Husband has been financially a disappointment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re just a millennial. My husband and I are 31, make $375k/year as a household, and can’t afford a kid either. We both took out loans to pay full price for undergrad and we are still paying $1,000+ in loans each month (fortunately my law degree was on a full ride, but my husband is getting his MBA at sticker price), we paid for our own wedding, and we lost money on our first house in NY which ate up our down payment for a place here. Recently, we’ve tried for a kid and are having trouble, so we looked at IVF costs and don’t have the $50k+ that it will cost to try for just one kid.. adoption is a similar cost. We’ve worked our tails off to do well in school and work, but the expenses that our generation is saddled with will keep us renting and childless for a long time. Almost all of my friends are in the same position.

Maybe your husband didn’t make great choices, but this generation as a whole is basically screwed, so that is part of it. I wish you guys luck.

How could you POSSIBLY have no $$ at that income level? 1K in student loans is just not that much with that income. Something is very wrong with this picture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are going to get a lot of, what is your part from people.

I’d start with Dave Ramsey. I dislike his world views but for people drowning in debt trying to make the first right step his plan is pretty spot on. Listening to the callers to his show can also make you feel a lot better about your situation. But don’t stop with him and don’t listen to anything he says about investing.

I would also research Bogleheads and start listening to Clark Howard.

Make a financial plan together. It will start with a monthly budget. Work from there.

Well my husband made about 100k up until last year. Now he is starting his own consulting business and for the past 2 months has been having a cash flow of about 15k or so... we don’t know what his new monthly income will be. I bring in 3k a month.

Ash how can you improve your own income? You are bringing in less than a third of the HH income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re just a millennial. My husband and I are 31, make $375k/year as a household, and can’t afford a kid either. We both took out loans to pay full price for undergrad and we are still paying $1,000+ in loans each month (fortunately my law degree was on a full ride, but my husband is getting his MBA at sticker price), we paid for our own wedding, and we lost money on our first house in NY which ate up our down payment for a place here. Recently, we’ve tried for a kid and are having trouble, so we looked at IVF costs and don’t have the $50k+ that it will cost to try for just one kid.. adoption is a similar cost. We’ve worked our tails off to do well in school and work, but the expenses that our generation is saddled with will keep us renting and childless for a long time. Almost all of my friends are in the same position.

Maybe your husband didn’t make great choices, but this generation as a whole is basically screwed, so that is part of it. I wish you guys luck.

How could you POSSIBLY have no $$ at that income level? 1K in student loans is just not that much with that income. Something is very wrong with this picture.

Sorry, I was unclear.. we have $1,000 in undergrad loan payments per month, but we also pay $2,000 per month for the MBA, which is not a loan as we are paying as he goes. So just in education costs we shell out about $3k/month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol ypu are more of a disappointment than your husband!

[Anonymous]

OP youre incredibly entitled. You wanted a 30k wedding and you expected to stay in a 30k a year job your whole like and be a SAHM married to a provider? Yet this is all your husband's fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP youre incredibly entitled. You wanted a 30k wedding and you expected to stay in a 30k a year job your whole like and be a SAHM married to a provider? Yet this is all your husband's fault.

I hate this kind of crap too. Women that want more...need to go out and get more THEMSELVES. Not sit there cracking a whip on their husband's back..

I went back and got a Master's degree nights. I make enough I could support my 2 kids and myself comfortably. My spouse makes more than me, but my salary isn't shabby and we wouldn't own the properties we do without it, nor would we be sending our kids to private HS and looking at a third property for a vacation/retirement home if I stopped working all those years ago. I have a very big retirement fund and the kids 529s are maxed out. They are 7th and 9th grade. Mortgage on first home is paid off, rented out, mortgage on 2nd home 3/4's paid off. Cars bought in cash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re just a millennial. My husband and I are 31, make $375k/year as a household, and can’t afford a kid either. We both took out loans to pay full price for undergrad and we are still paying $1,000+ in loans each month (fortunately my law degree was on a full ride, but my husband is getting his MBA at sticker price), we paid for our own wedding, and we lost money on our first house in NY which ate up our down payment for a place here. Recently, we’ve tried for a kid and are having trouble, so we looked at IVF costs and don’t have the $50k+ that it will cost to try for just one kid.. adoption is a similar cost. We’ve worked our tails off to do well in school and work, but the expenses that our generation is saddled with will keep us renting and childless for a long time. Almost all of my friends are in the same position.

Maybe your husband didn’t make great choices, but this generation as a whole is basically screwed, so that is part of it. I wish you guys luck.

How could you POSSIBLY have no $$ at that income level? 1K in student loans is just not that much with that income. Something is very wrong with this picture.

