How to marry a financially compatible man?

[Anonymous]

What you’re failing to understand is that your expectations are way too high so you should just keep your FB because you’re not gonna find what you’re looking for because it’s a unicorn and unicorns don’t exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The longer your list, the slimmer the prospects.

I am not interested in a long term relationship or wasting time on incompatible men so if I get contacted once a month it’s ok. I am almost at peace staying single for the rest of my life but if someone similar to me comes forward I will hear him

You will “hear him?” Who are you, the empress? I imagine this attitude of yours turns men off, big time.

I mean, if I meet someone who is compatible I will invest in this relationship. Women waste so much time in marriages with incompatible men! I don’t want to fall into this trap

Didn’t you already fall into that trap once?

Not really. My exH cheated for years but didn’t file for divorce as financially he didn’t want to break the marriage. I realized marriage couldn’t work with 3 people in it. But I don’t regret my financial trajectory in former marriage, or all that travels, good times we had, having my child. I got a lot from my marriage

You don't say. I can't imagine what prompted him to do that.

+1 Men don’t want women who are looking for wallets which is clearly what does op was after to begin with

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sort of seems like your first marriage was mostly a business arrangement. I don’t think trying to replicate that is the best plan. In your 40s, you don’t have to marry for crazy passionate love, but marriage is still more than a business arrangement. You should be looking for genuine compatibility, shared interests, kindness and consideration. If you find all of that in a man who only makes $160K, would you really not consider it?

I would start a relationship with a man who’s making 160k but it’s not a sign of a very driven person for DC at age 40. And likely he’s not same life style as me. I would give him ideas how to improve his income situation by moving jobs, making good investments but won’t officially marry until he can show ability to achieve more in life. I’ve made my first million at age 30 only after 5 years in the US

You are not very driven either. 450k joint is good enough for a 300k single lifestyle.

I dont know, it depends on his profession. If its some interesting area like phD/researcher types but a fed with 170K salary will be a hard no. These are types I would not have much in common.

Hey Siri where of your ridiculous salary expectations fed attorneys on the GS 15 scale top out at 176K

And that's ok. They question is why they are fine continuing making 176k and not investing/doing side hustles. It's easy, fun and enables you not be dependent on a job 9-5, travel, afford more things for kids etc. I do travel to Alaska, Cote d'Azure, Italy and many other nice places couple times/year . I have travel budget of around 40k/year and it's important for me to see the world with my son and my parents. For a combined family income of 300K (2 feds) one cannot afford it

Who says they don’t invest or have side hustles? They do they’re not making that much more… those types will still not meet your minimum ridiculous qualifications and those types also don’t wanna waste money on a bunch of travel either. Don’t worry—you’re too materialistic for even those people to be interested in you let alone the very rich people. you can’t land one of these types that you find less than desirable so you might as well just get an FWB and stop looking or start looking 55+ You really need a reality check

I would presume these types would also have 2-3 kids and an ex-wife who doesn't make much money always asking for handouts. So basically remarrying them would impose on me 3-4 dependents. Why the heck would I want that? This is why I have the FB situation

Dodd you are presumptuous. I’m the one who said my ex wouldn’t be interested in you… I make slightly more than him. You can’t get him even so why do you think you can get a super rich guy? The only place you’re going to find one is at the country club Who is 55+ because all the desirable ones that you want are still married you have a very thick skull and don’t understand reality

Can't you just stop talking about your exH and how I would not be worthy him? I don't even know him, or want to know. Why didn't you stay with him yourself, if he was so "desirable"?

I’m not saying he’s desirable but he’s an average person in the area that you cannot even land because you are too materialistic. I’m the one who left.

And yet won't stop talking about him.

You are missing the point completely, which is that he would be less desirable than your requirements yet you could not even land him therefore your expectations are way too high!!

[Anonymous]

99.5 percent of men will not meet your requirements. 99.5 of them are married and not on the market for dating which leaves you about a .05 Chance of someone with your requirements from happens to be single

[Anonymous]

I think your best bet is trying to date people you meet while pursuing your hobbies and letting friends and your peers understand you are open to dating. And you will have to “date” to find out whether they meet your financial requirements unless you list all those things in some online profile or mention it upon meeting (which I advise against because most people would be immediately turned off by that approach). If you try online dating, I’d stick to websites like Match and talk about your interests and use nice photos with high end clothes so they get the hint that you are high maintenance. You should probably also aim to date older men who may like the arrangement you are proposing and they should be more financially stable with time to dedicate to travel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The longer your list, the slimmer the prospects.

I am not interested in a long term relationship or wasting time on incompatible men so if I get contacted once a month it’s ok. I am almost at peace staying single for the rest of my life but if someone similar to me comes forward I will hear him

You will “hear him?” Who are you, the empress? I imagine this attitude of yours turns men off, big time.

I mean, if I meet someone who is compatible I will invest in this relationship. Women waste so much time in marriages with incompatible men! I don’t want to fall into this trap

Didn’t you already fall into that trap once?

Not really. My exH cheated for years but didn’t file for divorce as financially he didn’t want to break the marriage. I realized marriage couldn’t work with 3 people in it. But I don’t regret my financial trajectory in former marriage, or all that travels, good times we had, having my child. I got a lot from my marriage

You don't say. I can't imagine what prompted him to do that.

You can't. His GF is his new business partner. He was very similar to me in fact which is why it worked for so long. He was not the initiator of the divorce I just couldn't tolerate his philandering anymore.

