How much stress is too much stress?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was suicidal while at NCS. I’m now on the fence between Flint Hill and SSSAS for my own DD because she has a similar temperament and I want her to flourish, not be crushed.

I would look at schools more mellow. No one deserves that and I am sorry for your experience.

NP here. Wrong. If PP was suicidal at NCS, that’s just a testament to her own anxiety and lack of resilience.

I frankly don’t understand this conversation at all. Having a highly anxious kid in a competitive, pressure cooker environment like NCS is GREAT — because they learn to give up their perfectionist tendencies and instead adopt a growth mindset.

I’m the OP of this post:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1067220.page

And I really do think that parents need to push their kids into the most competitive and high-pressure environment; otherwise they won’t know how to deal with pressure and high-stakes and will just crumble as an adult (because quite frankly, being a young adult in this day and age is stressful). Kids need to learn to deal with high-stakes environments, and learning it in high school is a great opportunity.

And if these kids end up with anxiety or suicidal ideation because of said environment, it would probably be much worse had they gone to an easier school and not learned how to cope with a stressful environment. Remember, anxiety is most effectively abetted by exposure! Your kids need that exposure to stress to not be anxious.

Alright, I see that 24 pages worth of replies already to your trolling wasn’t enough to satisfy your need for attention. You needed to hijack another thread with your manic evangelizing on the benefits of suicidal level stress. Go preach to your kids instead and leave off giving psychotic parental advices to the masses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Idk about the kids, but $50,000 per year is too much stress for me

Haha, truth. Times multiple kids-I often wonder when I drank the kool aid and is it worth it.

[Anonymous]

As many people have noted, there isn't one cause of high stress in students; there are many. This includes parents forcing their kids into schools not based on the fit, but on the fantasy that this school will be a pipeline to the Ivies. The reality is that schools like NCS exist for a very particular type of student, one that is ambitious, self-motiviated resilient, and invested in learning. Most teenagers aren't like this at all, but there are some who are. The school has had a reputation for its rigor for many decades, and this attracts many parents. However, once their kids are admitted and experience the degree of work, these same parents then complain that the school is too stressful for their children. Instead of moving their kid to another school, they expect the school to change for them. But it's that very rigor their child is struggling with that drew them to the school in the first place. Then, there are the parents who tell their kids that anything less than an A is unacceptable. I agree with people that schools such as NCS should revisit the mandatory sports requirement, especially for juniors and senior years. This would open up more time for these students.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was suicidal while at NCS. I’m now on the fence between Flint Hill and SSSAS for my own DD because she has a similar temperament and I want her to flourish, not be crushed.

I would look at schools more mellow. No one deserves that and I am sorry for your experience.

NP here. Wrong. If PP was suicidal at NCS, that’s just a testament to her own anxiety and lack of resilience.

I frankly don’t understand this conversation at all. Having a highly anxious kid in a competitive, pressure cooker environment like NCS is GREAT — because they learn to give up their perfectionist tendencies and instead adopt a growth mindset.

I’m the OP of this post:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1067220.page

And I really do think that parents need to push their kids into the most competitive and high-pressure environment; otherwise they won’t know how to deal with pressure and high-stakes and will just crumble as an adult (because quite frankly, being a young adult in this day and age is stressful). Kids need to learn to deal with high-stakes environments, and learning it in high school is a great opportunity.

And if these kids end up with anxiety or suicidal ideation because of said environment, it would probably be much worse had they gone to an easier school and not learned how to cope with a stressful environment. Remember, anxiety is most effectively abetted by exposure! Your kids need that exposure to stress to not be anxious.

Your absolute belief that your approach is the correct one is stunning. And dangerous. And directly contradicts child mental health professionals who manage my child’s health. True, diagnosed anxiety is best treated by professionals considering the specifics of the child involved. For mine, careful expose to situations that allow for a healthy chance of failure and learning the need to let go of perfectionism is good, but tossing her into the deep end of NCS could literally kill her. That is not a risk I am willing to take. Teaching your child to survive by dropping her the wilderness with a compass and a firestarter and seeing if she makes it out might be great for your kid, and more power to her for coming out a resourceful, resilient adult. But it is NOT the right approach for every child, and a smart parent knows when to push and when not to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was suicidal while at NCS. I’m now on the fence between Flint Hill and SSSAS for my own DD because she has a similar temperament and I want her to flourish, not be crushed.

