Engaged 8 years. I am 50.

[Anonymous]

My fiancé and I have one daughter together (she is 7) and I have two children (13 and 16) from a previous marriage. He also has two adult children.

I don’t work and he is the breadwinner. He has 3 houses and they are all in his name. I also drive a car that is in his name. I have nothing. Yes, I have been stupid, you don’t need to tell me this. My question is, if I leave the relationship, am I entitled to anything since we aren’t married?

Additionally, We aren’t on the same page when it comes to where we live. He travels a ton and I hate our state (not in the DMV area). This is perhaps another thread but I have been here a long time, have always disliked it and feel extremely trapped. He’s never here because of his work travels. Since turning 50 earlier this year, i have become a bit depressed and think i would be happier living somewhere else but he’s not on board at all and since he’s the breadwinner he makes the decisions. He’s extremely controlling but generous. Oh and one last thing since I’m getting this all out and you’re a bunch of strangers who don’t know me, he won’t show me his will. If something were to happen to me, I have no idea if I will end up on the street. As I type this I realize that this is a very good relationship for HIM. He can have his cake and eat it too.

[Anonymous]

You are not entitled to anything.

You are a fool.

You know this already.

[Anonymous]

State that you would like to get married at the courthouse next week.

If you separate now, you’ll get child support and that’s it.

[Anonymous]

Can you get a job? Like, can you support yourself and your three kids with one? The fact that he's secretive and controlling are very large bright red flags flapping ferociously in huge gusts of hurricane-level winds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:State that you would like to get married at the courthouse next week.

If you separate now, you’ll get child support and that’s it.

So I would get child support? This seems unclear to me because I’m not married.

[Anonymous]

Yikes.

This is scary.

Strategically, the best course of action is to get married so you have a minimum of legal protection. It sounds like he’s not going to agree.

You say he’s generous, so my next step would be open a retirement account for yourself and max it out every year. Make sure your daughter has a fully funded college fund where you’re the parent on the account.

It’s unclear what you mean by he is generous and how much money we’re talking about here, but I would push to buy a vacation home in a place that you would like to live, preferably in a lower cost of living area.

You’re on the precipice of poverty and you don’t have the luxury of prioritizing your emotional wants right now. Come up with a 5 year plan for financial stability.

Maybe the best course of action would be to use a child support calculator in your state to see what you would get from him. If what he’s willing to give you is more than child support, stay a few years to become more financially stable, if not, leave now. You’re not married so you can take your daughter anywhere you want, establish residency and file for child support there. Summer break is a great time to “travel” to your support system, establish residency and file for child support—that establishes the child’s residency in that state. This is the only downside of not getting married on his end — until there’s a custody order, you can take your daughter anywhere you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:State that you would like to get married at the courthouse next week.

If you separate now, you’ll get child support and that’s it.

So I would get child support? This seems unclear to me because I’m not married.

Child support is purely about supporting the kid. It doesn't matter whether or not the parents are married (that's alimony). Even a one night stand has to pay child support if paternity is proven through a blood test.

[Anonymous]

Child support for the child you have in common.

[Anonymous]

Child support is to support the child - has nothing to do with whether you are/were married or not.

This sounds hard, OP. Wish you well finding the best path forward for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:State that you would like to get married at the courthouse next week.

If you separate now, you’ll get child support and that’s it.

So I would get child support? This seems unclear to me because I’m not married.

If you have a minor child and you make less money than your child’s other parent, you would get child support.

[Anonymous]

You may be entitled to "palimony" depending on which state you're in, and for sure child support.

Because you have a child together, you may not be able to move to another state.

Go talk to a lawyer, OP. Then you can move forward with a clear mind.

[Anonymous]

You state that “he travels a lot”.
Are you sure he doesn’t have another GF or wife someplace else?

[Anonymous]

Agree with 12:23 and get a job. Will increase your self-worth, increase your options, and certainly allow you to sustain yourself and your shared daughter once she turns 18 when child support might end- but college is underway. Will also teach all your children the importance of being financially independent, an important lesson for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You state that “he travels a lot”.
Are you sure he doesn’t have another GF or wife someplace else?

I don’t think so. Nothing would surprise me though to be honest. We haven’t been in a good place for over a year now.

[Anonymous]

He probably has a mistress in every port.