+1. That poster is nuts. I was paying $700 a month in student loans for YEARS on a $85,000 income (I am early 40s now). My ex and I had an income of 280k total (and that is our income NOW if we were still married, which we are NOT) and have two young elementary kids and paid for a full-time nanny for 6 years ((more than 40k a year. We also still contributed to retirement. The $375k couple has no excuse whatsoever. They are overspending on certain things, which is why they have no money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't understand how I am supposed to kick-start a career at 32? I just wanted to have children and have a stress free part time job. My husband messed everything up. And now we are screwed.

You needed to marry someone else if you wanted that kind of life. Someone who makes a lot more money. It is ridiculous you though you could do this in this area on 100k only from him.

[Anonymous]

We got our start by taking that $30,000 and using it to buy a house. We did not have a wedding. We did not have rings. We went to a Justice of the Peace. Sounds like you were complicit in your finances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re just a millennial. My husband and I are 31, make $375k/year as a household, and can’t afford a kid either. We both took out loans to pay full price for undergrad and we are still paying $1,000+ in loans each month (fortunately my law degree was on a full ride, but my husband is getting his MBA at sticker price), we paid for our own wedding, and we lost money on our first house in NY which ate up our down payment for a place here. Recently, we’ve tried for a kid and are having trouble, so we looked at IVF costs and don’t have the $50k+ that it will cost to try for just one kid.. adoption is a similar cost. We’ve worked our tails off to do well in school and work, but the expenses that our generation is saddled with will keep us renting and childless for a long time. Almost all of my friends are in the same position.

Maybe your husband didn’t make great choices, but this generation as a whole is basically screwed, so that is part of it. I wish you guys luck.

How could you POSSIBLY have no $$ at that income level? 1K in student loans is just not that much with that income. Something is very wrong with this picture.

+1. That poster is nuts. I was paying $700 a month in student loans for YEARS on a $85,000 income (I am early 40s now). My ex and I had an income of 280k total (and that is our income NOW if we were still married, which we are NOT) and have two young elementary kids and paid for a full-time nanny for 6 years ((more than 40k a year. We also still contributed to retirement. The $375k couple has no excuse whatsoever. They are overspending on certain things, which is why they have no money.

+2. DH & I are millennials (we’re both 33), 160K HHI, own our own home in DC, and have two kids. I have a $500/month student loan payment, DH has zero student loan debt. We make less than half of what these people make, I don’t get it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re just a millennial. My husband and I are 31, make $375k/year as a household, and can’t afford a kid either. We both took out loans to pay full price for undergrad and we are still paying $1,000+ in loans each month (fortunately my law degree was on a full ride, but my husband is getting his MBA at sticker price), we paid for our own wedding, and we lost money on our first house in NY which ate up our down payment for a place here. Recently, we’ve tried for a kid and are having trouble, so we looked at IVF costs and don’t have the $50k+ that it will cost to try for just one kid.. adoption is a similar cost. We’ve worked our tails off to do well in school and work, but the expenses that our generation is saddled with will keep us renting and childless for a long time. Almost all of my friends are in the same position.

Maybe your husband didn’t make great choices, but this generation as a whole is basically screwed, so that is part of it. I wish you guys luck.

How could you POSSIBLY have no $$ at that income level? 1K in student loans is just not that much with that income. Something is very wrong with this picture.

+1. That poster is nuts. I was paying $700 a month in student loans for YEARS on a $85,000 income (I am early 40s now). My ex and I had an income of 280k total (and that is our income NOW if we were still married, which we are NOT) and have two young elementary kids and paid for a full-time nanny for 6 years ((more than 40k a year. We also still contributed to retirement. The $375k couple has no excuse whatsoever. They are overspending on certain things, which is why they have no money.

+2. DH & I are millennials (we’re both 33), 160K HHI, own our own home in DC, and have two kids. I have a $500/month student loan payment, DH has zero student loan debt. We make less than half of what these people make, I don’t get it?

I mean, I posted to both commiserate with OP and assure her that even at a higher income, certain things aren’t guaranteed, but since folks seem so curious I guess I’ll mention that in addition to the $3k/mo we pay toward undergrad loans and my husband’s MBA (paying as we go), I have serious health issues. We hit our out of pocket max every year ($6k) and we are loaded up on whole life and long-term care insurance, which costs quite a bit. We also max out our 401ks. I’d say at the end of a month, we might have ~$3k left over, but often that money goes toward helping other members of our family who are ill due to this genetic affliction or other random bad luck items, e.g., last month we gave $1k to my aunt who is destitute and needs treatment that insurance won’t cover. It isn’t constant, but it adds up. Even at the full $3k/mo, I’m not saving enough for 20% down on a home in the DMV anytime soon, anyway.

