Friends being cagey about plans. How would you react?

[Anonymous]

Ouch, so sorry OP.
I wouldn’t be too happy either if I was you.

In fact - I may actually re-consider being in this friend group.
It may not be the right thing to do, but it is just honestly what I would do.

Good luck. 🤗

[Anonymous]

It’s her birthday. She invited her friends. Some in the group and some not.

You already said you’re not close to her. If your friends couldn’t go, would you want to be there anyway and mix with her other friends all night? I’m guessing not.

[Anonymous]

It was her birthday and she invited her friends. You were not invited. That tells you everything about how she feels about you. I'm sorry it is really hurtful and says a lot about her character.

I would see how the other women are with you. Do they still invite you to their things. If they do I would go and enjoy yourself. Also continue to branch out and make other friends.

As for this one particular woman. I guess I honestly wouldn't want to invite her anymore to my things if it were me, I would still be friendly with her in a group setting. Unfortunately this may create a weird vibe within the group so perhaps you could not invite her for your important events such as birthdays, celebrations etc but invite her for other random things like a simple lunch where its just a get together and has no significance or importance. This is probably how I would handle it. Don't cut off the whole group just because of this one woman, its impolite to tell people about invites where they aren't invited so don't hold that against them, they were put in a weird place.

I think the next few months will tell you how things will go, if the rest of the group stop inviting you along, then you know where you stand however don't automatically assume that will happen. Continue to be friendly with this woman but I would consider it an out for inviting her to anything that is important to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s trying to edge you out of the group. Proceed with caution.

How old are you? I assume most adults in their 30s or older don't have time for this kind of crap. A woman is allowed to invite your friends to a birthday party without inviting you. You can continue being friends with all your friends - and even her, if you want. It doesn't matter.

This 100%. Who cares? You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea. Thank God. That would be exhausting. A friend group as an adult sounds awful. People change, friendships shift. And the posting on social media? Pass.

[Anonymous]

I was put in a text chain with 4 other women, one whom I did not know well at all and my kids at the time didn’t know her. I had a few gatherings in which we did not invite her, but I have slowly gotten to know her through the years and now we’re friends and we get invites and she gets invites. Try not to take it too personally, OP. I know it can be hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would cut them all out. Or at least put a quote up on FB talking about the situation so everyone knows you know.

LOL!

[Anonymous]

I would have a get together and invite all the other girls and not her. Then make sure she found out about it.

[Anonymous]

Unless you have very low-key laid back women or a group is small enough to include everyone all the time, this will happen over time. Before the pandemic there were three other families that we hung out with frequently, but during the pandemic I met some other families and made some new friends in our neighborhood. Additionally, some new people moved into the neighborhood. It’s difficult to even plan a casual glass of wine around the fire pit because you don’t always want to invite ten women over, and there is at least one newer one who I don’t particularly click well with, and there are definitely others who don’t like others. It’s more complicated now. And annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you have very low-key laid back women or a group is small enough to include everyone all the time, this will happen over time. Before the pandemic there were three other families that we hung out with frequently, but during the pandemic I met some other families and made some new friends in our neighborhood. Additionally, some new people moved into the neighborhood. It’s difficult to even plan a casual glass of wine around the fire pit because you don’t always want to invite ten women over, and there is at least one newer one who I don’t particularly click well with, and there are definitely others who don’t like others. It’s more complicated now. And annoying.

In her case the group is small enough to include everybody. There are only four in the group so excluding just one of them is callous.

[Anonymous]

Be honest OP. Why are you not as close with this woman as the others?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be honest OP. Why are you not as close with this woman as the others?

Oh dear

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s her birthday. She invited her friends. Some in the group and some not.

You already said you’re not close to her. If your friends couldn’t go, would you want to be there anyway and mix with her other friends all night? I’m guessing not.

This. So obviously, this. When I read all the posts about cutting her out (when OP already said they aren't close), it makes me undestand why so many women on here say they don't have friends.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the responses. I am considering reaching out to the birthday person to ask why I wasn't invited because I just want to get to the bottom of it. It feels really hurtful and I want to know what I did. I will let you know how it goes. I know this may seem bold, but I feel like I need to be direct (yet polite).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the responses. I am considering reaching out to the birthday person to ask why I wasn't invited because I just want to get to the bottom of it. It feels really hurtful and I want to know what I did. I will let you know how it goes. I know this may seem bold, but I feel like I need to be direct (yet polite).

Oh noooo don't do this. How awkward. Just back away slowly. You know where you stand with this person. What else is there to say about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the responses. I am considering reaching out to the birthday person to ask why I wasn't invited because I just want to get to the bottom of it. It feels really hurtful and I want to know what I did. I will let you know how it goes. I know this may seem bold, but I feel like I need to be direct (yet polite).

Do not do this.