To tired of smug moms-of-3-under 35

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what are you actually referring to? I don’t know anyone like this. I got married in my 20s, had my first at 31, second at 33, and I absolutely do not look down on others who have had different life paths. Nor do any of my friends who are in the same boat. I’m grateful for how things have worked out for me, acknowledge that a lot of it was due to sheer luck, and sure, I wonder sometimes if my friends in my late 30s are going to have kids, but I don’t think I’m better than they are.

I had 3 kids in my thirties and I am currently a SAHM. I was very ambitious and career oriented before having kids. I spent a lot of time in school and developing my career. The peak career years overlap with childbearing years. I tried juggling work and kids for years and I ended up deciding to stay home. DH earns a high enough income that I don’t have to work. I sometimes wonder how glamorous my life would be if I never had kids. I absolutely don’t look down on anyone who is childless. I love my kids more than anything. I sacrificed for them. I had an awesome life before them though.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t read all the responses. I have 3 kids under 6 including twins: I am not smug. I have a lot of childcare help. But as they get older and want to do more things, it’s so difficult to achieve. I think people on both sides feel insecure - is my kid in enough activities? Does everyone get enough time with parent? The struggle Is real. I have found smugness goes both ways so I avoid smug people:

[Anonymous]

I love how people refer to becoming a SAHM as a “sacrifice” while in the same breath saying they are NEVER going back. Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love how people refer to becoming a SAHM as a “sacrifice” while in the same breath saying they are NEVER going back. Lol.

Two things can be true at the same time. Your life took a turn at a fork in the road, and there were losses at that point in time when you made that choice.

But having made it, having gone down the road that you did, you wouldn’t go back and change things. And you wouldn’t return to that fork in the road again, either.

Life is funny like that - it’s a winding, complicated maze.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s about them being smug to you. It’s about you not having what you want and feeling angry about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s about them being smug to you. It’s about you not having what you want and feeling angry about it.

Yeah OP, it’s you, not them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s about them being smug to you. It’s about you not having what you want and feeling angry about it.

Are they smug or just happy?

I don’t think it is out of the ordinary for a women to have multiple children by age 35. It seems more the norm.

Are you the same women who is jealous of her SIL and sister for being pregnant and your Dh isn’t ready to start trying for a baby?

[Anonymous]

We are not judging you. Your are imagining this due to your dissatisfaction of your own life.

Plenty of mothers in less than ideal situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s about them being smug to you. It’s about you not having what you want and feeling angry about it.

Are they smug or just happy?

I don’t think it is out of the ordinary for a women to have multiple children by age 35. It seems more the norm.

Are you the same women who is jealous of her SIL and sister for being pregnant and your Dh isn’t ready to start trying for a baby?

My guess is yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3+ kids is selfish and irresponsible. I wish society would stop glorifying it.

Because the 1 child policy in China worked so well.

So have 2, problem solved! 3 is hardly something to be jealous of. Those families are always begging for carpools and saying how busy they are. Pass.

Or have as many as you want and can afford. Problem solved!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3+ kids is selfish and irresponsible. I wish society would stop glorifying it.

America's birthrate isn't at replacement level. Someone is going to have to pay for your social security someday. Maybe you should be thanking those who are willing to have more than two.

Nah. I'm good. I don't have any expectation of receiving social security anyway. They will have it means-tested by then. People who are counting on it should be worried though! Especially after they spend all their money on their 3+ kids! Hope they will support you in your old age!

I’m sorry you’re so insecure. I hope you feel better soon.

[Anonymous]

Most women who are pretty, smart and nice can land themselves a husband and have a few kids by age 35.

There are a lot of jealous women out there. Be confident in your choices.

[Anonymous]

It's hubris.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's hubris.

I actually think there's something to this, but nothing to do with the number of kids. I have always told DH that women reach their peak smug at 35. You're still young enough to be considered attractive, you have some money now, you have a house and kids etc. Doing well in your career. These are the years before life started to get people with divorce and cancer and major life setbacks. You think you have it all figured out at 35.

-34 year old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's hubris.

I actually think there's something to this, but nothing to do with the number of kids. I have always told DH that women reach their peak smug at 35. You're still young enough to be considered attractive, you have some money now, you have a house and kids etc. Doing well in your career. These are the years before life started to get people with divorce and cancer and major life setbacks. You think you have it all figured out at 35.

-34 year old

I respectfully disagree. I was juggling two young kids and a career. I was sleep deprived and overwhelmed and had lots of mom guilt. I also had very little time for myself.