Engaged 8 years. I am 50.

[Anonymous]

It’s really sad that OP seems to be less afraid of being homeless and what that would mean for custody of her children than she is of looking for a job.

If you’re in DC or northern Virginia, contact The Women’s Center. They can help you with career guidance and job skills training. Also check out AARP’s website — they help older workers who are looking for a job.

You can take a class at your local community college to work on computer skills if you need to.

But don’t let another week, let alone another year go by where you do absolutely nothing to help yourself, OP.

[Anonymous]

You got got. Won't marry you and won't put you on the title of the house?! Why did you stay?

[Anonymous]

PP.

I have recommended contacting a domestic violence shelter, stashing money by padding expenses, setting up a business so you can pay yourself and contribute to retirement accounts.

I also suggested, if you get married, do so quickly and without a lawyer looking over a prenup because a) it’s grounds to challenge it later in divorce and b) if you’re married for at least 10 years you’re entitled to social security based upon your husbands income.

I also asked if you’re not sure that you’re the mistress and suggested therapy.

OP, no one thinks you’re actually going to get married but you it’s WILD that after 9 pages of advice that’s what you took from it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP.

I have recommended contacting a domestic violence shelter, stashing money by padding expenses, setting up a business so you can pay yourself and contribute to retirement accounts.

I also suggested, if you get married, do so quickly and without a lawyer looking over a prenup because a) it’s grounds to challenge it later in divorce and b) if you’re married for at least 10 years you’re entitled to social security based upon your husbands income.

I also asked if you’re not sure that you’re the mistress and suggested therapy.

OP, no one thinks you’re actually going to get married but you it’s WILD that after 9 pages of advice that’s what you took from it.

What the hell is it with you and this ridiculously bad legal advice? No one go signing a prenup without your own counsel because you think that will mean you can get it thrown out later.

OP, and everyone else on here, please do not take legal advice from idiots playing at being lawyers on the internet. It's probably a paralegal or something -- there is a reason it's illegal for them to give legal advice. Because they are stupid and know nothing but think they do and they ^*&$# it up.

[Anonymous]

OP, your fiance could resent you for not working and being totally dependent on him. Get a job stat. What are your skills? Job experience? It's a strong economy and there are remote work opportunities. If you become more independent, it might even help your relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP.

I have recommended contacting a domestic violence shelter, stashing money by padding expenses, setting up a business so you can pay yourself and contribute to retirement accounts.

I also suggested, if you get married, do so quickly and without a lawyer looking over a prenup because a) it’s grounds to challenge it later in divorce and b) if you’re married for at least 10 years you’re entitled to social security based upon your husbands income.

I also asked if you’re not sure that you’re the mistress and suggested therapy.

OP, no one thinks you’re actually going to get married but you it’s WILD that after 9 pages of advice that’s what you took from it.

What the hell is it with you and this ridiculously bad legal advice? No one go signing a prenup without your own counsel because you think that will mean you can get it thrown out later.

OP, and everyone else on here, please do not take legal advice from idiots playing at being lawyers on the internet. It's probably a paralegal or something -- there is a reason it's illegal for them to give legal advice. Because they are stupid and know nothing but think they do and they ^*&$# it up.

Not legal advice, not your lawyer.

Most states have minimum requirements for prenups to be enforceable. In CA, documents have to be signed at least 7 days prior to marriage for example.

Things like lack of appropriate legal representation, full disclosure of finances, fraud, coercion can all provide grounds for challenge.

In OP’s very specific situation, if she could prove at the time that she signed she was being financially abused - like via records from a licensed therapist - and she didn’t have representation and her spouse failed to disclose relevant financial information- like refusing to share details of will or assets…all of that could provide grounds for challenge. Because OP has no income, no financial independence, no assets, and 3 minor children…getting married, if she could get to it would provide far more protection than she has now.

Is that relevant advice for everyone? No. Have wives successfully challenged unfair prenups during divorce for exactly these reasons, yes, and they’re the few case law examples that have been successful.

I’m not a paralegal, but I see paralegal slander the same way I see charge nurse slander….only the youthful and foolish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Consensus is to get married. I think he will see right through that since we are having issues.

Oh jeez, OP. A couple of posters mentioned getting married, but as an objective reader that was FAR from the consensus. Consensus is to get a job and start stashing money either overtly, covertly, or both.

And fwiw, that was much of the advice you received in 2022 as well. There isn’t some magic cure for this situation. You’ve allowed 14-15 months to go by with no movement and what sounds like a worsening situation. Imagine where you could be if you’d taken steps to secure your future then? At the very least you need to dig deep and take steps for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Wow he’s smart. I applaud him actually. He’s in the hook for CS as he should be but all his other stuff is protected at least.

Where do you live? I hope he sees this and if you try to get married he denies it.

Honestly he should take full custody and boot you out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You got got. Won't marry you and won't put you on the title of the house?! Why did you stay?

