Why American teens are so sad - four main takeaways

[Anonymous]

The root cause of this is that SO many parents think they’re better than other parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Best thing I did was send my daughter to a private school that does not allow cell phones.

They have limited computer time as well


I have heard parents rationalize kids have to have cell phones for school shootings. Just wow

Curious as to how old your daugther is? A boy in my kid's class that did not get a phone until high school is now on every bad site out there.

What does that have to do with anything? You don’t think staring at a screen all day from K-12th has repercussions? So the boy is on all the “bad sites” at age 15 instead of 8? How is that a bad thing? LOL

Not the PP, but my daughter’s school they must be locked in the lockers. If seen (not even being used) they get AM detention, meaning the parents have to drive them in an hour before school starts. It works amazingly well.

I have not idea why phones are not banned in all public schools. There is absolutely no reason for them and they are a huge distraction. I was SHOCKED when our elementary school started to allow them. And why? Because moms wanted a way to reach their kid? Like um no. CALL THE SCHOOL

I am also surprised they are not banned at least during school hours. The only reason you would really need one is to tell a parent a practice was cancelled or something and you could do that after school is over and just wait for them to pick you up.

Cell phones are banned at our school. But kids are on them at home all the time. The issue is all social communication happens through the cell phone. Texting, FaceTime whatever. Friends live some distance from each other…with no way to get to each other..(parents work, or are otherwise busy and can’t drop them off). Also kids are over scheduled with activities, so can’t devote blocks of time to see each other. So they text and play games (apps) with each other.

I’d love my kid to invite friends over I but she doesn’t want to. It’s not what kids do!

Friday nights are friend's night at my house. Cell phones are placed in a bowl and the kids have free range of the entire basement and backyard. Sometimes they watch movies, play board games, just hang out and eat. We have the classic Wii down there and that is used a ton too. They aren't into shuffleboard as much but we have that new trendy hook game and a giant magnetic dark board. Also one small section of wall mirrors and a cheap karaoke machine. One night they learned how to play poker and had my husband teach them and player dealer/cashier. We have a firepit so they do smores a lot too. And my god, all of these 12-13yr olds still love to swing on our swing set. I added solar LED lights to it. Am considering a ping pong table for under the deck or a trampoline for this summer. My daughter has my old Canon digital camera so they take pics and after the night is over she uploads them and sends them out to everyone so they can add them to social media. If anyone needs their phone, they are allowed to come upstairs and use it at anytime. They just can't bring it down the basement. Most come up 1-2 a night for a few minutes each to text a parent or probably check messages. But you would be surprised how little they want it when no one else has it.

They also bike to the pool a lot in the summer. On their own. I haven't been to the pool since she was 9 or 10 years old. Her and her friends go alone.
Our neighborhood started cul de sac nights where kids ages 10 and older meet at certain cul de sacs to play capture the flag, jail break, kick the can, etc... No parents allowed.

So yes PP it absolutely can be what kids do. They want it and they need it. You are doing a disservice otherwise

I was all in until you got to the bolded. Sounds like lots of fun and I commend you for your efforts. But while that is a huge boost to the mental health of those who are invited, as soon as those pics go up on social media, it makes a dent in the mental health of those who weren’t. This is why social media is such a huge part of the picture. Adults can’t handle feelings of being left out, can you imagine being 12 or 13 and having to feel like everyone else is out there having the best time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Social media is a red herring.

Teenagers need agency and freedom.

My best times in high school involved alcohol, sex, driving, or drugs.

Kids here nowadays are depressed because their parents are honing them for life as accountants, corporate lawyers, or consultants from an early age.

Without transgression or stretching boundaries there is no growth and no joy.

Freedom? Who paid for your car? Do you know how much cars and gas cost in 2022?


Fortunately, we’re more aware of the environmental costs of cars now.

Please just stop. My daughter has $3,000 in her bank account and she is 12. She dog sits, mother helper, and saves money from birthdays. She will get a job just like her older sister and be responsible for MANY things BEFORE she leaves my house. One of those is getting a car. We split the cost of the car and we pay insurance and they pay for gas. We have had no issues. If they don't work and don't save, they don't get a car. Her sister was a 2 season varsity player and still was able to work on weekends, make honor roll, and drive around and see friends when she wanted.

