Why American teens are so sad - four main takeaways

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For us it's clear that there is much, much, much less face to face interaction with other kids. My son, in high school, goes out with friends every once in a while. Mostly, though, his friends are happy enough to stay home and play PS4 virtually with each other. When he does go out, it's usually disappointing because other people he wants to see have decided to stay home and play video games. My Middle School daughter - when she sees her friends, they are generally comparing Instagrams or chatting with other people online while hanging out. We used to wander the neighborhoods looking for other people to hang out with and then we would actually talk and play games and whatever.

This exactly! Also kids aren't allowed to just be kids anymore

yea, my 16 yr old DS would much rather be out with friends than playing video games, but so many teens would rather stay home and play video games. Hello, future incel in the making.

My 13 yr old DD and I chat a lot about instagram, social media, and how fake they are, kind of like how before social media, girls had to be aware that all of those pictures of models were heavily airbrushed.

IMO, kids who are more engaged socially with other kids, do fun activities outside of the home, and have a good relationship with their parents are those who are better adjusted. It can't be all work, and no play. And I say this as a parent of a magnet student.

Yeah I think this is what I don't understand about screens is why kids now prefer them over being with friends in a person. Don't get me wrong, video games are fun, I played them, but I wouldn't say I preferred them. Growing up, you couldn't keep me inside.

The reality is that is not safe any more for young women to go outside and run/bike alone.

That is complete BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Head over to the college forum…pressure in this area is ridiculous. Parents freaking out and giving kids the message that they have to attend prestigious schools. And it starts before high school. My kid is in AAP and talks about how her classmates’ parents tell them they have to get into Algebra by 7th, they need to go to a magnet school. One of her friends is fretting over college in 6th grade! This area is intense. And even if you don’t buy into it as a parent, kids pick it up from peers.

It’s insane here, I agree, but there are other pressures in other places: opioids, lack of lgbtq+ acceptance and social acceptance is focused on who your grandmother went to high school with.

I live in a small city where there is almost no pressure to attend prestigious schools. Opioids are not a huge issue here, it’s fine to be lgbtq+ (If not preferable) and no one cares where your grandmother went to high school, at least in public school. Our kids are still sad. The ones I know have the most issues are 100% addicted to their cellphones and/or video games.

This. The answer to all the questions here is SOCIAL MEDIA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Head over to the college forum…pressure in this area is ridiculous. Parents freaking out and giving kids the message that they have to attend prestigious schools. And it starts before high school. My kid is in AAP and talks about how her classmates’ parents tell them they have to get into Algebra by 7th, they need to go to a magnet school. One of her friends is fretting over college in 6th grade! This area is intense. And even if you don’t buy into it as a parent, kids pick it up from peers.

It’s insane here, I agree, but there are other pressures in other places: opioids, lack of lgbtq+ acceptance and social acceptance is focused on who your grandmother went to high school with.

I live in a small city where there is almost no pressure to attend prestigious schools. Opioids are not a huge issue here, it’s fine to be lgbtq+ (If not preferable) and no one cares where your grandmother went to high school, at least in public school. Our kids are still sad. The ones I know have the most issues are 100% addicted to their cellphones and/or video games.

This. The answer to all the questions here is SOCIAL MEDIA.

That is a major part of the story. But not the whole story:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of everything discussed and listed, imo as someone who works with high risk kids, it is this:

4. Modern parenting strategies

The #s 1, 2 and 3 of your list (the use of social media, the lack of socialization, and the inability of kids to flex) all comes down to poor parenting. Modern parents aren't modeling these behaviors the way they should.

Can you elaborate though? Because the main complaint I hear about modern parenting strategies is that it’s too involved, too child focused, too many activities, to many restrictions, etc. That parents are too involved, make things too easy, etc. But the other stuff on this list pretty much requires a highly involved approach. You are not restricting social media, getting your kids socializing more, if you aren’t highly involved. The societal pressure on kids is intense so I think many parents step in to try to create a buffer and allow their kids to have more of an extended childhood, but then get accused of coddling.

I think it’s really hard to parent right now, but especially teens. I also feel like the DMV feels like an especially bad environment for it. We’re looking at moving somewhere more rural possibly because it might enable a more safe and relaxed teenagerhood. But we don’t want them isolated. I just don’t know.

