How much stress is too much stress?

[Anonymous]

don’t forget the pressure also comes from class admissions in terms of the top students. at many of these schools listed there is not much academic performance diversity leading to the kids to create the pressure cooker in terms of academic competition with their peers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The pressure comes from parents. There are healthy and unhealthy pathways for kids to choose through all of these schools. It depends on the values and pressure they get from home.( I am a longtime Independent school teacher, administrator and parent. )

Ok, but I am a much more anxious parent when I'm around other anxious/high strung parents. And my kid is that way too. Any human with the social skills is going to be affected by the other people around them.

By targeting a school with a range of learners that focuses on balance, you find school communities who are attracted to that balance. By targeting schools that focus on rigor or prestige, you find school communities who are attracted to that rigor and prestige.

But this is not true of everyone. Some kids are just wired differently and are not overly affected by other people’s stress. It seems their parents are often the same. Nature or nurture, I’m not sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The pressure comes from parents. There are healthy and unhealthy pathways for kids to choose through all of these schools. It depends on the values and pressure they get from home.( I am a longtime Independent school teacher, administrator and parent. )

No it’s both the school and parents. The school tells you the homework load is 3-4 hours a night, plus weekend and over school breaks. This is what some parents call “rigor”. Just doing more work is not rigor. This is high school not college.

You can prepare the student for college without 3-4 hours of homework on top of an 8-9 hour day. Remember the workload increases at the end of a semester with papers, projects and exams overlapping = little sleep, high stress and not the kids best work. Colleges do it better.

“Colleges do it better” partly because kids in college aren’t spending a ridiculous amount of time on sports ( unless they are athletes) after school for 2 hours, travel soccer, etc. High school kids are over scheduled beyond their academic work.

[Anonymous]

Strongest students I know, seemingly least stressed, are kids with significant sports time commitments. They seem to prioritize their time to get it all done and still get enough sleep. I think lack of sleep is a huge part of the stress kids are experiencing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Strongest students I know, seemingly least stressed, are kids with significant sports time commitments. They seem to prioritize their time to get it all done and still get enough sleep. I think lack of sleep is a huge part of the stress kids are experiencing.

No the kid with a sport get less sleep and no free time for anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The pressure comes from parents. There are healthy and unhealthy pathways for kids to choose through all of these schools. It depends on the values and pressure they get from home.( I am a longtime Independent school teacher, administrator and parent. )

No it’s both the school and parents. The school tells you the homework load is 3-4 hours a night, plus weekend and over school breaks. This is what some parents call “rigor”. Just doing more work is not rigor. This is high school not college.

You can prepare the student for college without 3-4 hours of homework on top of an 8-9 hour day. Remember the workload increases at the end of a semester with papers, projects and exams overlapping = little sleep, high stress and not the kids best work. Colleges do it better.

“Colleges do it better” partly because kids in college aren’t spending a ridiculous amount of time on sports ( unless they are athletes) after school for 2 hours, travel soccer, etc. High school kids are over scheduled beyond their academic work.

No colleges do it better because the student is not stuck in school for 8-9 hours a day plus homework. A high schools kid’s weekly hours of school plus homework are 60-70 hours a week. A 15 credit hour semester(14-16 weeks) at college is 37.5- 45 hours a week of class time and work out side of class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Strongest students I know, seemingly least stressed, are kids with significant sports time commitments. They seem to prioritize their time to get it all done and still get enough sleep. I think lack of sleep is a huge part of the stress kids are experiencing.

No the kid with a sport get less sleep and no free time for anything.

Disagree. My athletes prioritized sleep. They didn’t do a ton of social things- but their sport is very social and they also did school activities.

[Anonymous]

Such a weird flex for parents to brag that their kids aren't stressed because they do all the things.


8/10 of these kids are living to please adults and will resent it down the road.

[Anonymous]

I just literally don't want this for my kids.

We picked a religious school because they cater to a wider range of students (there for the religion, not the academics as much) and its easier to have kids that see there are a wider range of classes to take.

that said, it's also up to the parents to talk their kids down from every single AP/advanced class, take their kids to visit different types of colleges and lower the stress and expectations of their students. If you want your kid to attend a t20 school though, there is no non-stress way, but there is also no guarantee of that - I wouldn't recommend.

--mom of private school high school senior in at 4 out of 5 of the schools he applied to.

[Anonymous]

Avoid the schools with a sports requirement. This was a huge source of stress for my kid. Getting home late, rushing to get 3 hours of homework done. Finally got to take a sports cut in 11th grade, and the difference is night and day. Happier kid, less stress, leisurely evenings doing homework and relaxing. So much better! My kid is at a Cathedral school. I don’t think Sidwell or GDS has a sports requirement (they can do PE during the day for a certain number of credits or something?) - correct me if I am wrong. Hard to remember as I toured over 5 years ago!

[Anonymous]

If kids and their parents are willing to accept a few B’s , maybe take a season off now and then and, most importantly, apply to more realistic colleges, they can have a healthy and happy high school experience and still get a great college education. However, that is not what most parents on this forum are willing to accept.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Such a weird flex for parents to brag that their kids aren't stressed because they do all the things.


8/10 of these kids are living to please adults and will resent it down the road.

It is not a flex. I also said they didn’t do all of the things- certainly miss some social events due to their sport. I said that they prioritize sleep. That is one of the most important reasons they aren’t stressed, I think.

My kids don’t do these activities to please me. It is a super time consuming sport that is kind of a pain for parents, TBH.

I am also in healthcare. Kids are a mess of stress, as are many adults. There is not enough time spent sleeping, and way too much time spent on electronics/social media. Also too much marijuana (also my opinion).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When talking to my kids, it seems, as someone above already noted, that intense kids will continue to be intense. 2 of my kids went to Stone Ridge, which some describe here as a grind/pressure cooker. Not the experience for my kids at all, with stellar college matriculations. Kids are wired the way they are wired.

We are looking at SR for our child .. is it a grind/pressure cooker if your kid is middle of the road?

[Anonymous]

I would highly recommend SR!! I think the experience is kid dependent. If she is intense, I think that can/will continue. If not- I think she will also continue that way. At least- that has been my family’s experience. Good luck!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Strongest students I know, seemingly least stressed, are kids with significant sports time commitments. They seem to prioritize their time to get it all done and still get enough sleep. I think lack of sleep is a huge part of the stress kids are experiencing.

Interesting