DH has had a standing fri night zoom call with college buddies since pandemic began

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you overreacted, OP. I’m sorry! I have sympathy bc I know how annoying it is to put two kids to bed....but, if your DH helps the other six nights...then, I don’t see the issue?

The issue is OP resents her husband's weekly Friday night call with his friends. She has made herself into a martyr and since DH didn't choose to sacrifice himself the same way she has she is now at war with him.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you overreacted, OP. I’m sorry! I have sympathy bc I know how annoying it is to put two kids to bed....but, if your DH helps the other six nights...then, I don’t see the issue?

The issue is OP resents her husband's weekly Friday night call with his friends. She has made herself into a martyr and since DH didn't choose to sacrifice himself the same way she has she is now at war with him.

This.

Exactly this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:JFC let your husband have some fun and learn how to deal with your kids... you only have 2 it’s not that hard.

I agree. Having one kid playing on the phone without a story is no big deal. Chill it OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hiding behind an early Frat zoom call every Friday to not properly take care of multiple children, including a difficult one, is not cool.

I would have escalated that to a head months ago.

Multiple, meaning 2?

It really is not that difficult.

Socializing is extremely important for our mental well-being, especially now. You sound like a nightmare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d never ask for a weekly standing date with friends for Friday. Maybe twice a month or join when I can. Neither would my partner. Maybe a Wednesday, but not end of the week when we are all run down from pandemic pressure.

Agree

There seems to be significant degree of self centeredness and control going in from the DH. Giving a kid a screen at 7 or 8 instead of tucking them in and lights out is BS. Kid is a own here.

He won’t even put the kid to bed to let his wife talk to a friend caring for a hospitalize Covid family member?

All to have another call within his old fraternity brothers? I can’t imagine any adult with you children being able to commit to a non urgent call before 8pm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hiding behind an early Frat zoom call every Friday to not properly take care of multiple children, including a difficult one, is not cool.

I would have escalated that to a head months ago.

Multiple, meaning 2?

It really is not that difficult.

Socializing is extremely important for our mental well-being, especially now. You sound like a nightmare.

Clearly it was too difficult or important for him. The kid didn’t even go to bed!

[Anonymous]

Maybe I’m a lazy parent, but I don’t see what the problem was.

Mom did her zoom.

Dad did his zoom.

Kid played games.

What’s the issue?

Gentle tip: kids don’t need a bedtime story and to fall asleep at a certain time. Rigid parenting often creates monsters.

Here’s my approach:

“Dave, I’m zooming with the gals Friday night, so you’re in charge of the kids.” Then let him handle the kids however he likes. He handled the kids. There was no problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you are crazy abusive and controlling. You knew he had a standing appointment once/week. Yet you just had to create a conflict, passive aggressively try to push things off, and then lost it like a crazy person. So embarrassing.

If you’re resentful about his Friday calls just say so and talk about it like an adult.

You have to be a troll. IF not, you are nuts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So rather than just wanting your DH to handle bedtime, you wanted him to handle bedtime EXACTLY the same way you would have. It's that attitude that is going to continue to cause problems in your marriage.

This. He handled it.

Not OP but letting kid stay up watching screens is literally the opposite of doing bedtime. WTF is wrong with you people.

The kid already had 4 hours of tv today. That’s how they parent.

So cool! 4 hours of zoom and online assignments + 4 hours of online games and TV + ?? Hours of screen time instead of going to sleep.

Great job! Are these lower elementary school kids too? Nice!

[Anonymous]

Mine too, on Sunday evening. We made a deal that we will both take care of the kids and then he can go back to the call. In exchange, he always watches them and plays outside with them while I garden uninterrupted, which is my favorite thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Does he participate with the nighttime routine on any other nights?

Take some time to focus on all the things he does do to contribute.

Take some time to figure out the full scope of your frustration.

Work on your response to frustration. Yelling in the house at night when the goal was to have sleeping children? He messed up in your eyes, but you messed up too. Yours actions were worse, if this is the only issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Setting your kid up to watch tv isn’t putting them to bed just like fixing them a bowl of ice cream isn’t making them dinner.

Sounds like you lost your temper, OP, but your husband behaved selfishly.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure DH should have adhered to a normal bedtime routine, but his poor behavior doesn't justify your poor behavior.

Your screaming and getting nasty over his Zoom call was inappropriate. You continuing the fight after his apology is also immature.

Having parents who have zero control of their emotions who engage in petty fights is far more damaging to a child long-term than 1 day/night of extended screen time.

The 2 of you need to get it together.

What apology?

[Anonymous]

My first thought was that I can't believe how many people on here are defending the DH. Then I thought about it and it actually fits right in with so many DCUM posters...selfish to the last.

OP, you have every right to be mad. You discussed this beforehand, he agreed and then he bailed on you. He acted selfishly. All this nonsense PPs are going on about on here is irrelevant. He broke his word to you and did so after you have been accommodating of him for all these months. If it is not standard for you to have screens right before bed (which is universally recognized as a BAD idea for anyone right before sleep, but even worse if this is a kid known to have trouble getting to sleep), which seems apparent from your OP, he is doubly bad.

The people defending the DH are clearly selfish jerks and see themselves in your DH!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What your DH did was shitty, and I would be pissed, too. But, your husband has a regular standing call on Friday night, so you should have asked your friends to have your call on a different night.

I did. The girl with covid was picking up her severe covid case-DH from the hospital Monday night and said given his condition she needed to be available the first few nights of week (Mon-tues-weds) to help him at night. Another friend is married to a doctor who has night shift on Saturday and Sunday evening -- covid friend said can we just do fri then? After 10 months of Fri nights, I didn't think it was a huge ask to see if DH could handle tonight -- perhaps be late to his own call or ask if they could move it later -- in order to put kid to bed.

So it seems Thursday was an option.

Dad could have rescheduled to another day as well.

Just hop on late after actually putting your kid to sleep. BFD.