Why don’t more parents understand that adult kids have leverage nowadays to cut off contact, and

[Anonymous]

I think it's interesting that some people seem to think this is the norm, parents who are difficult and annoying who they would like to cut off and never see again.

I'm sure it happens but it's not typical in my experience, for me or the people I know. I get along fine with my adult kids, we treat each other with respect, always have.

Tell me, those of you who are suffering through this painful relationship with your parents, what are you doing now that you think will prevent this from happening with your own kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really? You realize those "kids" are often being supported by their parents. I'd be fine if mine cut me off, but they will need to 100% support themselves - move out, pay for own college, health insurance, food, etc.

Since college is designed in such a way to force kids to remain financially dependent on parents after the age of 18, they'll just humor you until they get their degree and then use it to get a job and never speak to you again. And then you'll complain how they tricked you into paying for their college and they "owe" you time and affection, and they won't care because you've destroyed any chance at a functional relationship.

Good work.

That’s fine. Their choice.

[Anonymous]

My kids are young but I have no intention of cowering in fear being “REALLY careful.” If my kids can’t recognize I’m just a fellow human doing my best, fine.

Incidentally I’ve noticed my peers really struggle to mature enough to understand their parents are just fellow adults, who made mistakes but were well-intentioned.

[Anonymous]

Or , OP, those adult children can also forgive them and be better parents/adults themselves. How is cutting them off being a better person? You’re just as bad as they are. And I’m not sure what you mean by “nowadays”? I’m pretty sure people have always had the ability to cut other people off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's interesting that some people seem to think this is the norm, parents who are difficult and annoying who they would like to cut off and never see again.

I'm sure it happens but it's not typical in my experience, for me or the people I know. I get along fine with my adult kids, we treat each other with respect, always have.

Tell me, those of you who are suffering through this painful relationship with your parents, what are you doing now that you think will prevent this from happening with your own kids?

Raising my kids in an irreligious household, for one. Paying for college since I can afford to (my parents could too, but refused to).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or , OP, those adult children can also forgive them and be better parents/adults themselves. How is cutting them off being a better person? You’re just as bad as they are. And I’m not sure what you mean by “nowadays”? I’m pretty sure people have always had the ability to cut other people off.

People are more empowered to cut off today

[Anonymous]

This must be the same parent that allows her teen child to ignore the elderly women living in the home because she watches different tv channels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's interesting that some people seem to think this is the norm, parents who are difficult and annoying who they would like to cut off and never see again.

I'm sure it happens but it's not typical in my experience, for me or the people I know. I get along fine with my adult kids, we treat each other with respect, always have.

Tell me, those of you who are suffering through this painful relationship with your parents, what are you doing now that you think will prevent this from happening with your own kids?

Not being an authoritarian parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are young but I have no intention of cowering in fear being “REALLY careful.” If my kids can’t recognize I’m just a fellow human doing my best, fine.

Incidentally I’ve noticed my peers really struggle to mature enough to understand their parents are just fellow adults, who made mistakes but were well-intentioned.

These relationships usually become toxic BECAUSE parents refuse to see their kids as fellow adults.

[Anonymous]

There’s some truth to this. My parents were terrible to me as a teenager and didn’t seem to understand I’d one day be an adult. I’m ridiculed if I ever bring up anything from the past. When I was a teenager I tried to let them know things that bothered or hurt me, but they completely ignored me. Now they seem shocked I keep my distance from them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or , OP, those adult children can also forgive them and be better parents/adults themselves. How is cutting them off being a better person? You’re just as bad as they are. And I’m not sure what you mean by “nowadays”? I’m pretty sure people have always had the ability to cut other people off.

People are more empowered to cut off today

That's really a last resort for very damaging and unhealthy relationships though. It's not a normal thing to do because your parents weren't perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really? You realize those "kids" are often being supported by their parents. I'd be fine if mine cut me off, but they will need to 100% support themselves - move out, pay for own college, health insurance, food, etc.

Since college is designed in such a way to force kids to remain financially dependent on parents after the age of 18, they'll just humor you until they get their degree and then use it to get a job and never speak to you again. And then you'll complain how they tricked you into paying for their college and they "owe" you time and affection, and they won't care because you've destroyed any chance at a functional relationship.

Good work.

If this is how you think you have no chance if any future “functional relationship” with anyone.

[Anonymous]

There is a lot of middle ground between super-close and completely cut off. DH and I have a good relationship with both sets of parents, but we’ve had some instances where we needed to establish boundaries with both sides. MIL still whines and complains that DH and I do not call her every day, but we’ve told her point blank that we are both busy working adults with two small children, so she’ll need to content herself with one call a week unless there’s an emergency or something. She hasn’t made peace with that, but oh well. She’d probably get more calls if she wasn’t such a PITA.

We’ve never cut off our parents and probably never would, but yes, we don’t take guilt trips or crap from them, and definitely never will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really? You realize those "kids" are often being supported by their parents. I'd be fine if mine cut me off, but they will need to 100% support themselves - move out, pay for own college, health insurance, food, etc.

+1. Sometimes cutting off is a good thing. Just because the kid is related to you doesn’t mean it’s a person you want to keep in your life.

[Anonymous]

Lol, deuces kid.

Enjoy “leveraging” yourself in a studio apartment with no family support. Fact that you took to DCUM to make this pronouncement tells me you’re super mature and things are going really well for you.