I would look at schools more mellow. No one deserves that and I am sorry for your experience.

NP here. Wrong. If PP was suicidal at NCS, that’s just a testament to her own anxiety and lack of resilience.

I frankly don’t understand this conversation at all. Having a highly anxious kid in a competitive, pressure cooker environment like NCS is GREAT — because they learn to give up their perfectionist tendencies and instead adopt a growth mindset.

I’m the OP of this post:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1067220.page

And I really do think that parents need to push their kids into the most competitive and high-pressure environment; otherwise they won’t know how to deal with pressure and high-stakes and will just crumble as an adult (because quite frankly, being a young adult in this day and age is stressful). Kids need to learn to deal with high-stakes environments, and learning it in high school is a great opportunity.

And if these kids end up with anxiety or suicidal ideation because of said environment, it would probably be much worse had they gone to an easier school and not learned how to cope with a stressful environment. Remember, anxiety is most effectively abetted by exposure! Your kids need that exposure to stress to not be anxious.

Your absolute belief that your approach is the correct one is stunning. And dangerous. And directly contradicts child mental health professionals who manage my child’s health. True, diagnosed anxiety is best treated by professionals considering the specifics of the child involved. For mine, careful expose to situations that allow for a healthy chance of failure and learning the need to let go of perfectionism is good, but tossing her into the deep end of NCS could literally kill her. That is not a risk I am willing to take. Teaching your child to survive by dropping her the wilderness with a compass and a firestarter and seeing if she makes it out might be great for your kid, and more power to her for coming out a resourceful, resilient adult. But it is NOT the right approach for every child, and a smart parent knows when to push and when not to.

It will not “kill her.” It will make her stronger and more resilient, and you’re just projecting your own anxiety. Full stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was suicidal while at NCS. I’m now on the fence between Flint Hill and SSSAS for my own DD because she has a similar temperament and I want her to flourish, not be crushed.

I would look at schools more mellow. No one deserves that and I am sorry for your experience.

NP here. Wrong. If PP was suicidal at NCS, that’s just a testament to her own anxiety and lack of resilience.

I frankly don’t understand this conversation at all. Having a highly anxious kid in a competitive, pressure cooker environment like NCS is GREAT — because they learn to give up their perfectionist tendencies and instead adopt a growth mindset.

I’m the OP of this post:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1067220.page

And I really do think that parents need to push their kids into the most competitive and high-pressure environment; otherwise they won’t know how to deal with pressure and high-stakes and will just crumble as an adult (because quite frankly, being a young adult in this day and age is stressful). Kids need to learn to deal with high-stakes environments, and learning it in high school is a great opportunity.

And if these kids end up with anxiety or suicidal ideation because of said environment, it would probably be much worse had they gone to an easier school and not learned how to cope with a stressful environment. Remember, anxiety is most effectively abetted by exposure! Your kids need that exposure to stress to not be anxious.

Your absolute belief that your approach is the correct one is stunning. And dangerous. And directly contradicts child mental health professionals who manage my child’s health. True, diagnosed anxiety is best treated by professionals considering the specifics of the child involved. For mine, careful expose to situations that allow for a healthy chance of failure and learning the need to let go of perfectionism is good, but tossing her into the deep end of NCS could literally kill her. That is not a risk I am willing to take. Teaching your child to survive by dropping her the wilderness with a compass and a firestarter and seeing if she makes it out might be great for your kid, and more power to her for coming out a resourceful, resilient adult. But it is NOT the right approach for every child, and a smart parent knows when to push and when not to.

It will not “kill her.” It will make her stronger and more resilient, and you’re just projecting your own anxiety. Full stop.

I will listen to her psychologist, not you, thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was suicidal while at NCS. I’m now on the fence between Flint Hill and SSSAS for my own DD because she has a similar temperament and I want her to flourish, not be crushed.

I would look at schools more mellow. No one deserves that and I am sorry for your experience.

NP here. Wrong. If PP was suicidal at NCS, that’s just a testament to her own anxiety and lack of resilience.

