Forced into a "Healing Circle"

[Anonymous]

I disagree. I would not try to do anything with the circle. Don't redirect. Don't focus on content. Don't. Don't set a time constraint. Doing anything like that will re affirm for them what she said was valid and you are the issue. This is a practice that matters to them and you need to play along. You don't have to agree that it is useful or that you did something wrong. But you have to be play the game. It is the same but as refusing to do the ice breaker or team builder at a corporate event. No one likes it but you have to do it.

Or you will be Karen who refuses to see her own privilege.

[Anonymous]

During the healing circle say that you are feeling vilified and attacked. And that going forward you want both sets of bosses to be on all emails and communications.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, try to invert it, like you are the actual victim because of the original action taken by the other side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:During the healing circle say that you are feeling vilified and attacked. And that going forward you want both sets of bosses to be on all emails and communications.

This. Let them know they have made you uncomfortable. I would also request bosses from both side on any phone calls/zooms you may have to do with this person

[Anonymous]

I would not do it. You cannot win. Do not play the game.

[Anonymous]

I would not want to do that either but I think you probably have to. I would bring copies of the email you sent in case it gets too ridiculous you can say”I’m so sorry you felt unheard, Jen, by saying “thanks I will take that under advisement I thought I was trying to let you know I had heard you. What did you think it meant?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:During the healing circle say that you are feeling vilified and attacked. And that going forward you want both sets of bosses to be on all emails and communications.

This. Let them know they have made you uncomfortable. I would also request bosses from both side on any phone calls/zooms you may have to do with this person

A healing circle WOULD make me feel attacked. I DO NOT do woo woo kumbaya stuff like especially not at work.

OP - good luck and please let us know how it goes

[Anonymous]

OP,

I'd start looking for another job. I could not work in a place that used "healing circles".

Please keep us posted on what you decide.

[Anonymous]

who has time for all this??? I've got piles of work. This is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My small non-profit collaborates with another. Long story, short - one of their employees who is junior to me and supports my work when I am on the ground there sent an email to my team with directives around some next steps. I responded that I was open to modifying next steps, but that there would need to be a process for deciding that - including hearing the voices of the clients - and once decided, I would communicate with my team myself.

She felt that her "feedback" was rejected, and I was focused more on process than content. She shared that with her boss who then shared it with mine. My boss called me and explained that the other colleague is feeling unheard, and I acknowledged that I could see how that happened, and that I would call her and sort it out. I was asked not to call her [we never communicated again after the two message email exchange], and I was told that their organization wanted a facilitated call. That is outside of our organizational practices which say that we have to try and solve problems directly with the people affected before escalating. Anyway, the facilitated call was insisted upon, and I agreed.

And then, today, I got an email from someone else in their organization inviting me to a "healing circle" and asking that I fill out a form with my I-statements and talking about how we were going to get together in a safe space to discuss issues that are "causing harm."

WTF??? I feel like I am being forced into this, and I absolutely do not want to do it. I just simply want to say, "no thank you."

I am wondering about asking my boss directly what would be the consequences if I just refuse to do it. She agrees that it is weird and asking a lot but thinks I should just "go with the flow."
Important to add, I am older and white and the person who wants the circle is younger and Latina. I feel a lot of risk to my reputation here no matter what I do.

HELP!?

Old school business communication you would have just called her and things would have resolved.

New school is healing circle.

OP, I'd be insulted by having to do a "healing circle". It sound like employee at the other agency is in "snowflake" land as her feedback was "rejected."

I would start looking for another job.

Please keep us posted.

[Anonymous]

This is reminding me of the King of the Hill episode where Hank hires someone at the propane company who turns out to be a junkie. He is unable to do his job, but Hank can’t fire him because the guy’s lawyer says his addiction must be accommodated under the ADA.

[Anonymous]

Id take the call and skip the questionnaire. I’m not creating a paper trail of my responses to some questions that another organization is somehow going to use, period. My excuse is simple - happy to help jump on a call, apologies but I have too much work to focus on introspective questionnaires right now.

And then I’d politely decline joining future calls of this type.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:During the healing circle say that you are feeling vilified and attacked. And that going forward you want both sets of bosses to be on all emails and communications.

This. Let them know they have made you uncomfortable. I would also request bosses from both side on any phone calls/zooms you may have to do with this person

THis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:During the healing circle say that you are feeling vilified and attacked. And that going forward you want both sets of bosses to be on all emails and communications.

This was my initial reaction too......

[Anonymous]

As your supervisor or someone else from your company to attend the healing circle. Preferably your supervisor.

Do not complete the questionnaire. If you must, make sure your responses are neutral and unambiguous if they end up published in WaPo or used against you in litigation. If possible, have an attorney friend look it over for you.