Why don’t more parents understand that adult kids have leverage nowadays to cut off contact, and

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t totally cut my parents out but I keep my distance for all the reasons stated in this thread. I call them once every couple of weeks just to let them know I’m alive and let them talk to their grandkid. My parents can’t help themselves but to criticize so I keep my distance.

I’m hoping when my kid grows up we have a closer relationship.

Kid will mirror his our behavior.

NP. Hopefully! I certainly am raising my kids to set boundaries, to listen, to respect other people’s autonomy, and to distance themselves from toxic people. Like anyone in my life, I know that if I treat my kids with kindness and respect, they’ll want to spend time with me. I know that if I am critical, overbearing, and selfish, they will want to keep some distance. See how that works?

Perfectly said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DIL only knows us when she needs money. WE have the leverage. F them.

Charming. Guess we see why he picked her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t totally cut my parents out but I keep my distance for all the reasons stated in this thread. I call them once every couple of weeks just to let them know I’m alive and let them talk to their grandkid. My parents can’t help themselves but to criticize so I keep my distance.

I’m hoping when my kid grows up we have a closer relationship.

Kid will mirror his our behavior.

NP. Hopefully! I certainly am raising my kids to set boundaries, to listen, to respect other people’s autonomy, and to distance themselves from toxic people. Like anyone in my life, I know that if I treat my kids with kindness and respect, they’ll want to spend time with me. I know that if I am critical, overbearing, and selfish, they will want to keep some distance. See how that works?

Kids need parents to be parents.

Nothing that pp said implies they are not being a parent. You clearly are a terrible parent as you believe good parenting requires being selfish, overbearing, and critical.

Please learn what logical fallacies are.
What you wrote is one and is idiotic.

No. They made a correct inference (please learn what they are) from the information provided by the PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is being cut-off a big deal? I don’t see many downsides, tbh.

What? Do you WANT your kids to never speak to you?

If my kids want to speak to me, then I will welcome it. But if they don't want to speak to me, then I won't be troubled by it. I have done my job as a parent, and given them everything I could. Now they are adults, and will live their own lives. I will continue living mine. It will be nice if they continue to have a relationship with me, but it's not something that is necessary.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really? You realize those "kids" are often being supported by their parents. I'd be fine if mine cut me off, but they will need to 100% support themselves - move out, pay for own college, health insurance, food, etc.

Since college is designed in such a way to force kids to remain financially dependent on parents after the age of 18, they'll just humor you until they get their degree and then use it to get a job and never speak to you again. And then you'll complain how they tricked you into paying for their college and they "owe" you time and affection, and they won't care because you've destroyed any chance at a functional relationship.

Good work.

Oh man, you and your parents are completely f’ed. normal families are not like yours. And normal kids are not like you. Complete loser.

Keep slinging playground names. You’re so defensive on this topic. Why is that? Perhaps explore it with your therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot of middle ground between super-close and completely cut off. DH and I have a good relationship with both sets of parents, but we’ve had some instances where we needed to establish boundaries with both sides. MIL still whines and complains that DH and I do not call her every day, but we’ve told her point blank that we are both busy working adults with two small children, so she’ll need to content herself with one call a week unless there’s an emergency or something. She hasn’t made peace with that, but oh well. She’d probably get more calls if she wasn’t such a PITA.

We’ve never cut off our parents and probably never would, but yes, we don’t take guilt trips or crap from them, and definitely never will.

You’re an ass. But I guess you know that. I work (main breadwinner) and have DCs. Yet somehow I manage to call my mom every day. I hope my DCs don’t turn out like you. Awful human being.

Every day? ROFL. You’re unhealthily enmeshed. Grow up and become an adult.

[Anonymous]

Lots of bitter second wives wondering why their step kids don’t like them

[Anonymous]

I'm 50 years old and never once did I think my relationship with my parents is one of equals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol, deuces kid.

Enjoy “leveraging” yourself in a studio apartment with no family support. Fact that you took to DCUM to make this pronouncement tells me you’re super mature and things are going really well for you.

If someone would rather struggle financially than be controlled by you, you should look in the mirror.

Weird comment. I have nothing to do with OP. I have a great relationship with both my kids and my parents.

OP just struck me as an immature ingrate. Exclaiming to the world that kids have the power to cut off their parents is just such a tantrum. I’m sure OP is in pain. Maybe hoping her parent(s) see this post? Anyway, time to grow up.

It’s not a “weird comment” at all. You made an immature, gloating crack about how parents (whether or not you personally claim to have done so) can manipulate their children with money to get the parents’ way, and multiple people responded correctly calling you out on it. You didn’t like that. Oh well.

Oh boo hoo! Some miserable loser estranged from her family called me immature on the internet!!

You sound pathetic. It’s a near certainty your parents have been dealing with your attitude and temper tantrums for decades, and they’ll be relieved to be done with it. Seriously, grow up and take some responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:that they need to be REALLY careful in their interactions with their late teens & early 20s kids? Seriously.

Todays teen and early 20 will easily cut off a parent for simply making a suggestion to not do the dumb a$$ thing they are going to do. It’s a generation of selfish and entitled brats due to all the social media posts telling them they are in fact entitled to behave selfishly and not give respect to anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's interesting that some people seem to think this is the norm, parents who are difficult and annoying who they would like to cut off and never see again.

