How much stress is too much stress?

[Anonymous]

School should not constitute "stress."

If they don't get As and Bs on everything, they still get the mortgage or rent paid, car paid, cell paid, groceries, clothes. Stress is when failures not an option because you lose everything - your home, car, bank account, grocery money, and/or marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The claims about college admissions being "basically the same" from "less stressful schools" are anecdotal at best. No one has presented any concrete proof that I can see.

Because it is meant for a given kid, so you can't have data on that. But if you truly think the same kid will have drastically different college outcomes based on which private school he chooses, you are probably wrong.

Translation: I don't have any evidence and am trying to flip things around to make you prove a negative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The claims about college admissions being "basically the same" from "less stressful schools" are anecdotal at best. No one has presented any concrete proof that I can see.

Because it is meant for a given kid, so you can't have data on that. But if you truly think the same kid will have drastically different college outcomes based on which private school he chooses, you are probably wrong.

Translation: I don't have any evidence and am trying to flip things around to make you prove a negative.

DP the evidence doesn’t exist because it’s impossible to get that that kind of individual data. But that doesn’t make you right either. I suspect there are more students at the top schools who get 1550+ sat and straight A’s with lots of extracurriculars, and the matriculations at that such schools will be more impressive overall. More of these students will be aiming for the top colleges. But why would you think a student with the same profile who attends a less selective private school( or public school) couldn’t also get into a top college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The claims about college admissions being "basically the same" from "less stressful schools" are anecdotal at best. No one has presented any concrete proof that I can see.

Because it is meant for a given kid, so you can't have data on that. But if you truly think the same kid will have drastically different college outcomes based on which private school he chooses, you are probably wrong.

Translation: I don't have any evidence and am trying to flip things around to make you prove a negative.

DP the evidence doesn’t exist because it’s impossible to get that that kind of individual data. But that doesn’t make you right either. I suspect there are more students at the top schools who get 1550+ sat and straight A’s with lots of extracurriculars, and the matriculations at that such schools will be more impressive overall. More of these students will be aiming for the top colleges. But why would you think a student with the same profile who attends a less selective private school( or public school) couldn’t also get into a top college?

This. Coupled with the fact that top colleges only take a certain number of students from each high school. So, if there is a concentration of students at the same high school, who all have stats essentially millimeters apart (like at a high pressure), and they are all applying to the same top colleges, then the competition just got a lot stiffer. Compare this to a student with similar stats, but who has fewer classmates with those same stats…less competition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The claims about college admissions being "basically the same" from "less stressful schools" are anecdotal at best. No one has presented any concrete proof that I can see.

Because it is meant for a given kid, so you can't have data on that. But if you truly think the same kid will have drastically different college outcomes based on which private school he chooses, you are probably wrong.

Translation: I don't have any evidence and am trying to flip things around to make you prove a negative.

DP the evidence doesn’t exist because it’s impossible to get that that kind of individual data. But that doesn’t make you right either. I suspect there are more students at the top schools who get 1550+ sat and straight A’s with lots of extracurriculars, and the matriculations at that such schools will be more impressive overall. More of these students will be aiming for the top colleges. But why would you think a student with the same profile who attends a less selective private school( or public school) couldn’t also get into a top college?

This. Coupled with the fact that top colleges only take a certain number of students from each high school. So, if there is a concentration of students at the same high school, who all have stats essentially millimeters apart (like at a high pressure), and they are all applying to the same top colleges, then the competition just got a lot stiffer. Compare this to a student with similar stats, but who has fewer classmates with those same stats…less competition.

but, if you are talking about public school, there are many more applicants with these stats, including international students, who will be vying for the same limited amount of slots. public school is just as stressul.

[Anonymous]

And here is the problem. Once more the conversation has dissolved to focusing on college admissions as a measure of success/worth, and that is why these kids are stressed.