Aren’t the indicators for sadness and direction pretty universally going up for teens, not just in the “helicopter” upper middle class kids, and across the country?

My friend runs a mindfulness program at Cumberland University, a rural school about 40 minutes outside of Nashville. Many kids are the first generation to go to college. She sees a lot of what is described in the article and talks about the helicopter parenting and kids' inability to handle anything thrown at them because things have been handled for them. It's not just an UMC problem.

Yep. We were learning to on board at life at 14. Today's kids feel helpless because their parents don't let them have any success at life when they are young.

It’s the opposite…they don’t let kids fail. And this sets kids up for being very scared of failure and feeling helpless when they go out into the world.

I think this is true and that it's been happening for a while, and not just to kids. It's not just parents making it happen either. I don't know about other countries, but Americans are very uncomfortable with the concept of failure, or even the idea that you do something and be mediocre and have it still be worthwhile. We're an extremely success driven culture and there's intense pressure on young people not only to be successful in life but to do so on their first try, without much strife or challenge first. It's a weird and soulless approach to life that is more about bragging rights (being the first, the youngest, the best) than it is about living a rich and full life.

Failure, pain, suffering, disappointment... these aren't just unfortunate things that poor people have to deal with. They are necessary parts of the human experience. Without them life feels empty because it's hard to appreciate anything. Not just the victories but just the stuff of survival -- a good nights sleep, a pleasant meal with friends or family, good weather for your walk to work. People are so impatient and ungrateful, and I think it's because they are looking for perfection and don't understand that you won't find joy in perfection. You find it in appreciating life despite its many imperfections. So no imperfections, no failure, no mistakes... no joy.

Love this! And totally true. As my DS is facing being cut from his "prestige" soccer club this year, and probably won't make the JV soccer team in HS, I'm sad that he'll be devastated, but at the same time, happy that this is probably the worst thing that has happened in his young life and that he's learning a really good life lesson. I remember crying and crying in 10th grade because I wasn't voted as president of a student club. It was my first devastating blow, but agree that these are necessary parts of being human, allowing us to appreciate the victories more.

Why are you paying for a prestigious club soccer if your son can’t even make JV soccer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, the teen birth rate is at a record low, re: teens moving in a positive direction.

Hmm also likely means less sex and relationships which may be contributing to sadness

By relationships do you only mean dating? I personally prefer that my child not date or be sexually active as a teen. I can’t prevent it of course, but I would prefer that.

No dating at all?

I said “prefer.” Of course they will likely date and I won’t be a roadblock to that. But I’d still prefer if they didn’t in high school.

I think this is ill-advised. I want my high schoolers to date in high school - I would prefer they go through a relationship or two while in the safety of my home, rather than when they're away at college and do not have anyone looking out for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of everything discussed and listed, imo as someone who works with high risk kids, it is this:

4. Modern parenting strategies

The #s 1, 2 and 3 of your list (the use of social media, the lack of socialization, and the inability of kids to flex) all comes down to poor parenting. Modern parents aren't modeling these behaviors the way they should.

Can you elaborate though? Because the main complaint I hear about modern parenting strategies is that it’s too involved, too child focused, too many activities, to many restrictions, etc. That parents are too involved, make things too easy, etc. But the other stuff on this list pretty much requires a highly involved approach. You are not restricting social media, getting your kids socializing more, if you aren’t highly involved. The societal pressure on kids is intense so I think many parents step in to try to create a buffer and allow their kids to have more of an extended childhood, but then get accused of coddling.

I think it’s really hard to parent right now, but especially teens. I also feel like the DMV feels like an especially bad environment for it. We’re looking at moving somewhere more rural possibly because it might enable a more safe and relaxed teenagerhood. But we don’t want them isolated. I just don’t know.

I think the bolded is exactly what is wrong with modern parenting and it creates so many of these problems. We’ve idealized childhood as this time that nothing is suppose to go wrong, and kids need to be shielded and protected from everything, and should be a time full of fun. You hear parents say all the time about them believing kids are grouping up too soon or how childhood is so short they want their kids to really enjoy it. But the truth is the purpose of childhood is learning, growing, maturing to be able to handle adulthood, just like every other mammal. Yet, we purposely stop our kids from this process and slow it down as much as we possible can.