And for those that don't have a car, buses are still free and Metro is cheap. But my guess is most parents won't let their 16yr old either of those to go hang out with friends.

The notion that kids all need to be taken care of, helped out, and kept at home safe until they go off to college IS the root cause of why so many kids use their screens so much and hang out on Snap Chat instead of in person. It is 100% the parent's fault. 100%

Kudos to your daughter and you - that is highly commendable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, the teen birth rate is at a record low, re: teens moving in a positive direction.

Hmm also likely means less sex and relationships which may be contributing to sadness

By relationships do you only mean dating? I personally prefer that my child not date or be sexually active as a teen. I can’t prevent it of course, but I would prefer that.

No dating at all?

I said “prefer.” Of course they will likely date and I won’t be a roadblock to that. But I’d still prefer if they didn’t in high school.

Don't do this. You want your child's first experiences dating to be in your home, under your watch. My parents didn't let me date and I got to college fairly clueless about relationships and dating and how to navigate them and all the freedom that comes with college. I think if I had been able to test the waters in a controlled and safe environment while at home with my parents who could also guide me, I would have been better prepared for or might even have avoided some of the emotional and other situations I encountered in college.

I didn’t date at all in high school or college.

You know that’s not normal, right, or something to be praised or emulated?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teens need a relationship with Jesus and get connected to a church.

Oh, really? Jewish and Muslim teens do?

What a bizarre thing to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet dating & sex are down also because weight is so far up. I know there is (thankfully) so many more sizes and body types depicted in the media but there’s still such a stigma to dating overweight people.

It adds to the loneliness.

Maybe for teens in wealthy white communities that's true, I honestly don't know. I work with teens, primarily Black and Latino and lower-income. I really don't think being heavy is holding anyone back here. I think that bigger bodies are considered desirable and there are so many more cute clothes options compared to when I was a teen and dinosaurs roamed the earth.

I don't know why teens are sad, depressed, and anxious but we have definitely seen a big uptick over the past five years where I work. I think meaningful interests, a developmentally appropriate amount of responsibility, training in some basic CBT/DBT techniques, and a lot of love and positive feedback in a least one but hopefully multiple areas of life (home, school, extracurriculars, friends, faith group), all those things help a lot.

“Bigger bodies” are unhealthy and will indeed hold these children back in life.

I know, you were SO excited when you got to interject weight and fat shaming into a totally unrelated conversation.

Get therapy for your low self-esteem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teens need a relationship with Jesus and get connected to a church.

Gay teens do?

Ya'll have not been to church lately. Almost every other church is very accepting of gay teens and families and Gay pastors are common.

Well, that’s a lie. Entire very large *denominations* are ignorant and hateful toward gay people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, the teen birth rate is at a record low, re: teens moving in a positive direction.

Hmm also likely means less sex and relationships which may be contributing to sadness

By relationships do you only mean dating? I personally prefer that my child not date or be sexually active as a teen. I can’t prevent it of course, but I would prefer that.

No dating at all?

I said “prefer.” Of course they will likely date and I won’t be a roadblock to that. But I’d still prefer if they didn’t in high school.

Don't do this. You want your child's first experiences dating to be in your home, under your watch. My parents didn't let me date and I got to college fairly clueless about relationships and dating and how to navigate them and all the freedom that comes with college. I think if I had been able to test the waters in a controlled and safe environment while at home with my parents who could also guide me, I would have been better prepared for or might even have avoided some of the emotional and other situations I encountered in college.

I didn’t date at all in high school or college.

You know that’s not normal, right, or something to be praised or emulated?

Who cares if it's not normal. And why isn't it something to emulate or praise? There's nothing wrong with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Best thing I did was send my daughter to a private school that does not allow cell phones.

They have limited computer time as well


I have heard parents rationalize kids have to have cell phones for school shootings. Just wow

Curious as to how old your daugther is? A boy in my kid's class that did not get a phone until high school is now on every bad site out there.

What does that have to do with anything? You don’t think staring at a screen all day from K-12th has repercussions? So the boy is on all the “bad sites” at age 15 instead of 8? How is that a bad thing? LOL

Not the PP, but my daughter’s school they must be locked in the lockers. If seen (not even being used) they get AM detention, meaning the parents have to drive them in an hour before school starts. It works amazingly well.