[Anonymous]

Devolved*

[Anonymous]

Full circle. Which is why some of us are making the concerted effort to break the cycle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Full circle. Which is why some of us are making the concerted effort to break the cycle.

But the college stress isn't coming from the school. Where is it coming from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And here is the problem. Once more the conversation has dissolved to focusing on college admissions as a measure of success/worth, and that is why these kids are stressed.

You are right. I guess some of us were just trying to make the point that sending your kid to a school with lots of rigor and more homework isn't the only path for your kid to get into a good college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And here is the problem. Once more the conversation has dissolved to focusing on college admissions as a measure of success/worth, and that is why these kids are stressed.

You are right. I guess some of us were just trying to make the point that sending your kid to a school with lots of rigor and more homework isn't the only path for your kid to get into a good college.

And the focus on college and points is the exact reason that stress has become problematic. Students have gone from seeing a grade as a reflection of the current quality of their work and a learning tool to seeing it as a sort of obstacle to their desired college. Every teeny assignment is a big deal because they think their life will be set on the wrong path if they don't get into the right college. And who is sending that message?

[Anonymous]

So.after all this, who wants the pressure cooker schools?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The claims about college admissions being "basically the same" from "less stressful schools" are anecdotal at best. No one has presented any concrete proof that I can see.

It’s been discussed to death including recently. See GDS college admits and compare to Maret. Nearly identical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Strongest students I know, seemingly least stressed, are kids with significant sports time commitments. They seem to prioritize their time to get it all done and still get enough sleep. I think lack of sleep is a huge part of the stress kids are experiencing.

No the kid with a sport get less sleep and no free time for anything.

Disagree. My athletes prioritized sleep. They didn’t do a ton of social things- but their sport is very social and they also did school activities.

Is your kid’s social sport a high school sport? Club sport?

As much as my teen would like to prioritize sleep there is not enough hours in the day. But he loves his sport(s) so not much you can do about it. 2 sport elite athlete.

6am wake up
8-3pm school (can usually squeeze in 1 hour of homework during school and on block schedule)
3:30-5:30 high school sport practice or game
5:30-6 driving to next location or home to change/snack if time permits before next event
6-6:30 en route to next event
6:30-8pm Club team practice twice a week, performance training once a week, skills training once a week. (Usually nothing Friday nights after high school team practice or game.
8-8:30 en route home
8:30-9:30 dinner and chill/shower
9:30-10:30/11 homework
Bed by 11-11:30

Average sleep 6.5-7 hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m telling you, Burke, Field, SAES and a few others are the ultimate life hacks. If your kid can do well at these schools - with very little homework or intense pressure - they will get into the same colleges as the kids at “Big 5” schools. You’ll see sh**ty responses to this, but don’t let it alter you. Check out the schools that everyone disdains. Then, look at the universities that the top 10-15% of those classes get into. Then, determine if your kid could be in the top 15%. And if the answer is yes, you’ve figured out a complex problem and given your kids the gift of normalcy.

But can you get the same level of rigor/learning at these schools that you can at the higher-pressure schools, with the same level of preparedness for these colleges? Or is it not as good an education?

This is kind of a selfish question as my kid is torn between one of these schools and one of the high-pressure schools and we have to decide in 2 days...

I don’t think you are thinking analytically and that is the problem with most parents. They assume more hw means more rigor.
Are kids prepared for college from different schools? Of course, they are. This is especially true when you are comparing schools like Sidwell, Burke, St. Andrews, etc. Kids are also prepared from most decent public schools whether you want to believe it or not.
There are students who land at the Ivy schools from both Sidwell and Jackson Reed. You can argue that the Sidwell students are more prepared and I would agree. But the JR students do just fine even if they have to work a bit harder in freshman year in college than Sidwell students. A couple years into college, they are most likely about the same.

My data point is that my son went to an Ivy from Sidwell along with 2 JR students and became friends with them.
He is in a few classes with them. He said they are doing just fine and seem well prepared.