How to drop the rope re mental load?
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Anonymous
Here is the thing. Pre-WOHMs when most mothers were SAHMs and responsible for the house and children only, waiting on your husband hand and foot was your contribution to the family unit. The male worked, the female cleaned the house, took care of the children, made the food, did the grocery shopping, etc. That is over for most couples now. Women work that is their contribution. Men work that is their contribution. What remains to be split and divided up is the household and children. Your insinuation that women- when they arent working FT jobs- are watching TikTok and/or on their phone while at home sounds like a personal problem. It is just another criticism of the "bored housewife" type but nothing could be further from the truth. Here is another tidibit for you: women are allowed to stop. They are allowed to take breaks, even when the kids are awake. They are allowed to interact with others and zone out for a bit. You sound like the type that wants mothers to bear the cross all day and only stop to put it down to sleep. "The differences in workload are apparent in measures of the time men and women spend on household chores. According to Bureau of Labor Statistics data, women overall spent an average of two hours and 13 minutes on chores daily, compared with one hour and 21 minutes for men in 2013 (the most recent year for which data is available). In households with two full-time working parents, the gap is somewhat smaller: Full-time working mothers spent just under two hours a day on “household activities” while full-time working fathers spent about an hour and 18 minutes on them, according to the BLS. Even when men and women are not working, their division of labor differs. Men are likely to watch more television when they are out of work, while women will likely spend more time caring for others. Not surprisingly, the American Psychological Association found that women reported higher levels of stress than men. In addition, the Working Mother study found that several of the chores men tend to pick up, like mowing the lawn, landscaping, car washing, car maintenance and doing the taxes, are among the chores families are most likely to outsource. There is also a difference in the quality of work men and women take on, according to the survey. Men’s chores tend to have a finite endpoint—it is obvious when the garbage cans have been taken out. Women, though, take on the bulk of the planning activities, like children’s health care, birthday parties and vacation planning, in addition to chores like cooking and cleaning." Things are improving generationally but only because of society changing. This sounds like someone who still thinks its Leave it to Beaver. |
Anonymous
I am not the PP but lightbulbs should be in the place they always are. Having an unorganized household is part of the problem but even with an organized household where I 1)ask DH if he wants to organize 2)when he declines and says you know best and I do it and then drag him over to show him where stuff is so he doesnt need to ask me and then 3) still asks me....I am answering where they were when I showed you 3 months ago. Ive done the work now he needs to do some, which includes taking that moment, processing and storing that bit of information, because it is important. If it is not important then why should it be important to me to tell you where the Kleenex are. |
Anonymous
The lightbulbs are always in the same place and he's gotten them from there before. I honestly didn't know if we had any because I haven't needed to replace one in a while. But if we did have any, they'd be in the usual spot where they've always been. So he didn't need to look in a million places, just one. That's the point. |
Anonymous
TL;DR a lot of BS excuses for why you should be allowed to poke at your phone and watch TikToks instead of interact with your husband. |
Anonymous
Man sometimes I forget how stupid and disingenuous people can be. PP your comment was insightful. Thank you. |
Anonymous
+1. These are grounds for leaving. The mental load piece is annoying but probably not a good enough reason to uproot your kids lives and change their family structure forever. A dysfunctional parent is another story, but also difficult in that you don’t want your children around him solo 50% of the time. |
Anonymous
"ALLOWED" hahahahhahahahahaha okay incel |
Anonymous
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My take on this is if I know the answer immediately, I tell him. If I don't, I say "I don't know" and make zero effort to find out the answer. He can do that himself. That said, he cooks and is in charge of food, I'm probably the one asking him if there's something in the fridge and not once has he said "go check yourself".
Regarding school/doctor - I have always listed my husband first because up until recently, I was on the floor all day and couldn't stop what I was doing to walk over and check my cell phone (and the ringer was off anyway so I wouldn't hear it). Even then, both the school and the doctor's office called me first every time. There were two separate times where the school left several messages asking me to pick up the kids but never called my husband who works from home walking distance from the school. My kids had to wait for over an hour before I saw the messages! If I could do it over again, I would list my husband's cell phone as mine. |