Husband has been financially a disappointment
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Anonymous
| Don’t blame him y’all 50/50 this responsibility is on both of you not him. |
Anonymous
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OP here.
Thank you for your feedback. I thought we would be making more money as he had good degrees and a stable job when we married. I...did not plan on a high earning career as I wanted to be a mom first. He got stuck in the 80k-100k range for a few years while we got married. Then, he got laid off. Now we are 32 and 33 and in very bad shape. |
Anonymous
Oh well welcome to life NEWSFLASH: It ain’t all rainbows and unicorns so gear up and get ready to put some work in if you want shit done - don’t expect others to take care of everything for you. BE an active don’t just DEPENDENT on your partner |
Anonymous
| You are 32 and 33. Do you know how many people are just getting started with their careers at that age? If you want more money go out and make it otherwise you will be 52 and 53 and then that is when you are in real trouble as your job prospects narrow while retirement looms. |
Anonymous
Well, what did you think would happen if your DH's career went down a different path? You never planned on contributing much and now that's come back to bite you. I think it's really unfair for you to characterize this as disappointment in your DH when you aren't doing much to achieve your stated goals. Life throws us curve balls all the time. Instead of whining about how your DH isn't living up to your expectations, perhaps you should figure out what YOU need to do. Step up to the plate and handle it. |
Anonymous
It's not too too late. You can still have a child when you are 38. Plenty do. But what is your plan now? What are *you* going to do about your situation? You cannot rely on your husband. So, you have two choices if you want the life you envisioned for yourself: 1. divorce him before it's too late -- there's already a child 2. stay married, get a higher paying job, and sit down with your husband to figure this out I will say that if you decide to stay with him, you had better be prepared to not hold on tight to any resentment because it can fester, and it will manifest itself once your child is born. And anyways, do you really want a child with someone who is financially irresponsible ? But then again, I am not so sure you are all that financially responsible either for willing to spend $30K on a wedding when you yourself aren't even earning that much. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
| If he accrued that student debt loan before you were married that is his debt do not pay that off let him pay it off or be stuck with it in a divorce |
Anonymous
Here's the bottom line: You need to work. More. Your DH needs to find full-time employment ASAP. Furthermore, each of you needs to find a second job no matter what it is. Waitstaff, cleaning offices, cashier jobs, whatever... You don't have children so now is the time to play catch-up. If each of you gets a part-time job earning at least $15 per hour then that can be $30K (or more) per year. In the meantime, slash all your expenses so that you are living bare-bones. Yes, it may be hard but you can do that too. No eating out, buy only what you absolutely need, keep old vehicles, no vacations, etc. Commit to doing it, no matter how hard or tired you are, for one year. |
Anonymous
| As pp stated, what those two need to do is work. They worked at getting in this jam, but, it was fun wasn’t it? Now you both need to work hard, not fun hard, but hard hard. Mow lawns, bag groceries, flip burgers. Who cares. You did this to yourselves. Fix it. I am being harsh, but life will get really hard at times. Trust me, what you face is not hard. You two are now getting a dose of reality. |
Anonymous
| OP here. I don't understand how I am supposed to kick-start a career at 32? I just wanted to have children and have a stress free part time job. My husband messed everything up. And now we are screwed. |
Anonymous
This is the best I can do lady. 
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Anonymous
Are you for real? You don't see you being part of the problem? Who wanted the expensive engagement/wedding? My bet is you. You don't want to work, you don't want stress. Everything is on your husband. You should just divorce him b/c you bring nothing to this partnership. |
Anonymous
+1 You spent your annual salary on a wedding/honeymoon, and I guarantee it took two of you to live beyond your means for years so that you now have no savings and CC debt. You can't imagine getting another job, or figuring out how to make more money, or how to get your household budget under control; you are choosing to be useless. You helped make the mess, and now you're mad that no fairy godmother showed up to clean it up with a wave of her magic wand. Grow up. I do agree that you should divorce him. He's better off without your dead weight. Good luck finding someone else willing to keep you in the manner to which you have accustomed yourself. |
Anonymous
No, you picked wrong, you should have gone for a guy with money. You made your choice. If you don't want to work you have to do better than potential. Now that we got that out of the way, your options are working or accepting a lower standard of living. At least if you do have kids you can use your choices and mistakes as a cautionary tale! |