I'm sure it happens but it's not typical in my experience, for me or the people I know. I get along fine with my adult kids, we treat each other with respect, always have.

Tell me, those of you who are suffering through this painful relationship with your parents, what are you doing now that you think will prevent this from happening with your own kids?

I still have a relationship with my parents, but I’ve created a lot of boundaries. Some of which they don’t like, but I don’t care. What am I doing with my own kids:
-not being emotionally abusive, including saying things like “you don’t love me” and spending every holiday locked in my room or crying
-have a healthy, functional relationship with my spouse where we sleep in the same bedroom, take vacations together, and show respect and affection for one another
-not emotionally needy when it comes to my kids; I don’t expect them to be my therapist
-I support my kids equally and don’t favor one over the others

My dh snores and I’m a light sleeper. We sleep in different rooms. I hope my children don’t decide to stop talking to me over it!

If you have a dysfunctional relationship they might… I guarantee you they’re probably embarrassed by it and your friends probably think you’re lying about the snoring and don’t have sec anymore. Sorry Karen!

I’m a “Karen” for wanting to sleep? Actually our relationship is great because I’m not constantly sleep deprived and the number of my children will testify to the healthy sex life we have. There are plenty of totally healthy couples that sleep separately due to snoring.

Yes, I'm sure that your three kids can testify to the fact that you had sex 20 years ago three times. I hope they know nothing about your sex life now or that would be dysfunctional. Either way, it's weird. But glad your getting sleep...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot of middle ground between super-close and completely cut off. DH and I have a good relationship with both sets of parents, but we’ve had some instances where we needed to establish boundaries with both sides. MIL still whines and complains that DH and I do not call her every day, but we’ve told her point blank that we are both busy working adults with two small children, so she’ll need to content herself with one call a week unless there’s an emergency or something. She hasn’t made peace with that, but oh well. She’d probably get more calls if she wasn’t such a PITA.

We’ve never cut off our parents and probably never would, but yes, we don’t take guilt trips or crap from them, and definitely never will.

You’re an ass. But I guess you know that. I work (main breadwinner) and have DCs. Yet somehow I manage to call my mom every day. I hope my DCs don’t turn out like you. Awful human being.

Oh honey, I call *my* mom several times a week, and sometimes daily, because she’s pleasant to talk to and can have a quick 3- to 5-minute call if that’s all I have time for. With MIL it’s a nonstop whine/drone/guilt fest and she can’t do a quick call, it has to be lonnnnnngggg or she whines even more. So she is relegated to once a week. If she wanted more frequent calls, she needs to be less of a pain. Oh well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DIL only knows us when she needs money. WE have the leverage. F them.

Haha, OK, Mommy Dearest! You’re so bitter and jealous, it’s seething out of your pores.

[Anonymous]

[vimeo]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's interesting that some people seem to think this is the norm, parents who are difficult and annoying who they would like to cut off and never see again.

I'm sure it happens but it's not typical in my experience, for me or the people I know. I get along fine with my adult kids, we treat each other with respect, always have.

Tell me, those of you who are suffering through this painful relationship with your parents, what are you doing now that you think will prevent this from happening with your own kids?

I still have a relationship with my parents, but I’ve created a lot of boundaries. Some of which they don’t like, but I don’t care. What am I doing with my own kids:
-not being emotionally abusive, including saying things like “you don’t love me” and spending every holiday locked in my room or crying
-have a healthy, functional relationship with my spouse where we sleep in the same bedroom, take vacations together, and show respect and affection for one another
-not emotionally needy when it comes to my kids; I don’t expect them to be my therapist
-I support my kids equally and don’t favor one over the others

My dh snores and I’m a light sleeper. We sleep in different rooms. I hope my children don’t decide to stop talking to me over it!

If you have a dysfunctional relationship they might… I guarantee you they’re probably embarrassed by it and your friends probably think you’re lying about the snoring and don’t have sec anymore. Sorry Karen!

I’m a “Karen” for wanting to sleep? Actually our relationship is great because I’m not constantly sleep deprived and the number of my children will testify to the healthy sex life we have. There are plenty of totally healthy couples that sleep separately due to snoring.

Yes, I'm sure that your three kids can testify to the fact that you had sex 20 years ago three times. I hope they know nothing about your sex life now or that would be dysfunctional. Either way, it's weird. But glad your getting sleep...

NP. My husband and I sleep in different rooms some nights, and it definitely helps both sleep AND sex. Our guest room is on a different floor from all the other bedrooms, so when I go down to pay a visit to that room, we have more freedom. We have sex a few times a week and definitely enjoy both the sex and the good sleep. I don’t get why this is a problem for you. Oh wait, I do get it! You have a tiny house and couldn’t sleep in different rooms even if you wanted to. Oh noes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:that they need to be REALLY careful in their interactions with their late teens & early 20s kids? Seriously.

Todays teen and early 20 will easily cut off a parent for simply making a suggestion to not do the dumb a$$ thing they are going to do. It’s a generation of selfish and entitled brats due to all the social media posts telling them they are in fact entitled to behave selfishly and not give respect to anyone.

This. So this. What’s funny is they actually think parents will come chasing after them. Good riddance are the only words that come to mind.