How to make a kid feel better about the college options they have

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you want to know what gutted feels like? I was accepted to two top 25 schools coming out of a public high school from an UMC family. I hadn't received any grooming with zero SAT courses, tutors or advisors. I l sorted it all on my own, working my tail off and figuring out the logistics with no guidance or support. After receiving my acceptances, my father told me that he didn't believe in girls spending money on college because they "just end up staying home with kids anyways." He refused to spend even a cent on college for me. I had no idea prior to this point that he wouldn't support me attending college--he apparently had assumed that I wouldn't get it anywhere.

I moved out the morning after high school graduation, got a job and saved every penny. I attended a bottom third tier university that gave me massive merit aid, as I didn't qualify for need based aid based on my father's income. I worked three jobs most of college to afford to live.

I graduated top in my college class, won a Rhodes scholarship, got a PhD from Nobel Prize winner, and have a very successful career. I still don't speak to my father.

Your daughter has it easy. She should go to one of those tops schools and enjoy her privilege.

Girl. And I say that with the utmost respect. Not little girl, like your dad and others who would keep you down would say. I mean Girl Power.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go to Grinnell!!

OP I hear what you are saying, but damn those are such good options. I can understand being disappointed with your choices, but there is a limit!

Reminds me of my brother who went into a severe depression over his Harvard rejection (this was years ago, but still). He just couldn't believe it. Got into other ives, but no....angry and b*tchy all summer! I was like, wow what a tool. He wound up at Duke and had a great experience.

Like I said, it's sad when you don't get what you want but this is a little beyond. It's not Arizona State (no offense to anyone but you know what I mean.) It's not even... idk BU or American. It's Grinnell and Skidmore and Monoroe Scholars for goodness sakes!

Can you explain what is wrong with BU?

Nothing is wrong with BU. DCUMers like to hate on what they don't know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you want to know what gutted feels like? I was accepted to two top 25 schools coming out of a public high school from an UMC family. I hadn't received any grooming with zero SAT courses, tutors or advisors. I l sorted it all on my own, working my tail off and figuring out the logistics with no guidance or support. After receiving my acceptances, my father told me that he didn't believe in girls spending money on college because they "just end up staying home with kids anyways." He refused to spend even a cent on college for me. I had no idea prior to this point that he wouldn't support me attending college--he apparently had assumed that I wouldn't get it anywhere.

I moved out the morning after high school graduation, got a job and saved every penny. I attended a bottom third tier university that gave me massive merit aid, as I didn't qualify for need based aid based on my father's income. I worked three jobs most of college to afford to live.

I graduated top in my college class, won a Rhodes scholarship, got a PhD from Nobel Prize winner, and have a very successful career. I still don't speak to my father.

Your daughter has it easy. She should go to one of those tops schools and enjoy her privilege.

You sound super cool. Congratulations on all that you have achieved. Perhaps with age you will develop some sympathy for your father (though your bitterness is understandable). Think of him as being vision-impaired. It sounds like he literally did not know what the world could be. Somehow you did, and made it happen. Perhaps your life opened his eyes? You may want to explore that possibility before it is too late.

Eh, I'm not that old. This happened in the 2000s. He's a college educated professional with a master's degree. He should know better, but instead chooses to be a Trump evangelist with sexist and racist beliefs. He likely negatively impacted the lives of dozens of women and minorities who he managed throughout his career. My decision to cut him off isn't about bitterness, but at this point is a conscious decision to live my beliefs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you want to know what gutted feels like? I was accepted to two top 25 schools coming out of a public high school from an UMC family. I hadn't received any grooming with zero SAT courses, tutors or advisors. I l sorted it all on my own, working my tail off and figuring out the logistics with no guidance or support. After receiving my acceptances, my father told me that he didn't believe in girls spending money on college because they "just end up staying home with kids anyways." He refused to spend even a cent on college for me. I had no idea prior to this point that he wouldn't support me attending college--he apparently had assumed that I wouldn't get it anywhere.

I moved out the morning after high school graduation, got a job and saved every penny. I attended a bottom third tier university that gave me massive merit aid, as I didn't qualify for need based aid based on my father's income. I worked three jobs most of college to afford to live.

I graduated top in my college class, won a Rhodes scholarship, got a PhD from Nobel Prize winner, and have a very successful career. I still don't speak to my father.

Your daughter has it easy. She should go to one of those tops schools and enjoy her privilege.

Girl. And I say that with the utmost respect. Not little girl, like your dad and others who would keep you down would say. I mean Girl Power.

Exactly. My high school friend was raped by her step dad, had a baby in high school, gave it up for adoption, managed to get into a good college, and the parents decided they didn’t have the money for her to go. She worked at a pizza place and went to community college. That is tough, going to W&M is not.

