Husband has been financially a disappointment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why the F CK would you spend all your savings on the trappings of a wedding and leave nothing for a marriage?! insane.

To be fair, op said engagement/wedding/honeymoon. Maybe they spent a bit more than they should have, but it doesn’t sound like a crazy amount given their apparent incomes. They’ve got bigger issues than that.

you're an idiot too then. it was 30k they, for all intents and purposes, didn't have, since they had expensive plans for after the wedding. justice of the peace. cookout. beach. just as married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why the F CK would you spend all your savings on the trappings of a wedding and leave nothing for a marriage?! insane.

To be fair, op said engagement/wedding/honeymoon. Maybe they spent a bit more than they should have, but it doesn’t sound like a crazy amount given their apparent incomes. They’ve got bigger issues than that.

you're an idiot too then. it was 30k they, for all intents and purposes, didn't have, since they had expensive plans for after the wedding. justice of the peace. cookout. beach. just as married.

This is harsh AF, but yeah, I agree. We had no loans and about 250k combined in savings (not talking healthy 401ks, just pure liquid) and since we were mid 30s to 40s and knew we wanted to own decided anything over about 10k was ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So here goes. I have been pretty disappointed in my marriage so far due to financial issues. My husband is completely financially illiterate and disinterested in any financial matters. He has no plan and no goals for us to reach as a family. He does not have any retirement savings, he doesn’t have any emergency savings. We have 5 k credit card debt and he has over 109k grad school loans.

We have been living paycheck to paycheck since we met 8 years ago and are empty pocketed after spending 30k on engagement, wedding and honeymoon.

We don’t have any money for a baby. So we aren’t trying for one even though we are pushing our mid 30s.
We have no money for a house
Or any savings

I feel like I’m drowning.

Both of you are idiots.

[Anonymous]

Do you have a budget? Are you tracking your expenses? Do you both agree how to spend your money? That’s where you need to start.

[Anonymous]

You spent $30k on a wedding while he is over $100k in debt? You are both financially illiterate.

[Anonymous]

Is he a big spender? It sounds like you two are living beyond your means. $30k on a wedding and honeymoon is crazy for a couple who has a large debt and minimal savings. That was your first mistake.

I was supporting DH for the first 5 years we were together and I paid for our wedding, engagement, honeymoon. He was making $35k and had nearly $300k in school debt. I used $10k in my savings for our wedding, $3k for our honeymoon, and my parents gave me $3k to offset costs. I also put down $40k of my savings for a down payment for a house shortly after. I knew my husband would start making more as a physician once out of residency. We held onto our old used cars until they broke down.

A decade later we are still living in the same house and my husband is making more than enough to support our family. Our house is already paid off. We still have his school debt but no other debt. I am still pretty frugal - we limit dining out to once a week, am conscious of grocery budgeting, and we opt for lower cost vacations with the occasional splurge on hotel and airfare. We are saving a lot, going into 401ks, college funds for our kids, and retirement investments.

[Anonymous]

It’s 2020. OP grow up and take the lead. Why are you playing the victim?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Umm, just a month ago I saw a letter (long story but I legitimately was given it to read) from my ex-h’s business credit card explaining why they cut his credit limit.

His FICO score is 610.
I handed the letter back to the person who let me read and said “his credit score is 610?”

A few days ago this same person said, “XH’s name is financially irresponsible!”

I was married for 2 decades to someone who’s credit would be 610 if they didn’t have a wife to make sure the bills got paid.

I had no idea, I still have no idea how this happens

Shame on the person who gave you that info...

It was probably her kid. Read between the lines. Kid is worried about dad and doesn’t know who else to go to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Umm, just a month ago I saw a letter (long story but I legitimately was given it to read) from my ex-h’s business credit card explaining why they cut his credit limit.

His FICO score is 610.
I handed the letter back to the person who let me read and said “his credit score is 610?”

A few days ago this same person said, “XH’s name is financially irresponsible!”

I was married for 2 decades to someone who’s credit would be 610 if they didn’t have a wife to make sure the bills got paid.

