Would you be concerned if your DD planned to marry her high school or college sweetheart

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If both of them are mature, level-headed, grounded, and hard workers I would wish them all the best. Sincerely, without hesitation. Especially if he treats her well and has a nice family.

And I say that as someone who met their spouse at age 35 and only had our first kid last year at age 39.

I think - more importantly - is that you STRONGLY encourage her to [b]get established in a career before thinking about kids. She needs to have a plan to support herself and the family. Life is long and unpredictable.

[/b]

This is excellent advice.

+1 this is really the only thing I’d be concerned about.

+2

- Engaged at 23, married 17 years. No regrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If both of them are mature, level-headed, grounded, and hard workers I would wish them all the best. Sincerely, without hesitation. Especially if he treats her well and has a nice family.

And I say that as someone who met their spouse at age 35 and only had our first kid last year at age 39.

I think - more importantly - is that you STRONGLY encourage her to [b]get established in a career before thinking about kids. She needs to have a plan to support herself and the family. Life is long and unpredictable.

[/b]

This is excellent advice.

+1 this is really the only thing I’d be concerned about.

+2

- Engaged at 23, married 17 years. No regrets.

Yeah I wouldn’t worry about engaged much. I married my high school sweetheart - still went to law school. He got a masters. We didn’t have kids until I was 29. I think dumping him and trying my luck in the dating pool just because we were young when we met would have been dumb. I have watched friends date and it’s rough out there.

[Anonymous]

We we graduated from college we were poor and had to work. We supported each other through grad school and got married when DH was in law school. Either of us derailing our careers early wouldn't have been financially feasible and having kids waited until we were financially comfortable.

[Anonymous]

when we

[Anonymous]

So you want your DD to wait until 33-35 to start looking for marriage?

Wait until she's competing with women who are the age she is now, and with each passing day she becomes more and more invisible to men looking for marriage -- men who are actively dating 24-year-olds?

That's the cold, hard truth.

No, I'm all for your DD getting married now at the peak of her attractiveness. Marry a man who is just starting out and has a ton of potential. They build a good life together, and she's getting in on the ground floor of something good.
Don't wait.

[Anonymous]

My DH and I got together our sophomore year in college when I was 19 and he was 20. We got married when I was 26 and he was 27. We had a long-distance relationship for a few years when we had jobs on opposite coasts and moved in together before getting engaged. There was never any doubt in our minds that we wanted to be together, but we both prioritized starting our careers and going to grad school. He's the love of my life and always will be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got married at 24. Still happily married 16 years later.

At the time, I remember feeling like an adult. My H is 3.5 years older than me (we met when I was a freshman and he was a senior in college). By the time we married 5 years later, we both had masters degrees, I had a job offer, he had a good paying job, and he had 100k in savings to put down on our first house. This early start in real estate got us on a solid financial path as we climbed the property ladder in DC, so there is that side benefit.

However, it seems today that people mature much slower than they used to and most people are not ready to marry, buy a house, or have kids until at least their early thirties, if not later.

I don’t think it has anything do with “ maturing slower”. Many people realize they would rather enjoy their twenties, focus on their career, or wait for the right one. There is nothing wrong with waiting until your thirties to get married, buy a house, or have kids. It has nothing to do with maturity. Some people want to explore their carefree and childfree twenties.

How’d it take you eight pages to show up?

Is your marriage miserable? I enjoyed my twenties while married and childfree. Enjoyed my life with my kids when they arrived too.

My 20s with kids and married were great. I had so much energy for my kids. At 40, I could not imagine having the energy that I had at 28 to parent a toddler. And yes, I'm in shape. 40 is just older than 28. Facts.

As my kids get older, I am so grateful that I did the tough parenting years when I was younger and that DH and I can enjoy being empty nesters before we turn 70.

[Anonymous]

No, I wouldn’t be concerned in your case. If she’s met someone she loves, who loves her, and they’ve been together for five stable years, I don’t know how much more you can hope for your child. Maybe they can have a long engagement as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got married at 24. Still happily married 16 years later.

At the time, I remember feeling like an adult. My H is 3.5 years older than me (we met when I was a freshman and he was a senior in college). By the time we married 5 years later, we both had masters degrees, I had a job offer, he had a good paying job, and he had 100k in savings to put down on our first house. This early start in real estate got us on a solid financial path as we climbed the property ladder in DC, so there is that side benefit.