[Anonymous]

I feel so bad for your DD. Mine has far lower stats (far far), but got into her super awesome top choice. Somehow, despite all her mediocrity, she did it without any parental pressure, using only the assistance of her exceptional private school counselor. If I had inserted myself too deeply, it would have mucked up the works. I feel for your DD. Hope she can bury her parent-instilled delusions of grandeur and rally her exceptional, hard working ass to succeed at the likes of W&M.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you want to know what gutted feels like? I was accepted to two top 25 schools coming out of a public high school from an UMC family. I hadn't received any grooming with zero SAT courses, tutors or advisors. I l sorted it all on my own, working my tail off and figuring out the logistics with no guidance or support. After receiving my acceptances, my father told me that he didn't believe in girls spending money on college because they "just end up staying home with kids anyways." He refused to spend even a cent on college for me. I had no idea prior to this point that he wouldn't support me attending college--he apparently had assumed that I wouldn't get it anywhere.

I moved out the morning after high school graduation, got a job and saved every penny. I attended a bottom third tier university that gave me massive merit aid, as I didn't qualify for need based aid based on my father's income. I worked three jobs most of college to afford to live.

I graduated top in my college class, won a Rhodes scholarship, got a PhD from Nobel Prize winner, and have a very successful career. I still don't speak to my father.

Your daughter has it easy. She should go to one of those tops schools and enjoy her privilege.

Girl. And I say that with the utmost respect. Not little girl, like your dad and others who would keep you down would say. I mean Girl Power.

Holy crap, yes! I don’t mean to be off-topic, but you are amazing, PP!

— woman whose proud papa paid for all of my college expenses, with zero hesitation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you want to know what gutted feels like? I was accepted to two top 25 schools coming out of a public high school from an UMC family. I hadn't received any grooming with zero SAT courses, tutors or advisors. I l sorted it all on my own, working my tail off and figuring out the logistics with no guidance or support. After receiving my acceptances, my father told me that he didn't believe in girls spending money on college because they "just end up staying home with kids anyways." He refused to spend even a cent on college for me. I had no idea prior to this point that he wouldn't support me attending college--he apparently had assumed that I wouldn't get it anywhere.

I moved out the morning after high school graduation, got a job and saved every penny. I attended a bottom third tier university that gave me massive merit aid, as I didn't qualify for need based aid based on my father's income. I worked three jobs most of college to afford to live.

I graduated top in my college class, won a Rhodes scholarship, got a PhD from Nobel Prize winner, and have a very successful career. I still don't speak to my father.

Your daughter has it easy. She should go to one of those tops schools and enjoy her privilege.

Girl. And I say that with the utmost respect. Not little girl, like your dad and others who would keep you down would say. I mean Girl Power.

Holy crap, yes! I don’t mean to be off-topic, but you are amazing, PP!

— woman whose proud papa paid for all of my college expenses, with zero hesitation

+100 My grandfather had the same attitude about girls but that was back in the 1950s and my mom didn't want to go to college anyway. But then she and my dad paid 100% for my college. PP's dad is a total ass.

[Anonymous]

My father was raised with that sexist conservative mindset as well, but managed to overcome it, worked his but off to help me pay for college and grad school, and was beyond proud of my achievements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you want to know what gutted feels like? I was accepted to two top 25 schools coming out of a public high school from an UMC family. I hadn't received any grooming with zero SAT courses, tutors or advisors. I l sorted it all on my own, working my tail off and figuring out the logistics with no guidance or support. After receiving my acceptances, my father told me that he didn't believe in girls spending money on college because they "just end up staying home with kids anyways." He refused to spend even a cent on college for me. I had no idea prior to this point that he wouldn't support me attending college--he apparently had assumed that I wouldn't get it anywhere.

I moved out the morning after high school graduation, got a job and saved every penny. I attended a bottom third tier university that gave me massive merit aid, as I didn't qualify for need based aid based on my father's income. I worked three jobs most of college to afford to live.

I graduated top in my college class, won a Rhodes scholarship, got a PhD from Nobel Prize winner, and have a very successful career. I still don't speak to my father.

Your daughter has it easy. She should go to one of those tops schools and enjoy her privilege.

Girl. And I say that with the utmost respect. Not little girl, like your dad and others who would keep you down would say. I mean Girl Power.

Exactly. My high school friend was raped by her step dad, had a baby in high school, gave it up for adoption, managed to get into a good college, and the parents decided they didn’t have the money for her to go. She worked at a pizza place and went to community college. That is tough, going to W&M is not.

I agree with the gist of your post, but when you speak about adoption, please stop using words like "gave up" or "abandoned" the baby. The preferred characterization is "made an adoption plan." That is much more respectful of all parties involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: as a mom of a kid who was deferred from 7 schools--including 3 safeties (and I'm talking real safeties--like over 75% acceptance safeties) during the EA round, I received lots of nice support here when I expressed my frustration. So I really wanted to do that for you, too. Until I read that she was accepted into Monroe Scholars at W&M and that's not good enough for her, or evidently, you. Those schools she has been accepted into so far are not safeties for anybody, and particularly not with her stats (I'm guessing this is not an NCS or Sidwell student or you would have said "Big 3"). Your daughter has options that most kids would be proud of, and she should be, too. But I don't think anything anybody says here will help.

