Husband has been financially a disappointment

[Anonymous]

What steps are you taking TODAY?

-Cut cable, netflix, etc
-Cut gym or other memberships
-Can you eliminate a vehicle
-Any frivolous or extra things or services like cleaning lady or eating out should be gone
-Start following Dave Ramsey religiously

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why the F CK would you spend all your savings on the trappings of a wedding and leave nothing for a marriage?! insane.

To be fair, op said engagement/wedding/honeymoon. Maybe they spent a bit more than they should have, but it doesn’t sound like a crazy amount given their apparent incomes. They’ve got bigger issues than that.

you're an idiot too then. it was 30k they, for all intents and purposes, didn't have, since they had expensive plans for after the wedding. justice of the peace. cookout. beach. just as married.

+1

DH and I didn't have much money when we got engaged. We spent $5K (total) on our self-funded wedding. Ridiculous to spend money for a party when you don't have money for life.

+1

That $30K would have been a nice deposit on a great house, OP. You and your husband both need to rethink money.

[Anonymous]

OP, first turn off that HGTV sh*t and live a real life. This is not tv, or instagram, time to get real.

Is this what the Kardashian culture created? A giant population who "want it all" for nothing? What a disaster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So here goes. I have been pretty disappointed in my marriage so far due to financial issues. My husband is completely financially illiterate and disinterested in any financial matters. He has no plan and no goals for us to reach as a family. He does not have any retirement savings, he doesn’t have any emergency savings. We have 5 k credit card debt and he has over 109k grad school loans.

We have been living paycheck to paycheck since we met 8 years ago and are empty pocketed after spending 30k on engagement, wedding and honeymoon.

We don’t have any money for a baby. So we aren’t trying for one even though we are pushing our mid 30s.
We have no money for a house
Or any savings

I feel like I’m drowning.

What was your financial plan when you got married?

We thought we can make more money.

Sounds like both of you are financial disappointments. You helped spend that $30K; either you didn't know that you couldn't afford that, or you didn't care. You guys never talked about this stuff? I'm guessing you are spending money, too; why aren't you making budgets? Why aren't you looking for a higher paying job? What is your contribution to fixing this? You're married now; the finances are as much yours as they are his.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So here goes. I have been pretty disappointed in my marriage so far due to financial issues. My husband is completely financially illiterate and disinterested in any financial matters. He has no plan and no goals for us to reach as a family. He does not have any retirement savings, he doesn’t have any emergency savings. We have 5 k credit card debt and he has over 109k grad school loans.

We have been living paycheck to paycheck since we met 8 years ago and are empty pocketed after spending 30k on engagement, wedding and honeymoon.

We don’t have any money for a baby. So we aren’t trying for one even though we are pushing our mid 30s.
We have no money for a house
Or any savings

I feel like I’m drowning.

What was your financial plan when you got married?

We thought we can make more money.

That's not a plan. That's a wish.

A plan is a planned career trajectory - such as certifications, promotions, goals (e.g. in three years I'd like to be in X position at my firm or move on to another firm).

A plan is a budget, which you both stick to. And a savings account. It's saying, "we're going to save up X amount by the end of 2021. We want a house in Y neighborhood". Etc, etc.

If you are bringing in 3K a month and he brings in a bit more, and you don't have children, you can easily find a reasonably priced apartment (even a studio) someplace safe but not trendy while you save up. Make a plan together. Take the reigns, since he isn't doing it. You are supposed to be a team - help each other. Share your expectations. Placing your financial issues solely on him is unfair, especially if it's not something you previously agreed to.

If he is unwilling, that's a whole other issue.

[Anonymous]

How old are you OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are going to get a lot of, what is your part from people.

I’d start with Dave Ramsey. I dislike his world views but for people drowning in debt trying to make the first right step his plan is pretty spot on. Listening to the callers to his show can also make you feel a lot better about your situation. But don’t stop with him and don’t listen to anything he says about investing.

I would also research Bogleheads and start listening to Clark Howard.

Make a financial plan together. It will start with a monthly budget. Work from there.

Well my husband made about 100k up until last year. Now he is starting his own consulting business and for the past 2 months has been having a cash flow of about 15k or so... we don’t know what his new monthly income will be. I bring in 3k a month.

