How to make a kid feel better about the college options they have

[Anonymous]

She does sound like quite the privileged princess. Is this her first experience with not getting exactly what she wants?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her mope and just say she'll end up at the school she's meant to be. Her hard work in high school isn't for nothing. She can put the skills and traits she built up to use in high school at a place that is happy to have her and has all the resources she needs to succeed.

OP here: I've told her this- her response is that she hates this determinist attitude since she's worked too hard to throw her hands up and trust in fate.

Worked too hard?
Please.

What about the students who have to work to help their families? What about the students who care for siblings or grandparents? The ones who worked just as hard as she did if not more on classwork and extra-curriculars and didn't get in their top choice either? Why does she think her hard work entitles her to her top choice?

There is no indication such students would succeed in top colleges.

[Anonymous]

I agree that she has been admitted to top schools and that she was misled about her chances elsewhere. She's quite fortunate to have the choices she does.

But, in the moment, you might point out that many people attend colleges that are "beneath" their academic stats for financial reasons, geographic reasons, social fit, etc. These people have enriching experiences and rewarding careers.

I attended such a school (on scholarship) and academically, it was eye opening. I was used to being a big fish and suddenly I was surrounded by lots of people who were at least as driven and well educated as I was, often better. I had to stretch myself to keep up, and graduated in the top third but nowhere near the top. I suspect she'll find the same at any of her choices. It will be humbling but healthy for her.

[Anonymous]

Grinnell and W&M are FABULOUS options. WTF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grinnell and W&M are FABULOUS options. WTF.

OP’s daughter was raised to believe those schools are beneath her.

[Anonymous]

OP: as a mom of a kid who was deferred from 7 schools--including 3 safeties (and I'm talking real safeties--like over 75% acceptance safeties) during the EA round, I received lots of nice support here when I expressed my frustration. So I really wanted to do that for you, too. Until I read that she was accepted into Monroe Scholars at W&M and that's not good enough for her, or evidently, you. Those schools she has been accepted into so far are not safeties for anybody, and particularly not with her stats (I'm guessing this is not an NCS or Sidwell student or you would have said "Big 3"). Your daughter has options that most kids would be proud of, and she should be, too. But I don't think anything anybody says here will help.

[Anonymous]

Let her be sad. Then suck it up and go to W&M

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grinnell and W&M are FABULOUS options. WTF.

Grinnell is a great option but not a good place for an east coast elitist.

[Anonymous]

Monroe Scholar at W&M is amazing, she should be proud of that, anyone that is receiving that honor is a genuine top performer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: as a mom of a kid who was deferred from 7 schools--including 3 safeties (and I'm talking real safeties--like over 75% acceptance safeties) during the EA round, I received lots of nice support here when I expressed my frustration. So I really wanted to do that for you, too. Until I read that she was accepted into Monroe Scholars at W&M and that's not good enough for her, or evidently, you. Those schools she has been accepted into so far are not safeties for anybody, and particularly not with her stats (I'm guessing this is not an NCS or Sidwell student or you would have said "Big 3"). Your daughter has options that most kids would be proud of, and she should be, too. But I don't think anything anybody says here will help.

+1. OP read the room. You acknowledge that this admission season has been a bloodbath for all, yet you post that you and your child are dissatisfied with options like Monroe Scholars, knowing that many families with kids with high/solid would be so proud and elated to have those options. You can blame the counselor for stoking your lofty expectations in the beginning of the season, but you can’t blame her for perpetuating that sense of entitlement with your child (and here on this board) when you know full well what everyone else (including many similarly situated families) is going through now.

[Anonymous]

You have to tell them when applying to love the safety because there’s a good chance that’s where they’ll end up today.

[Anonymous]

A lot of very high ranking stat kids kids pick lower ranked school for the merit. She will be surrounded by 4.0 kids no matter where she attends. Her list and reaction sounds more like she is concerned more about what others think than her own happiness. Trust me, once you go to college, most of those people you knew in high school will be a distant memory.

[Anonymous]

Acknowledge her discouragement—rejection is tough even when it was a reach. It’s not over yet. She still hasn’t heard from most of her target schools. And she does have wonderful choices among her safeties. But for now let her have her feelings rather than try to talk her out of them. Offer gentle support, not the shaming you’re getting on here.

[Anonymous]

This was a once in a generation anomaly of a year in college admissions and yea, your DC was unlucky in that respect. DC has good options or take a gap year and wait for the market to reset next year.....those are the only two options and either one is fine.

[Anonymous]

I also have a high achiever who would have been disappointed if she went to one of her safeties. Anyone would be hurt after two ED rejections. This is a tough year.

W&M Monroe is a great option for a lot of Va folks on this board, but I know my kid and almost all others at our school and in our circle (not a big 3) are hoping to leave the area and go somewhere new where they aren’t going to be one of hundreds from Nova.

It’s not exactly a lottery in that kids put a lot of work into their high school academics and activities, and then more work crafting great essays for each school. Sure, kids can be prepped for disappointing news, but after a pandemic and everything else these kids have been through, I think we can have a bit of empathy that this is a hard process.

But DCUM would rather name call and pile on. Sorry, OP. I hope your daughter gets some good news soon.