How to drop the rope re mental load?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The person that thinks they carry the mental load is almost a narcissist who only considers the things they do and the things their partner does never register.

The things they do are important. The things their partner does are not or "I would do it but I just let them handle."

Narcissist?
Please stop. You’re adding nothing to this discussion.

It's true. NP

No, it’s not true. It’s absurd. “Narcissist” is a very specific, uncommon diagnosis and words have meanings. NP.

Fine. They’re exhibiting narcissistic behavior.

So what is the diagnosis on the spouse who can’t perform basic adult functions?

they’re doing other functions the other spouse refuses to acknowledge carry the same weight through a constant campaign of gaslighting. And not complaining when they’re asked questions on their own expertise.

Nope. My DH claims this because he’s the “breadwinner.” He makes very slightly more than me. He also takes the kids to sports practice half the time, mows the lawn half the time, and drops off the dry cleaning. That is the full extent of what he does. That’s it. There is absolutely a mental load component when one person does so little.

[Anonymous]

I have recently started responding with “I’m not your secretary.” It seems to be working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The person that thinks they carry the mental load is almost a narcissist who only considers the things they do and the things their partner does never register.

The things they do are important. The things their partner does are not or "I would do it but I just let them handle."

Narcissist?
Please stop. You’re adding nothing to this discussion.

It's true. NP

No, it’s not true. It’s absurd. “Narcissist” is a very specific, uncommon diagnosis and words have meanings. NP.

Fine. They’re exhibiting narcissistic behavior.

So what is the diagnosis on the spouse who can’t perform basic adult functions?

they’re doing other functions the other spouse refuses to acknowledge carry the same weight through a constant campaign of gaslighting. And not complaining when they’re asked questions on their own expertise.

Nope. My DH claims this because he’s the “breadwinner.” He makes very slightly more than me. He also takes the kids to sports practice half the time, mows the lawn half the time, and drops off the dry cleaning. That is the full extent of what he does. That’s it. There is absolutely a mental load component when one person does so little.

Let’s hear your dud of a husband’s side of the story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The person that thinks they carry the mental load is almost a narcissist who only considers the things they do and the things their partner does never register.

The things they do are important. The things their partner does are not or "I would do it but I just let them handle."

Narcissist?
Please stop. You’re adding nothing to this discussion.

It's true. NP

No, it’s not true. It’s absurd. “Narcissist” is a very specific, uncommon diagnosis and words have meanings. NP.

Fine. They’re exhibiting narcissistic behavior.

So what is the diagnosis on the spouse who can’t perform basic adult functions?

they’re doing other functions the other spouse refuses to acknowledge carry the same weight through a constant campaign of gaslighting. And not complaining when they’re asked questions on their own expertise.

Nope. My DH claims this because he’s the “breadwinner.” He makes very slightly more than me. He also takes the kids to sports practice half the time, mows the lawn half the time, and drops off the dry cleaning. That is the full extent of what he does. That’s it. There is absolutely a mental load component when one person does so little.

Let’s hear your dud of a husband’s side of the story.

I just asked him. He reminded me that he also took one of the kids to an annual appt and sometimes takes the car for an oil change. So you’re right, I did miss a few things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good grief, stop feminizing your husband. Let him be a man who doesnt know to cut kids' nails. Im sure he can find studs in the wall to hang a picture, teach the kids how to change a tire and just be a source of strength and love to your kids that a mother isnt (we love differently).

This.

[Anonymous]

Np. My asked me four times today what time camp pick up is. It’s been the same time all summer. Once after asking me three times, he still arrived 30 mins early. I want to put a fork in my own eye sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good grief, stop feminizing your husband. Let him be a man who doesnt know to cut kids' nails. Im sure he can find studs in the wall to hang a picture, teach the kids how to change a tire and just be a source of strength and love to your kids that a mother isnt (we love differently).

This.

Sure, and in that case let him be the man who earns 100% of the income. He can’t have it both ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good grief, stop feminizing your husband. Let him be a man who doesnt know to cut kids' nails. Im sure he can find studs in the wall to hang a picture, teach the kids how to change a tire and just be a source of strength and love to your kids that a mother isnt (we love differently).

First, why do so many people on this forum say “good grief”? Who the f says that?

Second, WHAT? How is basic hygiene feminine? My husband can trim nails just as well as I can. Maybe it’s a generational thing, but I can’t imagine my husband saying that filing our toddler’s nails does not come naturally to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have recently started responding with “I’m not your secretary.” It seems to be working.

Any wife who acts as obnoxiously as this deserves immediate divorce. Seriously what kind of spineless wimp would put up with that?

[Anonymous]

This seems super fitting for this discussion: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRUejfMd/?k=1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good grief, stop feminizing your husband. Let him be a man who doesnt know to cut kids' nails. Im sure he can find studs in the wall to hang a picture, teach the kids how to change a tire and just be a source of strength and love to your kids that a mother isnt (we love differently).

Op here. Then let him be a man who out earns me or is the breadwinner.
You sound like you’re living in 1950.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have recently started responding with “I’m not your secretary.” It seems to be working.

And when he asks where something is, tell him your uterus is not a tracking device. (credit to Roseann for that one)

If you have any prayer of making it through the next few years, humor and good cheer help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good grief, stop feminizing your husband. Let him be a man who doesnt know to cut kids' nails. Im sure he can find studs in the wall to hang a picture, teach the kids how to change a tire and just be a source of strength and love to your kids that a mother isnt (we love differently).

This.

So one parent does one-off stuff that happens once a year or once a decade and the other parent has to do 100s of things weekly? Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have recently started responding with “I’m not your secretary.” It seems to be working.

And when he asks where something is, tell him your uterus is not a tracking device. (credit to Roseann for that one)

If you have any prayer of making it through the next few years, humor and good cheer help.

[Anonymous]

I usually just add a delay:

“Where are DD’s clothes?” “I don’t know” “can you help me look?” “Yes, but I’m in the middle of something and it will be about an hour”.

9/10 he just goes ahead and looks for it himself.