Husband refuses to help with night feedings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something doesn’t sound right to me - you are pumping, nursing AND supplementing? Maybe change the order of things to stretch out the time between feedings. How about he feeds the baby a formula bottle at 11pm, thus giving you a longer stretch of sleep that may also increase your production before the next feeding?

BTW, doctors and lactation consultants can advise you, but only you and your baby know how to work this out. Why are you pumping on maternity leave? It is really helping your supply more than exclusively breast feeding?

I totally get the desire to supply your own milk, but sometimes your baby needs more than you can make. Also, are YOU drinking and eating enough, in addition to napping whenever the baby does? Helps a LOT with supply.

OP here. I was feeding at 10, going to bed at 11 and then sleeping until 3/4am. I nurse exclusively for all feeds except the bottle my husband was giving the baby. I pump after every ffed during the day to stimulate production. I supplement in the evening and a night with formula.

I trust my doctor and her experience. I also trust the location consultant. He has weight gain issues and needs to ear every 3 hours, day and night.

I am eating and drinking plenty. I make 20-24 ounces and he is eating 24-28 ounces. I only give him 4-8 ounces of formula a day.

He doesn't have weight gain issues if he's eating every 3 hours that's a normal 5 week old schedule.

Weight gain and supply issues are not relevant to OP's DH being a twat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something doesn’t sound right to me - you are pumping, nursing AND supplementing? Maybe change the order of things to stretch out the time between feedings. How about he feeds the baby a formula bottle at 11pm, thus giving you a longer stretch of sleep that may also increase your production before the next feeding?

BTW, doctors and lactation consultants can advise you, but only you and your baby know how to work this out. Why are you pumping on maternity leave? It is really helping your supply more than exclusively breast feeding?

I totally get the desire to supply your own milk, but sometimes your baby needs more than you can make. Also, are YOU drinking and eating enough, in addition to napping whenever the baby does? Helps a LOT with supply.

OP here. I was feeding at 10, going to bed at 11 and then sleeping until 3/4am. I nurse exclusively for all feeds except the bottle my husband was giving the baby. I pump after every ffed during the day to stimulate production. I supplement in the evening and a night with formula.

I trust my doctor and her experience. I also trust the location consultant. He has weight gain issues and needs to ear every 3 hours, day and night.

I am eating and drinking plenty. I make 20-24 ounces and he is eating 24-28 ounces. I only give him 4-8 ounces of formula a day.

He doesn't have weight gain issues if he's eating every 3 hours that's a normal 5 week old schedule.

OP said he had weight gain issues and that is why she has to feed at least every 3 hours.

And that's not a weight gain issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something doesn’t sound right to me - you are pumping, nursing AND supplementing? Maybe change the order of things to stretch out the time between feedings. How about he feeds the baby a formula bottle at 11pm, thus giving you a longer stretch of sleep that may also increase your production before the next feeding?

BTW, doctors and lactation consultants can advise you, but only you and your baby know how to work this out. Why are you pumping on maternity leave? It is really helping your supply more than exclusively breast feeding?

I totally get the desire to supply your own milk, but sometimes your baby needs more than you can make. Also, are YOU drinking and eating enough, in addition to napping whenever the baby does? Helps a LOT with supply.

OP here. I was feeding at 10, going to bed at 11 and then sleeping until 3/4am. I nurse exclusively for all feeds except the bottle my husband was giving the baby. I pump after every ffed during the day to stimulate production. I supplement in the evening and a night with formula.

I trust my doctor and her experience. I also trust the location consultant. He has weight gain issues and needs to ear every 3 hours, day and night.

I am eating and drinking plenty. I make 20-24 ounces and he is eating 24-28 ounces. I only give him 4-8 ounces of formula a day.

He doesn't have weight gain issues if he's eating every 3 hours that's a normal 5 week old schedule.

Weight gain and supply issues are not relevant to OP's DH being a twat.

I would agree with that. But since op has no plans to stand up to her DH her next option is to set up a routine to make things more feasible for her and the baby which she's also refusing to do.

Maybe she thinks there's a magic wand available somewhere

[Anonymous]

Mine didn’t either. I was home and he was working. He never did an overnight feeding or changed a diaper. We are now divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something doesn’t sound right to me - you are pumping, nursing AND supplementing? Maybe change the order of things to stretch out the time between feedings. How about he feeds the baby a formula bottle at 11pm, thus giving you a longer stretch of sleep that may also increase your production before the next feeding?

BTW, doctors and lactation consultants can advise you, but only you and your baby know how to work this out. Why are you pumping on maternity leave? It is really helping your supply more than exclusively breast feeding?

