Sick of Smug Girlfriends

[Anonymous]

I started off with what I thought was a friendship group of smart motivated ambitious women. We all graduated from competitive colleges and some of us have advanced degrees. We worked in reputable organizations and made the right connections.

Over the past five years however, I have witnessed friend after friend change after meeting a guy. One married a rich guy 5 years older who owns a business and multiple homes. After marriage she quit her law school application and became a stay at home wife. Brunches with her entailed listening to her triumphant account of how she was so smart to snag a rich guy and now she and her kids are high rollers. I quote, “ Mama raised no fool!”

Another was in finance and talked about being a hustling career woman. Met and is now marrying a trust funder. All of a sudden, she “thinks working is a waste of life” and wants to focus on building a family. She has completely lost any career ambitions she has and is playing wife even before she’s married.

I had brunch with another this past week. She was sooo happy and smug. She said the number 1 thing she’s happy about is that her serious boyfriend makes good money and now she has less pressure to work on her job. She was talking about how big she wants her e gagemebt ring to be and whether she should sign a prenup considering she wants to take advantage of his wealth if it doesn’t work out.

...the f*ck?

Not going to lie. I sat there and felt envious. My husband is definitely not a sugar daddy and I’ll definitely have to keep working. I feel stupid. I didn’t even think of that when dating. Where the hell was my head?

[Anonymous]

I know no women like this.

Truthfully, this was probably always the plan and they were just hedging their bets by saying how career oriented they are in case it never happened.

[Anonymous]

Your head was probably somewhere thinking about what really matters in a partner.

[Anonymous]

Marrying someone who comes from money and/or earns a good salary definitely has its advantages.

[Anonymous]

Op, you do you and let them do them. I am more like you, have a law degree and am a successful in house counsel. My husband has always made half of my salary but he is a great father to our teenaged twins. We live in a beautiful home and have a second home in South Florida. I am in my 50s. A lot of the women who were like your girlfriends are divorced and living off of alimony, if they got any, and child support. I have a million in my retirement account alone and expect to retire comfortably. Like I said, ignore them and focus on yourself and what you want out of life.

[Anonymous]

I doubt their characters changed that much. They were always competitive and ambitious, and they still are. Now it's just about who has the richest husband and cushiest lifestyle.

You need to reevaluate how you select friends. Find some people with more substance and better values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your head was probably somewhere thinking about what really matters in a partner.

Op here. I was focused on finding a guy who could e my best friend and would treat me well. My husband is smart and I’m sure in time will do well but marrying him wasn’t like my ticket to the high life. I never thought of dating that way. Who even thinks like that? I feel so...betrayed by these women. All our late night chats about empowerment and women’s rights and independence... all of them are ready to become stepford wives.

So disheartened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your head was probably somewhere thinking about what really matters in a partner.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I doubt their characters changed that much. They were always competitive and ambitious, and they still are. Now it's just about who has the richest husband and cushiest lifestyle.

You need to reevaluate how you select friends. Find some people with more substance and better values.

I see that. I had no idea their ambitions about getting the most prestigious internships would translate into marrying the richest guy. It’s like...they don’t even talk about themselves anymore.

One is already sending me links to expensive private schools for her 1 year old. Bragging about how her husband really wants their daughter to go to this posh school.

Another talks about how smart and famous her boyfriend is and skips out on dinners with me to attend his industry events as his plus one.


I am left confused...it took me a while to recognize this trend...

[Anonymous]

This speaks more to your envy and discomfort with yourself than it does about your girl friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I doubt their characters changed that much. They were always competitive and ambitious, and they still are. Now it's just about who has the richest husband and cushiest lifestyle.

You need to reevaluate how you select friends. Find some people with more substance and better values.

I see that. I had no idea their ambitions about getting the most prestigious internships would translate into marrying the richest guy. It’s like...they don’t even talk about themselves anymore.

One is already sending me links to expensive private schools for her 1 year old. Bragging about how her husband really wants their daughter to go to this posh school.

Another talks about how smart and famous her boyfriend is and skips out on dinners with me to attend his industry events as his plus one.


I am left confused...it took me a while to recognize this trend...

I'm sorry, OP. Sometimes we outgrow our friends. You have. It's painful, but at least now you know.

[Anonymous]

Find new friends and be. Intent with your life. A man is not a plan, and these women could be divorced in a year and on their ass with no plan b.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This speaks more to your envy and discomfort with yourself than it does about your girl friends.

Definitely agree. Also I thought this was going to be about a TV show (a reality show, perhaps?) called Smug Girlfriends, which I would definitely watch

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This speaks more to your envy and discomfort with yourself than it does about your girl friends.

Definitely agree. Also I thought this was going to be about a TV show (a reality show, perhaps?) called Smug Girlfriends, which I would definitely watch

Op here. Only in the sense that I had no idea how rich my husband is would be a metric my friends would judge me by.

So now I’m left confused and feel behind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I doubt their characters changed that much. They were always competitive and ambitious, and they still are. Now it's just about who has the richest husband and cushiest lifestyle.

You need to reevaluate how you select friends. Find some people with more substance and better values.

I see that. I had no idea their ambitions about getting the most prestigious internships would translate into marrying the richest guy. It’s like...they don’t even talk about themselves anymore.

One is already sending me links to expensive private schools for her 1 year old. Bragging about how her husband really wants their daughter to go to this posh school.

Another talks about how smart and famous her boyfriend is and skips out on dinners with me to attend his industry events as his plus one.


I am left confused...it took me a while to recognize this trend...

Hm. From reading this followup, it sounds more like they're talking about their lives / things going on with them and their families, and you're really honing in on particular comments that bother you - likely coming, whether you consciously recognize it or not, a place of envy or discontentment with your own life.