My friend moved without telling me

[Anonymous]

Maybe she's embarrassed because she saw this thread where you shared a lot of specific ideas and she doesn't want to tell you because you'll immediately air her dirty laundry publicly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So sorry. I had this happen before though not quite as dramatic, and it really hurt. Ignore the people acting like you are out of line.

DP - this. There is a DCUM contingent that thinks it’s unhealthy to show any kind of emotional attachment or upset, that the only way to be healthy is to unfazed by every human interaction. But really, having good mental health is about having the appropriate emotional reaction to a given situation - which you’re having, OP. No one would feel good about this.

I’d give a brief reply along the lines of, “sounds like a big change, good luck with everything” and then forego contact. You don’t want to spend too much time trying to read the tea leaves; let her come back to you if/when she’s ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is very Ozark-y. Like, one day the Byrdes were living a quiet life in their Chicago suburb, and the next day they were...elsewhere.

And OP I'm sorry for the weirdness and confusion this has caused you and your family. We'd all feel this was strange if we experienced a similar situation.

Except the friend replied to OPs text, so I think it can't be too Ozark-y of a situation. Wit-sec is out.

I'm guessing major financial issues. Friend was too embarassed or private to explain, so she just didn't.

I feel like if it were me, I’d have some sort of cover story ready to go. Like a dream job opportunity popped up! Wish we had more time to say goodbyes or whatever. But it could explain why she doesn’t want to give OP the new address. They may have greatly downgraded their living situation.

[Anonymous]

That IS weird to me.
Especially the cheese 🧀 part.

But I digress.
I would totally be hurt by this too.

Let us know if this friend contacts you once she is settled in & what her reasoning is for not mentioning this very (!) important detail w/you.

Do you think she planned on ghosting you?
Or maybe she just ran off w/some random guy + was too embarrassed to tell you?
Could she possibly have just eloped??

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry. I’d find that painful and confusing.

[Anonymous]

I had a friend (kid's friend's Mom actually, not the same) who moved and was very clearly like "We've enjoyed having friends here in DC but we're moving on so don't call us and we won't call you." It was a bit presumptuous but whatever makes you feel good about yourself I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back with an update. Our girls are in 5th grade, so I'm confident DD got things straight. DH was surprised too. I hung out with my friend (one on one) a week and a half ago. She mentioned nothing. We talked about trying to firm up summer plans and vacations and such. We talked about the books we're reading, Love is Blind, all normal things.

In general, DH and I like to assume the best of people, so that's how I approached it. "Hey, DD told me today you guys moved to Wisconsin? Did she get that right? If so, please send me your new address so we can send you a housewarming gift! Also, so sorry we didn't get a chance to say goodbye in person. Hope the move wasn't too crazy!" She texted back over an hour later "Yeah lol" So ... I guess drop it?

You sound passive aggressive, pushy and invasive. And her response to you makes it clear as day you’re not a real friend. Drop it.

What a strange impression, PP. She was trying to be polite and kind and confirm that her friend had indeed moved and what the heck is going on. On no planet is that pushy, invasive, or passive aggressive. OP, loved the way you chose to handle. Very appropriate.

1: they are clearly NOT friends
2: she was just ghosted but this person and immediately asks for her new address

This is creepy and pushy. Back off.

If she had been ghosted, there would have been on response to OP's text.

No the hyper-literal definition of ghosted would be total radio silence. But rest assured, what OP is experiencing is ghosting. And continuing to text creepy stuff after you've been ghosted and asking for someone's new address (!!!!) after they've ghosted you is sooooo creepy and embarassing. OP has like zero self-awareness? Read the freaking room. It's over. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back with an update. Our girls are in 5th grade, so I'm confident DD got things straight. DH was surprised too. I hung out with my friend (one on one) a week and a half ago. She mentioned nothing. We talked about trying to firm up summer plans and vacations and such. We talked about the books we're reading, Love is Blind, all normal things.

In general, DH and I like to assume the best of people, so that's how I approached it. "Hey, DD told me today you guys moved to Wisconsin? Did she get that right? If so, please send me your new address so we can send you a housewarming gift! Also, so sorry we didn't get a chance to say goodbye in person. Hope the move wasn't too crazy!" She texted back over an hour later "Yeah lol" So ... I guess drop it?

You sound passive aggressive, pushy and invasive. And her response to you makes it clear as day you’re not a real friend. Drop it.

What a strange impression, PP. She was trying to be polite and kind and confirm that her friend had indeed moved and what the heck is going on. On no planet is that pushy, invasive, or passive aggressive. OP, loved the way you chose to handle. Very appropriate.

1: they are clearly NOT friends
2: she was just ghosted but this person and immediately asks for her new address

This is creepy and pushy. Back off.

If she had been ghosted, there would have been on response to OP's text.

No the hyper-literal definition of ghosted would be total radio silence. But rest assured, what OP is experiencing is ghosting. And continuing to text creepy stuff after you've been ghosted and asking for someone's new address (!!!!) after they've ghosted you is sooooo creepy and embarassing. OP has like zero self-awareness? Read the freaking room. It's over. Move on.

DP - what on earth are you on about? Are you the “friend”?

[Anonymous]

I really want the story here. Is she even in Wisconsin? She could be anywhere!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really want the story here. Is she even in Wisconsin? She could be anywhere!

Maybe OP’s “friend” is a spy?

[Anonymous]

OP I think you need to leave this now. You've had proof of life from her and clearly for whatever reason, that is going to be all. I don't think you should push for an address or a reason as people are suggesting, that's intrusive. Let it go now.

[Anonymous]

I would totally reply and see what kind of answer you get. And all the people who are claiming that they couldn’t or wouldn’t - get some self esteem for goodness sakes! Or some xanax for that anxiety or both. Asking a friend about something like this isn’t stalkerish, weird, or pathetic - it’s normal. And if you recognize that you have the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really want the story here. Is she even in Wisconsin? She could be anywhere!

Maybe OP’s “friend” is a spy?

In Wisconsin? Even the real/fake state dept folks I know tell friends and family before they leave the country. There’s a story even if it isn’t real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“I guess drop it”…as opposed to what? Seriously, what else would you conceivably do but drop it after that response?

Np. If MY FRIEND responded that way, I wouldn't drop it, are you crazy?

I would at least say "I'm so surprised you didn't tell me! Is everything ok?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is very Ozark-y. Like, one day the Byrdes were living a quiet life in their Chicago suburb, and the next day they were...elsewhere.

And OP I'm sorry for the weirdness and confusion this has caused you and your family. We'd all feel this was strange if we experienced a similar situation.

Except the friend replied to OPs text, so I think it can't be too Ozark-y of a situation. Wit-sec is out.

I'm guessing major financial issues. Friend was too embarassed or private to explain, so she just didn't.

Assuming it's really her friend with her phone. I know the odds it isn't are like .00001%, but it's so weird that I'd want to confirm.

I thought the same thing.