If modern parents kept the purpose in mind then they wouldn’t indulge their kids so much because they would understand that its not good for them long term. They wouldn’t shield them from all failure or difficulties, because they know its not good for them long term and they don’t learn lessons. The wouldn’t act like life revolves around kids only, because it doesn’t teach them that life is a shared community where everyone needs to pitch in. Many parents are putting pressures on kids because 1) they live vicariously and judge themselves and others based on the kids, and 2) we’ve disengaged civically so much that power and money lies in the hands of so few that its made it harder and harder for Others. And we’ve allowed that power and wealth to be the ideal instead of community. Teens invariably crumble of the pressure because they’ve been coddled and indulged up till then and haven’t deceloped any coping strategies or the ability to deal with failure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Best thing I did was send my daughter to a private school that does not allow cell phones.

They have limited computer time as well


I have heard parents rationalize kids have to have cell phones for school shootings. Just wow

Curious as to how old your daugther is? A boy in my kid's class that did not get a phone until high school is now on every bad site out there.

What does that have to do with anything? You don’t think staring at a screen all day from K-12th has repercussions? So the boy is on all the “bad sites” at age 15 instead of 8? How is that a bad thing? LOL

Not the PP, but my daughter’s school they must be locked in the lockers. If seen (not even being used) they get AM detention, meaning the parents have to drive them in an hour before school starts. It works amazingly well.

I have not idea why phones are not banned in all public schools. There is absolutely no reason for them and they are a huge distraction. I was SHOCKED when our elementary school started to allow them. And why? Because moms wanted a way to reach their kid? Like um no. CALL THE SCHOOL

I am also surprised they are not banned at least during school hours. The only reason you would really need one is to tell a parent a practice was cancelled or something and you could do that after school is over and just wait for them to pick you up.

Cell phones are banned at our school. But kids are on them at home all the time. The issue is all social communication happens through the cell phone. Texting, FaceTime whatever. Friends live some distance from each other…with no way to get to each other..(parents work, or are otherwise busy and can’t drop them off). Also kids are over scheduled with activities, so can’t devote blocks of time to see each other. So they text and play games (apps) with each other.

I’d love my kid to invite friends over I but she doesn’t want to. It’s not what kids do!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of everything discussed and listed, imo as someone who works with high risk kids, it is this:

4. Modern parenting strategies

The #s 1, 2 and 3 of your list (the use of social media, the lack of socialization, and the inability of kids to flex) all comes down to poor parenting. Modern parents aren't modeling these behaviors the way they should.

Can you elaborate though? Because the main complaint I hear about modern parenting strategies is that it’s too involved, too child focused, too many activities, to many restrictions, etc. That parents are too involved, make things too easy, etc. But the other stuff on this list pretty much requires a highly involved approach. You are not restricting social media, getting your kids socializing more, if you aren’t highly involved. The societal pressure on kids is intense so I think many parents step in to try to create a buffer and allow their kids to have more of an extended childhood, but then get accused of coddling.

I think it’s really hard to parent right now, but especially teens. I also feel like the DMV feels like an especially bad environment for it. We’re looking at moving somewhere more rural possibly because it might enable a more safe and relaxed teenagerhood. But we don’t want them isolated. I just don’t know.

I think the bolded is exactly what is wrong with modern parenting and it creates so many of these problems. We’ve idealized childhood as this time that nothing is suppose to go wrong, and kids need to be shielded and protected from everything, and should be a time full of fun. You hear parents say all the time about them believing kids are grouping up too soon or how childhood is so short they want their kids to really enjoy it. But the truth is the purpose of childhood is learning, growing, maturing to be able to handle adulthood, just like every other mammal. Yet, we purposely stop our kids from this process and slow it down as much as we possible can.

If modern parents kept the purpose in mind then they wouldn’t indulge their kids so much because they would understand that its not good for them long term. They wouldn’t shield them from all failure or difficulties, because they know its not good for them long term and they don’t learn lessons. The wouldn’t act like life revolves around kids only, because it doesn’t teach them that life is a shared community where everyone needs to pitch in. Many parents are putting pressures on kids because 1) they live vicariously and judge themselves and others based on the kids, and 2) we’ve disengaged civically so much that power and money lies in the hands of so few that its made it harder and harder for Others. And we’ve allowed that power and wealth to be the ideal instead of community. Teens invariably crumble of the pressure because they’ve been coddled and indulged up till then and haven’t deceloped any coping strategies or the ability to deal with failure.

