Husband has been financially a disappointment

[Anonymous]

So here goes. I have been pretty disappointed in my marriage so far due to financial issues. My husband is completely financially illiterate and disinterested in any financial matters. He has no plan and no goals for us to reach as a family. He does not have any retirement savings, he doesn’t have any emergency savings. We have 5 k credit card debt and he has over 109k grad school loans.

We have been living paycheck to paycheck since we met 8 years ago and are empty pocketed after spending 30k on engagement, wedding and honeymoon.

We don’t have any money for a baby. So we aren’t trying for one even though we are pushing our mid 30s.
We have no money for a house
Or any savings

I feel like I’m drowning.

[Anonymous]

Yikes. Did you not discuss this before you were married?

[Anonymous]

You are going to get a lot of, what is your part from people.

I’d start with Dave Ramsey. I dislike his world views but for people drowning in debt trying to make the first right step his plan is pretty spot on. Listening to the callers to his show can also make you feel a lot better about your situation. But don’t stop with him and don’t listen to anything he says about investing.

I would also research Bogleheads and start listening to Clark Howard.

Make a financial plan together. It will start with a monthly budget. Work from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are going to get a lot of, what is your part from people.

I’d start with Dave Ramsey. I dislike his world views but for people drowning in debt trying to make the first right step his plan is pretty spot on. Listening to the callers to his show can also make you feel a lot better about your situation. But don’t stop with him and don’t listen to anything he says about investing.

I would also research Bogleheads and start listening to Clark Howard.

Make a financial plan together. It will start with a monthly budget. Work from there.

Well my husband made about 100k up until last year. Now he is starting his own consulting business and for the past 2 months has been having a cash flow of about 15k or so... we don’t know what his new monthly income will be. I bring in 3k a month.

[Anonymous]

Umm, just a month ago I saw a letter (long story but I legitimately was given it to read) from my ex-h’s business credit card explaining why they cut his credit limit.

His FICO score is 610.
I handed the letter back to the person who let me read and said “his credit score is 610?”

A few days ago this same person said, “XH’s name is financially irresponsible!”

I was married for 2 decades to someone who’s credit would be 610 if they didn’t have a wife to make sure the bills got paid.

I had no idea, I still have no idea how this happens

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. What are you doing to help your family achieve your goals? You are supposed to be a team. Sometimes one person has to take the lead in an area where they might be stronger or have better focus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Umm, just a month ago I saw a letter (long story but I legitimately was given it to read) from my ex-h’s business credit card explaining why they cut his credit limit.

His FICO score is 610.
I handed the letter back to the person who let me read and said “his credit score is 610?”

A few days ago this same person said, “XH’s name is financially irresponsible!”

I was married for 2 decades to someone who’s credit would be 610 if they didn’t have a wife to make sure the bills got paid.

I had no idea, I still have no idea how this happens

Shame on the person who gave you that info...

[Anonymous]

A lot of women don’t even see how the patriarchy has impaired them. If a wife is financially literate, she should take the reigns, even if her spouse is financially illiterate. Stop expecting him to figure it out. You figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you need to be the money manager here. You also need to start making more money on your own. How are you only making $36k/year in your 30s?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you need to be the money manager here. You also need to start making more money on your own. How are you only making $36k/year in your 30s?

You understand taxation right? OP brings in $3k mo, so she must make much more.

[Anonymous]

Do you both make good incomes?
My DH is also not interested in financial matters such as investing, retirement etc. We met as poor graduate students but we both make decent salaries now. I handle the all the investments and bills. All our accounts are joint and we both spend what we want within reason. He’s relieved and he doesn’t even ask what I’m doing LOL.

[Anonymous]

why the F CK would you spend all your savings on the trappings of a wedding and leave nothing for a marriage?! insane.

[Anonymous]

I’ll second the Dave Ramsey recommendation. Try a Financial Peace University class together. You guys need to buckle down and pay off those student loans and get a handle on your spending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you need to be the money manager here. You also need to start making more money on your own. How are you only making $36k/year in your 30s?

You understand taxation right? OP brings in $3k mo, so she must make much more.

It’s still pretty low for this area. If op is worried about their finances, wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world for her to look at ways to move up to a better paying job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:why the F CK would you spend all your savings on the trappings of a wedding and leave nothing for a marriage?! insane.

To be fair, op said engagement/wedding/honeymoon. Maybe they spent a bit more than they should have, but it doesn’t sound like a crazy amount given their apparent incomes. They’ve got bigger issues than that.