Less successful sister is acting like she's the de facto owner of dad's beach house

[Anonymous]

This is wild. OP sounds paranoid and like he or she needs professional help. Just because the sister is involved in the beach house doesn’t mean she is trying to take control or future inheritance.

Also have no idea what OP’s beachhouse has to do with any of this. Except that it seems like OP is resentful that he or she bought their own beach house and the sister can just use dad’s

Seems to me that OP made a mistake buying a beach house, no? OP you should just sell yours and start visiting your dad.

[Anonymous]

OP sounds like the typical male child who is of little help. He thinks the sister will continue helping the dad, managing the contractors and then will swoop in at the end to claim what is his. Men are the worst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is wild. OP sounds paranoid and like he or she needs professional help. Just because the sister is involved in the beach house doesn’t mean she is trying to take control or future inheritance.

Also have no idea what OP’s beachhouse has to do with any of this. Except that it seems like OP is resentful that he or she bought their own beach house and the sister can just use dad’s

Seems to me that OP made a mistake buying a beach house, no? OP you should just sell yours and start visiting your dad.

There's the solution!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Beach house has been in the family for nearly 50 years. It's a little shabby but the land alone is worth over one million dollars. My husband and I purchased our own beach house nearby, on a slightly less valuable but still expensive parcel. It was not easy financially and we sacrifice a lot to make that happen, so we and our children are close to our parents (now it's just my dad). Ever since we bought that second home, and especially since my mom died, my sister and her husband have acted more in control of my parents' beach house, including vetoing painting decisions, remodeling projects, even making my dad have a contractor re-do something they didn't like. My dad is sharp and of sound mind, he doesn't need their aid. They are giving off the arrogant posture that they 'own the place' and/or plan to inherit it.

Also, my sister and I also used to always tell each other when we'd be out there but sister has been making more secret trips; as in, my dad and I talk every night and he will casually share she's there but she never mentioned going to me. When the time comes, my dad's estate will be split equally three ways (we have a brother who lives on the west coast). I have no interest in charitably giving her a million+ beach house. Should I be concerned they're making a move on my dad's beach house? Should I tell her to back-off in general? It's a strange side to my sister that I'm just increasingly uncomfortable with.

Why aren't you helping dad, sounds like you're the entitled one not her

Once again, likely that OP has a JOB and FAMILY to tend to. Stop trying to pretend that many people don't have both, and that greedy, encroaching sister haas NO job.

Neither one of those things would prevent OP from visiting father if she wanted to. It's not clear from original post how frequently OP sees father in person.

OP literally said in her first post she sacrificed and bought her own beach home near his. You think she did this to get AWAY from spending time with her dad, you dunce?

DP. Potentially, yes. People have asked over and over again how much time OP spends with her father and OP has ignored those questions.

Does it matter? If it does, are you implying that the sister who has been recently visiting her perfectly healthy dad is entitled to a million dollar beach house? And the OP and brother should get none of it because they didn’t visit the dad as much and direct him to make repairs/upgrades?

I don't think anybody in this situation other than the dad is "entitled" to a million dollar beach house. And that really isn't even in question at this point.

The sister is spending time at the house with her father and making upgrades happen. That is it. And there is nothing at all wrong with that.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Beach house has been in the family for nearly 50 years. It's a little shabby but the land alone is worth over one million dollars. My husband and I purchased our own beach house nearby, on a slightly less valuable but still expensive parcel. It was not easy financially and we sacrifice a lot to make that happen, so we and our children are close to our parents (now it's just my dad). Ever since we bought that second home, and especially since my mom died, my sister and her husband have acted more in control of my parents' beach house, including vetoing painting decisions, remodeling projects, even making my dad have a contractor re-do something they didn't like. My dad is sharp and of sound mind, he doesn't need their aid. They are giving off the arrogant posture that they 'own the place' and/or plan to inherit it.

Also, my sister and I also used to always tell each other when we'd be out there but sister has been making more secret trips; as in, my dad and I talk every night and he will casually share she's there but she never mentioned going to me. When the time comes, my dad's estate will be split equally three ways (we have a brother who lives on the west coast). I have no interest in charitably giving her a million+ beach house. Should I be concerned they're making a move on my dad's beach house? Should I tell her to back-off in general? It's a strange side to my sister that I'm just increasingly uncomfortable with.

Why aren't you helping dad, sounds like you're the entitled one not her

Once again, likely that OP has a JOB and FAMILY to tend to. Stop trying to pretend that many people don't have both, and that greedy, encroaching sister haas NO job.

Neither one of those things would prevent OP from visiting father if she wanted to. It's not clear from original post how frequently OP sees father in person.

OP literally said in her first post she sacrificed and bought her own beach home near his. You think she did this to get AWAY from spending time with her dad, you dunce?

DP. Potentially, yes. People have asked over and over again how much time OP spends with her father and OP has ignored those questions.

Does it matter? If it does, are you implying that the sister who has been recently visiting her perfectly healthy dad is entitled to a million dollar beach house? And the OP and brother should get none of it because they didn’t visit the dad as much and direct him to make repairs/upgrades?

