Discrepancy between you want vs what you can get

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP! You don't realize the opportunity you have. Marry someone who thinks you are above him and you will be winning the lottery. He will worship you and be a great husband. Meanwhile you need to understand that the average man no matter what will have a more successful career more easily then the average woman, that the wheels of his life are greased in a way yours are not and will not be, and the older you get the more true this is. So even marrying someone you think is beneath you now, they are unlikely to remain beneath you and you are more likely to fall beneath them, especially if you become a mother.

Let’s be realistic, what are the chances she will find someone beneath her that is not insecure. She’s better off marrying someone at her level.

OP is overweight and way too impressed by her job. Who would be beneath her? A homeless man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you looking for romantic partners or business partners?

OP here. After putting myself through college and graduate school and acquiring a fulfilling and interesting policy job, I really do not want to marry some average joe making 100k a year so we can squeeze into a 500k townhouse in Vienna and take yearly vacations to OBX.

I want a SHF in Chevy Chase, private school for my kids and international vacations.

Why NOT me? Only because I am not blonde and skinny?

Its depressing.

Male here. With a SHF in Chevy Chase. Private school for my kids. You sound dull and materialistic. What do you bring to the table?

x10000000

Woman here. Exactly my thought. NP. I see so many of these shallow women where I live, I would feel bad for them, if they weren't so ......pathetic.

OP, why would someone want to marry you just because you NEED to have an S class before a certain birthday - are those life goals? Listen to yourself. GEESUS, people, get a grip. I knew a group that would go to Dewey every summer, rent a group house, and all they would talk about is marrying a man like that. Marriage is a business transaction to them, like the oldest profession in the world. I read this all the time on these boards, and see it IRL, it makes women look bad.

Oh please. Every single one of these smug married women posting above about how their lives are just like this, wanted exactly these things and found it. OP and her friends are just saying the quiet part out loud. If you don't believe me try taking one of these snotty affluent married women and have them change places with OP (sounds like a great premise for a movie). You will immediately see them completely lose their sh*t.

Wait what? Take a 40 year old woman who has been married for twenty years and put her DH through school, switch places with OP who acts like she is looking at a menu for lunch, for a life partner? How does that even make sense? How does OP pretend to know whose money it is, or what it took for the couple to get where they are?

No matter who OP is, or who OP marries some day (or not - because her attitude sucks), OP will be up against something - the abusive IL's, the DH's drinking/rage/whatever habits - there is always something, and OP may think it sounds "easy" - but if OP can't handle this part - how on earth is she going to handle the rest?

NO I mean all these women saying how shallow and materialistic OP is would die if you took away the lives that OP says he wants for herself. They are not any better than she is, though they think they are.

These women are indeed better persons often (more patient, mature, often with better careers etc). It takes a certain set of skills to remain and build a long term marriage. If one day one of such women ends up single, she would be just happily taking care of her kids. In 20 years, married people accumulate assets and divorced women after successful financially marriages would be more secure in life than OP. They would gave grown kids, a stable job, some assets to talk about, more experience and interests. I don't see OP competing successfully even with early 40s divorced educated women who are well-off. These women date 37-45 y.o. men pretty often. Divorced men in their 40-50s would date much younger women, but for a LTR they would be looking for social and financial equals, someone with similar life experience.

+1

Don't bother. Women like OP don't get it, and will just keep posting about the same vapid BS, hang out at the same hotel bars, and keep lowering themselves - because they will never, ever be happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think men do not really look for anything more than good looks, especially at the get-go when it comes to meeting people.

Uh women specifically.
(Sorry.)

As long as a woman is attractive, fit, a great cook/housekeeper as well as an excellent Mother, w/a great sense of humor and has her own interests in life.
Those attributes mean so much more to many guys vs. how much money they generate.

A successful lawyer, physician or entrepreneur, etc. would marry a Nanny/Teacher/Nurse as long as she was physically attractive to him.
Bonus points if she is great in bed & enjoys frequent sex.

This is outdated. People assortive date now. Especially lawyers and doctors.

It’s amazing how so many people continue to ignore this.

Of all the “successful” men I know, literally only 2 married women who weren’t of the same SES / education caliber as themselves. It’s happens, but it’s rare, and it’s a way for OP to feel better about herself. Reality is, most of these men married women who are pretty and accomplished as the two are not mutually exclusive.

OP, this poster struggled with a somewhat similar issue upon realizing she didn’t marry “well enough.” It May be worth a read to help you understand how delusional you sound:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/688110.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think men do not really look for anything more than good looks, especially at the get-go when it comes to meeting people.

Uh women specifically.
(Sorry.)

As long as a woman is attractive, fit, a great cook/housekeeper as well as an excellent Mother, w/a great sense of humor and has her own interests in life.
Those attributes mean so much more to many guys vs. how much money they generate.

