Less successful sister is acting like she's the de facto owner of dad's beach house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Beach house has been in the family for nearly 50 years. It's a little shabby but the land alone is worth over one million dollars. My husband and I purchased our own beach house nearby, on a slightly less valuable but still expensive parcel. It was not easy financially and we sacrifice a lot to make that happen, so we and our children are close to our parents (now it's just my dad). Ever since we bought that second home, and especially since my mom died, my sister and her husband have acted more in control of my parents' beach house, including vetoing painting decisions, remodeling projects, even making my dad have a contractor re-do something they didn't like. My dad is sharp and of sound mind, he doesn't need their aid. They are giving off the arrogant posture that they 'own the place' and/or plan to inherit it.

Also, my sister and I also used to always tell each other when we'd be out there but sister has been making more secret trips; as in, my dad and I talk every night and he will casually share she's there but she never mentioned going to me. When the time comes, my dad's estate will be split equally three ways (we have a brother who lives on the west coast). I have no interest in charitably giving her a million+ beach house. Should I be concerned they're making a move on my dad's beach house? Should I tell her to back-off in general? It's a strange side to my sister that I'm just increasingly uncomfortable with.

Why aren't you helping dad, sounds like you're the entitled one not her

Once again, likely that OP has a JOB and FAMILY to tend to. Stop trying to pretend that many people don't have both, and that greedy, encroaching sister haas NO job.

Neither one of those things would prevent OP from visiting father if she wanted to. It's not clear from original post how frequently OP sees father in person.

OP literally said in her first post she sacrificed and bought her own beach home near his. You think she did this to get AWAY from spending time with her dad, you dunce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've seen this before. What will happen is the sister will simply use the beach house as if it's her own, and will not agree to sell or to buy out her siblings. Be prepared, OP.

I am going through this EXACT situation. Its been 11 years and sister won't sell it and it's in Europe so legally things are different.

And my sister uses it and lets all her friends use it then in return they let her use their vacation homes.

Does the sister still pay her share of taxes and annual upkeep and maintenance?

[Anonymous]

START USING THE HOUSE. Here's what you need to do -- find another family to vacation with and let them use your house so that you have to use Dad's beach house 3-4 times a year. Stick it to your sister, OP, it's going to be part yours, too, you are entitled to just as much time in that house as she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does she need your permission to visit your dad?

Why is it relevant that she is "less successful" (whatever that means)?

+1 I don’t understand why the fact that the house will be split three way impacts your sister’s right to visit your dad when she pleases?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Beach house has been in the family for nearly 50 years. It's a little shabby but the land alone is worth over one million dollars. My husband and I purchased our own beach house nearby, on a slightly less valuable but still expensive parcel. It was not easy financially and we sacrifice a lot to make that happen, so we and our children are close to our parents (now it's just my dad). Ever since we bought that second home, and especially since my mom died, my sister and her husband have acted more in control of my parents' beach house, including vetoing painting decisions, remodeling projects, even making my dad have a contractor re-do something they didn't like. My dad is sharp and of sound mind, he doesn't need their aid. They are giving off the arrogant posture that they 'own the place' and/or plan to inherit it.

Also, my sister and I also used to always tell each other when we'd be out there but sister has been making more secret trips; as in, my dad and I talk every night and he will casually share she's there but she never mentioned going to me. When the time comes, my dad's estate will be split equally three ways (we have a brother who lives on the west coast). I have no interest in charitably giving her a million+ beach house. Should I be concerned they're making a move on my dad's beach house? Should I tell her to back-off in general? It's a strange side to my sister that I'm just increasingly uncomfortable with.

Why aren't you helping dad, sounds like you're the entitled one not her

Once again, likely that OP has a JOB and FAMILY to tend to. Stop trying to pretend that many people don't have both, and that greedy, encroaching sister haas NO job.

Neither one of those things would prevent OP from visiting father if she wanted to. It's not clear from original post how frequently OP sees father in person.

OP literally said in her first post she sacrificed and bought her own beach home near his. You think she did this to get AWAY from spending time with her dad, you dunce?