I have not idea why phones are not banned in all public schools. There is absolutely no reason for them and they are a huge distraction. I was SHOCKED when our elementary school started to allow them. And why? Because moms wanted a way to reach their kid? Like um no. CALL THE SCHOOL

I am also surprised they are not banned at least during school hours. The only reason you would really need one is to tell a parent a practice was cancelled or something and you could do that after school is over and just wait for them to pick you up.

Cell phones are banned at our school. But kids are on them at home all the time. The issue is all social communication happens through the cell phone. Texting, FaceTime whatever. Friends live some distance from each other…with no way to get to each other..(parents work, or are otherwise busy and can’t drop them off). Also kids are over scheduled with activities, so can’t devote blocks of time to see each other. So they text and play games (apps) with each other.

I’d love my kid to invite friends over I but she doesn’t want to. It’s not what kids do!

Friday nights are friend's night at my house. Cell phones are placed in a bowl and the kids have free range of the entire basement and backyard. Sometimes they watch movies, play board games, just hang out and eat. We have the classic Wii down there and that is used a ton too. They aren't into shuffleboard as much but we have that new trendy hook game and a giant magnetic dark board. Also one small section of wall mirrors and a cheap karaoke machine. One night they learned how to play poker and had my husband teach them and player dealer/cashier. We have a firepit so they do smores a lot too. And my god, all of these 12-13yr olds still love to swing on our swing set. I added solar LED lights to it. Am considering a ping pong table for under the deck or a trampoline for this summer. My daughter has my old Canon digital camera so they take pics and after the night is over she uploads them and sends them out to everyone so they can add them to social media. If anyone needs their phone, they are allowed to come upstairs and use it at anytime. They just can't bring it down the basement. Most come up 1-2 a night for a few minutes each to text a parent or probably check messages. But you would be surprised how little they want it when no one else has it.

They also bike to the pool a lot in the summer. On their own. I haven't been to the pool since she was 9 or 10 years old. Her and her friends go alone.
Our neighborhood started cul de sac nights where kids ages 10 and older meet at certain cul de sacs to play capture the flag, jail break, kick the can, etc... No parents allowed.

So yes PP it absolutely can be what kids do. They want it and they need it. You are doing a disservice otherwise

I was all in until you got to the bolded. Sounds like lots of fun and I commend you for your efforts. But while that is a huge boost to the mental health of those who are invited, as soon as those pics go up on social media, it makes a dent in the mental health of those who weren’t. This is why social media is such a huge part of the picture. Adults can’t handle feelings of being left out, can you imagine being 12 or 13 and having to feel like everyone else is out there having the best time?

LOL

Sounds like you are part of the everyone gets a trophy edition.

Not everyone gets invited to things sweetie. And as an adult and even as a teen I knew this.

No need to keep it on the down low. Live your life. Not the PP but you are ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, the teen birth rate is at a record low, re: teens moving in a positive direction.

Hmm also likely means less sex and relationships which may be contributing to sadness

By relationships do you only mean dating? I personally prefer that my child not date or be sexually active as a teen. I can’t prevent it of course, but I would prefer that.

No dating at all?

I said “prefer.” Of course they will likely date and I won’t be a roadblock to that. But I’d still prefer if they didn’t in high school.

Don't do this. You want your child's first experiences dating to be in your home, under your watch. My parents didn't let me date and I got to college fairly clueless about relationships and dating and how to navigate them and all the freedom that comes with college. I think if I had been able to test the waters in a controlled and safe environment while at home with my parents who could also guide me, I would have been better prepared for or might even have avoided some of the emotional and other situations I encountered in college.

I didn’t date at all in high school or college.

You know that’s not normal, right, or something to be praised or emulated?

Yeah, it is. Kids/teens should focus on school, sports, extracurriculars and work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Best thing I did was send my daughter to a private school that does not allow cell phones.

They have limited computer time as well


I have heard parents rationalize kids have to have cell phones for school shootings. Just wow

Curious as to how old your daugther is? A boy in my kid's class that did not get a phone until high school is now on every bad site out there.