It's not about not wanting kids to grow up at all, it's about not forcing them to grow up before they have to. What's so wrong with letting kids just be kids? Plenty of decades to adult once you turn 18.

[Anonymous]

Social media is a red herring.

Teenagers need agency and freedom.

My best times in high school involved alcohol, sex, driving, or drugs.

Kids here nowadays are depressed because their parents are honing them for life as accountants, corporate lawyers, or consultants from an early age.

Without transgression or stretching boundaries there is no growth and no joy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Best thing I did was send my daughter to a private school that does not allow cell phones.

They have limited computer time as well


I have heard parents rationalize kids have to have cell phones for school shootings. Just wow

Curious as to how old your daugther is? A boy in my kid's class that did not get a phone until high school is now on every bad site out there.

What does that have to do with anything? You don’t think staring at a screen all day from K-12th has repercussions? So the boy is on all the “bad sites” at age 15 instead of 8? How is that a bad thing? LOL

Not the PP, but my daughter’s school they must be locked in the lockers. If seen (not even being used) they get AM detention, meaning the parents have to drive them in an hour before school starts. It works amazingly well.

I have not idea why phones are not banned in all public schools. There is absolutely no reason for them and they are a huge distraction. I was SHOCKED when our elementary school started to allow them. And why? Because moms wanted a way to reach their kid? Like um no. CALL THE SCHOOL

I am also surprised they are not banned at least during school hours. The only reason you would really need one is to tell a parent a practice was cancelled or something and you could do that after school is over and just wait for them to pick you up.

Cell phones are banned at our school. But kids are on them at home all the time. The issue is all social communication happens through the cell phone. Texting, FaceTime whatever. Friends live some distance from each other…with no way to get to each other..(parents work, or are otherwise busy and can’t drop them off). Also kids are over scheduled with activities, so can’t devote blocks of time to see each other. So they text and play games (apps) with each other.

I’d love my kid to invite friends over I but she doesn’t want to. It’s not what kids do!

NP. I think they should be banned during school hours. But I seriously can't wait until my DD is old enough for one. I spend a lot of time trying to hunt down where my daughter is at school when I pick her up. She does afterschool activities. Some days they're in the gym, sometimes the cafeteria, sometimes the hallway, sometimes the playground. None of these are even close to each other and school has all the doors locked. I basically go from door to door peering in and knocking. It's frustrating to say the least. I also have an infant in the car. I wish I could say- "swimming today, be there in 10 minutes. Get your backpack" Instead I get there, can't find her for 15 min, she's covered in paint from a project, then her backpack is in another room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Social media is a red herring.

Teenagers need agency and freedom.

My best times in high school involved alcohol, sex, driving, or drugs.

Kids here nowadays are depressed because their parents are honing them for life as accountants, corporate lawyers, or consultants from an early age.

Without transgression or stretching boundaries there is no growth and no joy.

Freedom? Who paid for your car? Do you know how much cars and gas cost in 2022?


Fortunately, we’re more aware of the environmental costs of cars now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of everything discussed and listed, imo as someone who works with high risk kids, it is this:

4. Modern parenting strategies

The #s 1, 2 and 3 of your list (the use of social media, the lack of socialization, and the inability of kids to flex) all comes down to poor parenting. Modern parents aren't modeling these behaviors the way they should.

Can you elaborate though? Because the main complaint I hear about modern parenting strategies is that it’s too involved, too child focused, too many activities, to many restrictions, etc. That parents are too involved, make things too easy, etc. But the other stuff on this list pretty much requires a highly involved approach. You are not restricting social media, getting your kids socializing more, if you aren’t highly involved. The societal pressure on kids is intense so I think many parents step in to try to create a buffer and allow their kids to have more of an extended childhood, but then get accused of coddling.

