How much stress is too much stress?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would highly recommend SR!! I think the experience is kid dependent. If she is intense, I think that can/will continue. If not- I think she will also continue that way. At least- that has been my family’s experience. Good luck!!

Oh, OK. something for everyone kind of thing?

[Anonymous]

Avoid the schools with a sports requirement. This was a huge source of stress for my kid. Getting home late, rushing to get 3 hours of homework done. Finally got to take a sports cut in 11th grade, and the difference is night and day. Happier kid, less stress, leisurely evenings doing homework and relaxing. So much better! My kid is at a Cathedral school. I don’t think Sidwell or GDS has a sports requirement (they can do PE during the day for a certain number of credits or something?) - correct me if I am wrong. Hard to remember as I toured over 5 years ago


Correct - GDS doesn't have a sports requirement for high school. There are some PE requirements built into the regular school day.

[Anonymous]

GDS tells parents and students applying for 9th grade to expects 3-4 hours of homework a night. This is for the better students. Other students will take more time and get lower grades. GDS is marketing itself as the same as Sidwell and NCS. It is in the top group in terms of pressure cookers. I heard Potomac maybe looking at ways to lower the pressure but some parents will not like this.

My DC is at Potomac, but not yet in US. Heard they are trying a pilot program. My limited understanding- lowering the frequency of each class, but increasing the length of each class on the days the kids have it. Hope is it will lower amount of homework on any given day and allow more time for work in class. Potomac is taking a hard look at stress and its impact on mental health. While cognizant that some stress is appropriate, trying to strike a balance and remain rigorous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

GDS tells parents and students applying for 9th grade to expects 3-4 hours of homework a night. This is for the better students. Other students will take more time and get lower grades. GDS is marketing itself as the same as Sidwell and NCS. It is in the top group in terms of pressure cookers. I heard Potomac maybe looking at ways to lower the pressure but some parents will not like this.

My DC is at Potomac, but not yet in US. Heard they are trying a pilot program. My limited understanding- lowering the frequency of each class, but increasing the length of each class on the days the kids have it. Hope is it will lower amount of homework on any given day and allow more time for work in class. Potomac is taking a hard look at stress and its impact on mental health. While cognizant that some stress is appropriate, trying to strike a balance and remain rigorous.

Many schools already have this schedule and have been using it for years for student well being. I hope it works for Potomac.

But applicants should look into scheduling and other well being priorities when they apply to schools.

[Anonymous]

It is so dependent on the child and their ability to work quickly and whether they are academically inclined and enjoy the challenge. It is more important to pick a school that is appropriate for your child's level than it is to pick an "elite" school and just assume it's going to work well for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The pressure comes from parents. There are healthy and unhealthy pathways for kids to choose through all of these schools. It depends on the values and pressure they get from home.( I am a longtime Independent school teacher, administrator and parent. )

You all like to say that to blame parents for the unbearable situation these kids are in, while taking zero responsibility for what you do to contribute to it. I’m over here trying to keep my kid sane. I could care less how college pans out at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The pressure comes from parents. There are healthy and unhealthy pathways for kids to choose through all of these schools. It depends on the values and pressure they get from home.( I am a longtime Independent school teacher, administrator and parent. )

You all like to say that to blame parents for the unbearable situation these kids are in, while taking zero responsibility for what you do to contribute to it. I’m over here trying to keep my kid sane. I could care less how college pans out at this point.

And a lot of parents refuse to take responsibility for their children and look to blame others for their poor choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The pressure comes from parents. There are healthy and unhealthy pathways for kids to choose through all of these schools. It depends on the values and pressure they get from home.( I am a longtime Independent school teacher, administrator and parent. )

You all like to say that to blame parents for the unbearable situation these kids are in, while taking zero responsibility for what you do to contribute to it. I’m over here trying to keep my kid sane. I could care less how college pans out at this point.

