Forced into a "Healing Circle"

[Anonymous]

Who makes it rain?

[Anonymous]

I don’t see how op can be blamed for causing this drama. That’s the kind of interaction people have now and then and rarely does it end in a mandatory healing circle. Op may be brusque and maybe it will hold her back in her career but demanding a healing circle when a senior colleague gives direct feedback over a misstep seems like a bigger liability in the long run.

I think what makes this different is that OP and the person she dressed down are in two different organizations. They are required to collaborate in order to make the project successful. This is not the typical senior-junior colleague dynamic. I don't think that you have the luxury of being brusque to someone who works for another company. There are repercussions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I don’t see how op can be blamed for causing this drama. That’s the kind of interaction people have now and then and rarely does it end in a mandatory healing circle. Op may be brusque and maybe it will hold her back in her career but demanding a healing circle when a senior colleague gives direct feedback over a misstep seems like a bigger liability in the long run.

I think what makes this different is that OP and the person she dressed down are in two different organizations. They are required to collaborate in order to make the project successful. This is not the typical senior-junior colleague dynamic. I don't think that you have the luxury of being brusque to someone who works for another company. There are repercussions.

This is not a normal repercussion. If someone had suggested this five years ago, OP's company would not be making her go along with it. If you've had jobs for awhile, you have probably navigated someone being this level of rude to you or worse by sucking it up and moving on. If there were some actual greater understanding of workplace bullying, that would be fabulous, but that's not happening, and if it were, there's be a lot worse to deal with before getting to this level of incident.

[Anonymous]

Tell them that “healing circles” violate your religious beliefs. You can have a conversation or even a mediation, but no circles and no healings.

They will have to consult either their HR or an attorney on this and it will take a while, during which it will all die down.

[Anonymous]

OP no one else seems to feel an entitlement lawsuit building up here but I certainly do. I’ve seen this turn right into a big messy lawsuit/ threat about how mean and racist you are ( whether you are or not).
Healing circle is outside the norm and seems like a fishing expedition to me.
The poster who said “I’m sorry you feel that way, it was unintentional...” is going the right way but stop there and don’t admit or be drawn in.
You may well need legal advice.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t advise doing anything cute. This sounds like a potentially serious situation. It also could be you are dealing with a crazy person. They can make more trouble out of nothing than anyone. I’ve seen this in work places.

[Anonymous]

Update OP?

[Anonymous]

Yeah, the younger colleague seems disordered. And possibly looking for her 'moment.' Disengage if at all possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I don’t think people realize the construct of rank across organizations is really messy, especially in the non-profit world. The more “junior” person could have substantial expertise or local credibility that is important to her organization. The sister organization coming in and pulling rank is analogous to HQ dictating to local markets in a more traditional organization


So what? Every time someone has attitude at work, you're going to have a facilitated call and questionnarie? That sounds insufferable.


Let's be clear here. It was OP who had the attitude at work. And, apparently if you want to work in her industry, it is what you have to do.

I assumed it was here. What are you clarfiying? Or should we wait for a healing circle to get that straight?

This is OP. I didn't have an attitude, but I did pull rank. The successful implementation of the program is ultimately my responsibility. She was not in the right sending an email to people that I manage directing them to change client services based on solely on her opinions alone. Rather than owning her own arrogance and mistake, she is making this about me. And obviously having some success as we all bend over backwards to be sensitive to people's feelings. I bet men never have to deal with this.

Wow- look at all of the drama your putting her in her place has caused.

You could have just responded to the email in a positive and partnering way. If you had said something like”These are great ideas, let’s schedule some time to discuss between us. We will want to be sure everyone is on board before we take action.” Then you might have learned why she was acting with such a sense of urgency. Perhaps there are local stakeholders with a lot of passion about a few things. Or perhaps she didn’t realize what your work processes are. Since she “supports you on the ground” it is completely possible she has perspective you lack.

