How to make a kid feel better about the college options they have

[Anonymous]

Is it just me or is this year a complete bloodbath for college admission? I feel like my DD, (and many her age) has been caught in a perfect sh!tstorm of college misery. Her college counselor gave her lots of hope at the beginning, and encouraged her to apply to top SLACs and Ivies. She has high stats (34 ACT 3.8+UW GPA at Big 5...trying to keep that on the vague side...) and is dedicated to an extracurricular and a few school clubs. She also has won a smattering of regional awards. So far, however she has little to show for this. Rejected from 2 reaches ED1 and ED2. We don't have high hopes for that last RD reach. Got waitlisted from the 1st of 4 targets today. Accepted at 3/3 safeties (Skidmore, Grinnell, W&M Monroe Scholars) but says she'll be disappointed if she ends up at any of them, and that she'll feel like she's worked so hard in high school for nothing. I don't know what to say, and any advice is welcome.

[Anonymous]

I was with you until I read where she has been accepted - she will find students at all 3 of those colleges who meet or exceed her stats. I hope that she has been counseled that everyone trying for admission at ivies has excellent stats, and most don’t get accepted. This is a good lesson in taking a brief time to mourn the loss, and then moving on and making the most of her great options.

[Anonymous]

Let her mope and just say she'll end up at the school she's meant to be. Her hard work in high school isn't for nothing. She can put the skills and traits she built up to use in high school at a place that is happy to have her and has all the resources she needs to succeed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let her mope and just say she'll end up at the school she's meant to be. Her hard work in high school isn't for nothing. She can put the skills and traits she built up to use in high school at a place that is happy to have her and has all the resources she needs to succeed.

OP here: I've told her this- her response is that she hates this determinist attitude since she's worked too hard to throw her hands up and trust in fate.

[Anonymous]

Then she was led astray, by you and the counselor, or others, about the fact that top schools are a LOTTERY, and that top schools in the USA in particular have this cruel practice of leading on academically-strong kids but actually admitting athletes, legacies and donors' kids before them. Harvard rejects more valedictorians than it admits.

Additionally, many students work as hard as your child and achieve much less!!!
My own teenager has a high IQ but has several learning differences. He works extremely hard (he's working right now, in the dead of night), and for what? He's never going to get the scores and overall achievements your child has. But he's a perfectionist nonetheless and wants to do the work.

So... please don't believe your child was somehow cheated of a spot at a top university due to her hard work and achievements. It doesn't work like that. Her hard word stands on its own as a monument to her willpower, intelligence and dedication. It will serve her well throughout her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it just me or is this year a complete bloodbath for college admission? I feel like my DD, (and many her age) has been caught in a perfect sh!tstorm of college misery. Her college counselor gave her lots of hope at the beginning, and encouraged her to apply to top SLACs and Ivies. She has high stats (34 ACT 3.8+UW GPA at Big 5...trying to keep that on the vague side...) and is dedicated to an extracurricular and a few school clubs. She also has won a smattering of regional awards. So far, however she has little to show for this. Rejected from 2 reaches ED1 and ED2. We don't have high hopes for that last RD reach. Got waitlisted from the 1st of 4 targets today. Accepted at 3/3 safeties (Skidmore, Grinnell, W&M Monroe Scholars) but says she'll be disappointed if she ends up at any of them, and that she'll feel like she's worked so hard in high school for nothing. I don't know what to say, and any advice is welcome.

Your daughter sounds like a great student, but Skidmore, Grinnell , and W&M shouldn't be considered safeties by anyone. I consider all 3 to be top schools. It sounds like your daughter is very accomplished and she will continue to achieve at any of the colleges she chooses to attend. She has 3 wonderful choices so far! - signed a HYPS alum

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her mope and just say she'll end up at the school she's meant to be. Her hard work in high school isn't for nothing. She can put the skills and traits she built up to use in high school at a place that is happy to have her and has all the resources she needs to succeed.