A successful lawyer, physician or entrepreneur, etc. would marry a Nanny/Teacher/Nurse as long as she was physically attractive to him.
Bonus points if she is great in bed & enjoys frequent sex.

This is outdated. People assortive date now. Especially lawyers and doctors.

It’s amazing how so many people continue to ignore this.

Lol like the towns this lady wants to move to (CC MD or the like) aren’t chock full of sahms?!

SAHMs with Ivy degrees (where they met their spouses) or former big law, medicine, finance who left to raise their kids. These husbands want smart accomplished wives who will pass on smart genes and raise their kids well. No one marries the secretary anymore.

You don’t have “smart genes” just because Mummy and Daddy could afford to send you to nice schools.

If you are anywhere near being familiar with admission process of these schools, you would have known that money are just a good "extra" and not a guarantee of admission. They have hundreds of applicants from all over the world and a few are accepted. And even if you are not intelligent, after years in a private school you will have a huge educational advantage vs your peers in public schools.

My son recently came from a summer camp where he lived in tents with other kids of different background. Wilson HS kids is all about drugs, girls and partying vs a DC private school HS student who is all about college admissions, grades and future career paths. He literally felt that they spoke in 2 different languages: he's trilingual besides being far more eloquent in English. He is 2 years ahead in math vs public schools AP math level. Even their English is different: they don't know words like "abysmal". Nobody played chess or ever traveled anywhere outside the US. It was a eye opening experience for my child how privileged he truly is.

So now guess why top tier colleges still accept higher percentage of grads from my son's school vs DC public schools

I think this should just be pinned to the front page of DCUM forever!!!!!

What was his other observation is that there is no such educational gap with European schools. They had couple kids from France and Spain (from bilingual families). These kids go to public schools in their countries, are fluent in English and about same level in disciplines, sports and socially as my son in DC private.

US still has this huge educational gap between public schools: even the best public are way behind private, and thus this highly selective "casts" society when kids grow up. Everyone marries someone from a similar background: nobody wants relatives who use drugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you looking for romantic partners or business partners?

OP here. After putting myself through college and graduate school and acquiring a fulfilling and interesting policy job, I really do not want to marry some average joe making 100k a year so we can squeeze into a 500k townhouse in Vienna and take yearly vacations to OBX.

I want a SHF in Chevy Chase, private school for my kids and international vacations.

Why NOT me? Only because I am not blonde and skinny?

Its depressing.

Well when I met DH I was making 75 he was making 150 and had a nice OBX house which w vacationed at. We still have the OBX house which is worth about 3 million and I am typing this from 7 million dollar house in Hilton Head. We are both 40 and we are basically retired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you looking for romantic partners or business partners?

OP here. After putting myself through college and graduate school and acquiring a fulfilling and interesting policy job, I really do not want to marry some average joe making 100k a year so we can squeeze into a 500k townhouse in Vienna and take yearly vacations to OBX.

I want a SHF in Chevy Chase, private school for my kids and international vacations.

Why NOT me? Only because I am not blonde and skinny?

Its depressing.

Well when I met DH I was making 75 he was making 150 and had a nice OBX house which w vacationed at. We still have the OBX house which is worth about 3 million and I am typing this from 7 million dollar house in Hilton Head. We are both 40 and we are basically retired.

Also I am not blond or skinny (not fat by any stretch either). That look does nothing for DH. Men like different types.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you looking for romantic partners or business partners?

OP here. After putting myself through college and graduate school and acquiring a fulfilling and interesting policy job, I really do not want to marry some average joe making 100k a year so we can squeeze into a 500k townhouse in Vienna and take yearly vacations to OBX.

I want a SHF in Chevy Chase, private school for my kids and international vacations.

Why NOT me? Only because I am not blonde and skinny?

Its depressing.

OP- you waited too long. Those of us met those guys and married them by 30.

I have a Master’s Degree and work in similar field. I have the life/husband you are looking for. Almost all of my girlfriends do as well and the lady of us married at 33.

OP here. How did you meet them? Are you hot?

You’re in your 30s and use the word “hot”. Perhaps that’s something to prompt you to lower your expectations. I’m conventionally successful ($1m+ income, large nw, degrees) and you sound like trouble. Wouldn’t touch you with a 10 foot pole. Sounds like you have a lot of character flaws — someone I wouldn’t want to associate myself with.

Again — one of those situations where you likely are not the ideal person for the person you find ideal. Lower your expectations and improve your character.

