Forced into a "Healing Circle"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a lawyer and I would consult one of I were you O.P. This sounds like a precursor to a discrimination claim. Don't say or write anything without counsel.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a lawyer and I would consult one of I were you O.P. This sounds like a precursor to a discrimination claim. Don't say or write anything without counsel.

This.

Agreed. Tell your boss that you are concerned about your liability and do not respond, since you had already asked your boss about it. Do you have an internal counsel that you can speak to about this instead?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a lawyer and I would consult one of I were you O.P. This sounds like a precursor to a discrimination claim. Don't say or write anything without counsel.

This.

Agreed. Tell your boss that you are concerned about your liability and do not respond, since you had already asked your boss about it. Do you have an internal counsel that you can speak to about this instead?

How is this a good idea? A company's lawyers represent the company's interests, not the employee's. The advice should be to obtain your own counsel if you believe that you may need it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a lawyer and I would consult one of I were you O.P. This sounds like a precursor to a discrimination claim. Don't say or write anything without counsel.

This.

Agreed. Tell your boss that you are concerned about your liability and do not respond, since you had already asked your boss about it. Do you have an internal counsel that you can speak to about this instead?

How is this a good idea? A company's lawyers represent the company's interests, not the employee's. The advice should be to obtain your own counsel if you believe that you may need it.

Exactly. The company has already determined that being involved in the healing circle is a good thing. OP, be in this for the long game. Cooperate fully but put as little in writing as possible. Your supervisor is crappy by the way. I'd be looking for a new job and give as little notice as possible when the time comes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a lawyer and I would consult one of I were you O.P. This sounds like a precursor to a discrimination claim. Don't say or write anything without counsel.

This.

Agreed. Tell your boss that you are concerned about your liability and do not respond, since you had already asked your boss about it. Do you have an internal counsel that you can speak to about this instead?

How is this a good idea? A company's lawyers represent the company's interests, not the employee's. The advice should be to obtain your own counsel if you believe that you may need it.

Both are good advice. Any liability from OP would likely flow to his/her employer. Hence, the employer has an incentive to de-escalate this. That said, PP is correct that company lawyers represent the company and not OP.

- fed agency attorney who represents the agency, not individuals

[Anonymous]

What circle?!! During a pandemic???
This has to be a joke.

I am sorry OP.
I hope it blows over. I would talk to my boss though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:During the healing circle say that you are feeling vilified and attacked. And that going forward you want both sets of bosses to be on all emails and communications.

This. Let them know they have made you uncomfortable. I would also request bosses from both side on any phone calls/zooms you may have to do with this person

+1

[Anonymous]

How about an update?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Nothing new to report. I contacted the facilitator last week as I said I would and asked for a phone call. She asked to talk on Monday of this week. I said I couldn't do Monday but sent my availability for Tuesday and Wednesday, but I never heard back from her again.

Thank you for checking back in!!! I have been thinking of you and hoping for the best!

+1 I have been hoping that someone in the other organization found this thread and realized how ridiculous they are being. They need to focus more on retraining junior than anything else.

This is OP again, and I still haven't heard back. I'm hoping they have reconsidered this idea, or at the very least made it low priority and it will just go away.

[Anonymous]

Just sending my condolences. Also a millennial and have witnessed someone be put through this b.s. You have to do it and it will be exactly as awful as you imagine. Just...practice your game face. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was falsely accused of discrimination against someone of a protected class (including lies).

What I read is that you are virtually powerless and no matter what if the receiver feels offended you are GUILTY. Your only recourse is to cooperate and apologize.

Me too. And I'm in four protected classes. No joke. It was the most bewildering experience that I've ever been through. And, lamentay, it has made me a harder, colder person. It was completely false. So false that it got kicked it out bc they could not make heads or tails about it, including the fact that the race-based allegation also included an allegation about heterosexual discrimination. As in, a queer person discriminating against a straight person for their straightness. It was all performance issue dodging too. But now, man, I am beyond, beyond, beyond paranoid in all settings with anyone. I would tread extremely carefully here. Someone's looking to get something on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Nothing new to report. I contacted the facilitator last week as I said I would and asked for a phone call. She asked to talk on Monday of this week. I said I couldn't do Monday but sent my availability for Tuesday and Wednesday, but I never heard back from her again.

Thank you for checking back in!!! I have been thinking of you and hoping for the best!

+1 I have been hoping that someone in the other organization found this thread and realized how ridiculous they are being. They need to focus more on retraining junior than anything else.

This is OP again, and I still haven't heard back. I'm hoping they have reconsidered this idea, or at the very least made it low priority and it will just go away.

Same. Fingers crossed for you.

[Anonymous]

This is awful and I woulnd't trust the company/nonprofit's legal counsel at all. The whole reason why they're allowing this charade is so that if something goes south, they can pin it on you individually and protect the organization. They're covering their asses from accusations of discrimination too.
I'm sorry. I'm an old millennial and politically progressive and have advocated against racism in many ways since college and even I am feeling really unsettled with how things are going with outrage and cancel culture these days. There is no more room for learning or forgiveness and nobody seems to think nonviolence is a good thing anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so funny. You all bought this stuff, own it, and now are sorry for the monster you created.

I'm a GS-15 and work a 40 hour week. Sometimes my feelings get a little hurt. Its amazing how low stress and good pay make my feelings heal very, very quickly.

Yall in nonprofits need to learn the phrase "its not personal its just business" People fight the most where the stakes are lowest.

This is true and the reason why I left academia. The amount of battling for no reason was amusing for a few years but then I realized I could have better pay, better hours and more sane colleagues in a research outfit so I bailed.

[Anonymous]

If you lawyer up or cry, you're done.

Ask questions, OP! Yes, have the emails with you. Introduce yourself with an "I'm hear to listen. Thank you all for being here today."

The power question is, "What do you feel would have been a better form of communication?" Put it on her and let her "be heard" or whatever. Your goal is to rise to the challenge she's presented you, and to come out looking good. Ask questions.

"I'm new to healing circles. Can you clarify what you mean by that?"

"I hear you. Typically we respond this way so that all decisions are transparent and no one feels left out of the conversation."

You can stand by your actions, but this is not about that. She's pulling you into her circle and setting the terms. It's about power.

Demonstrate openness and watch her arguments crumble. She's counting on you being defensive. Don't fall into that trap.

PPs have given you great language to use.

Don't wish it away. Face it. Own it. And you'll be untouchable afterward. It will increase your standing in both orgs.

If it disappears, understand that it was your reputation that unraveled it. If she feels that she can't push you around in this because people are backing you, she'll let it go. And that speaks very well of you.