I am really sorry that your dc is stressed. I teach at a university and there is no way to design a class so that it suits everyone unless all the students happen to be at exactly the same level. Normally there are always some students who are breezing through and could thrive on harder material, and there are students who are doing their best and still behind and not getting it. We usually aim for the middle majority, trying to challenge them to a reasonable level that is not overwhelming. In order to make the class easy for everyone, I would have to make the class too easy and unsatisfying for most of the class. I try and help the struggling ones as much as possible but they still have to take the same exams as everyone else. I advise my students who are stressed out to take courses of study that are suitable for them. For example, we always have a ton of premed students who are premed only because their parents expect this. Parents, please don’t do this to your kids. Some of these students would be so much better off following their true passions or attending a university that is a better fit for their personality and interests. This must be true for high school as well. Don’t pick a rigorous option just because you can. Know your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

GDS tells parents and students applying for 9th grade to expects 3-4 hours of homework a night. This is for the better students. Other students will take more time and get lower grades. GDS is marketing itself as the same as Sidwell and NCS. It is in the top group in terms of pressure cookers. I heard Potomac maybe looking at ways to lower the pressure but some parents will not like this.

My DC is at Potomac, but not yet in US. Heard they are trying a pilot program. My limited understanding- lowering the frequency of each class, but increasing the length of each class on the days the kids have it. Hope is it will lower amount of homework on any given day and allow more time for work in class. Potomac is taking a hard look at stress and its impact on mental health. While cognizant that some stress is appropriate, trying to strike a balance and remain rigorous.

This sounds creative and smart. I have certainly heard they are high stress and retooling the means while striving for the same academic results is an awesome idea. And I hope the "less stress' schools are noticing this and not raising load related stress to raise their prominence or claims of rigor. A healthy student body is what schools should be aiming for, and I have no doubt there is and will be an uptick in applications for those who can back that claim.

[Anonymous]

My sisters kids are this age. Both spouses are Ivy educated and she basically said that she doesn’t pressure her kids too much because the odds of an unhooked kid ending up at an Ivy and along the tracked path to a top grad school and career are so slim- maybe a few a grade these days. She encourages balance in high school and focusing on career once in college/early adulthood.

Fwiw, my friend was this same profile when we were in HS- worked their butt off but didn’t get into any ivies. Ended up at the same top 30 college as people who hadn’t stressed themselves out nearly as much. Their work ethic has taken them far in college and career. Know another student who was brilliant at my school, every AP, top grades, nearly a 1600 on SATs. Didn’t get into their HYP and pretty much just gave up in life. To add to this anecdotal evidence, many of the successful kids from my competitive HS were not necessarily the valedictorians or the very top students. The pressure is probably not worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sisters kids are this age. Both spouses are Ivy educated and she basically said that she doesn’t pressure her kids too much because the odds of an unhooked kid ending up at an Ivy and along the tracked path to a top grad school and career are so slim- maybe a few a grade these days. She encourages balance in high school and focusing on career once in college/early adulthood.

Fwiw, my friend was this same profile when we were in HS- worked their butt off but didn’t get into any ivies. Ended up at the same top 30 college as people who hadn’t stressed themselves out nearly as much. Their work ethic has taken them far in college and career. Know another student who was brilliant at my school, every AP, top grades, nearly a 1600 on SATs. Didn’t get into their HYP and pretty much just gave up in life. To add to this anecdotal evidence, many of the successful kids from my competitive HS were not necessarily the valedictorians or the very top students. The pressure is probably not worth it.

As parents, we have to emphasize it's a marathon not a sprint. That's the biggest lesson I learned in college. All the top colleges place an enormous amount of pressure on kids. My advisor explained to me "this is only your beginning, not the end, so slow it all down." Best advice and direction I ever received. Of course, we were using the Stats book he wrote for his class

[Anonymous]

Dear parents,

Please consider the role you play in contributing to the stress and competitive behavior.

[Anonymous]

many kids at public school are every bit as stressed. Its an expectation thing, and so much pressure at this stage. From every source.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Strongest students I know, seemingly least stressed, are kids with significant sports time commitments. They seem to prioritize their time to get it all done and still get enough sleep. I think lack of sleep is a huge part of the stress kids are experiencing.

If the 3 hours in sports practice/match is replacing 3 hours that would have been spent on screens/social media than the sports is definitely better for eyes, brain, body, sleep, socialization, overall mental health

[Anonymous]

*then