[Anonymous]

I’m not blonde or skinny. I am smart, well educated, and have a good paying job in my own right. I also got married in my mid-30s to what I consider a decent guy with a GS-14/15 type job. That doesn’t get you a SFH + Private school + Europe. But it does get you SFH in North Arlington, public school, and 2-3 domestic vacations a year with a combination of skiing, exploring cities, beach resorts, and national parks. I suggest you look for the nerdy, kind guy making $125-200k you may have overlooked because he didn’t seem ambitious enough for you. If you are in your late 30s, you are not getting the big $$$ earners now, not as a first wife. I had a consulting partner-track job when I met my spouse, so I have some flexibility on salary because I knew I could support us at the lifestyle I wanted to have if I needed to.

If you are late 30s, I would re-evaluate “kids” to “1 kid” or “step kids”. Choose carefully because you want to be with someone you can enjoy life with if kids never happen for you.

This will be tough to hear, but men in their mid and late 40s looking for wife #2 are looking thinner and younger. Men in their 50s and 60s looking for wife #2 are done raising kids and unlikely to start over. Also how will they pay for your fantasy life while they are paying for college for their kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think men do not really look for anything more than good looks, especially at the get-go when it comes to meeting people.

Uh women specifically.
(Sorry.)

As long as a woman is attractive, fit, a great cook/housekeeper as well as an excellent Mother, w/a great sense of humor and has her own interests in life.
Those attributes mean so much more to many guys vs. how much money they generate.

A successful lawyer, physician or entrepreneur, etc. would marry a Nanny/Teacher/Nurse as long as she was physically attractive to him.
Bonus points if she is great in bed & enjoys frequent sex.

This is outdated. People assortive date now. Especially lawyers and doctors.

It’s amazing how so many people continue to ignore this.

Lol like the towns this lady wants to move to (CC MD or the like) aren’t chock full of sahms?!

SAHMs with Ivy degrees (where they met their spouses) or former big law, medicine, finance who left to raise their kids. These husbands want smart accomplished wives who will pass on smart genes and raise their kids well. No one marries the secretary anymore.

You don’t have “smart genes” just because Mummy and Daddy could afford to send you to nice schools.

If you are anywhere near being familiar with admission process of these schools, you would have known that money are just a good "extra" and not a guarantee of admission. They have hundreds of applicants from all over the world and a few are accepted. And even if you are not intelligent, after years in a private school you will have a huge educational advantage vs your peers in public schools.

My son recently came from a summer camp where he lived in tents with other kids of different background. Wilson HS kids is all about drugs, girls and partying vs a DC private school HS student who is all about college admissions, grades and future career paths. He literally felt that they spoke in 2 different languages: he's trilingual besides being far more eloquent in English. He is 2 years ahead in math vs public schools AP math level. Even their English is different: they don't know words like "abysmal". Nobody played chess or ever traveled anywhere outside the US. It was a eye opening experience for my child how privileged he truly is.

So now guess why top tier colleges still accept higher percentage of grads from my son's school vs DC public schools

I think this should just be pinned to the front page of DCUM forever!!!!!

What was his other observation is that there is no such educational gap with European schools. They had couple kids from France and Spain (from bilingual families). These kids go to public schools in their countries, are fluent in English and about same level in disciplines, sports and socially as my son in DC private.

US still has this huge educational gap between public schools: even the best public are way behind private, and thus this highly selective "casts" society when kids grow up. Everyone marries someone from a similar background: nobody wants relatives who use drugs.

So you went to public school, correct? Because surely a graduate of an elite private school would correctly use the term “caste” not “casts.” If you’re going to be an education snob, you’ve got to be word-perfect in all of your communication, PP.

[Anonymous]

Assortative mating includes attractiveness levels.

Simple biology.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think men do not really look for anything more than good looks, especially at the get-go when it comes to meeting people.

Uh women specifically.
(Sorry.)

As long as a woman is attractive, fit, a great cook/housekeeper as well as an excellent Mother, w/a great sense of humor and has her own interests in life.
Those attributes mean so much more to many guys vs. how much money they generate.

A successful lawyer, physician or entrepreneur, etc. would marry a Nanny/Teacher/Nurse as long as she was physically attractive to him.
Bonus points if she is great in bed & enjoys frequent sex.

This is outdated. People assortive date now. Especially lawyers and doctors.

It’s amazing how so many people continue to ignore this.

Lol like the towns this lady wants to move to (CC MD or the like) aren’t chock full of sahms?!

SAHMs with Ivy degrees (where they met their spouses) or former big law, medicine, finance who left to raise their kids. These husbands want smart accomplished wives who will pass on smart genes and raise their kids well. No one marries the secretary anymore.

You don’t have “smart genes” just because Mummy and Daddy could afford to send you to nice schools.

If you are anywhere near being familiar with admission process of these schools, you would have known that money are just a good "extra" and not a guarantee of admission. They have hundreds of applicants from all over the world and a few are accepted. And even if you are not intelligent, after years in a private school you will have a huge educational advantage vs your peers in public schools.