DP. Potentially, yes. People have asked over and over again how much time OP spends with her father and OP has ignored those questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Beach house has been in the family for nearly 50 years. It's a little shabby but the land alone is worth over one million dollars. My husband and I purchased our own beach house nearby, on a slightly less valuable but still expensive parcel. It was not easy financially and we sacrifice a lot to make that happen, so we and our children are close to our parents (now it's just my dad). Ever since we bought that second home, and especially since my mom died, my sister and her husband have acted more in control of my parents' beach house, including vetoing painting decisions, remodeling projects, even making my dad have a contractor re-do something they didn't like. My dad is sharp and of sound mind, he doesn't need their aid. They are giving off the arrogant posture that they 'own the place' and/or plan to inherit it.

Also, my sister and I also used to always tell each other when we'd be out there but sister has been making more secret trips; as in, my dad and I talk every night and he will casually share she's there but she never mentioned going to me. When the time comes, my dad's estate will be split equally three ways (we have a brother who lives on the west coast). I have no interest in charitably giving her a million+ beach house. Should I be concerned they're making a move on my dad's beach house? Should I tell her to back-off in general? It's a strange side to my sister that I'm just increasingly uncomfortable with.

Why aren't you helping dad, sounds like you're the entitled one not her

Once again, likely that OP has a JOB and FAMILY to tend to. Stop trying to pretend that many people don't have both, and that greedy, encroaching sister haas NO job.

Neither one of those things would prevent OP from visiting father if she wanted to. It's not clear from original post how frequently OP sees father in person.

OP literally said in her first post she sacrificed and bought her own beach home near his. You think she did this to get AWAY from spending time with her dad, you dunce?

OP may have bought beach house close but gave no indication of how frequently she see her father. Also, I think you meant dense, not dunce...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Beach house has been in the family for nearly 50 years. It's a little shabby but the land alone is worth over one million dollars. My husband and I purchased our own beach house nearby, on a slightly less valuable but still expensive parcel. It was not easy financially and we sacrifice a lot to make that happen, so we and our children are close to our parents (now it's just my dad). Ever since we bought that second home, and especially since my mom died, my sister and her husband have acted more in control of my parents' beach house, including vetoing painting decisions, remodeling projects, even making my dad have a contractor re-do something they didn't like. My dad is sharp and of sound mind, he doesn't need their aid. They are giving off the arrogant posture that they 'own the place' and/or plan to inherit it.

Also, my sister and I also used to always tell each other when we'd be out there but sister has been making more secret trips; as in, my dad and I talk every night and he will casually share she's there but she never mentioned going to me. When the time comes, my dad's estate will be split equally three ways (we have a brother who lives on the west coast). I have no interest in charitably giving her a million+ beach house. Should I be concerned they're making a move on my dad's beach house? Should I tell her to back-off in general? It's a strange side to my sister that I'm just increasingly uncomfortable with.

Why aren't you helping dad, sounds like you're the entitled one not her

Are you implying that because the sister is spending some time with her perfectly healthy father, she is entitled to a million dollar beach house, and that the two other siblings should get nothing?

Once again, likely that OP has a JOB and FAMILY to tend to. Stop trying to pretend that many people don't have both, and that greedy, encroaching sister haas NO job.

Neither one of those things would prevent OP from visiting father if she wanted to. It's not clear from original post how frequently OP sees father in person.

OP literally said in her first post she sacrificed and bought her own beach home near his. You think she did this to get AWAY from spending time with her dad, you dunce?

DP. Potentially, yes. People have asked over and over again how much time OP spends with her father and OP has ignored those questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you envision happening when your father dies? Are you going to try to share your dad's beach house with your siblings? Buy them out? Sell them your share?

OP, you haven't answered. It's not $333K of cash sitting in a bank account. It's a place that can't be split easily three ways. It's clear that you think your sister is trying to steal it, which would be awful. But what's your dream scenario?

OP will want the house sold.

