Forced into a "Healing Circle"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds awful, OP. But unless you want to run the risk of this being your hill to die on, I’d play along. Check your job description/ work requirements to see if they say anything about “communicates with colleagues,” or “contributes to positive atmosphere” etc. if so, they could use those to penalize you for not going along. I’m not saying it’s likely, esp since this person is outside your org, but it’s possible.

Maybe I would try to redirect at the circle. Try to get them to focus on actual work and tangible effects (if any), not just feelings. I’d also set limits for the circle thing. Say upfront that you only have fifteen minutes, and you want a very clear objective in mind, even if it’s just making the person “feel heard” (ick), so once that’s over you can say, mission accomplished, were done here!

+1 Play the game OP. Fighting it will not work for you if you've got leadership in both organizations saying that this is their fix. It is a sign of the times. It will pass eventually but for right now you need to accept it and play along even though it is pretty clear that Larla is trying to bully you into doing what she wants.

I wouldn't set limits or even be tongue-in-cheek. I would use the popular culture parlance to my advantage though. So basically go with "I'm hurt and upset that Larla didn't approach me personally before going to supervisors," and "I'm feeling intimidated and pressured that I will always have to act on Larla's input even when it may not be in the best interest of the organization or our goals," and "I'm feeling like we are undermining our clients when we arbitrarily enact staff choices without hearing the voices of our clients."

Oooh thus is good! Take over the call with this babble. It’s perfect.

It is perfect. Lace everything with just enough of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
If you lawyer up or cry, you're done.

Ask questions, OP! Yes, have the emails with you. Introduce yourself with an "I'm hear to listen. Thank you all for being here today."

The power question is, "What do you feel would have been a better form of communication?" Put it on her and let her "be heard" or whatever. Your goal is to rise to the challenge she's presented you, and to come out looking good. Ask questions.

"I'm new to healing circles. Can you clarify what you mean by that?"

"I hear you. Typically we respond this way so that all decisions are transparent and no one feels left out of the conversation."

You can stand by your actions, but this is not about that. She's pulling you into her circle and setting the terms. It's about power.

Demonstrate openness and watch her arguments crumble. She's counting on you being defensive. Don't fall into that trap.

PPs have given you great language to use.

Don't wish it away. Face it. Own it. And you'll be untouchable afterward. It will increase your standing in both orgs.

If it disappears, understand that it was your reputation that unraveled it. If she feels that she can't push you around in this because people are backing you, she'll let it go. And that speaks very well of you.

Great advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you should read NYTimes article on white fragility two or so weeks ago. Eye opening stuff. Not sure what to think of it.

How about, it’s total BS?

[Anonymous]

Did it ever happen?? I really want to know what it was like

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds awful, OP. But unless you want to run the risk of this being your hill to die on, I’d play along. Check your job description/ work requirements to see if they say anything about “communicates with colleagues,” or “contributes to positive atmosphere” etc. if so, they could use those to penalize you for not going along. I’m not saying it’s likely, esp since this person is outside your org, but it’s possible.

Maybe I would try to redirect at the circle. Try to get them to focus on actual work and tangible effects (if any), not just feelings. I’d also set limits for the circle thing. Say upfront that you only have fifteen minutes, and you want a very clear objective in mind, even if it’s just making the person “feel heard” (ick), so once that’s over you can say, mission accomplished, were done here!

+1 Play the game OP. Fighting it will not work for you if you've got leadership in both organizations saying that this is their fix. It is a sign of the times. It will pass eventually but for right now you need to accept it and play along even though it is pretty clear that Larla is trying to bully you into doing what she wants.

I wouldn't set limits or even be tongue-in-cheek. I would use the popular culture parlance to my advantage though. So basically go with "I'm hurt and upset that Larla didn't approach me personally before going to supervisors," and "I'm feeling intimidated and pressured that I will always have to act on Larla's input even when it may not be in the best interest of the organization or our goals," and "I'm feeling like we are undermining our clients when we arbitrarily enact staff choices without hearing the voices of our clients."

Oooh thus is good! Take over the call with this babble. It’s perfect.

It is perfect. Lace everything with just enough of it.

Love this! Did you do it OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds awful, OP. But unless you want to run the risk of this being your hill to die on, I’d play along. Check your job description/ work requirements to see if they say anything about “communicates with colleagues,” or “contributes to positive atmosphere” etc. if so, they could use those to penalize you for not going along. I’m not saying it’s likely, esp since this person is outside your org, but it’s possible.

Maybe I would try to redirect at the circle. Try to get them to focus on actual work and tangible effects (if any), not just feelings. I’d also set limits for the circle thing. Say upfront that you only have fifteen minutes, and you want a very clear objective in mind, even if it’s just making the person “feel heard” (ick), so once that’s over you can say, mission accomplished, were done here!

+1 Play the game OP. Fighting it will not work for you if you've got leadership in both organizations saying that this is their fix. It is a sign of the times. It will pass eventually but for right now you need to accept it and play along even though it is pretty clear that Larla is trying to bully you into doing what she wants.

I wouldn't set limits or even be tongue-in-cheek. I would use the popular culture parlance to my advantage though. So basically go with "I'm hurt and upset that Larla didn't approach me personally before going to supervisors," and "I'm feeling intimidated and pressured that I will always have to act on Larla's input even when it may not be in the best interest of the organization or our goals," and "I'm feeling like we are undermining our clients when we arbitrarily enact staff choices without hearing the voices of our clients."

Oooh thus is good! Take over the call with this babble. It’s perfect.

It is perfect. Lace everything with just enough of it.

Love this! Did you do it OP?

Last time the OP checked in she said that the other company never got back to her about it and seems to have dropped it. Which is good for her, of course, but I was hoping she would do this and report back!

[Anonymous]

Hilarious!!!!!!

Go to the healing circle and suggest the young woman contact PIW (psychiatric institute of washington).

Bring a coloring book and box of crayons with a stuffed animal to hug whenever the world becomes too mean to cope with.


She is the typical example of the liberal DC mental health patient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH worked in BigLaw for over 30 years. There were a number of stunts like this pulled (not on him) which resulted in payouts. Crazy, desperate, or devious people put together this and that interaction (or make the whole thing up) and then get the wheels turning with a start like this.
OP that your boss didn’t put a stop to this right away for your very appropriate email is concerning (that they want to let you go). Sorry. What a nightmare.

I am a former biglaw staff. They are looking for a big payout and play victim. So disgusting and evil to play this on innocent hardworking people.

[Anonymous]

This is why I will no longer work with/for or donate to (most) nonprofits.

[Anonymous]

Ooh someone bumped this thread. What happened OP?