+1. OP read the room. You acknowledge that this admission season has been a bloodbath for all, yet you post that you and your child are dissatisfied with options like Monroe Scholars, knowing that many families with kids with high/solid would be so proud and elated to have those options. You can blame the counselor for stoking your lofty expectations in the beginning of the season, but you can’t blame her for perpetuating that sense of entitlement with your child (and here on this board) when you know full well what everyone else (including many similarly situated families) is going through now.

OP does not care what other students are going through now, even (especially) if they have higher stats (higher test scores, higher GPA, all APs) than her kid and are getting in to what OP would consider lesser schools. OP thinks she bought the golden ticket for her kid, and when she found out (in OPs mind) it was just the silver ticket, now she wants to talk to the manager.

OP, you should have done what other moms like you do and flirt with the coach for the sport your kid barely plays.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree... This cycle or any other admission season matters, OP will find some way to whine about how and why the child didn't get into X, Y or Z school. OP, seriously, take a moment and reexamine your priorities first and foremost. Your own anxiety over your child not getting into a deserving school is part of the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you want to know what gutted feels like? I was accepted to two top 25 schools coming out of a public high school from an UMC family. I hadn't received any grooming with zero SAT courses, tutors or advisors. I l sorted it all on my own, working my tail off and figuring out the logistics with no guidance or support. After receiving my acceptances, my father told me that he didn't believe in girls spending money on college because they "just end up staying home with kids anyways." He refused to spend even a cent on college for me. I had no idea prior to this point that he wouldn't support me attending college--he apparently had assumed that I wouldn't get it anywhere.

I moved out the morning after high school graduation, got a job and saved every penny. I attended a bottom third tier university that gave me massive merit aid, as I didn't qualify for need based aid based on my father's income. I worked three jobs most of college to afford to live.

I graduated top in my college class, won a Rhodes scholarship, got a PhD from Nobel Prize winner, and have a very successful career. I still don't speak to my father.

Your daughter has it easy. She should go to one of those tops schools and enjoy her privilege.

I'm a little skeptical. Yes, "bottom third tier universities" have produced Rhodes Scholars, but not often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to a big three, a couple decades ago. I kind of understand what you mean about working so hard. I got up at 6:30 in the morning and frequently did not go to bed until 1 o’clock at night. I worked all the time. I did sports, orchestra, drama, choir. I did community service. I got good grades. I want up going to a top 15 small liberal arts college, but not Amherst or Yale etc. Ultimately the sleep deprivation and constant stress did not seem worth it. I could’ve just focused on my grades and done one or two extracurriculars I actually enjoyed and gone to a school that was almost as good as the one I went to. I got waitlisted at three Ivies but did not get off the waitlist. My take away was to not do very many extracurriculars in college.

OP here: I have read through all the posts (and my own, which are mangled by my poor late-night grammar), but I think this one really encapsulates how she feels, for better or for worse. If she had known that she was going to wind-up at a school of this level, she feels she would have weighted her priorities differently and enjoyed life a bit more. As it stands, she's put everything into schoolwork and extracurrculars, and hasn't exactly reaped the benefits of this hard work. For what it's worth, I'd be perfectly happy for her to go to William and Mary, especially compared to these SLACs I don't know much about. Also, her counselor did class these schools as safeties for her stats, and it seems this was accurate in regard to her results at these schools.

Jesus Christ.

+1
What kind of whacky thinking has led you and your daughter to think that getting admitted to these amazing schools isn’t “reaping the benefits” of her hard work?

[Anonymous]

To Your Daughter:

The BEST years of your life are about to start. Don't miss a day. To paraphrase the Dalai Lama: "Learn to want what you have, not have what you want."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread seems to have touched a nerve. I think this year has opened the eyes of the privileged regarding what happens when the masses awaken. In the past, private school kids in metros knew they would apply to elite schools, and they expected great results. With test optional, smart kids across the country of varying or no levels of privilege applied to the same schools. With greater competition, it’s less clear, now and in the future, that the privileged will have the access they once enjoyed. Many are mourning the loss.

Did the “masses awaken,” or did a pandemic hit, which made it unfeasible for a number of months to administer standardized testing, and therefore out of fairness schools went test optional? Plus grading, extracurriculars, letters of recommendation all in flux made this year’s cycle a free for all. Just sayin’.

You tell me. Are colleges going to do test optional again next year even though there will likely be no pandemic? Will international and domestic minority applications continue to increase under a progressive administration? Will there continue to be pressure to accept more minorities to address changes in ranking methodology and awareness about social equity? These seem like longer-term changes that the pandemic accelerated. Just sayin’.

It would be difficult for you to sound more like you don’t think minority students belong in colleges if you tried.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Will international and domestic minority applications continue to increase under a progressive administration?

You are going to have to explain this one.

Visa quotas and opportunities to remain in the US after graduation and interpretations of immigration rules and regulations will be more liberal under the Biden administration.

What? Those are a lot of big words but what do they actually mean and what do they have to do with this thread. In other words, what on earth are you talking about?

PP thinks international and minority students are taking places away from privileged white American children.