OP here: I've told her this- her response is that she hates this determinist attitude since she's worked too hard to throw her hands up and trust in fate.

Worked too hard?
Please.

What about the students who have to work to help their families? What about the students who care for siblings or grandparents? The ones who worked just as hard as she did if not more on classwork and extra-curriculars and didn't get in their top choice either? Why does she think her hard work entitles her to her top choice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her mope and just say she'll end up at the school she's meant to be. Her hard work in high school isn't for nothing. She can put the skills and traits she built up to use in high school at a place that is happy to have her and has all the resources she needs to succeed.

OP here: I've told her this- her response is that she hates this determinist attitude since she's worked too hard to throw her hands up and trust in fate.

Worked too hard?
Please.

What about the students who have to work to help their families? What about the students who care for siblings or grandparents? The ones who worked just as hard as she did if not more on classwork and extra-curriculars and didn't get in their top choice either? Why does she think her hard work entitles her to her top choice?

I think you might be misinterpreting this. I read it as worked too hard to just be uninvested and think everything happens for a reason, not that the kid thought they were entitled to a spot, or that there weren't other students that worked harder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her mope and just say she'll end up at the school she's meant to be. Her hard work in high school isn't for nothing. She can put the skills and traits she built up to use in high school at a place that is happy to have her and has all the resources she needs to succeed.

OP here: I've told her this- her response is that she hates this determinist attitude since she's worked too hard to throw her hands up and trust in fate.

Worked too hard?
Please.

What about the students who have to work to help their families? What about the students who care for siblings or grandparents? The ones who worked just as hard as she did if not more on classwork and extra-curriculars and didn't get in their top choice either? Why does she think her hard work entitles her to her top choice?

I think you might be misinterpreting this. I read it as worked too hard to just be uninvested and think everything happens for a reason, not that the kid thought they were entitled to a spot, or that there weren't other students that worked harder.

Same difference. Working very hard doesn't mean you will get what you want in terms of college admissions. Students these days need to work hard knowing that they might not end up where they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her mope and just say she'll end up at the school she's meant to be. Her hard work in high school isn't for nothing. She can put the skills and traits she built up to use in high school at a place that is happy to have her and has all the resources she needs to succeed.

OP here: I've told her this- her response is that she hates this determinist attitude since she's worked too hard to throw her hands up and trust in fate.

Worked too hard?
Please.

What about the students who have to work to help their families? What about the students who care for siblings or grandparents? The ones who worked just as hard as she did if not more on classwork and extra-curriculars and didn't get in their top choice either? Why does she think her hard work entitles her to her top choice?

You’re an idiot. Go away.

[Anonymous]

You can't make anyone, especially a teenager, feel something different from what they are actually feeling. Objectively as an adult these are fine choices with lots to offer and she has different parts of the country to pick from. I'm genuinely sorry she feels these schools are not for her. Maybe a visit will help if that's possible.

[Anonymous]

Give her a minute to feel sorry for herself, she’ll come around. Tell her you are proud of her for applying to all the reaches. Some kids only apply to targets so they are not disappointed. Both Grinnell and W&M Monroe are very impressive.

[Anonymous]

It seems that the quote "expectation is the root of disappointment" is appropriate here. She was accepted to 3 very good schools and being accepted at W&M as a Monroe Scholar is quite an accomplishment with some unique research opportunities, it only goes to the top 10% of applicants, maybe focus on that?

[Anonymous]

She still has 3 more target schools to go and waitlisted means that school thought she was qualified to attend but just not exactly who they were looking for this year. I would very much encourage her to hold off worrying till she hears from the others. Reaches are reaches, no one should count on them. And her safeties are great choices if needed.

--Parent of kid who got off an Ivy waitlist last year after accepting state school.

[Anonymous]

Disappointed if she "ends up" at W&M? Is it just the school counselor who has warped her thinking?