I totally get the desire to supply your own milk, but sometimes your baby needs more than you can make. Also, are YOU drinking and eating enough, in addition to napping whenever the baby does? Helps a LOT with supply.

OP here. I was feeding at 10, going to bed at 11 and then sleeping until 3/4am. I nurse exclusively for all feeds except the bottle my husband was giving the baby. I pump after every ffed during the day to stimulate production. I supplement in the evening and a night with formula.

I trust my doctor and her experience. I also trust the location consultant. He has weight gain issues and needs to ear every 3 hours, day and night.

I am eating and drinking plenty. I make 20-24 ounces and he is eating 24-28 ounces. I only give him 4-8 ounces of formula a day.

He doesn't have weight gain issues if he's eating every 3 hours that's a normal 5 week old schedule.

OP said he had weight gain issues and that is why she has to feed at least every 3 hours.

And that's not a weight gain issue.

Yes it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something doesn’t sound right to me - you are pumping, nursing AND supplementing? Maybe change the order of things to stretch out the time between feedings. How about he feeds the baby a formula bottle at 11pm, thus giving you a longer stretch of sleep that may also increase your production before the next feeding?

BTW, doctors and lactation consultants can advise you, but only you and your baby know how to work this out. Why are you pumping on maternity leave? It is really helping your supply more than exclusively breast feeding?

I totally get the desire to supply your own milk, but sometimes your baby needs more than you can make. Also, are YOU drinking and eating enough, in addition to napping whenever the baby does? Helps a LOT with supply.

OP here. I was feeding at 10, going to bed at 11 and then sleeping until 3/4am. I nurse exclusively for all feeds except the bottle my husband was giving the baby. I pump after every ffed during the day to stimulate production. I supplement in the evening and a night with formula.

I trust my doctor and her experience. I also trust the location consultant. He has weight gain issues and needs to ear every 3 hours, day and night.

I am eating and drinking plenty. I make 20-24 ounces and he is eating 24-28 ounces. I only give him 4-8 ounces of formula a day.

He doesn't have weight gain issues if he's eating every 3 hours that's a normal 5 week old schedule.

OP said he had weight gain issues and that is why she has to feed at least every 3 hours.

And that's not a weight gain issue.

You're clearly not educated on this topic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re on maternity leave to take care of the baby. Your husband is back at work. If you want to split nighttime feedings with him then return to work.

You’re likely subconsciously upset he’s back at work and has more of his old life than you do.

This is a weird take. OP is still bringing in her salary if she’s on leave. Why is she supposed to go back to work to get DH to pull his weight at home if she’s still pulling her weight financially?

She is on maternity leave and can nap during the day regardless of the salary.

I think the more immediate question is if he plans to help out more once she goes back to the office. Have you two discussed night feedings then?

She has already said she can’t nap due to pumping. This is pretty common for a five week old while building supply.

Honestly OPs husband is a dud, but I think she’s not going to realize that until she has another kid and years of disappointment behind her.

She's also said she doesn't have supply issues.

And she doesn't nap because she has to clean pump parts and cook.

OP said she has supply issues.

Op changes her story every other page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something doesn’t sound right to me - you are pumping, nursing AND supplementing? Maybe change the order of things to stretch out the time between feedings. How about he feeds the baby a formula bottle at 11pm, thus giving you a longer stretch of sleep that may also increase your production before the next feeding?

BTW, doctors and lactation consultants can advise you, but only you and your baby know how to work this out. Why are you pumping on maternity leave? It is really helping your supply more than exclusively breast feeding?

I totally get the desire to supply your own milk, but sometimes your baby needs more than you can make. Also, are YOU drinking and eating enough, in addition to napping whenever the baby does? Helps a LOT with supply.

OP here. I was feeding at 10, going to bed at 11 and then sleeping until 3/4am. I nurse exclusively for all feeds except the bottle my husband was giving the baby. I pump after every ffed during the day to stimulate production. I supplement in the evening and a night with formula.

I trust my doctor and her experience. I also trust the location consultant. He has weight gain issues and needs to ear every 3 hours, day and night.

I am eating and drinking plenty. I make 20-24 ounces and he is eating 24-28 ounces. I only give him 4-8 ounces of formula a day.

He doesn't have weight gain issues if he's eating every 3 hours that's a normal 5 week old schedule.

OP said he had weight gain issues and that is why she has to feed at least every 3 hours.

And that's not a weight gain issue.

Yes it is.

No that's standard advice for a newborn.

[Anonymous]

Team DH. I did not expect my husband to get up with the baby at night when I was a SAHM. Plus, I was breastfeeding. Not much he could do. He had to get up at 5:45 and work all day. I was at home and could nap when the baby did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team DH. I did not expect my husband to get up with the baby at night when I was a SAHM. Plus, I was breastfeeding. Not much he could do. He had to get up at 5:45 and work all day. I was at home and could nap when the baby did.