But, hey, thanks a bunch for calling me nuts. Gotta love DCUM. Instead of criticizing me, maybe you should practice gratitude for your good fortune.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re just a millennial. My husband and I are 31, make $375k/year as a household, and can’t afford a kid either. We both took out loans to pay full price for undergrad and we are still paying $1,000+ in loans each month (fortunately my law degree was on a full ride, but my husband is getting his MBA at sticker price), we paid for our own wedding, and we lost money on our first house in NY which ate up our down payment for a place here. Recently, we’ve tried for a kid and are having trouble, so we looked at IVF costs and don’t have the $50k+ that it will cost to try for just one kid.. adoption is a similar cost. We’ve worked our tails off to do well in school and work, but the expenses that our generation is saddled with will keep us renting and childless for a long time. Almost all of my friends are in the same position.

Maybe your husband didn’t make great choices, but this generation as a whole is basically screwed, so that is part of it. I wish you guys luck.

How could you POSSIBLY have no $$ at that income level? 1K in student loans is just not that much with that income. Something is very wrong with this picture.

+1. That poster is nuts. I was paying $700 a month in student loans for YEARS on a $85,000 income (I am early 40s now). My ex and I had an income of 280k total (and that is our income NOW if we were still married, which we are NOT) and have two young elementary kids and paid for a full-time nanny for 6 years ((more than 40k a year. We also still contributed to retirement. The $375k couple has no excuse whatsoever. They are overspending on certain things, which is why they have no money.

+2. DH & I are millennials (we’re both 33), 160K HHI, own our own home in DC, and have two kids. I have a $500/month student loan payment, DH has zero student loan debt. We make less than half of what these people make, I don’t get it?

I mean, I posted to both commiserate with OP and assure her that even at a higher income, certain things aren’t guaranteed, but since folks seem so curious I guess I’ll mention that in addition to the $3k/mo we pay toward undergrad loans and my husband’s MBA (paying as we go), I have serious health issues. We hit our out of pocket max every year ($6k) and we are loaded up on whole life and long-term care insurance, which costs quite a bit. We also max out our 401ks. I’d say at the end of a month, we might have ~$3k left over, but often that money goes toward helping other members of our family who are ill due to this genetic affliction or other random bad luck items, e.g., last month we gave $1k to my aunt who is destitute and needs treatment that insurance won’t cover. It isn’t constant, but it adds up. Even at the full $3k/mo, I’m not saving enough for 20% down on a home in the DMV anytime soon, anyway.

But, hey, thanks a bunch for calling me nuts. Gotta love DCUM. Instead of criticizing me, maybe you should practice gratitude for your good fortune.

No offense, you are nuts. You account for about 10-12k in expenses monthly. You don’t need to max out on retirement, that is a choice. You could easily afford 20% down on a house and even with crappy credit you don’t need 20% down (even for a jumbo). You sound like you have notions/ideas of needs to be instead of really looking into stuff and getting facts. Rather than stressing for years, why not just hunker down for a year and live bear bones, ffs Covid times are the easiest times to do that, and pay off all your debt.

[Anonymous]

You may need to take the lead, and be sure he's willing to follow. My husband takes the lead on our finances because I am also, to be honest, not that interested and he's interested, willing, and pretty good at it.

I know where everything is in terms of debt and saving and investments, but I don't track it like he does.

Would it be better if I did? Yes. But is it okay that he's "in charge"? Also, ok.

Very important: NO SECRET DEBT. Don't hide credit cards from each other. If you can, in a kind, gentle and unheated moment, be sure that there's nothing there that he's hiding from you. And if so, no freakouts. It's just something to get through and take the right step forward from hereon out. (I came clean about my debt right away when proposal happened, even before I said "yes". And it really was very little student debt, but to me felt like a big ass nightmare.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP youre incredibly entitled. You wanted a 30k wedding and you expected to stay in a 30k a year job your whole like and be a SAHM married to a provider? Yet this is all your husband's fault.

I hate this kind of crap too. Women that want more...need to go out and get more THEMSELVES. Not sit there cracking a whip on their husband's back..

I went back and got a Master's degree nights. I make enough I could support my 2 kids and myself comfortably. My spouse makes more than me, but my salary isn't shabby and we wouldn't own the properties we do without it, nor would we be sending our kids to private HS and looking at a third property for a vacation/retirement home if I stopped working all those years ago. I have a very big retirement fund and the kids 529s are maxed out. They are 7th and 9th grade. Mortgage on first home is paid off, rented out, mortgage on 2nd home 3/4's paid off. Cars bought in cash.

+1 get out there.

[Anonymous]

Forget the posters who say get a divorce. Did you marry for love or money? It's not easy to find someone else with all of your qualifications and marry within your timeframe.You may not marry again ever. And like another poster said, what if you can't have children? Many men do not want to marry into this economic climate. Dating is not easy during Covid.