Do you ever regret not marrying for the "lifestyle"?

[Anonymous]

I guess I assumed my married life would be similar to my parents and my family life growing up. I would live in a nice single family house in a nice neighborhood. I would have 2 cars and a dog. I would decorate the house for Christmas. I would have nice furniture.

Well...I married someone with whom our combined income does not make that life feasible in Northern Virginia. We rent an apartment and cannot afford to have nice furniture. It now seems that that life will never come by to us. I am trying to make peace with it. Anyone else in similar circumstances?

[Anonymous]

Maybe you're not hot enough to marry a guy who makes that kind of money, so it was never going to happen and there's no point in regretting it.

[Anonymous]

Downward mobility. It’s brutal. It’s not even about what you do or don’t have, it’s knowing what you’re missing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you're not hot enough to marry a guy who makes that kind of money, so it was never going to happen and there's no point in regretting it.

Or maybe OP married a hot guy. Hot marries hot but both forgot to worry about rich. I have seen it many times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you're not hot enough to marry a guy who makes that kind of money, so it was never going to happen and there's no point in regretting it.

Lol. “That kind of money” isn’t that special if you just want a SFH and 2 cars

[Anonymous]

I am divorced. I have this because I worked my butt off…still do. More than one job. Ex husband and I are equal earners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I assumed my married life would be similar to my parents and my family life growing up. I would live in a nice single family house in a nice neighborhood. I would have 2 cars and a dog. I would decorate the house for Christmas. I would have nice furniture.

Well...I married someone with whom our combined income does not make that life feasible in Northern Virginia. We rent an apartment and cannot afford to have nice furniture. It now seems that that life will never come by to us. I am trying to make peace with it. Anyone else in similar circumstances?

Why would you assume this while not choosing a career with matching salary and making sound financial decisions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I assumed my married life would be similar to my parents and my family life growing up. I would live in a nice single family house in a nice neighborhood. I would have 2 cars and a dog. I would decorate the house for Christmas. I would have nice furniture.

Well...I married someone with whom our combined income does not make that life feasible in Northern Virginia. We rent an apartment and cannot afford to have nice furniture. It now seems that that life will never come by to us. I am trying to make peace with it. Anyone else in similar circumstances?

Why would you assume this while not choosing a career with matching salary and making sound financial decisions?

Because many women had SAHMs or under-employed mothers. They may not have been super ambitious or career-focused, subconsciously thinking that being pretty and from a decent family would suffice to duplicate their Mom’s lifestyle. Women still face far less societal scorn than men for mediocre jobs, or even no jobs at all. Someone has to work at these non-profits….

[Anonymous]

NO.

[Anonymous]

Are you 30, 40, 50? For early to mid 30s, not uncommon.

[Anonymous]

Move, OP. Simple solution

[Anonymous]

I regret not understanding finances better. I have a very poor understanding of money and am desperately trying to source that so I can teach my daughter better. My parents were not guiding lights and while yes I assumed life would line up, I did not realize my responsibilities on manifesting the home and financial security. You have to make good choices. The marriage but is important but you can’t blame your partnership entirely for this. There are loads of place a that are less expensive. Find one. Work towards your goal.

[Anonymous]

NOVA changed too. It used to be very middle class. Now it's UMC and expensive. Many MC folks have left the beltway entirely.

[Anonymous]

I had to make peace with the fact that I'd only be able to financially rely on myself a long time ago. And what that means for my lifestyle. The phrase I've repeated to myself for years is "that's for other people." Like when a hairdresser told me I could get the baby hairs that make my hairline weird, lasered away like the Kardashians did. Well, that's something rich people do. That's for other people. I'll make peace with my baby hairs. I'll make peace with never having been to Hawaii or Europe or a thousand other places. Those things are for other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Downward mobility. It’s brutal. It’s not even about what you do or don’t have, it’s knowing what you’re missing.

+1