OP, is this, above, some sort of a code for Philando Castile? Was he your ex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The longer your list, the slimmer the prospects.

I am not interested in a long term relationship or wasting time on incompatible men so if I get contacted once a month it’s ok. I am almost at peace staying single for the rest of my life but if someone similar to me comes forward I will hear him

You will “hear him?” Who are you, the empress? I imagine this attitude of yours turns men off, big time.

I mean, if I meet someone who is compatible I will invest in this relationship. Women waste so much time in marriages with incompatible men! I don’t want to fall into this trap

Didn’t you already fall into that trap once?

Not really. My exH cheated for years but didn’t file for divorce as financially he didn’t want to break the marriage. I realized marriage couldn’t work with 3 people in it. But I don’t regret my financial trajectory in former marriage, or all that travels, good times we had, having my child. I got a lot from my marriage

You don't say. I can't imagine what prompted him to do that.

You can't. His GF is his new business partner. He was very similar to me in fact which is why it worked for so long. He was not the initiator of the divorce I just couldn't tolerate his philandering anymore.

OP, is this, above, some sort of a code for Philando Castile? Was he your ex?

gerund or present participle: philandering
(of a man) readily or frequently enter into casual sexual relationships with women.
"married men who philander"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The longer your list, the slimmer the prospects.

I am not interested in a long term relationship or wasting time on incompatible men so if I get contacted once a month it’s ok. I am almost at peace staying single for the rest of my life but if someone similar to me comes forward I will hear him

You will “hear him?” Who are you, the empress? I imagine this attitude of yours turns men off, big time.

I mean, if I meet someone who is compatible I will invest in this relationship. Women waste so much time in marriages with incompatible men! I don’t want to fall into this trap

Didn’t you already fall into that trap once?

Not really. My exH cheated for years but didn’t file for divorce as financially he didn’t want to break the marriage. I realized marriage couldn’t work with 3 people in it. But I don’t regret my financial trajectory in former marriage, or all that travels, good times we had, having my child. I got a lot from my marriage

You don't say. I can't imagine what prompted him to do that.

You can't. His GF is his new business partner. He was very similar to me in fact which is why it worked for so long. He was not the initiator of the divorce I just couldn't tolerate his philandering anymore.

OP, is this, above, some sort of a code for Philando Castile? Was he your ex?

gerund or present participle: philandering
(of a man) readily or frequently enter into casual sexual relationships with women.
"married men who philander"

Ok, but all that sounds like Philando. OP, was he your ex? If so, we may know each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What you’re failing to understand is that your expectations are way too high so you should just keep your FB because you’re not gonna find what you’re looking for because it’s a unicorn and unicorns don’t exist.

DC is a city of education and wealth. I am not hanging out in Anacostia river neighborhoods. Yes, I would rather keep my FB arrangement. But at the same time your math doesn't account that 1-percenters men do prescreen for top 1-2 percenters women. All my exH divorced male friends re-married to IMF, WB employees, women entrepreneurs of similar age or max 10 years younger (but not 20 years younger as your described). All of my divorced girlfriends generally remarried one step higher vs ex-husbands (from fed employee to an architect& developer, from a consultant to a lawyer and so on). They didnt go even for 29-35 year olds with mid level manager positions, they married women leaders. The world is changing and men generally prefer marrying financially and educationally equal.

If you limit your "data range" with people who pre-screen partners by higher education and lets say at least 200K income, then chances of finding a similar partner significantly increase in each age group.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a monster

[Anonymous]

I guess you’re open about from the get go. But you sound tiresome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a monster

Why? For not agreeing with BS statistics? Of course, I wouldnt be saying anything of this sort to my dates. But what triggers female commenters here is that there is one of them who is 1) well off after divorce and 2) thinks like a man and views men somewhat similarly to how they look at women. A typical man would look at her hair, breast, age, weight and height. I look at my own "parameters" and it really drives them mad

[Anonymous]

I’m female in my late 40s and make $500k. My kids are taken care of and their father makes just under $1M.

I get what you’re looking for—someone who can keep up with you financially and culturally. It’s expensive to travel to Europe for 2 weeks in summer, spend 2 weeks skiing in the winter, and have a few long weekends. You’re future partner needs to be able to pay their own way. People on DCUM are so quick to tell women who want a more extravagant lifestyle to get their own money. Well, you have your own money. I don’t see why what you’re looking for is unreasonable. However, in the DC area it’s probably not realistic. You need to look in NY or Silicon Valley.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m female in my late 40s and make $500k. My kids are taken care of and their father makes just under $1M.

I get what you’re looking for—someone who can keep up with you financially and culturally. It’s expensive to travel to Europe for 2 weeks in summer, spend 2 weeks skiing in the winter, and have a few long weekends. You’re future partner needs to be able to pay their own way. People on DCUM are so quick to tell women who want a more extravagant lifestyle to get their own money. Well, you have your own money. I don’t see why what you’re looking for is unreasonable. However, in the DC area it’s probably not realistic. You need to look in NY or Silicon Valley.

I might be moving to NY in fact next year, when my son is off to college, to accept a managing position at one of the firms (it's easier for me to find a higher level position in NY or Boston vs DC, due to my specialty). I am only hesitant as my business makes way more money than my W2 job at the moment but if I am offered close to 200K I can scale back on RE investments and focus on professional career more. Thank you for understanding:0)

[Anonymous]

OP, are you from St. Paul MN. When did you move here?