Engaged 8 years. I am 50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:State that you would like to get married at the courthouse next week.

If you separate now, you’ll get child support and that’s it.

So I would get child support? This seems unclear to me because I’m not married.

You absolutely 100% will get child support, but no property or “marital funds” as you are unmarried.

What matters the most to you? Can you get a job?

She would get child support for ONE child…

She has 3 children.

And she wouldn’t even get to keep the car she drives because it’s in his name. She would have no transportation and no housing since he owns the house she lives in. Even the most generous child support would still leave her VERY financially vulnerable.

I am curious. What’s the custody situation with the older children? Is their dad involved? Does he pay child support? Is he in the same state?

I have full custody. He pays child support monthly.

I have talked to my fiancé and when I tell him I’m not happy he tells me to leave. He has told me to leave on several occasions. Agree I’m trapped and could be homeless soon.

OP listen to the fake it till you make it poster above. This man will never marry you. You have no power to complain here. Suck it up, pretend to be happy, stop complaining. You are dependent and he has no respect for you. He sees you as a child. Which you basically are. Your goal is to stay as long as you can putting on a show and letting him support you at least until your older two are in college. Meanwhile get a degree that can get you a job eventually and hope he doesn’t evict you (which he might) before then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:State that you would like to get married at the courthouse next week.

If you separate now, you’ll get child support and that’s it.

This. Child support only, and that may be substantial depending on how much he makes but will only last until the child is 18 or maybe 21 depending on state law. Note that it is based on income not assets so if he is asset rich and average income you are SOL.

What? "State" that she wants to go to the courthouse and get married "next week"? Are you kidding? He is not going to marry OP "at the courthouse next week" or ever. If he were going to marry her, he would have already. This guy is the father of one of her children, a small young child, and he won't even show her his will. He's not going to marry her.

[Anonymous]

You think it has been a good deal for him, but you and your kids have lived with him for free that whole time. You get free clothes, vacations, etc. So he might say it has been a good deal for you too.

What are you modeling for your children? Just move from man to man to have food and shelter?

I strongly suggest you cone up with a plan to achieve independence. You are 50. Does no part of you want to learn how to rely on yourself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I have a master’s degree. When I moved to this state, over 10 years ago, I had a horrible time finding a job. I ended up taking a minimum wage job for a few years. When I became pregnant he told me I could quit. That was over 7 years ago.

Op here again. I’m so out of touch with technology and am awful with computer programming and I feel so scared to go back to the workplace.

My goodness. This is some privilege talking.

You either started out with low self esteem or his treatment has diminished your sense of self. Will he pay for counseling or even a job coach? You need to start believing in yourself. Again, your daughters are watching.

[Anonymous]

Reality is it has cost him almost no more than it would have if he were alone. Another man supports the older two kids. He’s already living in his house and driving his car, now she is too. He doesn’t pay for childcare bc she handles it. At the time she had the kid, he probably thought it was fine bc it would lock down his built in sex partner without really increasing his expenses. He travels most of the time and leaves the parenting to her and is likely doing whatever tf he wants while away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I have a master’s degree. When I moved to this state, over 10 years ago, I had a horrible time finding a job. I ended up taking a minimum wage job for a few years. When I became pregnant he told me I could quit. That was over 7 years ago.

Op here again. I’m so out of touch with technology and am awful with computer programming and I feel so scared to go back to the workplace.

You don’t have the luxury of feeling scared and doing nothing about it. Get back in touch with technology (using the same Al Gore’s internet you’re on right now) and get a job. You have 3 minor children for goodness’ sake woman!

I think the public library and AARP have resources to help you brush up your technology skills.

[Anonymous]

Is this you, OP? https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1093299.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:State that you would like to get married at the courthouse next week.

If you separate now, you’ll get child support and that’s it.

So I would get child support? This seems unclear to me because I’m not married.

Yes, you do not need to be married to receive child support.

But that would be it.
You would not be entitled to any other money or property from him since you weren’t married.

While you are now in unfortunate circumstances - I would not go so far as to say you are/were dumb however.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My fiancé and I have one daughter together (she is 7) and I have two children (13 and 16) from a previous marriage. He also has two adult children.

