Would you be concerned if your DD planned to marry her high school or college sweetheart

[Anonymous]

I married my high school sweetheart at 24 years after going out for 6 years. We have been married nearly 25 years. We didn’t have kids until I was 32 (he was 33) so we did have a lot of time to build up careers and travel.

I have never regretted it. I would be so pleased if my DD did thus.

[Anonymous]

Met my husband when we were both 16, high school sweethearts, then we went to college and stayed together, then law school and grad school and we moved in, then got married, and have two kiddos. Our foundation is STRONG we are best friends we grew up together we know each other. It’s either a really strong relationship or a really weak one, nothing in between for long term haha.

I would not be concerned if this was a child of mine, but I want to see them happy and growing together and boosting each other and supporting each other.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, yes. I was independent my entire 20s. I am not criticizing your DD, but I would have missed out on a lot if I was married during that decade. But maybe she's different?

I'm 40 and I don't know any couples that married in their early to mid twenties (and didn't get divorced). I know one couple that married at 28/29. Everyone else was 30+. But we are all professionals with grad degrees, so maybe that's it?

Does your DD have a job? Is she where she wants to be in her career?

I would ask her why she wants to marry as opposed to live together for some time. Does she want kids now?

[Anonymous]

Yes, but it depends upon the child and the partner.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would be worried. But, I would say nothing assuming no red flags. It is her life.

[Anonymous]

I married my college sweetheart in my late twenties after having broken up for a few years after graduation. While I enjoyed my experiences during those years apart, I would have enjoyed them more had we been together. That time apart hurt our relationship. If I could do it over, I would have spent all of my twenties with her and married her years earlier.

[Anonymous]

I was your daughter, too.

My parents were delighted. My father literally told my DH "She's your problem now!" while laughing at our wedding. I was 23.

At the time, I did not think that my father's attitude towards me played into the decision at all. DH and I dated long distance for two years and wanted to be together. Fast forward 20 years and we still do. We both kept wanting to work on our marriage over and over. We chose each other and continued to choose each other year after year. It's been very difficult but I never wish that I had let DH go. He would have broken up with me if I did not agree to marry him. I think that breaking up would have been a mistake for sure. I certainly don't think that I missed out on anything by not dating other people in my 20s. He would say the same. I'm not sure if he really feels this way but I appreciate that he says it.

[Anonymous]

I was engaged at age 24, getting married early put us financially forward because we were able to share living costs and had less need to spend on social/looking good for dating. Bought 1mil condo before 30 with 50% down payment. When our kids go off to college we will still be young (mid 40s) and enjoy our net worth.

[Anonymous]

I think this depends entirely on the people involved.

I met my husband at 15, started dating at 16 and then we married at age 26 after being together for 10 years. We are now 36 and just celebrated our 20th anniversary. Wouldn't have changed it at all in retrospect.

[Anonymous]

I agree that it depends entirely on the people involved and their ability to grow, evolve and compromise with each other. Some of the happiest and strongest marriages I know are from people who married their college sweethearts (HS more iffy). The most problematic marriages I have seen are from women who decided in their mid to late 20s and early 30s to "settle" and marryguys who had lots of red flags just because their biological clocks were ticking and they wanted to have a child. Better to freeze ones eggs than to have to co-parent with a dysfunctional ExH. I know I will get flamed for this, but based upon all of my friends, I will say that I think the biggest predictor for marital longevity is whether your own parents stayed married (and were relatively happy together over the long run).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married my boyfriend I met freshmen year at Yale and I know 12ish couples personally from just my graduating class (and there are plenty more I don’t know personally). That was almost 25 years ago and there has not been one divorce. We got married somewhere between 25-30.

Haha. Had to work Yale into your response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
No. I married the only man I dated. Met at 19, married at 23.

Boring

[Anonymous]

DH and I met at 15. He kissed me for the first time on the marching band bus. We got married at 22. We are 54. I can’t imagine sharing my life with anyone else. Sometimes you just know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I met at 15. He kissed me for the first time on the marching band bus. We got married at 22. We are 54. I can’t imagine sharing my life with anyone else. Sometimes you just know.

Aww I love this my DH was my only kiss too and it’s been 20 plus years. I think the responses solidify that it’s either going to go very very well or not well at all haha

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married my boyfriend I met freshmen year at Yale and I know 12ish couples personally from just my graduating class (and there are plenty more I don’t know personally). That was almost 25 years ago and there has not been one divorce. We got married somewhere between 25-30.

Haha. Had to work Yale into your response.

I was tempted to work Princeton into mine but thought better of it.