I frankly don’t understand this conversation at all. Having a highly anxious kid in a competitive, pressure cooker environment like NCS is GREAT — because they learn to give up their perfectionist tendencies and instead adopt a growth mindset.

I’m the OP of this post:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1067220.page

And I really do think that parents need to push their kids into the most competitive and high-pressure environment; otherwise they won’t know how to deal with pressure and high-stakes and will just crumble as an adult (because quite frankly, being a young adult in this day and age is stressful). Kids need to learn to deal with high-stakes environments, and learning it in high school is a great opportunity.

And if these kids end up with anxiety or suicidal ideation because of said environment, it would probably be much worse had they gone to an easier school and not learned how to cope with a stressful environment. Remember, anxiety is most effectively abetted by exposure! Your kids need that exposure to stress to not be anxious.

Your absolute belief that your approach is the correct one is stunning. And dangerous. And directly contradicts child mental health professionals who manage my child’s health. True, diagnosed anxiety is best treated by professionals considering the specifics of the child involved. For mine, careful expose to situations that allow for a healthy chance of failure and learning the need to let go of perfectionism is good, but tossing her into the deep end of NCS could literally kill her. That is not a risk I am willing to take. Teaching your child to survive by dropping her the wilderness with a compass and a firestarter and seeing if she makes it out might be great for your kid, and more power to her for coming out a resourceful, resilient adult. But it is NOT the right approach for every child, and a smart parent knows when to push and when not to.

It will not “kill her.” It will make her stronger and more resilient, and you’re just projecting your own anxiety. Full stop.

Wow. You are an idiot. Full stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Idk about the kids, but $50,000 per year is too much stress for me

I will modify that statement to say $50,000 per year is too much to pay for my kids to be stressed out. Validates my decision to go K-8 + public HS. Based on other threads it sounds like private high schools are being weird about AP tests and college counseling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Strongest students I know, seemingly least stressed, are kids with significant sports time commitments. They seem to prioritize their time to get it all done and still get enough sleep. I think lack of sleep is a huge part of the stress kids are experiencing.

No the kid with a sport get less sleep and no free time for anything.

Disagree. My athletes prioritized sleep. They didn’t do a ton of social things- but their sport is very social and they also did school activities.

Is your kid’s social sport a high school sport? Club sport?

As much as my teen would like to prioritize sleep there is not enough hours in the day. But he loves his sport(s) so not much you can do about it. 2 sport elite athlete.

6am wake up
8-3pm school (can usually squeeze in 1 hour of homework during school and on block schedule)
3:30-5:30 high school sport practice or game
5:30-6 driving to next location or home to change/snack if time permits before next event
6-6:30 en route to next event
6:30-8pm Club team practice twice a week, performance training once a week, skills training once a week. (Usually nothing Friday nights after high school team practice or game.
8-8:30 en route home
8:30-9:30 dinner and chill/shower
9:30-10:30/11 homework
Bed by 11-11:30

Average sleep 6.5-7 hours.

Why even do the sports? Chances they continue in adulthood is slim. Just stop the madness. You’re choosing to live a life like this.

NP I don’t see anything wrong with this schedule. Many teens go to bed at midnight after spending hours on their phones. The sports are at least healthier. And 6.5-7 hours on weeknights + compensating on weekends is not too bad. Only concern is, the HW piles up junior year even at a more relaxed school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Strongest students I know, seemingly least stressed, are kids with significant sports time commitments. They seem to prioritize their time to get it all done and still get enough sleep. I think lack of sleep is a huge part of the stress kids are experiencing.

No the kid with a sport get less sleep and no free time for anything.

Disagree. My athletes prioritized sleep. They didn’t do a ton of social things- but their sport is very social and they also did school activities.

Is your kid’s social sport a high school sport? Club sport?

As much as my teen would like to prioritize sleep there is not enough hours in the day. But he loves his sport(s) so not much you can do about it. 2 sport elite athlete.

6am wake up
8-3pm school (can usually squeeze in 1 hour of homework during school and on block schedule)
3:30-5:30 high school sport practice or game
5:30-6 driving to next location or home to change/snack if time permits before next event
6-6:30 en route to next event
6:30-8pm Club team practice twice a week, performance training once a week, skills training once a week. (Usually nothing Friday nights after high school team practice or game.
8-8:30 en route home
8:30-9:30 dinner and chill/shower
9:30-10:30/11 homework
Bed by 11-11:30

Average sleep 6.5-7 hours.