However, it seems today that people mature much slower than they used to and most people are not ready to marry, buy a house, or have kids until at least their early thirties, if not later.

I don’t think it has anything do with “ maturing slower”. Many people realize they would rather enjoy their twenties, focus on their career, or wait for the right one. There is nothing wrong with waiting until your thirties to get married, buy a house, or have kids. It has nothing to do with maturity. Some people want to explore their carefree and childfree twenties.

How’d it take you eight pages to show up?

Is your marriage miserable? I enjoyed my twenties while married and childfree. Enjoyed my life with my kids when they arrived too.

Yeah, I don't get that mindset either. I feel bad for people who think getting married means the end of having a life/"enjoying" yourself. It is also *gasp* quite possible to focus on your career while married. I know, I know! Crazy, right? And why can't finding the "right one" happen in one's 20s? PP seems to be operating under the bizarre assumption that everyone who gets married in their 20s rushes into it and becomes super boring and co dependent once they get married. Sounds like she views marriage in a negative light, which is sad.

I met my DH at 21 (junior year of college), got engaged at 25, married at 26. (Kids came along at 30 and 33). There were crazy nights out on the town. We went to parties. We did "carefree" things. We went to grad school. We both leaned in HEAVILY to our careers. We traveled extensively- sometimes just the two of us, sometimes together with other friends, and I took a few girls' trips. I guess I just don't understand what I'm supposed to have missed out on...?

[Anonymous]

No. A friend of mine and her boyfriend started dating at 14 and are still married at 53.

It would have been great to have a partner to share all that with. The only way it could go bad is if they feel like they missed out on fooling around with a bunch of people.

[Anonymous]

I would be neutral and let her know I will support her whatever she decides. I dated a great guy in college, but I knew my parents didn’t love him. He started talking about getting engaged as we got closer to graduation and I was surprised my mom said that if I was happy, she was happy. Turns out, I didn’t really want to marry him after all and I broke up with him. I wonder if my mom had told me to sow my wild oats, I might have dug in my heels and tried to make it work and I’m glad she gave me space to make my own decision. There was nothing wrong with the guy, I just felt sort of eh about him and I’m so glad I took my chances on the dating pool.

23 isn’t THAT young. She had a chance to meet lots of other guys while in college, even though she was in a relationship, surely she had male friends and the chance to peruse her own interests. If they met at 14 and were talking engagement at 19, I would definitely suggest waiting, but 23 is an adult. I was single for much of my 20s and while I’m glad I had the space and freedom to date around and make mistakes, there was a lot of angst and drama and heartache I wouldn’t really want to relive. I’m lucky my now husband was single when I met him in law school. My sister is still single and pushing 40, great single guys who want to start a family like she does seem to be a rarity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends on when they want to marry. I married my college sweetheart (we started dating at 19) but not until we were 28. I think the younger you get together the longer you should date because people change so much in their 20s.

+1 married my college sweetheart, dating since 20 but didn’t get married until ~26.

[Anonymous]

The only thing I can say for sure about marriage, you never know. There are happy young couples, happy young couples who age well together and ones that don’t. There are happy marriages that started later in life and ones that end in divorce.
It all kind of seems like luck.

I hope your daughter is a lucky one!

[Anonymous]

My daughter is heading towards engagement with her college sweetheart. They have dated since she was turning 21 and will get engaged at 25. She went on a lot of first and second dates before they met up and have to admit, he's a likeable guy with a good head on his shoulders. Knock on wood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got married at 24. Still happily married 16 years later.

At the time, I remember feeling like an adult. My H is 3.5 years older than me (we met when I was a freshman and he was a senior in college). By the time we married 5 years later, we both had masters degrees, I had a job offer, he had a good paying job, and he had 100k in savings to put down on our first house. This early start in real estate got us on a solid financial path as we climbed the property ladder in DC, so there is that side benefit.

However, it seems today that people mature much slower than they used to and most people are not ready to marry, buy a house, or have kids until at least their early thirties, if not later.

I don’t think it has anything do with “ maturing slower”. Many people realize they would rather enjoy their twenties, focus on their career, or wait for the right one. There is nothing wrong with waiting until your thirties to get married, buy a house, or have kids. It has nothing to do with maturity. Some people want to explore their carefree and childfree twenties.

Your chances of divorce go up 5% each year after 32 that you wait to get married.