How to make a kid feel better about the college options they have

[Anonymous]

Parents and counselors need to change the lingo. Stop calling schools "safeties." These are schools that you are likely to get into and so likely the school you will go to. If you are in the middle 50th, then you and a bunch of others just like you are fighting for those spots, but there isn't enough room for all of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes, the best college for you is not necessarily the best college you can get into.

+1

Very wise and should be a sign in every guidance counselor's office.

[Anonymous]

OP needs to read the threads: my dc goes to a big five, has a 3.25 gpa, and average ec’s, where should they apply for college. She will quickly see that the three choices her daughter has are never listed as recommendations. And I think people are kidding themselves and their kids, when they say test option is driving their rejections. Very few of my kids friends who applied to top ten, went test optional. They were not willing to take the chance and drove 10 plus hours to get a score. Nowadays, everyone on paper looks the same, it’s really just a lottery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents and counselors need to change the lingo. Stop calling schools "safeties." These are schools that you are likely to get into and so likely the school you will go to. If you are in the middle 50th, then you and a bunch of others just like you are fighting for those spots, but there isn't enough room for all of you.

One college counselor I heard interviewed calls them exactly that, "likelies"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes, the best college for you is not necessarily the best college you can get into.

OMG yes. My senior got accepted into a top 50 school last night, with a little merit money, even. Definitely higher ranked than the other schools where she was accepted. But I’m starting to think that two of the lower-ranked schools she got into will be much better for her as an individual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was a once in a generation anomaly of a year in college admissions and yea, your DC was unlucky in that respect. DC has good options or take a gap year and wait for the market to reset next year.....those are the only two options and either one is fine.

Taking a gap year won't solve her college acceptance list, unless you are suggesting she re-apply with the credentials of the gap year? That doesn't really work.

One of DCs friends did a gap year for this reason. Wanted to go to a HYS level school, had a rough admissions year (much worse than OP) and did a gap year to reapply. The next year she was admitted to...W&M. So agree the gap year strategy won’t result in better outcomes than OP already has.

I think you guys are missing the fact that we have been in a global pandemic. Many kids who would’ve gone to school in the fall of 2020 decided to defer. In addition, many schools are test optional so a lot of kids apply to schools they wouldn’t have tried otherwise.There were many more applications than normal this year. This was a very tough year to apply.

Every year people think there was some unusual circumstance that made the process difficult for their particular kid. My first went to college 10 years ago and it was true before then and has been true every year since then. Yes this year was unique, but I doubt the outcome will be different for OPs kid next year. There will still be way too many qualified applicants for the very top schools.

[Anonymous]

Exactly ^^. You should not tell her it was the year. It’s not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes, the best college for you is not necessarily the best college you can get into.

OMG yes. My senior got accepted into a top 50 school last night, with a little merit money, even. Definitely higher ranked than the other schools where she was accepted. But I’m starting to think that two of the lower-ranked schools she got into will be much better for her as an individual.

Our DD fell in love with a LAC in the 75-100 range, got accepted with generous merit and wants to put down a deposit, like, yesterday. Still waiting to hear from W&M but doesn't think she'd like it there ("too much stress") and wouldn't go anyway.

After a hellish, pressure-filled four years of HS (with her senior year being all virtual), I can understand her point of view.

Let it go, parents.

[Anonymous]

This PP’s reply is simply amazing in its generosity and compassion:

Yes, it's a very hard admissions year out there. Maybe your DD would feel better knowing that just like she was waitlisted some places, ridiculous numbers of students who applied to Grinnell, for example, were waitlisted this year, including my senior with higher GPA and test scores. (I'm sure people could say the same for the other "safeties" on her list.) Supposedly Grinnell got 10,000 applications for fewer than 500 spots So while your DD treated it like a safety, it was a lottery for even those with high stats, and she got in. Congratulations!

If my kid were waitlisted with higher scores, and then somebody came on here complaining about her DD’s acceptance, I wouldn’t be nearly as kind. Seriously. This is crazy.

And FWIW, a true safety is a college you’re happy to attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents and counselors need to change the lingo. Stop calling schools "safeties." These are schools that you are likely to get into and so likely the school you will go to. If you are in the middle 50th, then you and a bunch of others just like you are fighting for those spots, but there isn't enough room for all of you.

One college counselor I heard interviewed calls them exactly that, "likelies"

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes, the best college for you is not necessarily the best college you can get into.

OMG yes. My senior got accepted into a top 50 school last night, with a little merit money, even. Definitely higher ranked than the other schools where she was accepted. But I’m starting to think that two of the lower-ranked schools she got into will be much better for her as an individual.

Our DD fell in love with a LAC in the 75-100 range, got accepted with generous merit and wants to put down a deposit, like, yesterday. Still waiting to hear from W&M but doesn't think she'd like it there ("too much stress") and wouldn't go anyway.

After a hellish, pressure-filled four years of HS (with her senior year being all virtual), I can understand her point of view.

Let it go, parents.

I’m the PP above you, and now I’m wondering if the LAC your DD loves with generous merit is the same one my DD loves and I think would be a great fit for her!!! Is it in Pennsylvania?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Then she was led astray, by you and the counselor, or others, about the fact that top schools are a LOTTERY, and that top schools in the USA in particular have this cruel practice of leading on academically-strong kids but actually admitting athletes, legacies and donors' kids before them. Harvard rejects more valedictorians than it admits.

Additionally, many students work as hard as your child and achieve much less!!!
My own teenager has a high IQ but has several learning differences. He works extremely hard (he's working right now, in the dead of night), and for what? He's never going to get the scores and overall achievements your child has. But he's a perfectionist nonetheless and wants to do the work.

So... please don't believe your child was somehow cheated of a spot at a top university due to her hard work and achievements. It doesn't work like that. Her hard word stands on its own as a monument to her willpower, intelligence and dedication. It will serve her well throughout her life.
+10000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP needs to read the threads: my dc goes to a big five, has a 3.25 gpa, and average ec’s, where should they apply for college. She will quickly see that the three choices her daughter has are never listed as recommendations. And I think people are kidding themselves and their kids, when they say test option is driving their rejections. Very few of my kids friends who applied to top ten, went test optional. They were not willing to take the chance and drove 10 plus hours to get a score. Nowadays, everyone on paper looks the same, it’s really just a lottery.

x100000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents and counselors need to change the lingo. Stop calling schools "safeties." These are schools that you are likely to get into and so likely the school you will go to. If you are in the middle 50th, then you and a bunch of others just like you are fighting for those spots, but there isn't enough room for all of you.

One college counselor I heard interviewed calls them exactly that, "likelies"

+1

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As others have said, HS and early education years are not just to get into a prestigious university. They are for, you know, actual learning. If she has a solid educational foundation, she will do well anywhere.

You need to get off the prestige high-horse and realize that the learning is the goal. If she's after prestige only, she is destined to fail. And I'd say that her parents have set her up for that.

We are paying for private for our DD. Our goal is to have her learn how to learn, ask questions, challenge herself, and enjoy her education. I hope that she ends up at a public university thereafter though she'll do great wherever she goes.

Give your kids challenges in their lives, folks. They'll be better for it. The constant prestige spoon-feeding is doing terrible things to their generation. [/quote]

+1

Well said!