My gf slept with someone while we were broken up. Now I’m unsure if I want to be with her.

[Anonymous]

Wow dude you are mega insecure. Nice job sending her skywriting signals. Hopefully she can read them clearly and permently delete your phone number.

And if you want to consistently sleep with anyone else in the future, best never to tell them this story.

[Anonymous]

So you are allowed to have sexual needs but she isn’t?

I hope she dumps you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So we broke up in October and went officially NC in December. I asked her when we got back together if she slept with someone and she told me she didn’t want to lie and she told me yes. Come to find out it was a month after we broke up that she slept with someone. I’ll admit I did too, but it wasn’t until February that I slept with someone. My issue is: 1. She’s not the type to sleep around so she must’ve had feelings for him although she claims she didn’t. 2. How she slept with someone before me - it was just so fast.

Now that I know she slept with someone else I’m not sure if I want to be with her anymore. Anyone else been through this?

How are you even talking if you went no contact in December?

And you were literally balls deep in someone else a couple of weeks ago? I guess you don’t like that new person very much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, check yourself. You sound controlling and misogynistic. You were BROKEN UP. If you had never gotten back together, of course, she should have moved on. She can have “mourning/ break-up sex” as she tries to get over her break-up with you. She can fall in love. She can think a relationship has potential and then have it fall apart. She can have a one-night stand if she wants. The point is, it’s her life and her decision. You had sex with someone else so I just don’t understand all the pearl clutching about her decision when you were BROKEN UP.

Do you think just because they were broken up he has to be okay with it? You can’t help how feel. I genuinely would like to understand.

You don't have to be okay with it, but if you are not, you have to deal with it on your own. These are your feelings and your responsibility -- they are not something she has to manage or sort out for you. Keep them to yourself and deal with them like an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, check yourself. You sound controlling and misogynistic. You were BROKEN UP. If you had never gotten back together, of course, she should have moved on. She can have “mourning/ break-up sex” as she tries to get over her break-up with you. She can fall in love. She can think a relationship has potential and then have it fall apart. She can have a one-night stand if she wants. The point is, it’s her life and her decision. You had sex with someone else so I just don’t understand all the pearl clutching about her decision when you were BROKEN UP.

Do you think just because they were broken up he has to be okay with it? You can’t help how feel. I genuinely would like to understand.

You don't have to be okay with it, but if you are not, you have to deal with it on your own. These are your feelings and your responsibility -- they are not something she has to manage or sort out for you. Keep them to yourself and deal with them like an adult.

He doesn't have to be okay with it, which is why he can cut her loose if he so chooses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You were ON A BREAK! Plus, YOU DID THE SAME DAMN THING! Holy double-standard, Batman!

You deserve to be alone.

I told her to give me a few days to think it over and she flipped. She said she wasn’t going to wait for someone to do with her life especially when I had slept with someone. That either I was 100% or 100% out. I said I was unsure again and she stormed out.

I thought it was unfair of her not to give me a few days to think.

Good for her. What exactly do you need to think about? If you want to be with her? If you need to think about it given that you were together, went on a break, now got together again - and you still don’t know - then the answer is a clear no. You don’t want to be with her.

[Anonymous]

For some people sex soothes grief or major heartbreak.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, check yourself. You sound controlling and misogynistic. You were BROKEN UP. If you had never gotten back together, of course, she should have moved on. She can have “mourning/ break-up sex” as she tries to get over her break-up with you. She can fall in love. She can think a relationship has potential and then have it fall apart. She can have a one-night stand if she wants. The point is, it’s her life and her decision. You had sex with someone else so I just don’t understand all the pearl clutching about her decision when you were BROKEN UP.

Do you think just because they were broken up he has to be okay with it? You can’t help how feel. I genuinely would like to understand.

You don't have to be okay with it, but if you are not, you have to deal with it on your own. These are your feelings and your responsibility -- they are not something she has to manage or sort out for you. Keep them to yourself and deal with them like an adult.

He doesn't have to be okay with it, which is why he can cut her loose if he so chooses.

Dude, she already walked out on him when he said he needed time to think about things. She's long gone. Probably living her best life and not thinking about his whiny little ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you are allowed to have sexual needs but she isn’t?

I hope she dumps you.

Sounds like she did. Twice. I like her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, check yourself. You sound controlling and misogynistic. You were BROKEN UP. If you had never gotten back together, of course, she should have moved on. She can have “mourning/ break-up sex” as she tries to get over her break-up with you. She can fall in love. She can think a relationship has potential and then have it fall apart. She can have a one-night stand if she wants. The point is, it’s her life and her decision. You had sex with someone else so I just don’t understand all the pearl clutching about her decision when you were BROKEN UP.

Do you think just because they were broken up he has to be okay with it? You can’t help how feel. I genuinely would like to understand.

You don't have to be okay with it, but if you are not, you have to deal with it on your own. These are your feelings and your responsibility -- they are not something she has to manage or sort out for you. Keep them to yourself and deal with them like an adult.

He doesn't have to be okay with it, which is why he can cut her loose if he so chooses.[/quote]

I think that's the equivalent of quitting after you've already been fired.