So you both were just pissing away his 100k a year? How much is your rent? What are your other expenses?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are going to get a lot of, what is your part from people.

I’d start with Dave Ramsey. I dislike his world views but for people drowning in debt trying to make the first right step his plan is pretty spot on. Listening to the callers to his show can also make you feel a lot better about your situation. But don’t stop with him and don’t listen to anything he says about investing.

I would also research Bogleheads and start listening to Clark Howard.

Make a financial plan together. It will start with a monthly budget. Work from there.

Well my husband made about 100k up until last year. Now he is starting his own consulting business and for the past 2 months has been having a cash flow of about 15k or so... we don’t know what his new monthly income will be. I bring in 3k a month.

So you both were just pissing away his 100k a year? How much is your rent? What are your other expenses?

If you had $130K/year, and no kids, there's no reason you couldn't have been saving money and paying down his student debt. You need to sit down and figure out where you money is going, and what spending you are going to cut/eliminate. I agree about Dave Ramsey -- there are limits to his advice, but he offers good first steps for people in your situation.

[Anonymous]

Did your husband get laid off? Otherwise why would he have taken the risk involved in starting a consulting business during a pandemic? Why aren’t you making more money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you need to be the money manager here. You also need to start making more money on your own. How are you only making $36k/year in your 30s?

Shows how out of touch DCUM crowd is. [Median monthly earnings for women over 25 is $956 : https://www.bls.gov/news.release/pdf/wkyeng.pdf.
That's $3,834 per month, roughly. After you take out taxes OP is certainly near the middle of the pack.
OP has plenty of company.

Not everyone has a law degree, a second home and sends their kids to private school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you need to be the money manager here. You also need to start making more money on your own. How are you only making $36k/year in your 30s?

Shows how out of touch DCUM crowd is. [Median monthly earnings for women over 25 is $956 : https://www.bls.gov/news.release/pdf/wkyeng.pdf.
That's $3,834 per month, roughly. After you take out taxes OP is certainly near the middle of the pack.
OP has plenty of company.

Not everyone has a law degree, a second home and sends their kids to private school.

What? I don’t have a law degree (just a regular old bachelor’s from a state school), a second home, or send my kids to private school but I do, as a woman, make 6 figures in my 30s in a pretty regular and common government contracting job. If I only made 36k take home in this area I would be doing anything necessary to get a higher-paying job. Especially with no kids to worry about what’s holding OP back?

[Anonymous]

Honestly? I would divorce him and start over.

But I strongly wanted a house and kids and that type of family life. There is no man so great that would be worth giving those things up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So here goes. I have been pretty disappointed in my marriage so far due to financial issues. My husband is completely financially illiterate and disinterested in any financial matters. He has no plan and no goals for us to reach as a family. He does not have any retirement savings, he doesn’t have any emergency savings. We have 5 k credit card debt and he has over 109k grad school loans.

We have been living paycheck to paycheck since we met 8 years ago and are empty pocketed after spending 30k on engagement, wedding and honeymoon.

We don’t have any money for a baby. So we aren’t trying for one even though we are pushing our mid 30s.
We have no money for a house
Or any savings

I feel like I’m drowning.

What was your financial plan when you got married?

We thought we can make more money.

Then go make more money. You don’t have kids what is stopping you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:why the F CK would you spend all your savings on the trappings of a wedding and leave nothing for a marriage?! insane.

+1 I was thinking the same thing. OP doesn't sound responsible, either, or mature.

That was a complete waste of money. When I was making $180K I spent $750 on my wedding dress, total. DH thought I was going to spend at least $5K because that is what he heard women spend on their wedding dress. Why the hell do women spend so much on a dress they are going to wear once for a few hours their entire lives? So stupid.

OP, you need to also figure out how *YOU* are going to make more money. You need to figure out how to cut expenses. As a PP stated, you guys should've have the money talk before you got married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly? I would divorce him and start over.

But I strongly wanted a house and kids and that type of family life. There is no man so great that would be worth giving those things up.

+1 I usually don’t advocate divorce this early but this is an exception. His student loans and your HHI will drag you down even without a baby. Get out now before you get pregant.