How much stress is too much stress?

[Anonymous]

When talking to my kids, it seems, as someone above already noted, that intense kids will continue to be intense. 2 of my kids went to Stone Ridge, which some describe here as a grind/pressure cooker. Not the experience for my kids at all, with stellar college matriculations. Kids are wired the way they are wired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP we went thru 9th grade applications 2 years ago and intentionally focused on NW DC schools that we didn’t think (and we were counseled by our 8-k) would be super intense—just not the right fit our our kid DC applied to Field, Maret and Burke, with last 2 being top choices. Selected Maret and is very happy there.

Thanks PP. We are focusing on Maret for this very reason. I know my kid could do the work at one of the Big 3's, but I'm pulling DC out from a pressure cooker (different city) and don't want to trade one for another.

[Anonymous]

The pressure comes from parents. There are healthy and unhealthy pathways for kids to choose through all of these schools. It depends on the values and pressure they get from home.( I am a longtime Independent school teacher, administrator and parent. )

[Anonymous]

Parent who expect their kids to go to a college that accepts less than 15% of its applicants are putting their kids into a high pressure situation regardless of what high school they attend. What those kids need to do, or believe they need to do to get those acceptances is going to make many of them stressed, overloaded and anxious. Face up to facts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The pressure comes from parents. There are healthy and unhealthy pathways for kids to choose through all of these schools. It depends on the values and pressure they get from home.( I am a longtime Independent school teacher, administrator and parent. )

Everyone knows which schools are pressure cookers. Surely the schools know. Why do the schools create and maintain unhealthy pathways?

[Anonymous]

People want the “most rigorous courseload” box checked without having to actually experience that level of rigor. Since there are clearly a subset of students who thrive at these schools, these schools aren’t going to change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the poster above about the supposedly supportive school. A lot of puffery about how laid back and chill parents are, when at the end of the day, it’s similar to most DC schools - full of overachieving families and overachieving kids who have a hard time dealing with competition.

Please tell us which school you are talking about - c’mon - it’s an anonymous board. Pretty please? Many of us worry about the same and want to make a good decision for our kids.

+1 Please name the school. We are looking at a NW “Big 5” school because it has a reputation for not being a pressure cooker…

I was not aware that any of the big 5 (by which I mean big 7-ish, since no one agrees on the 5) had a reputation for not being a pressure cooker.

NP but I think Maret has a reputation for not being a pressure cooker but mainly compared to STA/NCS and SFS.

Ill name it. Social pressure and status pressure at MARET are huge. Bro culture and high intensity included. Three of my daughters friends have therapist and have various medication to help with their stress. Mine included. Why are you so insistent for names? We are telling you schools DC, Northwest private schools, what else do you need?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP we went thru 9th grade applications 2 years ago and intentionally focused on NW DC schools that we didn’t think (and we were counseled by our 8-k) would be super intense—just not the right fit our our kid DC applied to Field, Maret and Burke, with last 2 being top choices. Selected Maret and is very happy there.

Thanks PP. We are focusing on Maret for this very reason. I know my kid could do the work at one of the Big 3's, but I'm pulling DC out from a pressure cooker (different city) and don't want to trade one for another.

I disagree-it is a huge pressure cooker at Maret no different than the other. I would say Burke has a better grip on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m telling you, Burke, Field, SAES and a few others are the ultimate life hacks. If your kid can do well at these schools - with very little homework or intense pressure - they will get into the same colleges as the kids at “Big 5” schools. You’ll see sh**ty responses to this, but don’t let it alter you. Check out the schools that everyone disdains. Then, look at the universities that the top 10-15% of those classes get into. Then, determine if your kid could be in the top 15%. And if the answer is yes, you’ve figured out a complex problem and given your kids the gift of normalcy.

Can someone name ALL the DMV schools that fall into above basket? That would be incredibly helpful to those of us deciding this week.