What does that have to do with anything? You don’t think staring at a screen all day from K-12th has repercussions? So the boy is on all the “bad sites” at age 15 instead of 8? How is that a bad thing? LOL

Not the PP, but my daughter’s school they must be locked in the lockers. If seen (not even being used) they get AM detention, meaning the parents have to drive them in an hour before school starts. It works amazingly well.

I have not idea why phones are not banned in all public schools. There is absolutely no reason for them and they are a huge distraction. I was SHOCKED when our elementary school started to allow them. And why? Because moms wanted a way to reach their kid? Like um no. CALL THE SCHOOL

I am also surprised they are not banned at least during school hours. The only reason you would really need one is to tell a parent a practice was cancelled or something and you could do that after school is over and just wait for them to pick you up.

Cell phones are banned at our school. But kids are on them at home all the time. The issue is all social communication happens through the cell phone. Texting, FaceTime whatever. Friends live some distance from each other…with no way to get to each other..(parents work, or are otherwise busy and can’t drop them off). Also kids are over scheduled with activities, so can’t devote blocks of time to see each other. So they text and play games (apps) with each other.

I’d love my kid to invite friends over I but she doesn’t want to. It’s not what kids do!

Friday nights are friend's night at my house. Cell phones are placed in a bowl and the kids have free range of the entire basement and backyard. Sometimes they watch movies, play board games, just hang out and eat. We have the classic Wii down there and that is used a ton too. They aren't into shuffleboard as much but we have that new trendy hook game and a giant magnetic dark board. Also one small section of wall mirrors and a cheap karaoke machine. One night they learned how to play poker and had my husband teach them and player dealer/cashier. We have a firepit so they do smores a lot too. And my god, all of these 12-13yr olds still love to swing on our swing set. I added solar LED lights to it. Am considering a ping pong table for under the deck or a trampoline for this summer. My daughter has my old Canon digital camera so they take pics and after the night is over she uploads them and sends them out to everyone so they can add them to social media. If anyone needs their phone, they are allowed to come upstairs and use it at anytime. They just can't bring it down the basement. Most come up 1-2 a night for a few minutes each to text a parent or probably check messages. But you would be surprised how little they want it when no one else has it.

They also bike to the pool a lot in the summer. On their own. I haven't been to the pool since she was 9 or 10 years old. Her and her friends go alone.
Our neighborhood started cul de sac nights where kids ages 10 and older meet at certain cul de sacs to play capture the flag, jail break, kick the can, etc... No parents allowed.

So yes PP it absolutely can be what kids do. They want it and they need it. You are doing a disservice otherwise

I was all in until you got to the bolded. Sounds like lots of fun and I commend you for your efforts. But while that is a huge boost to the mental health of those who are invited, as soon as those pics go up on social media, it makes a dent in the mental health of those who weren’t. This is why social media is such a huge part of the picture. Adults can’t handle feelings of being left out, can you imagine being 12 or 13 and having to feel like everyone else is out there having the best time?

LOL

Sounds like you are part of the everyone gets a trophy edition.

Not everyone gets invited to things sweetie. And as an adult and even as a teen I knew this.

No need to keep it on the down low. Live your life. Not the PP but you are ridiculous.

So you basically don’t care about cyberbullying. Got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Best thing I did was send my daughter to a private school that does not allow cell phones.

They have limited computer time as well


I have heard parents rationalize kids have to have cell phones for school shootings. Just wow

Curious as to how old your daugther is? A boy in my kid's class that did not get a phone until high school is now on every bad site out there.

What does that have to do with anything? You don’t think staring at a screen all day from K-12th has repercussions? So the boy is on all the “bad sites” at age 15 instead of 8? How is that a bad thing? LOL

Not the PP, but my daughter’s school they must be locked in the lockers. If seen (not even being used) they get AM detention, meaning the parents have to drive them in an hour before school starts. It works amazingly well.

I have not idea why phones are not banned in all public schools. There is absolutely no reason for them and they are a huge distraction. I was SHOCKED when our elementary school started to allow them. And why? Because moms wanted a way to reach their kid? Like um no. CALL THE SCHOOL

I am also surprised they are not banned at least during school hours. The only reason you would really need one is to tell a parent a practice was cancelled or something and you could do that after school is over and just wait for them to pick you up.