Why even do the sports? Chances they continue in adulthood is slim. Just stop the madness. You’re choosing to live a life like this.

NP I don’t see anything wrong with this schedule. Many teens go to bed at midnight after spending hours on their phones. The sports are at least healthier. And 6.5-7 hours on weeknights + compensating on weekends is not too bad. Only concern is, the HW piles up junior year even at a more relaxed school.

Sleep deprivation is a bad thing no matter what the reason. Compensating on the weekends does not undo all the negative effects. This is simple enough to google all the evidence on the importance of kids and teens getting enough sleep. If you’re willing to let them have an unhealthy lifestyle, at least own up to it being unhealthy. There is an abundance of science on this topic.

[Anonymous]

It can't all be done. That's the point! These schools are about learning to handle pressure. Putting the most effort and the most efficient effort into whatever will be weighted most important. It's operating on the thinnest edge. Don't have what it takes to compete at this elite level? Can't handle it?That's fine. This is a weeding-out process. There are plenty of other paths.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It can't all be done. That's the point! These schools are about learning to handle pressure. Putting the most effort and the most efficient effort into whatever will be weighted most important. It's operating on the thinnest edge. Don't have what it takes to compete at this elite level? Can't handle it?That's fine. This is a weeding-out process. There are plenty of other paths.

PP here (from “Why are people averse to pushing their kids?”), this is what I was saying! Learn to work! Build some strength and resilience!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As many people have noted, there isn't one cause of high stress in students; there are many. This includes parents forcing their kids into schools not based on the fit, but on the fantasy that this school will be a pipeline to the Ivies. The reality is that schools like NCS exist for a very particular type of student, one that is ambitious, self-motiviated resilient, and invested in learning. Most teenagers aren't like this at all, but there are some who are. The school has had a reputation for its rigor for many decades, and this attracts many parents. However, once their kids are admitted and experience the degree of work, these same parents then complain that the school is too stressful for their children. Instead of moving their kid to another school, they expect the school to change for them. But it's that very rigor their child is struggling with that drew them to the school in the first place. Then, there are the parents who tell their kids that anything less than an A is unacceptable. I agree with people that schools such as NCS should revisit the mandatory sports requirement, especially for juniors and senior years. This would open up more time for these students.

The parents I know whose kids go to NCS are very nice and relaxed. It is their dd's who are driven and sought it. With that being said, I agree fully it's a school mostly for driven girls. So consider that if your child is not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As many people have noted, there isn't one cause of high stress in students; there are many. This includes parents forcing their kids into schools not based on the fit, but on the fantasy that this school will be a pipeline to the Ivies. The reality is that schools like NCS exist for a very particular type of student, one that is ambitious, self-motiviated resilient, and invested in learning. Most teenagers aren't like this at all, but there are some who are. The school has had a reputation for its rigor for many decades, and this attracts many parents. However, once their kids are admitted and experience the degree of work, these same parents then complain that the school is too stressful for their children. Instead of moving their kid to another school, they expect the school to change for them. But it's that very rigor their child is struggling with that drew them to the school in the first place. Then, there are the parents who tell their kids that anything less than an A is unacceptable. I agree with people that schools such as NCS should revisit the mandatory sports requirement, especially for juniors and senior years. This would open up more time for these students.

The parents I know whose kids go to NCS are very nice and relaxed. It is their dd's who are driven and sought it. With that being said, I agree fully it's a school mostly for driven girls. So consider that if your child is not?

The parents I know there are driven and pass it to their kids. They may not appear so at receptions, but they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It can't all be done. That's the point! These schools are about learning to handle pressure. Putting the most effort and the most efficient effort into whatever will be weighted most important. It's operating on the thinnest edge. Don't have what it takes to compete at this elite level? Can't handle it?That's fine. This is a weeding-out process. There are plenty of other paths.

If only those sorts of people are welcome at those schools, where is the space for differences? For different ways of thinking and doing and being? What an anemic version of diversity. What a bland intellectual landscape. How boring to have a school full of the same kinds of people.