It just seems that OP is more concerned about the house and not the father from her post.

Again, so what? What does it matter? He’s fine. Does any of it mean the sister should get the entire house? Should the sister assume she has rights to it because she’s been visiting more and because her sister already has a house?

No. BUT THE SISTER IS NOT TAKING THE HOUSE. She is visiting there, and her father. OP needs to just ask about the will if that if her concern.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Beach house has been in the family for nearly 50 years. It's a little shabby but the land alone is worth over one million dollars. My husband and I purchased our own beach house nearby, on a slightly less valuable but still expensive parcel. It was not easy financially and we sacrifice a lot to make that happen, so we and our children are close to our parents (now it's just my dad). Ever since we bought that second home, and especially since my mom died, my sister and her husband have acted more in control of my parents' beach house, including vetoing painting decisions, remodeling projects, even making my dad have a contractor re-do something they didn't like. My dad is sharp and of sound mind, he doesn't need their aid. They are giving off the arrogant posture that they 'own the place' and/or plan to inherit it.

Also, my sister and I also used to always tell each other when we'd be out there but sister has been making more secret trips; as in, my dad and I talk every night and he will casually share she's there but she never mentioned going to me. When the time comes, my dad's estate will be split equally three ways (we have a brother who lives on the west coast). I have no interest in charitably giving her a million+ beach house. Should I be concerned they're making a move on my dad's beach house? Should I tell her to back-off in general? It's a strange side to my sister that I'm just increasingly uncomfortable with.

Why aren't you helping dad, sounds like you're the entitled one not her

Once again, likely that OP has a JOB and FAMILY to tend to. Stop trying to pretend that many people don't have both, and that greedy, encroaching sister haas NO job.

Neither one of those things would prevent OP from visiting father if she wanted to. It's not clear from original post how frequently OP sees father in person.

OP literally said in her first post she sacrificed and bought her own beach home near his. You think she did this to get AWAY from spending time with her dad, you dunce?

DP. Potentially, yes. People have asked over and over again how much time OP spends with her father and OP has ignored those questions.

Does it matter? If it does, are you implying that the sister who has been recently visiting her perfectly healthy dad is entitled to a million dollar beach house? And the OP and brother should get none of it because they didn’t visit the dad as much and direct him to make repairs/upgrades?

It just seems that OP is more concerned about the house and not the father from her post.

Again, so what? What does it matter? He’s fine. Does any of it mean the sister should get the entire house? Should the sister assume she has rights to it because she’s been visiting more and because her sister already has a house?

So what? So what is that OP is creating an issue b/c she is jealous or greedy. She provided no evidence that sister is planning on doing anything. Sister seems to be showing up for the father and he isn't complaining, so OP is the only one with a problem here.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:What do you envision happening when your father dies? Are you going to try to share your dad's beach house with your siblings? Buy them out? Sell them your share?

OP, you haven't answered. It's not $333K of cash sitting in a bank account. It's a place that can't be split easily three ways. It's clear that you think your sister is trying to steal it, which would be awful. But what's your dream scenario?

OP will want the house sold.

Wouldn’t all three siblings have to agree to this, or the dad direct it in his will? One heir can’t unilaterally decide that, right?

In most states one party of jointly held property can force the sale.

[Anonymous]

Do you think maybe the sister already owns the house? That she "acts" like the owner because the father gave it to her a while ago?

[Anonymous]

So what if she coerces her widowed elderly father to cut out two of her siblings from a multi-million estate. Wait, what? This forum is full of shady dirtbags who must see themselves in the sister.

[Anonymous]

Mentioning that her sister is less successful seems petty. It rubbed me the wrong way immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So what if she coerces her widowed elderly father to cut out two of her siblings from a multi-million estate. Wait, what? This forum is full of shady dirtbags who must see themselves in the sister.

^There is no evidence of this. OP is suspicious but sister hasn't done anything wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So what if she coerces her widowed elderly father to cut out two of her siblings from a multi-million estate. Wait, what? This forum is full of shady dirtbags who must see themselves in the sister.

She didn't do that.

(and way to use some overblown rhetoric. A "shabby" house is now a multi-million estate.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mentioning that her sister is less successful seems petty. It rubbed me the wrong way immediately.

Right. It’s like OP is jealous that the sister has been less successful but somehow still gets to go to the beach and stay at the family beach house. There are all sorts of things going on with OP.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand what the sister has done that is wrong. From the OP I can gather:

1. The sister is less successful (so???)

2. The sister is managing work on the house including painting and contractors

3. The sister visits the beach house.


OP, what else has she done? Nothing that you’ve shared provides any evidence that the sister has done anything wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you envision happening when your father dies? Are you going to try to share your dad's beach house with your siblings? Buy them out? Sell them your share?

OP, you haven't answered. It's not $333K of cash sitting in a bank account. It's a place that can't be split easily three ways. It's clear that you think your sister is trying to steal it, which would be awful. But what's your dream scenario?

Most normal people would have sister buy them out. If sister can't affird that then they can all sell.