Engaged 8 years. I am 50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:State that you would like to get married at the courthouse next week.

If you separate now, you’ll get child support and that’s it.

So I would get child support? This seems unclear to me because I’m not married.

You absolutely 100% will get child support, but no property or “marital funds” as you are unmarried.

What matters the most to you? Can you get a job?

She would get child support for ONE child…

She has 3 children.

And she wouldn’t even get to keep the car she drives because it’s in his name. She would have no transportation and no housing since he owns the house she lives in. Even the most generous child support would still leave her VERY financially vulnerable.

I am curious. What’s the custody situation with the older children? Is their dad involved? Does he pay child support? Is he in the same state?

I have full custody. He pays child support monthly.

I have talked to my fiancé and when I tell him I’m not happy he tells me to leave. He has told me to leave on several occasions. Agree I’m trapped and could be homeless soon.

You have a masters degree. You are privileged. Get a job any job, temp agency to get you resume going. Build from there. It's scary but you have to start somewhere.

[Anonymous]

He's not generous. You would be on the title of that car and the house if he was generous.

[Anonymous]

Don’t model this dysfunction for your kids. Get a job. Get an apartment. Move out.

[Anonymous]

By the way, he can call cops and have you arrested for driving his car.
My ex-husband did that, and you would think car bought during marriage belonged to both. Luckily my name was also on the title and they sent him home empty-handed.
If he is generous, what kept you from putting money aside for years? What kept you from working at least part time and investing money for you as he clearly is doing for himself.
It is not too late. Suck it up living with him while he is generous. Get a job when the kid is at school. Watch other kids or work restaurant lunch shift. Him traveling is a good thing as you don't seem to get along.

[Anonymous]

Does he want any custody of the child you have together? If not, go ahead and move to the state you want and get a job. After establishing residency, file for child support. That can take some time so make sure you have a job lined up. But talk to a lawyer before you do anything at all. You don’t want to lose your kid because you did something dumb.

[Anonymous]

not legal advice, not your lawyer.

You need to contact a domestic violence center so they can help you plan what makes the most sense for you and your kids.

Are you sure you’re not the mistress?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My fiancé and I have one daughter together (she is 7) and I have two children (13 and 16) from a previous marriage. He also has two adult children.

I don’t work and he is the breadwinner. He has 3 houses and they are all in his name. I also drive a car that is in his name. I have nothing. Yes, I have been stupid, you don’t need to tell me this. My question is, if I leave the relationship, am I entitled to anything since we aren’t married?

Additionally, We aren’t on the same page when it comes to where we live. He travels a ton and I hate our state (not in the DMV area). This is perhaps another thread but I have been here a long time, have always disliked it and feel extremely trapped. He’s never here because of his work travels. Since turning 50 earlier this year, i have become a bit depressed and think i would be happier living somewhere else but he’s not on board at all and since he’s the breadwinner he makes the decisions. He’s extremely controlling but generous. Oh and one last thing since I’m getting this all out and you’re a bunch of strangers who don’t know me, he won’t show me his will. If something were to happen to me, I have no idea if I will end up on the street. As I type this I realize that this is a very good relationship for HIM. He can have his cake and eat it too.

how did you end up in this situation? what's preventing you/him from getting married?

[Anonymous]

Why aren't you married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:State that you would like to get married at the courthouse next week.

If you separate now, you’ll get child support and that’s it.

This. Child support only, and that may be substantial depending on how much he makes but will only last until the child is 18 or maybe 21 depending on state law. Note that it is based on income not assets so if he is asset rich and average income you are SOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:State that you would like to get married at the courthouse next week.

If you separate now, you’ll get child support and that’s it.

So I would get child support? This seems unclear to me because I’m not married.

If you have a minor child and you make less money than your child’s other parent, you would get child support.

Only if she has custody. He might fight her for that. But my guess is he has made the mental calculation that since you have a child you are reliant on his income and are better off staying until that child is done with college, which is accurate. Don’t expect a man like this to pay for anything extra if you leave with your child and if you do, he may fight you for custody bc it’s cheaper for the kid to be with him and he has a pretty good case since you do not work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I have a master’s degree. When I moved to this state, over 10 years ago, I had a horrible time finding a job. I ended up taking a minimum wage job for a few years. When I became pregnant he told me I could quit. That was over 7 years ago.

Op here again. I’m so out of touch with technology and am awful with computer programming and I feel so scared to go back to the workplace.

You don’t have the luxury of feeling scared and doing nothing about it. Get back in touch with technology (using the same Al Gore’s internet you’re on right now) and get a job. You have 3 minor children for goodness’ sake woman!

You can probably be a teacher. I don't know where you are, but around the DC area, anyone can become a teacher. Doesn't pay a lot, but you will get benefits and can be with kids during breaks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will not be able to move out of the state since you have a child together unless he agrees. So basically, either way you have another 12 years before you would realistically be able to leave the area.

This is wrong.

They’re not married and there’s no custody agreement in place.

If she plays her cards correctly, she could establish residency in a different state and file for child support there. That first point of a legal is where custody will be decided.

Umm no. The marriage doesn’t matter. You can’t just move a child like that without the other parent’s agreement. It would be the same if he took the kid out of state to live somewhere else without the mother’s permission. It doesn’t work that way. But go ahead and try it and let me know how it works out for you.

Side note-she already stated she has no job and is 100% financially supported by her fiance. Therefore, how the heck would she even be able to move to another state and set up shop with 3 kids?

There

Is

No

Custody

Agreement

Until, they get a custody agreement, she can take her kid anywhere she wants without consequences. (And so can he.)

You

Are

Wrong.

She can take her kid anywhere, but he can turn around and charge her with kidnapping and slap her with an emergency custody order and force the kid to return.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I have a master’s degree. When I moved to this state, over 10 years ago, I had a horrible time finding a job. I ended up taking a minimum wage job for a few years. When I became pregnant he told me I could quit. That was over 7 years ago.

Op here again. I’m so out of touch with technology and am awful with computer programming and I feel so scared to go back to the workplace.

My goodness. This is some privilege talking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:State that you would like to get married at the courthouse next week.

If you separate now, you’ll get child support and that’s it.

So I would get child support? This seems unclear to me because I’m not married.

You absolutely 100% will get child support, but no property or “marital funds” as you are unmarried.

What matters the most to you? Can you get a job?

People!

She only gets child support if she has custody of the child. The almost universal standard is 50/50. She will be forced to get a job, will receive a percentage of the difference between their incomes, adjusted for the amount of time the child has with her. And only for their joint child not for her two older ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:State that you would like to get married at the courthouse next week.

If you separate now, you’ll get child support and that’s it.

So I would get child support? This seems unclear to me because I’m not married.

You absolutely 100% will get child support, but no property or “marital funds” as you are unmarried.

What matters the most to you? Can you get a job?

People!

She only gets child support if she has custody of the child. The almost universal standard is 50/50. She will be forced to get a job, will receive a percentage of the difference between their incomes, adjusted for the amount of time the child has with her. And only for their joint child not for her two older ones.

And her new income could lead to a decrease in the child support that she is currently receiving for her older two.