He probably gives her some story about how it’s for love. Lol.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. I am a lawyer and there has been some unhelpful advice provided on this thread. Please ignore anyone who is telling you what the law is or what you can and cannot do under the circumstances. Most people here have misstated the law about moving with your child, which is governed by a uniform interstate custody act, but is applied locally and therefore somewhat differently everywhere. To the extent anyone has correctly started the law, no one here can give you good advice because we don’t know your specific situation. And we shouldn’t because you should not be posting this online.

You are in a sticky spot and would benefit from a consultation with an attorney in your area who can give you a sense of the custody and child support landscape there. Some civil legal aid programs will provide free legal advice to people in your situation. I would look online for what might be available on your area. These program are poorly resourced and heavily burdened and may not be able to help. If they can’t, see if there are law school clinics on your area. If that doesn’t work, scrounging together the money for a consultation is a good investment so that you understand what your options could be.

Good luck to you. Take one step at a time. Begin by gathering information. I don’t recommend engaging further with this thread.

[Anonymous]

It’s been 8 years. NEWS ALERT - you’re not engaged and he’s not your fiancé.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will not be able to move out of the state since you have a child together unless he agrees. So basically, either way you have another 12 years before you would realistically be able to leave the area.

This is wrong.

They’re not married and there’s no custody agreement in place.

If she plays her cards correctly, she could establish residency in a different state and file for child support there. That first point of a legal is where custody will be decided.

Please just stop. You have know idea what the f you are talking about and your advice is simply wrong. Both parents exercise joint parental rights whether they are married or not. One parent doesn’t get to just decide to skip town with the kid. You’re a moron.

[Anonymous]

https://slate.com/human-interest/2013/10/fiances-today-when-boyfriend-doesnt-cut-it-but-husband-isnt-accurate.html

In your case fiancée = person he’s never going to marry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You got got. Won't marry you and won't put you on the title of the house?! Why did you stay?

He probably gives her some story about how it’s for love. Lol.

The guy has 3 houses, he could at least put her on one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP.

I have recommended contacting a domestic violence shelter, stashing money by padding expenses, setting up a business so you can pay yourself and contribute to retirement accounts.

I also suggested, if you get married, do so quickly and without a lawyer looking over a prenup because a) it’s grounds to challenge it later in divorce and b) if you’re married for at least 10 years you’re entitled to social security based upon your husbands income.

I also asked if you’re not sure that you’re the mistress and suggested therapy.

OP, no one thinks you’re actually going to get married but you it’s WILD that after 9 pages of advice that’s what you took from it.

What the hell is it with you and this ridiculously bad legal advice? No one go signing a prenup without your own counsel because you think that will mean you can get it thrown out later.

OP, and everyone else on here, please do not take legal advice from idiots playing at being lawyers on the internet. It's probably a paralegal or something -- there is a reason it's illegal for them to give legal advice. Because they are stupid and know nothing but think they do and they ^*&$# it up.

Not legal advice, not your lawyer.

Most states have minimum requirements for prenups to be enforceable. In CA, documents have to be signed at least 7 days prior to marriage for example.

Things like lack of appropriate legal representation, full disclosure of finances, fraud, coercion can all provide grounds for challenge.

In OP’s very specific situation, if she could prove at the time that she signed she was being financially abused - like via records from a licensed therapist - and she didn’t have representation and her spouse failed to disclose relevant financial information- like refusing to share details of will or assets…all of that could provide grounds for challenge. Because OP has no income, no financial independence, no assets, and 3 minor children…getting married, if she could get to it would provide far more protection than she has now.

Is that relevant advice for everyone? No. Have wives successfully challenged unfair prenups during divorce for exactly these reasons, yes, and they’re the few case law examples that have been successful.

I’m not a paralegal, but I see paralegal slander the same way I see charge nurse slander….only the youthful and foolish.

Oh for heaven's sake. "In Op's very specific situation"? Really? You know what her specific situation is? She has "no assets"? Really? Do you know that? Have you interviewed her? You don't even know what the relevant jurisdiction is, and this is a question of family law. And what is this "they're the few case law examples that have been successful" nonsense? What? You want someone to enter into a prenuptial agreement and purposely forgo getting their own legal advice in the hopes of getting out of the agreement in the future? Based on "the few case law examples that have been successful"? When, again, you don't even know the relevant jurisdiction? How about the "case law examples" of people who are found to have entered into agreements in bad faith? What happens there? Yeah.

Ugh -- please, please, please stop playing lawyer. You are a wreck and don't even know it. Either you really are a paralegal, or you are married to a lawyer
and think you know something, or your DC is applying to law school and you are obsessed with it. Or you are a lawyer -- just a really horrible one who maybe hasn't been practicing long and has no idea what the hell they are doing; my money is on this one given that "Not legal advice, not your lawyer" disclaimer you put up there. You know a disclaimer like that won't necessarily protect you from a malpractice suit or discipline, right?

OP, consult an actual attorney. A family law attorney licensed to practice in your jurisdiction. Do not pay attention to any of these posts that refer to the law -- the law can be complex, especially family law, and no one can advise you competently based on your post here.