My son recently came from a summer camp where he lived in tents with other kids of different background. Wilson HS kids is all about drugs, girls and partying vs a DC private school HS student who is all about college admissions, grades and future career paths. He literally felt that they spoke in 2 different languages: he's trilingual besides being far more eloquent in English. He is 2 years ahead in math vs public schools AP math level. Even their English is different: they don't know words like "abysmal". Nobody played chess or ever traveled anywhere outside the US. It was a eye opening experience for my child how privileged he truly is.

So now guess why top tier colleges still accept higher percentage of grads from my son's school vs DC public schools

I think this should just be pinned to the front page of DCUM forever!!!!!

What was his other observation is that there is no such educational gap with European schools. They had couple kids from France and Spain (from bilingual families). These kids go to public schools in their countries, are fluent in English and about same level in disciplines, sports and socially as my son in DC private.

US still has this huge educational gap between public schools: even the best public are way behind private, and thus this highly selective "casts" society when kids grow up. Everyone marries someone from a similar background: nobody wants relatives who use drugs.

not true

[Anonymous]

Just about every successful man I know has an attractive wife. Some of the wives are accomplished professionally, some not (including a former hairdresser). Men are visual and want a partner who is physically appealing if they can attract one. Guess what? Successful men generally have a large pool of beautiful women to choose from.

Realistically, given your age and that you are not above-average in looks, you’re going to have to settle in some regard. One of my best friends, who is both skinny and blonde but only average looking, is only attracted to men who are both good looking and successful (in college, she’s only go out with THE most popular guys in the school). She also refused to date divorced men until after she turned 40. She’s now 47 and still single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you looking for romantic partners or business partners?

OP here. After putting myself through college and graduate school and acquiring a fulfilling and interesting policy job, I really do not want to marry some average joe making 100k a year so we can squeeze into a 500k townhouse in Vienna and take yearly vacations to OBX.

I want a SHF in Chevy Chase, private school for my kids and international vacations.

Why NOT me? Only because I am not blonde and skinny?

Its depressing.

You picked a profession that doesn’t cross paths with the MBAs and risk takers, sorry. Make a new friend group.

[Anonymous]

Or go for some scum bag lobbyists if you love govt and policy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think men do not really look for anything more than good looks, especially at the get-go when it comes to meeting people.

Uh women specifically.
(Sorry.)

As long as a woman is attractive, fit, a great cook/housekeeper as well as an excellent Mother, w/a great sense of humor and has her own interests in life.
Those attributes mean so much more to many guys vs. how much money they generate.

A successful lawyer, physician or entrepreneur, etc. would marry a Nanny/Teacher/Nurse as long as she was physically attractive to him.
Bonus points if she is great in bed & enjoys frequent sex.

This is outdated. People assortive date now. Especially lawyers and doctors.

It’s amazing how so many people continue to ignore this.

Lol like the towns this lady wants to move to (CC MD or the like) aren’t chock full of sahms?!

SAHMs with Ivy degrees (where they met their spouses) or former big law, medicine, finance who left to raise their kids. These husbands want smart accomplished wives who will pass on smart genes and raise their kids well. No one marries the secretary anymore.

You don’t have “smart genes” just because Mummy and Daddy could afford to send you to nice schools.

If you are anywhere near being familiar with admission process of these schools, you would have known that money are just a good "extra" and not a guarantee of admission. They have hundreds of applicants from all over the world and a few are accepted. And even if you are not intelligent, after years in a private school you will have a huge educational advantage vs your peers in public schools.

My son recently came from a summer camp where he lived in tents with other kids of different background. Wilson HS kids is all about drugs, girls and partying vs a DC private school HS student who is all about college admissions, grades and future career paths. He literally felt that they spoke in 2 different languages: he's trilingual besides being far more eloquent in English. He is 2 years ahead in math vs public schools AP math level. Even their English is different: they don't know words like "abysmal". Nobody played chess or ever traveled anywhere outside the US. It was a eye opening experience for my child how privileged he truly is.

So now guess why top tier colleges still accept higher percentage of grads from my son's school vs DC public schools

I think this should just be pinned to the front page of DCUM forever!!!!!

What was his other observation is that there is no such educational gap with European schools. They had couple kids from France and Spain (from bilingual families). These kids go to public schools in their countries, are fluent in English and about same level in disciplines, sports and socially as my son in DC private.

US still has this huge educational gap between public schools: even the best public are way behind private, and thus this highly selective "casts" society when kids grow up. Everyone marries someone from a similar background: nobody wants relatives who use drugs.

Lol yeah because nobody at private school has relatives who use drugs…