I don’t work and he is the breadwinner. He has 3 houses and they are all in his name. I also drive a car that is in his name. I have nothing. Yes, I have been stupid, you don’t need to tell me this. My question is, if I leave the relationship, am I entitled to anything since we aren’t married?

Additionally, We aren’t on the same page when it comes to where we live. He travels a ton and I hate our state (not in the DMV area). This is perhaps another thread but I have been here a long time, have always disliked it and feel extremely trapped. He’s never here because of his work travels. Since turning 50 earlier this year, i have become a bit depressed and think i would be happier living somewhere else but he’s not on board at all and since he’s the breadwinner he makes the decisions. He’s extremely controlling but generous. Oh and one last thing since I’m getting this all out and you’re a bunch of strangers who don’t know me, he won’t show me his will. If something were to happen to me, I have no idea if I will end up on the street. As I type this I realize that this is a very good relationship for HIM. He can have his cake and eat it too.

He's been taken care of you two other kids and letting you live rent free? Not sure you are a victim here but no way would I get engaged for 8 years without a marriage.

He owes you nothing. Your name should have been on a house or two. You need a plan to get out. Even if you in a common law state you won't get much only hope for you is so small child support.

I would not keep going like this. You have no retirement no nothing right? You don't want to work at target till you die.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will not be able to move out of the state since you have a child together unless he agrees. So basically, either way you have another 12 years before you would realistically be able to leave the area.

This is wrong.

They’re not married and there’s no custody agreement in place.

If she plays her cards correctly, she could establish residency in a different state and file for child support there. That first point of a legal is where custody will be decided.

This isn’t real life but is basically the premise of Marriage Story (they were married, but she managed to establish herself in her desired city and served the husband there).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You state that “he travels a lot”.
Are you sure he doesn’t have another GF or wife someplace else?

I don’t think so. Nothing would surprise me though to be honest. We haven’t been in a good place for over a year now.

Could he be married to someone else? and that's why he travels a lot ? and that's why he won't show you the will?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My fiancé and I have one daughter together (she is 7) and I have two children (13 and 16) from a previous marriage. He also has two adult children.

I don’t work and he is the breadwinner. He has 3 houses and they are all in his name. I also drive a car that is in his name. I have nothing. Yes, I have been stupid, you don’t need to tell me this. My question is, if I leave the relationship, am I entitled to anything since we aren’t married?

Additionally, We aren’t on the same page when it comes to where we live. He travels a ton and I hate our state (not in the DMV area). This is perhaps another thread but I have been here a long time, have always disliked it and feel extremely trapped. He’s never here because of his work travels. Since turning 50 earlier this year, i have become a bit depressed and think i would be happier living somewhere else but he’s not on board at all and since he’s the breadwinner he makes the decisions. He’s extremely controlling but generous. Oh and one last thing since I’m getting this all out and you’re a bunch of strangers who don’t know me, he won’t show me his will. If something were to happen to me, I have no idea if I will end up on the street. As I type this I realize that this is a very good relationship for HIM. He can have his cake and eat it too.

He's been taken care of you two other kids and letting you live rent free? Not sure you are a victim here but no way would I get engaged for 8 years without a marriage.

He owes you nothing. Your name should have been on a house or two. You need a plan to get out. Even if you in a common law state you won't get much only hope for you is so small child support.

I would not keep going like this. You have no retirement no nothing right? You don't want to work at target till you die.

+ 1 your boyfriend is definitely not going to support you in your retirement. Please don’t expect your kids to be your fallback plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You state that “he travels a lot”.
Are you sure he doesn’t have another GF or wife someplace else?

I don’t think so. Nothing would surprise me though to be honest. We haven’t been in a good place for over a year now.

Could he be married to someone else? and that's why he travels a lot ? and that's why he won't show you the will?

[Anonymous]

You n ed to do what you can to save money for yourself OP, get a bank account for only yourself if you don't already have one, and find at least a part time job when your kid can go to preschool or kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You n ed to do what you can to save money for yourself OP, get a bank account for only yourself if you don't already have one, and find at least a part time job when your kid can go to preschool or kindergarten.

Her youngest is 7!