I think it’s really hard to parent right now, but especially teens. I also feel like the DMV feels like an especially bad environment for it. We’re looking at moving somewhere more rural possibly because it might enable a more safe and relaxed teenagerhood. But we don’t want them isolated. I just don’t know.

I think the bolded is exactly what is wrong with modern parenting and it creates so many of these problems. We’ve idealized childhood as this time that nothing is suppose to go wrong, and kids need to be shielded and protected from everything, and should be a time full of fun. You hear parents say all the time about them believing kids are grouping up too soon or how childhood is so short they want their kids to really enjoy it. But the truth is the purpose of childhood is learning, growing, maturing to be able to handle adulthood, just like every other mammal. Yet, we purposely stop our kids from this process and slow it down as much as we possible can.

If modern parents kept the purpose in mind then they wouldn’t indulge their kids so much because they would understand that its not good for them long term. They wouldn’t shield them from all failure or difficulties, because they know its not good for them long term and they don’t learn lessons. The wouldn’t act like life revolves around kids only, because it doesn’t teach them that life is a shared community where everyone needs to pitch in. Many parents are putting pressures on kids because 1) they live vicariously and judge themselves and others based on the kids, and 2) we’ve disengaged civically so much that power and money lies in the hands of so few that its made it harder and harder for Others. And we’ve allowed that power and wealth to be the ideal instead of community. Teens invariably crumble of the pressure because they’ve been coddled and indulged up till then and haven’t deceloped any coping strategies or the ability to deal with failure.

You just described DCUM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of everything discussed and listed, imo as someone who works with high risk kids, it is this:

4. Modern parenting strategies

The #s 1, 2 and 3 of your list (the use of social media, the lack of socialization, and the inability of kids to flex) all comes down to poor parenting. Modern parents aren't modeling these behaviors the way they should.

Can you elaborate though? Because the main complaint I hear about modern parenting strategies is that it’s too involved, too child focused, too many activities, to many restrictions, etc. That parents are too involved, make things too easy, etc. But the other stuff on this list pretty much requires a highly involved approach. You are not restricting social media, getting your kids socializing more, if you aren’t highly involved. The societal pressure on kids is intense so I think many parents step in to try to create a buffer and allow their kids to have more of an extended childhood, but then get accused of coddling.

I think it’s really hard to parent right now, but especially teens. I also feel like the DMV feels like an especially bad environment for it. We’re looking at moving somewhere more rural possibly because it might enable a more safe and relaxed teenagerhood. But we don’t want them isolated. I just don’t know.

I think the bolded is exactly what is wrong with modern parenting and it creates so many of these problems. We’ve idealized childhood as this time that nothing is suppose to go wrong, and kids need to be shielded and protected from everything, and should be a time full of fun. You hear parents say all the time about them believing kids are grouping up too soon or how childhood is so short they want their kids to really enjoy it. But the truth is the purpose of childhood is learning, growing, maturing to be able to handle adulthood, just like every other mammal. Yet, we purposely stop our kids from this process and slow it down as much as we possible can.

If modern parents kept the purpose in mind then they wouldn’t indulge their kids so much because they would understand that its not good for them long term. They wouldn’t shield them from all failure or difficulties, because they know its not good for them long term and they don’t learn lessons. The wouldn’t act like life revolves around kids only, because it doesn’t teach them that life is a shared community where everyone needs to pitch in. Many parents are putting pressures on kids because 1) they live vicariously and judge themselves and others based on the kids, and 2) we’ve disengaged civically so much that power and money lies in the hands of so few that its made it harder and harder for Others. And we’ve allowed that power and wealth to be the ideal instead of community. Teens invariably crumble of the pressure because they’ve been coddled and indulged up till then and haven’t deceloped any coping strategies or the ability to deal with failure.

It's not about not wanting kids to grow up at all, it's about not forcing them to grow up before they have to. What's so wrong with letting kids just be kids? Plenty of decades to adult once you turn 18.

Not the PP but you obviously did not read or understand the comment. She basically said stop smothering and band-aiding your kids as well as stop indulging them. Kids need to learn mistakes, work ethic, responsibility, socialization, etc... Otherwise they go into adulthood and start to believe they are failures and have zero confidence and complete lack of what life is all about. I mean have you not seen the tik toks of "I am just a baby" when 22 year olds can not make doctor's appointments on their own and everyone is like "oh that is so me!! I make my mom still do that for me!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Social media is a red herring.