Really? This was not my experience at all. My experience was more that it's not actually possible to "nap when the baby naps" and have that be a safe or acceptable proxy for real sleep. Your family's example clearly worked for you, but this situation isn't working for OP, and she's on maternity leave, not staying home with the baby full-time.

Does this baby's father get a pass on doing any night time parenting when OP goes back to work? Will she also be permitted 5 early morning workouts and a full night of sleep? After all, she IS working and needs her rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team DH. I did not expect my husband to get up with the baby at night when I was a SAHM. Plus, I was breastfeeding. Not much he could do. He had to get up at 5:45 and work all day. I was at home and could nap when the baby did.

Except her husband is getting up at 6 to work out and op isn't a SAHM she's on maternity leave.


It's not unreasonable for her to want help with some feedings .

The way I see it he can take on baby duty until 11 or so and do the morning feeding

And she can do the feedings on between

Or they can hire help.

The problem is both op and her hnd want to do things entirely her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re on maternity leave to take care of the baby. Your husband is back at work. If you want to split nighttime feedings with him then return to work.

You’re likely subconsciously upset he’s back at work and has more of his old life than you do.

This is a weird take. OP is still bringing in her salary if she’s on leave. Why is she supposed to go back to work to get DH to pull his weight at home if she’s still pulling her weight financially?

She is on maternity leave and can nap during the day regardless of the salary.

I think the more immediate question is if he plans to help out more once she goes back to the office. Have you two discussed night feedings then?

She has already said she can’t nap due to pumping. This is pretty common for a five week old while building supply.

Honestly OPs husband is a dud, but I think she’s not going to realize that until she has another kid and years of disappointment behind her.

She's also said she doesn't have supply issues.

And she doesn't nap because she has to clean pump parts and cook.

OP said she has supply issues.

Op changes her story every other page

No. OP said she supplemented from the beginning and said she had supply and weight issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something doesn’t sound right to me - you are pumping, nursing AND supplementing? Maybe change the order of things to stretch out the time between feedings. How about he feeds the baby a formula bottle at 11pm, thus giving you a longer stretch of sleep that may also increase your production before the next feeding?

BTW, doctors and lactation consultants can advise you, but only you and your baby know how to work this out. Why are you pumping on maternity leave? It is really helping your supply more than exclusively breast feeding?

I totally get the desire to supply your own milk, but sometimes your baby needs more than you can make. Also, are YOU drinking and eating enough, in addition to napping whenever the baby does? Helps a LOT with supply.

OP here. I was feeding at 10, going to bed at 11 and then sleeping until 3/4am. I nurse exclusively for all feeds except the bottle my husband was giving the baby. I pump after every ffed during the day to stimulate production. I supplement in the evening and a night with formula.

I trust my doctor and her experience. I also trust the location consultant. He has weight gain issues and needs to ear every 3 hours, day and night.

I am eating and drinking plenty. I make 20-24 ounces and he is eating 24-28 ounces. I only give him 4-8 ounces of formula a day.

He doesn't have weight gain issues if he's eating every 3 hours that's a normal 5 week old schedule.

OP said he had weight gain issues and that is why she has to feed at least every 3 hours.

And that's not a weight gain issue.

Yes it is.

No that's standard advice for a newborn.

Yes but that doesn't mean the baby doesn't have weight issues.

[Anonymous]

I'll be honest OP...I put baby in a bassinet right next to the bed. Very easy to scoop baby into bed to nurse, usually baby would just end up sleeping with us. Or I'd just put them back in the bassinet.

Dh and I both got good sleep, no one was sleep deprived. It was easy enough to move them to a crib once they started sleeping longer.

[Anonymous]

I am on the DH's side here. When we were both on leave, my DH and I shared the overnight duties. After his leave ended, I did all of the feedings during the work week because I was lucky enough to have a six month maternity leave and I was the one who was nursing. Financial security is important to us and we both recognized the importance of him continuing to perform at a high level at work. My DH was and still is a wonderful and fully engaged husband and father. Was it easy? No. I have absolutely no nostalgia for the baby years but it is a very short period of time and you push through it. I was also lucky enough to be able to call in reinforcements as needed (e.g., my mother and/or MIL would come for a week here and there to assist with the night feedings). We also hired a night nurse for a week or two around the two month mark when I thought I was going to lose my mind from the lack of sleep. Finally, we sleep trained both of our kids at 5.5 months right before I went back to work because trying to do my job in a sleep-deprived state would be malpractice. This is what ended up working for us, but I am also very cognizant of the fact that we had resources (like family and $ for a temporary night nurse) to fall back on.