Dating for 4 months and he said "not ready" for relationship- I walked away, now what?

[Anonymous]

Good for you, OP! SMH at 80%. This guy will never give you what you want so please don’t give him another chance if he asks for one. BTDT and it’s been very painful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you exclusive? What do you mean by committed - eventual marriage? Hear him out as you may be on the same page. Four months really isn't that long.

OP: We just recently became exclusive. By committed, I just mean acting like boyfriend/girlfriend in a "real" relationship- not just dating. I was clear that I wasn't asking for marriage or anything like that.

This is a red flag. You’ve been dating for 4 months and he doesn’t want to be your boyfriend? No. Enough. Move on. When he’s ready to be in a committed relationship he can get in touch. You should date other people. You are valuable. Your time is valuable. He is not worth your time right now.

[Anonymous]

Based on what you want and the update, do not re-engage if he reaches out. Stuck to your decision. He is not going to be able to give you what you are seeking, even if he later comes back to say he’s on board with it, he won’t be, truly.

Good luck finding what you want. To me, I get it. I don’t think it’s needy, the way others are saying, you sound like you want a committed relationship, marriage relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a single (divorced) mid 40s woman and I also cannot understand what you want. You seem to have a lot of rules - but they’re vague. Like, from month 4 to month 12 you want him to be your “boyfriend” but he can’t meet your kids. So- you’re asking him to commit to you now but without knowing most of your life as he hasn’t met your children (and can’t for 8 mos because of another rule).

You seem very controlling- I’d walk too if someone came at me with all these rules

OP: I want an actual boyfriend who calls me to say hi and who says goodnight when free and who, when we spend the night, wants to hang out the next day if we’re both free.
Who isn’t still on dating apps and keeping their options open.
Who makes future plans and thinks of fun stuff to do together.

OP - these are totally normal things to want. I don't know why people on DCUM are so resistant to understanding normal human wants and needs.

I hope you find a good partner soon.

+1. You can want a boyfriend. You can even want to get married again! It’s ridiculous that you can be exclusive, but not boyfriend/girlfriend. The language of dating is absurd nowadays. I’m a happily married 34 year old with 2 kids and when I met my husband one of the things that I loved was that he wanted to be with me full stop. 4 months is enough time to want to be your boyfriend. He’s not for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good for you, OP! SMH at 80%. This guy will never give you what you want so please don’t give him another chance if he asks for one. BTDT and it’s been very painful.

He's 80% sure about you? Fck him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good for you, OP! SMH at 80%. This guy will never give you what you want so please don’t give him another chance if he asks for one. BTDT and it’s been very painful.

He's 80% sure about you? Fck him.

OP: honestly, I lost a lot of attraction to him in that moment when he said that, so I guess that's a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP doesn't sound reasonable at all.

It's goof you parted ways. He wasn't the guy for you, I'm not sure there's any guy willing to tolerate your immaturity and middle school concept of dating/attention.

Can you explain why you think this? Genuinely curious.

[Anonymous]

He sounds lame and immature. He didn’t think about your position, he did not offer anything new, he just wanted you to walk back from your position. Not life partner material! Keep it moving! Better to keep looking than to settle into something mediocre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds lame and immature. He didn’t think about your position, he did not offer anything new, he just wanted you to walk back from your position. Not life partner material! Keep it moving! Better to keep looking than to settle into something mediocre.

+1

He wasted her time this afternoon.

[Anonymous]

Good for you OP. Know your worth and do not waste time with someone who— sorry to say— is clearly not in this relationship for the same things you are. He can go back to being another 40-something DC guy on apps while you find someone who wants a real partnership.

[Anonymous]

Good for you OP! You are that much closer to getting what you reasonably want. Life is too short to squander on a guy who plays dumb and is only 80 percent in. Don’t regret the time you spent with him. Consider it practice for the real deal that lies ahead.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a tool after the coffee meeting. Good for you for sticking to what you want..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP doesn't sound reasonable at all.

It's goof you parted ways. He wasn't the guy for you, I'm not sure there's any guy willing to tolerate your immaturity and middle school concept of dating/attention.

Can you explain why you think this? Genuinely curious.

I'm curious, too. Her concerns sound very reasonable to me and she presented them in a respectful and non- dramatic way.

[Anonymous]

80% there. You were exclusive so acting like you were in a committed relationship should have been happening anyway. You weren't asking for marriage you were asking for phone calls.

You did the right thing, this guy was flaky. Move on. Ignore if he contacts you again. I think he probably will. I simply wouldn't trust him, something is off with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP doesn't sound reasonable at all.

It's goof you parted ways. He wasn't the guy for you, I'm not sure there's any guy willing to tolerate your immaturity and middle school concept of dating/attention.

Can you explain why you think this? Genuinely curious.

I'm curious, too. Her concerns sound very reasonable to me and she presented them in a respectful and non- dramatic way.

She wanted to be able to call each other, that doesn't sound immature or middle school. It sounds normal.