Teenagers need agency and freedom.

My best times in high school involved alcohol, sex, driving, or drugs.

Kids here nowadays are depressed because their parents are honing them for life as accountants, corporate lawyers, or consultants from an early age.

Without transgression or stretching boundaries there is no growth and no joy.

Freedom? Who paid for your car? Do you know how much cars and gas cost in 2022?


Fortunately, we’re more aware of the environmental costs of cars now.

Please just stop. My daughter has $3,000 in her bank account and she is 12. She dog sits, mother helper, and saves money from birthdays. She will get a job just like her older sister and be responsible for MANY things BEFORE she leaves my house. One of those is getting a car. We split the cost of the car and we pay insurance and they pay for gas. We have had no issues. If they don't work and don't save, they don't get a car. Her sister was a 2 season varsity player and still was able to work on weekends, make honor roll, and drive around and see friends when she wanted.

And for those that don't have a car, buses are still free and Metro is cheap. But my guess is most parents won't let their 16yr old either of those to go hang out with friends.

The notion that kids all need to be taken care of, helped out, and kept at home safe until they go off to college IS the root cause of why so many kids use their screens so much and hang out on Snap Chat instead of in person. It is 100% the parent's fault. 100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Best thing I did was send my daughter to a private school that does not allow cell phones.

They have limited computer time as well


I have heard parents rationalize kids have to have cell phones for school shootings. Just wow

Curious as to how old your daugther is? A boy in my kid's class that did not get a phone until high school is now on every bad site out there.

What does that have to do with anything? You don’t think staring at a screen all day from K-12th has repercussions? So the boy is on all the “bad sites” at age 15 instead of 8? How is that a bad thing? LOL

Not the PP, but my daughter’s school they must be locked in the lockers. If seen (not even being used) they get AM detention, meaning the parents have to drive them in an hour before school starts. It works amazingly well.

I have not idea why phones are not banned in all public schools. There is absolutely no reason for them and they are a huge distraction. I was SHOCKED when our elementary school started to allow them. And why? Because moms wanted a way to reach their kid? Like um no. CALL THE SCHOOL

I am also surprised they are not banned at least during school hours. The only reason you would really need one is to tell a parent a practice was cancelled or something and you could do that after school is over and just wait for them to pick you up.

Cell phones are banned at our school. But kids are on them at home all the time. The issue is all social communication happens through the cell phone. Texting, FaceTime whatever. Friends live some distance from each other…with no way to get to each other..(parents work, or are otherwise busy and can’t drop them off). Also kids are over scheduled with activities, so can’t devote blocks of time to see each other. So they text and play games (apps) with each other.

I’d love my kid to invite friends over I but she doesn’t want to. It’s not what kids do!

Friday nights are friend's night at my house. Cell phones are placed in a bowl and the kids have free range of the entire basement and backyard. Sometimes they watch movies, play board games, just hang out and eat. We have the classic Wii down there and that is used a ton too. They aren't into shuffleboard as much but we have that new trendy hook game and a giant magnetic dark board. Also one small section of wall mirrors and a cheap karaoke machine. One night they learned how to play poker and had my husband teach them and player dealer/cashier. We have a firepit so they do smores a lot too. And my god, all of these 12-13yr olds still love to swing on our swing set. I added solar LED lights to it. Am considering a ping pong table for under the deck or a trampoline for this summer. My daughter has my old Canon digital camera so they take pics and after the night is over she uploads them and sends them out to everyone so they can add them to social media. If anyone needs their phone, they are allowed to come upstairs and use it at anytime. They just can't bring it down the basement. Most come up 1-2 a night for a few minutes each to text a parent or probably check messages. But you would be surprised how little they want it when no one else has it.

They also bike to the pool a lot in the summer. On their own. I haven't been to the pool since she was 9 or 10 years old. Her and her friends go alone.
Our neighborhood started cul de sac nights where kids ages 10 and older meet at certain cul de sacs to play capture the flag, jail break, kick the can, etc... No parents allowed.

So yes PP it absolutely can be what kids do. They want it and they need it. You are doing a disservice otherwise