Dating for 4 months and he said "not ready" for relationship- I walked away, now what?

[Anonymous]

So you gave him literally no time to think about this? You brought it up, he said he wasn’t sure (likely taken by surprise) and you ghosted him?

He dodged a bullet. You give someone a few days to think about a big decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you gave him literally no time to think about this? You brought it up, he said he wasn’t sure (likely taken by surprise) and you ghosted him?

He dodged a bullet. You give someone a few days to think about a big decision.

np: a "big decision" is making someone you are dating exclusively and sleeping with for the past 4 months your girlfriend? I wouldn't want to be with someone who needs to think about it either. If it's not a hell yes, it's a no.

[Anonymous]

If it’s that much of a big decision, does he even really like her? You know when you like someone and you KNOW when you like them enough that you want them to be yours alone.

If there’s one thing I took away from dating, it’s that’s there’s not really gray. If they aren’t calling you they don’t like you. If they “don’t want a girlfriend,” they don’t like you.

He’s just not that into her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: Update- we had coffee this afternoon.

He started off by saying that he was taken off guard by our conversation about the relationship, and wanted to know "what happened". He also said he wasn't clear on what exactly I wanted. I was surprised because I thought I was very clear and pleasant about it, but I said I know he has been a boyfriend before; did he only ever text his girlfriend? Did he only ever make plans 2-3 days in advance and nothing in the future? I said I wasn't comfortable continuing in this "situationship" indefinitely and wanted the structure of a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship at this point in order to focus on one person and allow the connection to deepen.

The whole time he was acting like he was clueless (how is that possible?), and was giving off a vibe that he would reluctantly agree (which wasn't appealing). I said I wanted someone who was 100pct in with me, and he said he was "80 percent" there. I said I've shared my heart, mind- he knows me at this point. He said "80 percent is pretty close to 100 percent."

I said I didn't really have anything else to say and wished him well, and left. It hurts...but at least I have the clarity I need now.

Honestly, he probably wouldn't have made a great boyfriend anyway.

Don't be surprised if he tries to reach out again.

[Anonymous]

At least he was honest. Like others have said, the feelings you had for him were not mutual. He just wasn’t that into you.

[Anonymous]

I would have the coffee and be very kind, but make it clear that you want a relationship, not a sexual "situationship" as you put it so eloquently, and it seems that the two of you want different things.

[Anonymous]

I think your expectations sound really unreasonable, frankly.

[Anonymous]

NP. Good for you for sticking to your guns -- although he made it pretty easy, huh?? Geez, the nerve of him to waste your time trying to persuade you to relent on your reasonable boundaries when you'd been perfectly clear. And to play dumb about it all. I hate guys like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. Good for you for sticking to your guns -- although he made it pretty easy, huh?? Geez, the nerve of him to waste your time trying to persuade you to relent on your reasonable boundaries when you'd been perfectly clear. And to play dumb about it all. I hate guys like that.

THIS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your expectations sound really unreasonable, frankly.

Which part, specifically?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he wanted to play it somewhere between dumb and manipulative. Proof your instincts were right and he wasn’t a catch after all.

[Anonymous]

Time to move on. End it and don't waste your time on someone who isn't willing to commit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you gave him literally no time to think about this? You brought it up, he said he wasn’t sure (likely taken by surprise) and you ghosted him?

He dodged a bullet. You give someone a few days to think about a big decision.

I agree he dodged a bullet given that his goal is to be a f*ckb*y and OP wasn’t gonna tolerate it.

[Anonymous]

OP doesn't sound reasonable at all.

It's goof you parted ways. He wasn't the guy for you, I'm not sure there's any guy willing to tolerate your immaturity and middle school concept of dating/attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. Good for you for sticking to your guns -- although he made it pretty easy, huh?? Geez, the nerve of him to waste your time trying to persuade you to relent on your reasonable boundaries when you'd been perfectly clear. And to play dumb about it all. I hate guys like that.

THIS

+1. He he was never looking for anything long term. I personally wouldn’t want to talk twice a day, but the idea that you might talk without arranging a hook up or make plans more than 2-3 days in advance was a sign. You deserve better op. Good luck!