I had no idea, I still have no idea how this happens

Credit score has zero correlation with wealth.

I don’t know what my credit score is and really don’t care because I don’t need one. I have someone that works for and has an 800 credit score, lives in a dump, has a couple of credit cards with 1 k limit and maybe 2,000 in the bank.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why the F CK would you spend all your savings on the trappings of a wedding and leave nothing for a marriage?! insane.

To be fair, op said engagement/wedding/honeymoon. Maybe they spent a bit more than they should have, but it doesn’t sound like a crazy amount given their apparent incomes. They’ve got bigger issues than that.

you're an idiot too then. it was 30k they, for all intents and purposes, didn't have, since they had expensive plans for after the wedding. justice of the peace. cookout. beach. just as married.

+1

DH and I didn't have much money when we got engaged. We spent $5K (total) on our self-funded wedding. Ridiculous to spend money for a party when you don't have money for life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why the F CK would you spend all your savings on the trappings of a wedding and leave nothing for a marriage?! insane.

To be fair, op said engagement/wedding/honeymoon. Maybe they spent a bit more than they should have, but it doesn’t sound like a crazy amount given their apparent incomes. They’ve got bigger issues than that.

you're an idiot too then. it was 30k they, for all intents and purposes, didn't have, since they had expensive plans for after the wedding. justice of the peace. cookout. beach. just as married.

+1

DH and I didn't have much money when we got engaged. We spent $5K (total) on our self-funded wedding. Ridiculous to spend money for a party when you don't have money for life.

Yup. We spent 10k all in for wedding, rings, etc. Guess what? We have a baby and a house and two paid off cars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he a big spender? It sounds like you two are living beyond your means. $30k on a wedding and honeymoon is crazy for a couple who has a large debt and minimal savings. That was your first mistake.

I was supporting DH for the first 5 years we were together and I paid for our wedding, engagement, honeymoon. He was making $35k and had nearly $300k in school debt. I used $10k in my savings for our wedding, $3k for our honeymoon, and my parents gave me $3k to offset costs. I also put down $40k of my savings for a down payment for a house shortly after. I knew my husband would start making more as a physician once out of residency. We held onto our old used cars until they broke down.

A decade later we are still living in the same house and my husband is making more than enough to support our family. Our house is already paid off. We still have his school debt but no other debt. I am still pretty frugal - we limit dining out to once a week, am conscious of grocery budgeting, and we opt for lower cost vacations with the occasional splurge on hotel and airfare. We are saving a lot, going into 401ks, college funds for our kids, and retirement investments.

No the man must make the money. Anything else is misogynistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So here goes. I have been pretty disappointed in my marriage so far due to financial issues. My husband is completely financially illiterate and disinterested in any financial matters. He has no plan and no goals for us to reach as a family. He does not have any retirement savings, he doesn’t have any emergency savings. We have 5 k credit card debt and he has over 109k grad school loans.

We have been living paycheck to paycheck since we met 8 years ago and are empty pocketed after spending 30k on engagement, wedding and honeymoon.

We don’t have any money for a baby. So we aren’t trying for one even though we are pushing our mid 30s.
We have no money for a house
Or any savings

I feel like I’m drowning.

What was your financial plan when you got married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So here goes. I have been pretty disappointed in my marriage so far due to financial issues. My husband is completely financially illiterate and disinterested in any financial matters. He has no plan and no goals for us to reach as a family. He does not have any retirement savings, he doesn’t have any emergency savings. We have 5 k credit card debt and he has over 109k grad school loans.

We have been living paycheck to paycheck since we met 8 years ago and are empty pocketed after spending 30k on engagement, wedding and honeymoon.

We don’t have any money for a baby. So we aren’t trying for one even though we are pushing our mid 30s.
We have no money for a house
Or any savings

I feel like I’m drowning.

What was your financial plan when you got married?

We thought we can make more money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:why the F CK would you spend all your savings on the trappings of a wedding and leave nothing for a marriage?! insane.

+1

$30K on a wedding when you haven't a pot to p*ss in?