Middle aged friendship gatekeepers

[Anonymous]

What’s the psychology behind middle aged women who act cliquish and gatekeep friendships? Who can’t be polite at kids’ games, and try to establish some sort of hierarchy? I don’t get it.

[Anonymous]

I don't get it either but I give them a wide berth and consider myself warned. Their loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get it either but I give them a wide berth and consider myself warned. Their loss.

+1

Some grown adults are socially stunted, OP. If you can't manage to say hello in passing, and you see that person every day, you have have other issues. Definitely keep a wide berth.

[Anonymous]

I don't know the psychology behind it, but I don't think it's anything new.

[Anonymous]

I haven't come across this, OP. What I have come across is when a long-established group of friends finds it easy to converse together, and does not think about reaching out to others standing nearby... that's natural human behavior and we're all guilty of that. It's hard to break into such a group. You have to be proactive. I've been on both sides of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know the psychology behind it, but I don't think it's anything new.

It is not - and people tend to know who the troublemakers are, OP - some tend to want to stay on their "good side", even though the troublemakers are universally not liked. It is a peculiar and interesting social phenomenon, considering the troublemakers are not necessarily liked or valued or even feared as much as people just want to live in peace, and they know crazy, and react accordingly - it is almost instinctual preservation. I would rather spend time with people who have something to offer, because gossip to me is not valuable - and I am not 12 years old.

[Anonymous]

I haven't really noticed it because I generally don't like being part of groups. I'd rather have one-off friendships, though I like bringing my motley crew together at times. I also like having a lot of friends because everyone is so busy that it takes awhile to get together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't really noticed it because I generally don't like being part of groups. I'd rather have one-off friendships, though I like bringing my motley crew together at times. I also like having a lot of friends because everyone is so busy that it takes awhile to get together.

OP. Me too, I usually don’t have to deal with this. But I was at a team game for school yesterday and all the gatekeeping school moms were in action. DC initially didn’t want to join the team, I bet that’s why. Their daughters must be the same.

[Anonymous]

They have horrible relationships with their husbands and only find value in being part of their crew.

[Anonymous]

Be thankful or you might get invited to their girls weekend in Nashville.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't come across this, OP. What I have come across is when a long-established group of friends finds it easy to converse together, and does not think about reaching out to others standing nearby... that's natural human behavior and we're all guilty of that. It's hard to break into such a group. You have to be proactive. I've been on both sides of it.

Exclusive mom has entered the chat.

[Anonymous]

What's the point of middle aged? This happens at all ages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's the point of middle aged? This happens at all ages.

True, but it is definitely strange to see it continue past high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's the point of middle aged? This happens at all ages.

Yeah the nursing home cliques can be brutal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't come across this, OP. What I have come across is when a long-established group of friends finds it easy to converse together, and does not think about reaching out to others standing nearby... that's natural human behavior and we're all guilty of that. It's hard to break into such a group. You have to be proactive. I've been on both sides of it.

Exclusive mom has entered the chat.

PP you replied to. Read my entire post. I've been on both sides of friend groups, trying to find friends, and being in a group and realizing that bystanders might like to chat with us. I never rebuff someone who comes up to me and starts a conversation!