And the weird focus on position and power here makes me realize why younger people are so annoyed. Don’t you have the same goal- to support your project? I thought women were better than this. It is a p*ssing contest for you.

DP. Here is what OP says in her OP about her response. It does NOT sound like a peeing contest to me. It sounds like a nice response to an inappropriately made set of suggestions (not sent directly to OP but instead sent "directives" to the entire team).

I responded that I was open to modifying next steps, but that there would need to be a process for deciding that - including hearing the voices of the clients - and once decided, I would communicate with my team myself.

I honestly don't see the problem with her response. If anything I think her tone was too nice. A junior staff member tried to make an end run. In my organization that junior would have been shot down instead of being told that there will be a process for modifying next steps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP no one else seems to feel an entitlement lawsuit building up here but I certainly do. I’ve seen this turn right into a big messy lawsuit/ threat about how mean and racist you are ( whether you are or not).
Healing circle is outside the norm and seems like a fishing expedition to me.
The poster who said “I’m sorry you feel that way, it was unintentional...” is going the right way but stop there and don’t admit or be drawn in.
You may well need legal advice.

This.
We didn't get to the lawsuit stage, but we did get to the involving-HR stage when one employee had consciousness raised to red-alert stage and was triggered by all manner of reasonable workplace comments and requests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP no one else seems to feel an entitlement lawsuit building up here but I certainly do. I’ve seen this turn right into a big messy lawsuit/ threat about how mean and racist you are ( whether you are or not).
Healing circle is outside the norm and seems like a fishing expedition to me.
The poster who said “I’m sorry you feel that way, it was unintentional...” is going the right way but stop there and don’t admit or be drawn in.
You may well need legal advice.

How would there be a lawsuit? These people work in entirely different organizations. At most, and highly unlikely to happen and even less unlikely to be successful, the other org sues OP's org for breach of contract if there even is one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell them that “healing circles” violate your religious beliefs. You can have a conversation or even a mediation, but no circles and no healings.

They will have to consult either their HR or an attorney on this and it will take a while, during which it will all die down.

Beat me to it! I was going to suggest this. Tell them you have concerns about what a "healing circle" entails as it seems like it may be religious in nature and it violates your religious beliefs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Update -

I just spoke with my boss again who said I should call the facilitator and find out what is really going on here; let her know I am not understanding the healing circle process and how we arrived at this point from a pair of email message. I can share what we were expecting from a facilitated call and ask her if it is possible to proceed in that manner.

So that's what I am doing.

That's sounds like a good first step but you should also confirm with HR and your organizations lawyer if you have one.

I am surprised by so many people who say just go along with it. I work for an employer that works with a lot of nonprofits and NGOs,
If I received such a request, I would send it to my boss and stop any communication with them for the time being.
My boss would pass on the request to our HR and legal teams and they would formulate a response for my boss to send.

[Anonymous]

Ignore the buzz words they are using and translate into what you know: a Latina subordinate made a complaint about a white supervisor. They are investigating. Act accordingly, and maybe have your lawyer review your response before you put anything in writing. Have a witness on your side of the call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Update -

I just spoke with my boss again who said I should call the facilitator and find out what is really going on here; let her know I am not understanding the healing circle process and how we arrived at this point from a pair of email message. I can share what we were expecting from a facilitated call and ask her if it is possible to proceed in that manner.

So that's what I am doing.

That's sounds like a good first step but you should also confirm with HR and your organizations lawyer if you have one.

I am surprised by so many people who say just go along with it. I work for an employer that works with a lot of nonprofits and NGOs,
If I received such a request, I would send it to my boss and stop any communication with them for the time being.
My boss would pass on the request to our HR and legal teams and they would formulate a response for my boss to send.

+1 This would happen at my employer, too. This would be handled at the level of legal/HR.

I would also refuse to complete any paperwork they sent you. Don't give them a paper trail. I suspect legal/HR would advise you to do the same.