Wouldn’t all three siblings have to agree to this, or the dad direct it in his will? One heir can’t unilaterally decide that, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Beach house has been in the family for nearly 50 years. It's a little shabby but the land alone is worth over one million dollars. My husband and I purchased our own beach house nearby, on a slightly less valuable but still expensive parcel. It was not easy financially and we sacrifice a lot to make that happen, so we and our children are close to our parents (now it's just my dad). Ever since we bought that second home, and especially since my mom died, my sister and her husband have acted more in control of my parents' beach house, including vetoing painting decisions, remodeling projects, even making my dad have a contractor re-do something they didn't like. My dad is sharp and of sound mind, he doesn't need their aid. They are giving off the arrogant posture that they 'own the place' and/or plan to inherit it.

Also, my sister and I also used to always tell each other when we'd be out there but sister has been making more secret trips; as in, my dad and I talk every night and he will casually share she's there but she never mentioned going to me. When the time comes, my dad's estate will be split equally three ways (we have a brother who lives on the west coast). I have no interest in charitably giving her a million+ beach house. Should I be concerned they're making a move on my dad's beach house? Should I tell her to back-off in general? It's a strange side to my sister that I'm just increasingly uncomfortable with.

Why aren't you helping dad, sounds like you're the entitled one not her

Once again, likely that OP has a JOB and FAMILY to tend to. Stop trying to pretend that many people don't have both, and that greedy, encroaching sister haas NO job.

Neither one of those things would prevent OP from visiting father if she wanted to. It's not clear from original post how frequently OP sees father in person.

OP literally said in her first post she sacrificed and bought her own beach home near his. You think she did this to get AWAY from spending time with her dad, you dunce?

DP. Potentially, yes. People have asked over and over again how much time OP spends with her father and OP has ignored those questions.

Does it matter? If it does, are you implying that the sister who has been recently visiting her perfectly healthy dad is entitled to a million dollar beach house? And the OP and brother should get none of it because they didn’t visit the dad as much and direct him to make repairs/upgrades?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Beach house has been in the family for nearly 50 years. It's a little shabby but the land alone is worth over one million dollars. My husband and I purchased our own beach house nearby, on a slightly less valuable but still expensive parcel. It was not easy financially and we sacrifice a lot to make that happen, so we and our children are close to our parents (now it's just my dad). Ever since we bought that second home, and especially since my mom died, my sister and her husband have acted more in control of my parents' beach house, including vetoing painting decisions, remodeling projects, even making my dad have a contractor re-do something they didn't like. My dad is sharp and of sound mind, he doesn't need their aid. They are giving off the arrogant posture that they 'own the place' and/or plan to inherit it.

Also, my sister and I also used to always tell each other when we'd be out there but sister has been making more secret trips; as in, my dad and I talk every night and he will casually share she's there but she never mentioned going to me. When the time comes, my dad's estate will be split equally three ways (we have a brother who lives on the west coast). I have no interest in charitably giving her a million+ beach house. Should I be concerned they're making a move on my dad's beach house? Should I tell her to back-off in general? It's a strange side to my sister that I'm just increasingly uncomfortable with.

Why aren't you helping dad, sounds like you're the entitled one not her

Once again, likely that OP has a JOB and FAMILY to tend to. Stop trying to pretend that many people don't have both, and that greedy, encroaching sister haas NO job.

Neither one of those things would prevent OP from visiting father if she wanted to. It's not clear from original post how frequently OP sees father in person.

OP literally said in her first post she sacrificed and bought her own beach home near his. You think she did this to get AWAY from spending time with her dad, you dunce?

She SACRIFICED to buy her own second home! What is it with this language? How is it a sacrifice to spend your money on something optional that you want? Just because it means you have less money to spend on other things you presumably want less? It's choice, and planning, but a beach house is not a sacrifice. Come on.

[Anonymous]

Ask your dad to have a conversation with ALL 3 of his children regarding his will, as well as his intentions for his care as he ages. For example, if he has a stroke and can’t live in the home alone, can he pay for long term care? Will he have to sell the house for extended long term care? Does your dad own another home? If your brother cannot attend the meeting, he can zoom and it wouldn’t be a bad idea for his attorney to join in.

