Engaged 8 years. I am 50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You n ed to do what you can to save money for yourself OP, get a bank account for only yourself if you don't already have one, and find at least a part time job when your kid can go to preschool or kindergarten.

Her youngest is 7!

What does that matter? Most women work when their kids are infants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not entitled to anything.

You are a fool.

You know this already.

Except child support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I have a master’s degree. When I moved to this state, over 10 years ago, I had a horrible time finding a job. I ended up taking a minimum wage job for a few years. When I became pregnant he told me I could quit. That was over 7 years ago.

Op here again. I’m so out of touch with technology and am awful with computer programming and I feel so scared to go back to the workplace.

My goodness. This is some privilege talking.

I’m having trouble believing this for someone who keeps coming to DCUM and starting new threads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not entitled to anything.

You are a fool.

You know this already.

and he travels a lot, so it is likely you aren't his only fiance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You n ed to do what you can to save money for yourself OP, get a bank account for only yourself if you don't already have one, and find at least a part time job when your kid can go to preschool or kindergarten.

Her youngest is 7!

What does that matter? Most women work when their kids are infants.

Agreed- the comment was in response to the quoted pp that (clearly lacked reading comprehension skills and) suggested op find at least a part time job when her kid enters preschool or kindergarten.

Clearly OP has no excuse to not be working now

[Anonymous]

[img]

Anonymous wrote:You need to fake it til you make it.

You don’t have the luxury of appearing depressed right now. Right now you need to be the ideal partner, stepford wife level. Appearance and temperament need to be immaculate at all times. Zero conflict.

You have a single mission right now, to secure you AND your children’s financial stability.

Get into therapy, tell your therapist everything. You’re being financially abused.

You don’t like where you live? No you don’t, you love it because he loves it. In fact, now is the time where you should be involved in all the boards, charities, and networking opportunities you can. Lean into how amazing this community is.

You were depressed? No you weren’t, it was birthday blues but you remembered how amazing your comfortable life is. He’s such a good provider, such a wonderful partner, such a great father.

In fact, in 90 days or so, you just want to go to the courthouse and get married. But because he has adult children and assets that predate your relationship of course you understand if he wants a prenup, all your concerned with it making sure your joint child will be protected if something were to happen to him, you don’t need to see the will, of course you trust him, of course he will make sure that you and the children are cared for.

Do NOT ask to have your own attorney review it, just sign and make sure you’re married that same week. This is a basis to challenge it later if you divorce.

Start stashing money. Retirement accounts. Personal IRA accounts. Set up a small vanity business, pay yourself. Take out life insurance on him, fold the premiums into the household expenses.

Pad everything, make sure every bill isn’t just current but paid up for months in advance. When you buy groceries, overstock by 30% for non perishable items. Kid needs? Buy ahead, clothing, supplies, everything slowly ramps up expenses. 10% more next month. 2-3% a month after that. Blame inflation.

After you’re married, either things will improve and you’ll never need to use your escape plans, or they won’t but you’ll be in a far better position to take care of yourself.

What’s your education background? Good time for an extra degree.

After they are married? Ha! No one is a finance for 8 years to a man who plans to marry her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[img]

Anonymous wrote:You need to fake it til you make it.

You don’t have the luxury of appearing depressed right now. Right now you need to be the ideal partner, stepford wife level. Appearance and temperament need to be immaculate at all times. Zero conflict.

You have a single mission right now, to secure you AND your children’s financial stability.

Get into therapy, tell your therapist everything. You’re being financially abused.

You don’t like where you live? No you don’t, you love it because he loves it. In fact, now is the time where you should be involved in all the boards, charities, and networking opportunities you can. Lean into how amazing this community is.

You were depressed? No you weren’t, it was birthday blues but you remembered how amazing your comfortable life is. He’s such a good provider, such a wonderful partner, such a great father.

