlling, disrespectful treatment of their kids, especially teens and college students who are close to being financially independent.

A lot of parents really fight the idea that their kids are their equals as people -- they are attached to being in control and and the top of a hierarchy and believe this dynamic will last forever. But unless you can successfully keep your children dependent on you into adulthood (which these same people will complain bitterly about, as well), your adult child can just stop visiting and returning your calls if they decide they don't like that dynamic.

So, yeah, why not just develop a mutually respectful relationship that affords both parties independence and autonomy? Seems like a no-brainer if you'd like to keep your kids in your life, have access to your grandkids, and maybe get some love and care at the end of your life.

Larla is not getting along with her mom or MIL. She wants respect, money, childcare from the oldies. LOL.

She is not willing to provide love and care to the ILs. She does not know her DH will dump her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really? You realize those "kids" are often being supported by their parents. I'd be fine if mine cut me off, but they will need to 100% support themselves - move out, pay for own college, health insurance, food, etc.

Since college is designed in such a way to force kids to remain financially dependent on parents after the age of 18, they'll just humor you until they get their degree and then use it to get a job and never speak to you again. And then you'll complain how they tricked you into paying for their college and they "owe" you time and affection, and they won't care because you've destroyed any chance at a functional relationship.

Good work.

Oh stfu. You need therapy. And, no. Your parents and ILs don't like you. Get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't like thinking about it this transactionally, but it is weird how many parents do not seem to understand the consequences of abusive, controlling, disrespectful treatment of their kids, especially teens and college students who are close to being financially independent.

A lot of parents really fight the idea that their kids are their equals as people -- they are attached to being in control and and the top of a hierarchy and believe this dynamic will last forever. But unless you can successfully keep your children dependent on you into adulthood (which these same people will complain bitterly about, as well), your adult child can just stop visiting and returning your calls if they decide they don't like that dynamic.

So, yeah, why not just develop a mutually respectful relationship that affords both parties independence and autonomy? Seems like a no-brainer if you'd like to keep your kids in your life, have access to your grandkids, and maybe get some love and care at the end of your life.

Agree - OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:that they need to be REALLY careful in their interactions with their late teens & early 20s kids? Seriously.

Kid is going to be making a lot less than them the way the economy is going. The kid better learn how to cosy up to them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Huh? Who are we talking about? Can we not generalize for the rest of the population when we are talking about the angry White people?

Look who is generalizing now.

[Anonymous]

Wow, the people who feel implicated by this thread are really proving OP's point with their behavior here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't like thinking about it this transactionally, but it is weird how many parents do not seem to understand the consequences of abusive, controlling, disrespectful treatment of their kids, especially teens and college students who are close to being financially independent.

A lot of parents really fight the idea that their kids are their equals as people -- they are attached to being in control and and the top of a hierarchy and believe this dynamic will last forever. But unless you can successfully keep your children dependent on you into adulthood (which these same people will complain bitterly about, as well), your adult child can just stop visiting and returning your calls if they decide they don't like that dynamic.

So, yeah, why not just develop a mutually respectful relationship that affords both parties independence and autonomy? Seems like a no-brainer if you'd like to keep your kids in your life, have access to your grandkids, and maybe get some love and care at the end of your life.

Exactly. I have told my husband this a few times. He is the authoritarian type, that does exactly the bolded. It's been a serious point of contention in our marriage. His parents did not do that with him, his brothers are not like this, so I don't know where he gets it from. He wonders why his kids are not affectionate towards him, and when we point out he can make himself extremely unpleasant, he denies ever acting that way, and accuses us of gaslighting him. This plus other red flags in the socio-communication realm have made me conclude he has mild autism, in addition to a very patriarchal view of the world.

And obviously, none of that was on display before we had kids. He has always been lovely towards his niece and nephews.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like thinking about it this transactionally, but it is weird how many parents do not seem to understand the consequences of abusive, controlling, disrespectful treatment of their kids, especially teens and college students who are close to being financially independent.

A lot of parents really fight the idea that their kids are their equals as people -- they are attached to being in control and and the top of a hierarchy and believe this dynamic will last forever. But unless you can successfully keep your children dependent on you into adulthood (which these same people will complain bitterly about, as well), your adult child can just stop visiting and returning your calls if they decide they don't like that dynamic.

So, yeah, why not just develop a mutually respectful relationship that affords both parties independence and autonomy? Seems like a no-brainer if you'd like to keep your kids in your life, have access to your grandkids, and maybe get some love and care at the end of your life.

Larla is not getting along with her mom or MIL. She wants respect, money, childcare from the oldies. LOL.

She is not willing to provide love and care to the ILs. She does not know her DH will dump her.

TRUTH.

For every person I’ve met who has cut off contact with legitimately abusive family, I’ve met five narcissists who approach all relationships with machete in hand. The minute someone doesn’t do their bidding, the narcissists cut them off.