If you’re a SAHM, how do you value your work?

[Anonymous]

Kudos to homeschooling mom's. They did not fall apart like WOHMs during the pandemic.

[Anonymous]

I worked to build a good financial future for my family. It came at the cost of being with my family. I am being paid for my time which is a finite commodity.

Either my employer gets my time or my kids get my time. If I don't need the money, I prefer my kids get my time. I think my value is around 800K a year. DH is supremely happy that I do not charge him or my kids for my time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kudos to homeschooling mom's. They did not fall apart like WOHMs during the pandemic.

Yes, because they could actually dedicate time to homeschooling the kids, instead of having to combine helping the kids with school AND working full time, at the same time. Do you not get it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t do it for anyone else, and have never really thought about my “worth”. I never even thought that I’d wasted my college degree until I read it on here. I do it because it’s what’s best for our family.

+1

OP, if you are truly contributing to the family, and spending all/most of the day doing your own thing - not cleaning or cooking or taking care of the house - but outsourcing everything or watching tv/computer screens or basically living your own social life as you wish, then don't worry about it. What I don't get is women who do little if anything for the family, outsource or do as little as possible, and act like they are really contributing. Redecorating your house, napping half the day, isn't what most of us consider "valuable".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kudos to homeschooling mom's. They did not fall apart like WOHMs during the pandemic.

Some of the ones I know did. They missed their socialization and activities as much as anyone else.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Hey don’t be so down on yourself, your work is fundamental to society by contributing to the next generation in a positive manner. A well loved and cared for child grows into a good member of society... so cheer up.

This is SUCH a good point! Children of dual-working parents are not well-loved or cared for so thank goodness we have some stay at home parents to make sure there are some of these in society!

What is your point? Are SAHMs worthwhile or not?

Absolutely. SAHMs raise well adjusted kids who are valuable members of society.

This is a blanket generalization that should not be made.

Parents of all types of work or stay at home situations can raise well adjusted kids who are valuable members of society.

Parents of all types of work or stay at home situations can raise kids who are detriments to society. Though I would argue that the people in that latter category are few, thankfully.


That said, I said it before and I'll say it again, people who contribute to the raising and education of children in our society should be more highly valued than they are, be they SAHPs, nannies, other types of childcare workers or teachers.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I don't think of it that way. Staying home with my kids (2 and 4) is what I want to do, and I think I have the right to spend my day/life the way I want to.

Yes, I think there are brilliant scientists, human rights lawyers, etc. who are "worth more" to society than I am. But I don't think only SAHM's can say that. Most employed people could say that, too.

The difference is, ALL SAHMs are worth less to society than the professionals you named. Some working people are, some are not (teachers, doctors, some lawyers, etc.).

I just think we have to be realistic about that.

SAHM is a lesser choice, for people who are maybe not as clever or ambitious. That’s ok. We’re not all equal.

Work is work. Getting into the game of value - a trash collector is worth less to society than a doctor etc - is a just useless endeavor. At the end of the day, society needs all workers. That important doctor relies on bus drivers and nannies too, whether for her own life or that of the patients she is dependent on.

This is so Pollyanna and you know it’s not true.

Lol that a trash collector is just as important as a doctor. I take your point that trash collecting is necessary but come on. Live in the land of reality.

Anyway, someday soon trash collection will be totally automated.

The doctor deserves to be paid more but sorry, I don't think someone is more important than another simply because of their job. Society needs all types.

Also, is this doctor a plastic surgeon giving insecure young women breast implants and butt lifts? Is it a general practitioner scrolling through the symptoms til she gets to the same diagnosis the patient reached on their own searching webmd?

And seriously, some lawyers contribute to society, but some are net NEGATIVES. Society would be BETTER OFF if some of them stayed at home. Be real, people.

[Anonymous]

It took a little time, but the super trolls on both sides have come out in force on day two of this thread.

Any mom who has to insult other moms choices in order to feel secure in her own is a loser no matter what you do.

[Anonymous]

Kelly Ann Conway - WOHM and a super failure as a mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey don’t be so down on yourself, your work is fundamental to society by contributing to the next generation in a positive manner. A well loved and cared for child grows into a good member of society... so cheer up.

This is SUCH a good point! Children of dual-working parents are not well-loved or cared for so thank goodness we have some stay at home parents to make sure there are some of these in society!

What is your point? Are SAHMs worthwhile or not?

Yes, parents are worthwhile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey don’t be so down on yourself, your work is fundamental to society by contributing to the next generation in a positive manner. A well loved and cared for child grows into a good member of society... so cheer up.

This is SUCH a good point! Children of dual-working parents are not well-loved or cared for so thank goodness we have some stay at home parents to make sure there are some of these in society!

What is your point? Are SAHMs worthwhile or not?

Absolutely. SAHMs raise well adjusted kids who are valuable members of society.

ALL MOMS DO. Geez, you people REALLY need to find validation outside yourselves don't you? It's sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are not the super rich people and have just a HHI of 350K. My DH takes immense amount of pride in how great my kids do at school and how well educated I am. My staying at home allows us to concentrate on kids, family, home, education, DH's career advancement, elder care, volunteering, hobbies and our social life.

Why does your husband take pride in how well-educated you are? That is super weird - did he have anything to do with it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So is the nanny not considered a working woman? Damn!!

This is what I don't understand about all these types of arguments. A nanny does the SAME job as a SAHM of young children (SAHMs of school age children are a small subset of SAHMs, many of whom return to work when their children are a little older, and agree that's a different argument).

You can't value the contributions of one and not the other.

Um, I think you'll notice the only people disparaging nannies on here are the stay at home moms, which is really rich.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Poverty is not a desirable state of being. Living in poverty is worse for children than having a WOHM raising them.

If the WOHMs are helping out food on the table then their contribution is to be admired.

I think it’s better for children to have a WOHM raise them, period. Teaches them to be flexible, help with chores, etc. Children of SAHM, especially boys, are generally useless.

Sure. You should delegate chores and responsibilities to children in an age appropriate manner. Unfortunately WOHMs usually are not doing delegation of duty but dereliction of duty.

No wonder the pandemic has whooped their butts👍👍

And the biggest asshole of the day award goes to....the SAHM!

[Anonymous]

Family life
DH's success
Kids mental and physical health
Kids success
Elder Care and longetivity
Success of relatives and their children

I thiink the value is hard to quantify because there are so many things you do to make sure that the lives of your family and relatives is not derailed, and as an extended family, everyone remains successful and happy.