In fact, in 90 days or so, you just want to go to the courthouse and get married. But because he has adult children and assets that predate your relationship of course you understand if he wants a prenup, all your concerned with it making sure your joint child will be protected if something were to happen to him, you don’t need to see the will, of course you trust him, of course he will make sure that you and the children are cared for.

Do NOT ask to have your own attorney review it, just sign and make sure you’re married that same week. This is a basis to challenge it later if you divorce.

Start stashing money. Retirement accounts. Personal IRA accounts. Set up a small vanity business, pay yourself. Take out life insurance on him, fold the premiums into the household expenses.

Pad everything, make sure every bill isn’t just current but paid up for months in advance. When you buy groceries, overstock by 30% for non perishable items. Kid needs? Buy ahead, clothing, supplies, everything slowly ramps up expenses. 10% more next month. 2-3% a month after that. Blame inflation.

After you’re married, either things will improve and you’ll never need to use your escape plans, or they won’t but you’ll be in a far better position to take care of yourself.

What’s your education background? Good time for an extra degree.

After they are married? Ha! No one is a finance for 8 years to a man who plans to marry her.

I think you missed the whole point of pp’s post

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this you, OP? https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1093299.page

Op here. Yes, that was me.

[Anonymous]

Dc is a common law state

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to fake it til you make it.

You don’t have the luxury of appearing depressed right now. Right now you need to be the ideal partner, stepford wife level. Appearance and temperament need to be immaculate at all times. Zero conflict.

You have a single mission right now, to secure you AND your children’s financial stability.

Get into therapy, tell your therapist everything. You’re being financially abused.

You don’t like where you live? No you don’t, you love it because he loves it. In fact, now is the time where you should be involved in all the boards, charities, and networking opportunities you can. Lean into how amazing this community is.

You were depressed? No you weren’t, it was birthday blues but you remembered how amazing your comfortable life is. He’s such a good provider, such a wonderful partner, such a great father.

In fact, in 90 days or so, you just want to go to the courthouse and get married. But because he has adult children and assets that predate your relationship of course you understand if he wants a prenup, all your concerned with it making sure your joint child will be protected if something were to happen to him, you don’t need to see the will, of course you trust him, of course he will make sure that you and the children are cared for.

Do NOT ask to have your own attorney review it, just sign and make sure you’re married that same week. This is a basis to challenge it later if you divorce.

Start stashing money. Retirement accounts. Personal IRA accounts. Set up a small vanity business, pay yourself. Take out life insurance on him, fold the premiums into the household expenses.

Pad everything, make sure every bill isn’t just current but paid up for months in advance. When you buy groceries, overstock by 30% for non perishable items. Kid needs? Buy ahead, clothing, supplies, everything slowly ramps up expenses. 10% more next month. 2-3% a month after that. Blame inflation.

After you’re married, either things will improve and you’ll never need to use your escape plans, or they won’t but you’ll be in a far better position to take care of yourself.

What’s your education background? Good time for an extra degree.

+1

I love a girl’s girl!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this you, OP? https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1093299.page

Op here. Yes, that was me.

So, more than a year ago you posted basically the same question and have done nothing with the advice you were given then?

Just want to make sure all responders understand you have no intention of changing anything.

[Anonymous]

Op, sorry you're in this situation. You'll manage.

[Anonymous]

I see that you posted another thread above. Pretty sure you will get the same advice. Stop being passive and take action!!

[Anonymous]

Use "his" money to invest in yourself. Buy really expensive purses if you can (those increase in value), ask him really sweetly for a car in his name, start stashing away money in your own account, etc. And of course get some earning power; a degree, certification, actual job, whatever.

[Anonymous]

Gah! What is the matter with you OP? Still singing the same song a year later? How do you really expect this to play out if you are not willing to make a change?
Change is hard but there are rewards. Right now, you are losing precious time.
If you won't act for yourself then think about your 3 kids. What kind of role model are you being for them?