Unsure of when your mom died, but once one of my parent’s died the other brought myself and my siblings up to speed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Beach house has been in the family for nearly 50 years. It's a little shabby but the land alone is worth over one million dollars. My husband and I purchased our own beach house nearby, on a slightly less valuable but still expensive parcel. It was not easy financially and we sacrifice a lot to make that happen, so we and our children are close to our parents (now it's just my dad). Ever since we bought that second home, and especially since my mom died, my sister and her husband have acted more in control of my parents' beach house, including vetoing painting decisions, remodeling projects, even making my dad have a contractor re-do something they didn't like. My dad is sharp and of sound mind, he doesn't need their aid. They are giving off the arrogant posture that they 'own the place' and/or plan to inherit it.

Also, my sister and I also used to always tell each other when we'd be out there but sister has been making more secret trips; as in, my dad and I talk every night and he will casually share she's there but she never mentioned going to me. When the time comes, my dad's estate will be split equally three ways (we have a brother who lives on the west coast). I have no interest in charitably giving her a million+ beach house. Should I be concerned they're making a move on my dad's beach house? Should I tell her to back-off in general? It's a strange side to my sister that I'm just increasingly uncomfortable with.

Why aren't you helping dad, sounds like you're the entitled one not her

Once again, likely that OP has a JOB and FAMILY to tend to. Stop trying to pretend that many people don't have both, and that greedy, encroaching sister haas NO job.

Neither one of those things would prevent OP from visiting father if she wanted to. It's not clear from original post how frequently OP sees father in person.

OP literally said in her first post she sacrificed and bought her own beach home near his. You think she did this to get AWAY from spending time with her dad, you dunce?

DP. Potentially, yes. People have asked over and over again how much time OP spends with her father and OP has ignored those questions.

Does it matter? If it does, are you implying that the sister who has been recently visiting her perfectly healthy dad is entitled to a million dollar beach house? And the OP and brother should get none of it because they didn’t visit the dad as much and direct him to make repairs/upgrades?

It just seems that OP is more concerned about the house and not the father from her post.

[Anonymous]

Your dad will make it even in the end, even if he does will her the beach house, maybe you will get the other home and can sell that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your dad will make it even in the end, even if he does will her the beach house, maybe you will get the other home and can sell that.

Or maybe he won’t. We have no idea what kind of daughter OP is. Maybe dad doesn’t care for her. That can alter things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Beach house has been in the family for nearly 50 years. It's a little shabby but the land alone is worth over one million dollars. My husband and I purchased our own beach house nearby, on a slightly less valuable but still expensive parcel. It was not easy financially and we sacrifice a lot to make that happen, so we and our children are close to our parents (now it's just my dad). Ever since we bought that second home, and especially since my mom died, my sister and her husband have acted more in control of my parents' beach house, including vetoing painting decisions, remodeling projects, even making my dad have a contractor re-do something they didn't like. My dad is sharp and of sound mind, he doesn't need their aid. They are giving off the arrogant posture that they 'own the place' and/or plan to inherit it.

Also, my sister and I also used to always tell each other when we'd be out there but sister has been making more secret trips; as in, my dad and I talk every night and he will casually share she's there but she never mentioned going to me. When the time comes, my dad's estate will be split equally three ways (we have a brother who lives on the west coast). I have no interest in charitably giving her a million+ beach house. Should I be concerned they're making a move on my dad's beach house? Should I tell her to back-off in general? It's a strange side to my sister that I'm just increasingly uncomfortable with.

Why aren't you helping dad, sounds like you're the entitled one not her

Once again, likely that OP has a JOB and FAMILY to tend to. Stop trying to pretend that many people don't have both, and that greedy, encroaching sister haas NO job.

Neither one of those things would prevent OP from visiting father if she wanted to. It's not clear from original post how frequently OP sees father in person.

OP literally said in her first post she sacrificed and bought her own beach home near his. You think she did this to get AWAY from spending time with her dad, you dunce?

DP. Potentially, yes. People have asked over and over again how much time OP spends with her father and OP has ignored those questions.

Does it matter? If it does, are you implying that the sister who has been recently visiting her perfectly healthy dad is entitled to a million dollar beach house? And the OP and brother should get none of it because they didn’t visit the dad as much and direct him to make repairs/upgrades?

It just seems that OP is more concerned about the house and not the father from her post.

Again, so what? What does it matter? He’s fine. Does any of it mean the sister should get the entire house? Should the sister assume she has rights to it because she’s been visiting more and because her sister already has a house?