Cell phones are banned at our school. But kids are on them at home all the time. The issue is all social communication happens through the cell phone. Texting, FaceTime whatever. Friends live some distance from each other…with no way to get to each other..(parents work, or are otherwise busy and can’t drop them off). Also kids are over scheduled with activities, so can’t devote blocks of time to see each other. So they text and play games (apps) with each other.

I’d love my kid to invite friends over I but she doesn’t want to. It’s not what kids do!

Friday nights are friend's night at my house. Cell phones are placed in a bowl and the kids have free range of the entire basement and backyard. Sometimes they watch movies, play board games, just hang out and eat. We have the classic Wii down there and that is used a ton too. They aren't into shuffleboard as much but we have that new trendy hook game and a giant magnetic dark board. Also one small section of wall mirrors and a cheap karaoke machine. One night they learned how to play poker and had my husband teach them and player dealer/cashier. We have a firepit so they do smores a lot too. And my god, all of these 12-13yr olds still love to swing on our swing set. I added solar LED lights to it. Am considering a ping pong table for under the deck or a trampoline for this summer. My daughter has my old Canon digital camera so they take pics and after the night is over she uploads them and sends them out to everyone so they can add them to social media. If anyone needs their phone, they are allowed to come upstairs and use it at anytime. They just can't bring it down the basement. Most come up 1-2 a night for a few minutes each to text a parent or probably check messages. But you would be surprised how little they want it when no one else has it.

They also bike to the pool a lot in the summer. On their own. I haven't been to the pool since she was 9 or 10 years old. Her and her friends go alone.
Our neighborhood started cul de sac nights where kids ages 10 and older meet at certain cul de sacs to play capture the flag, jail break, kick the can, etc... No parents allowed.

So yes PP it absolutely can be what kids do. They want it and they need it. You are doing a disservice otherwise

I was all in until you got to the bolded. Sounds like lots of fun and I commend you for your efforts. But while that is a huge boost to the mental health of those who are invited, as soon as those pics go up on social media, it makes a dent in the mental health of those who weren’t. This is why social media is such a huge part of the picture. Adults can’t handle feelings of being left out, can you imagine being 12 or 13 and having to feel like everyone else is out there having the best time?

LOL

Sounds like you are part of the everyone gets a trophy edition.

Not everyone gets invited to things sweetie. And as an adult and even as a teen I knew this.

No need to keep it on the down low. Live your life. Not the PP but you are ridiculous.

So you basically don’t care about cyberbullying. Got it.

It’s not cyber bullying just because people post things on social media that you are not invited to attend. Cyber bullying is a whole different thing. Let’s not conflate the two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, the teen birth rate is at a record low, re: teens moving in a positive direction.

Hmm also likely means less sex and relationships which may be contributing to sadness

By relationships do you only mean dating? I personally prefer that my child not date or be sexually active as a teen. I can’t prevent it of course, but I would prefer that.

No dating at all?

I said “prefer.” Of course they will likely date and I won’t be a roadblock to that. But I’d still prefer if they didn’t in high school.

Don't do this. You want your child's first experiences dating to be in your home, under your watch. My parents didn't let me date and I got to college fairly clueless about relationships and dating and how to navigate them and all the freedom that comes with college. I think if I had been able to test the waters in a controlled and safe environment while at home with my parents who could also guide me, I would have been better prepared for or might even have avoided some of the emotional and other situations I encountered in college.

I didn’t date at all in high school or college.

You know that’s not normal, right, or something to be praised or emulated?

Yeah, it is. Kids/teens should focus on school, sports, extracurriculars and work.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Social media is a red herring.

Teenagers need agency and freedom.

My best times in high school involved alcohol, sex, driving, or drugs.

Kids here nowadays are depressed because their parents are honing them for life as accountants, corporate lawyers, or consultants from an early age.

Without transgression or stretching boundaries there is no growth and no joy.

This sounds like a scary parent if he/she wants their kid to engage in that type of extreme, risky behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Social media is a red herring.

Teenagers need agency and freedom.

My best times in high school involved alcohol, sex, driving, or drugs.

Kids here nowadays are depressed because their parents are honing them for life as accountants, corporate lawyers, or consultants from an early age.

Without transgression or stretching boundaries there is no growth and no joy.

This sounds like a scary parent if he/she wants their kid to engage in that type of extreme, risky behavior.

Seriously.