But you’re going to hear that from parents whose kids are prone to anxiety. You’re not gonna hear from the parents of the kids at those schools who aren’t feeling the same pressure and anxiety. This is a farm or individual issues and people are willing to admit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parent who expect their kids to go to a college that accepts less than 15% of its applicants are putting their kids into a high pressure situation regardless of what high school they attend. What those kids need to do, or believe they need to do to get those acceptances is going to make many of them stressed, overloaded and anxious. Face up to facts.

This. You need to ban USNWR from your browsers. It’s false claims are killing your kids. Colleges should not be viewed in tiers ors lines. That’s a completely false construct that never should have been printed.

[Anonymous]

Students who graduate top 10-15% at any of these will have similar college placement results regardless of stress level.

Lower Stress Level: SAES, Bullis, SSSAS, Holy Child, Field, Burke, St. John’s

Medium Stress Level: Maret, Prep, Gonzaga, SR, Visi, Madeira, Landon

High Stress Level: NCS/STA, Sidwell, GDS, Potomac, Holton

[Anonymous]

For all those deciding this week, I am not one of the previous posters but reading this forum for years and knowing kids at almost all of these high schools and having kids at one of them, the CW seems to be as follows:

Top pressure cookers -ncs, sidwell - ncs with an extra dose of grade deflation.

Next down - gds - maybe Potomac not sure and holton and st Albans

Next - maret - their parents seem to think they have thread the needle the best on this. Hard to know

Next - ssas, Burke, field, bullis

Surely I am missing many.

The stress complaints have persisted for years but seem to have heightened in the last few years as college admissions has gotten harder and according to some note that the grade deflating schools make it harder.

No judgement here but if you pick a pressure cooker don’t assume your kid will be that one who it doesn’t matter for. Whether at top of class or not, it seems to impact most.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The pressure comes from parents. There are healthy and unhealthy pathways for kids to choose through all of these schools. It depends on the values and pressure they get from home.( I am a longtime Independent school teacher, administrator and parent. )

Ok, but I am a much more anxious parent when I'm around other anxious/high strung parents. And my kid is that way too. Any human with the social skills is going to be affected by the other people around them.

By targeting a school with a range of learners that focuses on balance, you find school communities who are attracted to that balance. By targeting schools that focus on rigor or prestige, you find school communities who are attracted to that rigor and prestige.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The pressure comes from parents. There are healthy and unhealthy pathways for kids to choose through all of these schools. It depends on the values and pressure they get from home.( I am a longtime Independent school teacher, administrator and parent. )

No it’s both the school and parents. The school tells you the homework load is 3-4 hours a night, plus weekend and over school breaks. This is what some parents call “rigor”. Just doing more work is not rigor. This is high school not college.

You can prepare the student for college without 3-4 hours of homework on top of an 8-9 hour day. Remember the workload increases at the end of a semester with papers, projects and exams overlapping = little sleep, high stress and not the kids best work. Colleges do it better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For all those deciding this week, I am not one of the previous posters but reading this forum for years and knowing kids at almost all of these high schools and having kids at one of them, the CW seems to be as follows:

Top pressure cookers -ncs, sidwell - ncs with an extra dose of grade deflation.

Next down - gds - maybe Potomac not sure and holton and st Albans

Next - maret - their parents seem to think they have thread the needle the best on this. Hard to know

Next - ssas, Burke, field, bullis

Surely I am missing many.

The stress complaints have persisted for years but seem to have heightened in the last few years as college admissions has gotten harder and according to some note that the grade deflating schools make it harder.

No judgement here but if you pick a pressure cooker don’t assume your kid will be that one who it doesn’t matter for. Whether at top of class or not, it seems to impact most.

GDS tells parents and students applying for 9th grade to expects 3-4 hours of homework a night. This is for the better students. Other students will take more time and get lower grades. GDS is marketing itself as the same as Sidwell and NCS. It is in the top group in terms of pressure cookers. I heard Potomac maybe looking at ways to lower the pressure but some parents will not like this.