Sure. Why not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, check yourself. You sound controlling and misogynistic. You were BROKEN UP. If you had never gotten back together, of course, she should have moved on. She can have “mourning/ break-up sex” as she tries to get over her break-up with you. She can fall in love. She can think a relationship has potential and then have it fall apart. She can have a one-night stand if she wants. The point is, it’s her life and her decision. You had sex with someone else so I just don’t understand all the pearl clutching about her decision when you were BROKEN UP.

Do you think just because they were broken up he has to be okay with it? You can’t help how feel. I genuinely would like to understand.

You don't have to be okay with it, but if you are not, you have to deal with it on your own. These are your feelings and your responsibility -- they are not something she has to manage or sort out for you. Keep them to yourself and deal with them like an adult.

He doesn't have to be okay with it, which is why he can cut her loose if he so chooses.

He doesn’t but he’s telling her he still wants to marry her at the same time. Wtf?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, check yourself. You sound controlling and misogynistic. You were BROKEN UP. If you had never gotten back together, of course, she should have moved on. She can have “mourning/ break-up sex” as she tries to get over her break-up with you. She can fall in love. She can think a relationship has potential and then have it fall apart. She can have a one-night stand if she wants. The point is, it’s her life and her decision. You had sex with someone else so I just don’t understand all the pearl clutching about her decision when you were BROKEN UP.

Do you think just because they were broken up he has to be okay with it? You can’t help how feel. I genuinely would like to understand.

No, you don't have to be okay with it. However, you don't get to treat this woman badly for doing something you did. That is just unacceptable on every level. That is what OP did.

I don't know about the rest of the women on this board, but if my ex-boyfriend called me after several months of no contact when we'd both been dating other people to reconcile, I likely wouldn't even take the call. If I took the call and the substance of it was "I want to get back together but now that I know we both had sex with other people while we were broken up, I don't know and so I will be taking a couple days to figure out if I still want to reconcile." YOU called ME. I didn't call you. You don't get to tell me that I now have to wait for some indeterminate amount of time while you decide if you still want to date me. At best, I would consider that to be a vaguely amusing drama bomb that I could entertain my friends with while not getting back together with OP.

If he wasn't okay with her sleeping with someone else while broken up, he shouldn't have slept with someone else when they were broken up. If he wasn't okay with her sleeping with someone else while they were not together, the decent thing to do would have been to tell her that this disclosure changes how he feels about the situation and then to move on. None of this "I need a few days to decide."

Girlfriend was right. If you want to get back together, you accept that single people do what they want while broken up. If you are a person who has standards about that, fine, date someone else. If OP thinks he has standards about that, he's a hypocrite, since he did the exact same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The other side:
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/lv4twj/my_exbf_broke_up_months_ago_we_both_slept_other/

Amazing find!

Amazing find and another poster on Reddit found the exact same thing on a body building forum

https://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=179818363&p=1632641293#post1632641293

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The other side:
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/lv4twj/my_exbf_broke_up_months_ago_we_both_slept_other/

Amazing find!

Amazing find and another poster on Reddit found the exact same thing on a body building forum

https://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=179818363&p=1632641293#post1632641293

WTF. OP is trolling - authoring many threads about the same situation but pretending to be different people each time...either the guy, his ex-GF or the current GF. Needs to be blocked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, check yourself. You sound controlling and misogynistic. You were BROKEN UP. If you had never gotten back together, of course, she should have moved on. She can have “mourning/ break-up sex” as she tries to get over her break-up with you. She can fall in love. She can think a relationship has potential and then have it fall apart. She can have a one-night stand if she wants. The point is, it’s her life and her decision. You had sex with someone else so I just don’t understand all the pearl clutching about her decision when you were BROKEN UP.

Do you think just because they were broken up he has to be okay with it? You can’t help how feel. I genuinely would like to understand.

No, you don't have to be okay with it. However, you don't get to treat this woman badly for doing something you did. That is just unacceptable on every level. That is what OP did.

I don't know about the rest of the women on this board, but if my ex-boyfriend called me after several months of no contact when we'd both been dating other people to reconcile, I likely wouldn't even take the call. If I took the call and the substance of it was "I want to get back together but now that I know we both had sex with other people while we were broken up, I don't know and so I will be taking a couple days to figure out if I still want to reconcile." YOU called ME. I didn't call you. You don't get to tell me that I now have to wait for some indeterminate amount of time while you decide if you still want to date me. At best, I would consider that to be a vaguely amusing drama bomb that I could entertain my friends with while not getting back together with OP.

If he wasn't okay with her sleeping with someone else while broken up, he shouldn't have slept with someone else when they were broken up. If he wasn't okay with her sleeping with someone else while they were not together, the decent thing to do would have been to tell her that this disclosure changes how he feels about the situation and then to move on. None of this "I need a few days to decide."

Girlfriend was right. If you want to get back together, you accept that single people do what they want while broken up. If you are a person who has standards about that, fine, date someone else. If OP thinks he has standards about that, he's a hypocrite, since he did the exact same thing.

+1.

If he was so concerned about her sleeping with other people, maybe he should have put some work into his relationship to improve it ans avoid a break up.